Bipolar check in #73

An NP who is considered with make up. I haven't used make up for years. That's due to perspiring so much that my face doesn't look OK with make up after an hour.

About finding somebody else: If one finds one that one wants to share one's life with and feel that it is worth taking the chance for a long-lasting relationship that is OK. The problem is that men past 50 often seek for women between 30 and 40.

Wish you luck if you find one, but if not, I want you to know that I feel complete whole as a single person. To put it another way; good if you find someone, but life doesn't go to hell if you don't find a new partner.

Hope you are past the pneumonia now.

I hope with you, that it is nothing!

The kitchen in our new house is almost finished. Tomorrow will come a technician who will set up the final plumbing and gas line. At that point, it will be functional, but the final counter won't be ready until mid April. In the meantime, we have a temporary one. The bathroom furniture is almost fully assembled and will hopefully be 100% in by Friday. It's all so nice! The bathroom, especially so. Tomorrow we go to Bauhaus (like Home Depot) to buy sink-related plumbing stuff and the faucets.

We realized that a couple ceiling lamps we bought won't quite work out, but the rest will be great. We need curtains! I'm hounding Hubby about making decisions on them. We'll need a seamstress to shorten most, which could take up to three weeks. At least we have electric blinds.

We brought a stack of moving boxes to the rental we're in. Soon!

So one more "self-quote": I think that sometimes my seriousness is playing with me.

When I do something, I do it properly. I try to be kind, never cheat and try to keep what I have promised.

For the time being it seems like I am struggling with if it is OK for my conscience to be in this group with a not "perfect" diagnose. (I am trying to look at it from an outsiders perspective now).

Of course it is! (Sounds better). I have never been a perfectionist, so this is not me. We have had two years with Covid and then I have had one year with too low iron in my blood stream. A lot of "old problems" have suddenly jumped up from nowhere. Problems I thought I had overcome.

I think that it should be expectable that some old problems come up as new again in this situation. I have conquered them before, so I can do it again.

I need to put my expectancy at a level that is right according to what I have been through. Only a step at the time ...

(Think my self-quoting is done now).

WOW, you are almost ready to move in!

Yesterday afternoon my mom got a text saying my valium was ready. We didn't call it in or anything. I had been cutting them in halfs to try to make it until the refill date on Sunday. So idk why they filled it six days early or why insurance filled it. I had a pdoc appointment a couple Mondays ago and they filled all my meds then but said the valium was too early. Idk. Who knows. But now I am back to my normal 3 a day with like 8 extras and 6 extra cut up halfs. Its a relief since I just barely had enough to get me to Sunday and thats with going down on my dose and cutting some in half.

Today I'm doing decently. I ate 8 kettlecorn Peeps last night so my stomach feels off. I took a zofran so its starting to feel better. I went out to look for an over the shoulder backpack, mainly to bring my workbooks to and from therapy. I couldn't find one after looking at several big box stores so I just ordered one from Amazon in the color I wanted and it will be here tommorow.

In general I guess its just the Peeps today making me feel weird.

YAY!!!! soon!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu ...Meanwhile I’ve been worried about Sir....

Poor Sir. In my experience, animals definitely grieve. I'll bet he's missing your mum. I'm glad you're taking him to get checked out.

I'm sorry about the phone. That really sucks.

The funeral was lovely. The flowers were gorgeous.

I’m tired from
Crying

I'm glad the funeral went well.

I am glad th funeral went well!

I feel depressed and easily distracted, but I think I know the way out of here. Have been thinking a lot ...

I hope to drag myself back to the moment when I find that my thoughts are wandering (hope to instruct myself to do so).

I have forgotten to use my schedules the last days. They are the glue in coping with the problems I have; the alpha and the omega. I need to go back to them. Tomorrow I have an appointment for massage. I will go through my ordinary weekly planner and make some adjustments to be able to put the massage in, to go to the grocery afterward and make place for a good lunch/dinner time.

Some time during tomorrow I will come back and tell if I was able to do the necessary "things" for my health.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 The funeral was lovely. The flowers were gorgeous. I’m tired from Crying

Aw, I'm so glad it was lovely. And good for you for getting through it, Hallie Beth

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosi700 I feel depressed and easily distracted, but I think I know the way out of here. Have been thinking a lot ... I hope to drag myself back to the moment when I find that my thoughts are wandering (hope to instruct myself to do so). I have forgotten to use my schedules the last days. They are the glue in coping with the problems I have; the alpha and the omega. I need to go back to them. Tomorrow I have an appointment for massage. I will go through my ordinary weekly planner and make some adjustments to be able to put the massage in, to go to the grocery afterward and make place for a good lunch/dinner time. Some time during tomorrow I will come back and tell if I was able to do the necessary "things" for my health.

You're amazing, Rosi. You work wonderfully well at bettering yourself. Enjoy that massage

Oh, I am so relieved. Well, mostly relieved. I had my ophthalmology appointment and while my retinas do have some "puckering" (yes - from the Topamax!!!), I don't have to have surgery. I'm going to write a letter to S. (formerly med child dude) and tell him that the Topamax damaged my retinas. At least it may help someone else he wants to prescribe the stuff to. I'm furious when I think back on how he minimized the optical issues I was having while on Topamax.

Good Lord, my eyes are still so dilated I can barely see. Guess I'll take a shower.

Love vibes to ALL~*~

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflower123 I have an appointment today with my NP who is a nasty piece of work. I had one last week but just wasn’t up to her lectures, sermons and snide comments. Today I think I can swing it. One example is when I wear makeup versus when I don’t. She pipes in that wearing makeup everyday is good self care and I’ll feel better. How is that her business? That’s a small example. Her whole personality is holier than thou and communication skills poor.

That is absolutely weird. To me, her comment is so intensely personal it's just plain rude. She does sound like a nasty piece of work. Having a rotten prescriber can be such a hindrance to feeling stable.

I'm feeling a tiny spark of motivation, which is a big deal for me.

I'm not sure if it's motivation or just obsession but I guess obsession is a kind of motivation. It happens when I'm working on something specific. I really get into it and don't stop thinking about it until I think I've finished. It can take several sessions to finish the work and sometimes it spans a couple of days.

But when I'm done, the motivation is gone like it was never there. But I remember what I felt at the time and I try to replicate that in other parts of my life. It hasn't worked so far but there's hope.

I'm in physical pain but that's because of exercise. It's intense and my body isn't as strong as it once was.

I see pdoc tomorrow. I’ve been hearing stuff this past week and feeling creepy crawlies on me. Idk what i expect to get from this appointment

I went to my Scrabble club for the first time since COVID. I won two out of three. I would have won the third but i had a bad case of nerves or out of practice, i don't know what went wrong, the game hinged on a play i've known for over twenty years but i just didn't see it.

It was held in a pub which was nice as we usually play in a dank Church basement. It wasn't too fun but got me out of the house and away from my thoughts and i interacted with people even tho there were no laughs. It passed the time and it's supposed to be healthy to socialize tho i don't feel it.

Again, as on the weekend, it seems like i am trying, but where is the pleasure?

A lot of crap happening!

Schedule changed yet again. Spending the next two days working in the city as (supposedly) a one-time deal. Given how much my schedule has changed in the past few days, I'll believe it when I see it.

Also, I was going to arrange to buy a new TV for my home from a coworker. It remains to be seen, but a group of badly timed charges to my bank account, coupled with less of a paycheck, have likely put a stop to that. Lovely.

Finally, I overextended my Achilles tendon. Exactly the kind of pain you'd expect. I'm wondering if the rather large steroid dose this time around (50mg day) contributed.

Any rate, I have some lithium and Mucinex to pick up and then it's off to the city!

I move next week Friday! Yikes it's happening so soon.

I took yesterday off work and I'm taking today off too. I just can't.... I'm emotionally and physically wiped out.

I'm going to clean all the lounge walls today ... pets make them dirty especially a big labrador. Then going to scrub my kitchen floors like Cinderella on my hands and knees.

Oh the joys of moving!

Well, I worked things out with my mother and she has agreed not to talk to my brother about our finances. I'm not going to discuss it with her anyway. But it turns out she was thinking of giving me part of my inheritance early so I can buy a car. Unfortunately there would be too many strings attached so I declined. Many years ago (about 17) she helped us with a small debt when my husband lost his job. She told EVERYONE about it including my husband's family whom she barely knew, and my brother. Also it kept coming up and still does. It's not worth it honestly. Too bad because it would be nice to have a newer-model vehicle without a loan. Oh well. Not gonna happen.

I'm really debating whether to go back to school and finish a medical transcription certificate. I would have to have a clean bill of health first (I have a number of conditions, one of which could be serieous). I'm 54 and have 10 more years to retirement and I would like the opportunity to work from home. I can't go to school now because I'm on disability but once I'm off that, if my mental and physical health are in better shape... The thing making me hesitate is that it would take at least 10K of debt for tuition and living expenses while I do the certificate. So I would have to be able to work for at least 5 years as a transcriptionist to justify that.

I feel sad about the new gif application. I foresee problems, hurt feelings, etc. And people being triggered. Just doesn't seem appropriate for this forum, at all. And I use Black Smart, so I'm seeing not a gif image, but just a bunch of gibberish on several posts that apparently have gifs on them. I would be happy with more emoticons, but was rather rudely informed that I was asking too much when I mentioned an emoticon idea. *sigh*