Bipolar Check-In #76

I have had a lot of luck with magnesium and GABA taken at bedtime. GABA is great for anxiety too.

That's wonderful that you have such a musical family, Nammu! Accordions are definitely still played in most of Central Europe, and beyond. The first modern types were made in I believe Berlin (Germany) and Vienna (Austria). They are good instruments for playing polkas, which is the Czech national dance. Every single Czech must learn to dance the polka. Many think it is a Polish dance, but it is a Czech one, though the name "polka", in Czech, refers to a young Polish girl. The song "Škoda Lásky" (known as "Rosamund" or "Roll Out The Barrel" in the US) is a classic Czech song that's great on this instrument:



I've heard the bagpipes live many times. The sound is wonderful. About six bagpipers even played at my high school graduation. It made it special. It is (or at least was) a tradition at that school, in Pennsylvania.

Oo “roll out the barrel” was a popular tune for that social club. the club was very Norwegian, not polish but the share some of the same things. Unfortunately the club kinda petered out in the early 70’s. My sisters both have more memories of it than I do. It had a stage on one end of the building and they had music and talent shows all the time. I do remember my father dressing up as a lady with four other guys and singing. I was too young to ever go on. But I do remember playing under the tables with other children.

I woke up at 3:00 am to smoke in the house, detectors going off and a small fire in the kitchen. Thank goodness it was contained to the stove and I knew how to put out a grease fire. Mom decided to cook something for herself and then just wandered off and went to bed while it was cooking. I woke her up and let her know what happened and gently told her that she couldn’t cook anymore without my presence. It scared me. She’s lucid with moderate cognitive decline most days but there are some times the dementia really stands out vividly. My sister won’t accept that diagnosis. I’m also trying to get the car keys from mom but she is defiant and sister isn’t backing me up. Worrisome. I’ll continue working on that.

I’m doing okay today. Still playing catch up with things and getting back on track. I went off both antidepressants when I stopped sleeping and it’s starting to show. I’ll start Wellbutrin back today.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend and Labor Day.

Holy cow that’s scary! I’m glad you had detectors and knew how to put out a grease fire. Oh I’m sorry your mum doesn’t want to give up the car keys. That’s hard. My mum, was eager to quit driving. She kept asking me if I minded and I didn’t. She was relieved. Maybe you can share that with her. Let’s see,…..I think mum was 87 when she quit driving. She still had a drivers license so in case something happened to me she could drive but she never had to.

It’s Father’s Day here in Australia.

I’m sooo grateful that my partner is an AMAZING dad to our youngest son (I have 2 older kids from a previous marriage).

I woke up feeling great. Then the metamucuil kicked in and my stomach pain came back. I went to a couple stores and felt crappy but leaving the house these days is a big deal for me. Especially on a weekend.

I came home and my pain was really bad so I took my meds early and a Benadryl to help me relax. I fell asleep for a few hours and when I woke up I felt much better. I took some tylenol and some pepto bismol tablets my mom got from the store and I feel pretty good right now. I forgot how well pepto bismol tablets work.

I didn't eat much today and I don't know if thats the pain or the new meds I'm on. I just ate a breakfast sandwhich for dinner and it was enougj.

And my 11 month old niece started walking!!

Another quiet day, free from anxiety, ordeal, and fiasco. Suits me fine. Every day, bipolar shows me that i can get used to anything!

No sooner did bagpipes get mentioned on this thread than what did i hear from the party in the yard of the building next door: bagpipes! Never heard them from there before. It looked like a kid's birthday party, with balloons and a bouncy castle. And it sounded like a kid demonstrating what they'd learned on the bagpipes as there weren't any actual songs, just scales. Still, pleasant, and what a co-incidence! I LOVE the bagpipes. "Amazing Grace" was my mom's favorite and i like it too. There's one that's more like a march that i like the best tho.

Hugs to all those who struggle!

September is an interesting month for me emotionally. One of the reasons is because, two years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Starting meds was quite the ride because my old psychiatrist would make multiple med changes at the same time so we never knew what was helping and what was causing side effects. Thankfully, my current psychiatrist is much better. and only changes one thing at a time. He has gotten me much closer to stability than my last psych. Even still, I haven't been able to discover a med plan that lasts longer than a few months (fingers crossed this current mix I'm on will be the one!). I'll be honest, I've lost pretty much all hope that I will ever reach the "bored with my emotions" state my psychiatrist is trying to help me get to.

I'm grateful for all of the internet resources out there because no one ever sat me down to let me know how my life might change and what lifestyle changes would be helpful.

I'm finally ready to admit I might have been experiencing some serious psychosis before being diagnosed (yet was functioning somehow?). The backstory is complicated, but I think it's time to finally mention this to my counselor and psychiatrist (I was afraid to when I first started seeing each of them because I was afraid of being labeled "crazy"). TBD how that goes (I see my counselor on Monday but don't see my psych until October). I'll want to fill my boyfriend in on these conversations once I get to talk to my psych. The whole bipolar thing is a major concern for him if we would ever get married so I imagine that will be a tough conversation. He's responded well to conversations about my mental health so far so I have a lot of hope he will again-but I'm still pretty nervous.

@Nammu You mentioning "Roll out the Barrel" brought back a fun memory from when I was a child. The small town my mom (and her many siblings) grew up in has a music fest every summer. I don't know if they still do this, but they used to have live polka music at it and this song would be played. I never learned to polka, but hearing that song always brings a smile to my face because one of my favorite things to do was go visit those family members (I did not grow up near them).

I’m
Always sad in September. My dad was both born and died during this month. I
Already feel
A tad melancholy

I have a big heart and I’m always the nice guy. Sometimes this leads to being treated less than respectfully and run over. In some cases I’ve been downright bullied and called names. I woke up yesterday and I’d had enough. My mental health was being impacted and I wanted to prioritize peace. I decided to walk away from a couple of toxic family members. The major feeling is relief but there is some pain involved. I’ll stay the course and move forward with things. I tried to mend things until I couldn’t anymore. A bit unsettled right now. As of now, I will miss the wedding. That is unfortunate and upsetting.

I have much to look forward to this fall and I’m excited for things to come. A few more floats in the pool and I’ll put up my summer stuff.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I had a terrible night. I almost never have trouble sleeping. But last night i did. I was up til 4:00am. Then i only slept til 7:30am, so 3.5 hours. It was probably the two coffees i stupidly drank in the afternoon. I drank them to try and cope with my diet cola withdrawal. I'm not a regular coffee drinker. But i finished them by 2:00pm and went to bed at midnight, so you'd think in ten hours they'd wash out of my system. They also upset my stomach. Queasy. I threw all my coffee things away because i obviously can't be relied upon not to drink it if i have it in the house. So at least it won't happen again.

If i may be permitted, here is a short poem i wrote about my diet cola withdrawal:

ODE TO A CAN OF DIET COLA

Diet cola! Diet cola!
I jones for you diet cola!

You were my best friend
And one true lover

You celebrated with me
In times of triumph

And consoled me
In times of despair

But ultimately
You were holding me

Instead of me holding you
So you have to go

Goodbye diet cola!

****************************************************************

@Sunflower123:

I hope the wedding you referred to, the one that you intend to miss, is not your daughter's wedding? Surely you can't miss that. Just put the toxic relatives on 'ignore' like we do here. I'd hate for you to have regrets.

Speaking of caffeine, I'm apparently still dependent on the stuff, and cutting it off completely during they day was the cause of me being so gloomy in the evening! sheesh. Added some back, and things are back to normal'ish, so I'll have to go slow, bit by bit if I want to say Goodbye as well. Weird having to treat a common food additive like a heavy drug. double sheesh.

Today was an off and on day for me. I finally was able to take a shower for the first time since Tuesday afternoon. Then I dealt with bad pain until I went to lie down in my own room. I got an hour or so of relief and I ate a sandwhich for an early afternoon dinner then I took a 2 hour nap and I woke up in pain again. I just took tylenol so I hope it kicks in soon. I've been napping almost every afternoon. I call them my pain siestas.

Just got home from work, it's midnight. They called me yesterday and asked if I wanted to pick up a shift tonight so I said yeah. My back and feet hurt. Customer service is hard, It was hectic cause of the holiday weekend and it being their 2nd biggest season aside from Christmas (labor day weekend/back to school clothes shopping) so yeah I'm glad to be home and have the day off tomorrow. I still haven't gotten a chance to even tell my therapist that I got hired or started working last week, I see her next week. That will be some big news. I've been looking for a job for a long time and finally got one. So it will be nice to tell her that.

Aside from that I had my violin lesson earlier today and it went really well.

As far as my mental health goes I've been doing really really well. My mood has been great, my anxiety less. I'm sleeping good. Having a job now has helped a lot. And it's forcing me out of my comfort zone to interact with people even though I'm extremely shy and introverted and have bad social anxiety

Our work Halloween theme is Harry Potter this year! I’m
Gonna be professor trelawney!

I never really get into Halloween. I love Harry Potter though!

Feeling very annoyed with people today at work. Usually I feel this way when I’m hypomanic but I don’t believe I am. Feeling annoyed with my therapist too. And my partner too for that matter. Heck is there anyone who’s not on my “You annoy me” list?!?

Reflecting on my post and trying to figure out if my annoyance is justified. Idk.

Oh the crazy things I would do right now in exchange of getting rid of this stomach pain that I never in my life said I'd do again.

I love the idea of a check in here...I had a very quiet weekend to myself after going through Idalia last week. The stress was off the charts. My area did fine luckily.

My heart is heavy again on the night before the work week. I am waking up again with no job and at this point no idea. I have been on and off in a job search for like a year now. I am not asking for advice at all. Just needing to vent.

I do energy work and I am booking a session with an intuitive medium tomorrow to see if I can find any guidance. I don't do that. Ha job search!

I had a slow lazy weekend but somehow I still didn’t get my book finished or my clothes washed.

I’m feeling a bit better. Tomorrow I give blood and have to get a thank you card for my sister. But I’m up for it. Funny during the long weekend I had the TV on the whole time but no news and no shows that are political at all. In fact most everything I watched was at least 40 years old or older. Did me good to get away from modern media and life. But some of it I think is from decent sleep thanks to the gabapentin. I’m used to it now and I’m fine when I wake up.

Sir has a bit of congestion but otherwise is doing very well. Guess I shouldn’t have opened the windows on those few good days because he has allergies. He was born in Texas and he’s never got on well with the outside pollen here.

I don't do well on holidays, and today was no exception. I think depriving myself of some of the very few things i like in my empty life is not gonna work out. I'm so sick of water and tea and had such a craving for juice that i asked my one close neighbor if she had any to spare. She had the exact kind i wanted and waved off payment. What a great gal!

It was a very productive weekend but I am still feeling overwhelmed by everything I need to do. My boyfriend and I had relaxing Sunday so that was really nice. I also got to see some friends who live in another state on Friday; seeing them is always good for the soul! Even though today is a holiday, my counselor was still working which meant I got to keep my weekly appointment-I am grateful for this.

Due to something one of our school's families is going through, this week will be a heavy one at work. My students will be less impacted by this than students in a different grade, but it will still be important to keep an eye on them; and, on my coworkers.

I think tonight I am going to let myself fully embrace the "one day at a time" motto, call it quits for the night, and relax a bit trusting that I will find time to get everything done that I need to.

Absolutely crappy day at work today. I’m so over it. I see my counsellor tonight for the first time in 6 months. It couldn’t come sooner.

@Soupe du jour


Thank you Soupe! Two of my uncles played both these melodies you presented. My grandfather taught me to dance polka (but since it is many years ago, I think that I probably have forgotten how to do it). I have one cousin who plays accordion and one son of mine went to learn it together with one of his cousins. Since it wasn't seen as modern among the youth, they soon dropped it.

I didn't know it was from the Czech Republic. I miss that culture that went away with the elder generation. In certain circles, here, it is still popular and young people is still trained to play accordion.

I think that many European countries share in the same music tradition.

By the way: I am well and have hopes for the future.

@Sunflower123

I have the same feeling now and then ...


I think that break aways have both good and bad in them (relief for being able to do it and on the other side the loss of somebody - that grief-process has to be done).

Wish you well !

PS.Townsend and Cloud are good to teach people how to build proper boundaries to use in daily life in different situations (that means to get "the message out" clearly on a daily basis and not let "things" build up with inner frustration until enough is enough). Amazon has their books. T & C are both Christian and Psychologists. DS.