Bipolar Check-In #76

Dare I say I am almost enjoying being in school! So far I’m doing ok but it’s only my second week. I hope I can do this.

IT'S FRIDAYYYYYY!!!!!



Father's Day this weekend here in Australia. I've booked for 8 of us at a winery. I hope it's okay because the menu is expensive.

So, good news is that the hour cuts only came out to two hours a week for the month of September. My boss has me leaving an hour early for two of my workdays. Despite that, I still get my commission checks the same way, so it's not horrible.

So long as I get my regular hours back come October, I'm good. Any change... well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I've got a feeling tomorrow is going to be appointment scheduling for the many, many specialists. Good time. Not looking forward to it.

Just got home and ate. It’s 12:50am. I legit am so sore. My legs, my feet, my back all hurt so bad. I’m not used to standing for 6 1/2 hours straight. The regular manager wasn’t there today so I didn’t get a chance to get my schedule. I’ll have to call him tomorrow and ask him when I’m going to be scheduled for.

So yeah the cash register is okay but it’s also frustrating because there’s so many different processes it can do that I keep having to call the superviser over to help me with things. I can do the basic scan, bag and give them their change or process their card stuff. That was easy to get down. It’s the people who want to put stuff on layaway or the people who want to return stuff or the people who want to use their gift certificate. Theirs like a different process for each of those. Then there’s the people who want to split their payment with cash and card. It’s just a lot of stuff to learn. Those are the once’s I haven’t gotten down yet. There was a customer that got mad at the lady who I was shadowing because she was talking to me while she was scanning stuff because she was trying to train me while doing her job , and this customer got *****y about it. Idk why some people are such assholes over the stupidest things.

Anyway, yeah I was slow , and it was hard. But I made it through the whole night

It is OK to rant over being sick. Covid is a terrible sickness! Hope you will have a quick recovery.

I feel better this morning now when the problem is "diagnosed":

1) To scare people with hell (when they try to live good Christian lives) is not OK.
2) This was about a finicky person, not about me.

(It "took away" one week of my life).

I feel hope again. I have gladness in my heart!

Oh, man! I've not looked into this site in some time, so I'm behind on keeping track of how everyone is doing. What I did catch is that @Nammu isn't doing well. My dear, I know you've had many changes this year. It must seem overwhelming. Over the years you've always been so supportive of others...remaining stable when others were having difficulties. You are in my thoughts.

I've been really stable lately. Last week my eyes were blurry for several days and I had pain behind my eyes, so I called the eye clinic. They got me in on an emergency basis. Upon examining me, the doctor said I have map-dot-fingerprint corneal dystrophy and a corneal epithelial defect (that's a mouthful, huh?). Apparently it's a degenerative condition that they can do little to correct in the long term. I hope I don't live long enough to be struck blind! Anyways, with my mood being so good, I'm able to keep the news in perspective. Since I've gone to AA for many years, I realize I have another degenerative condition...when I drank I became a degenerate! AA helps me keep things right sized.

Again, I'm sorry I've not been following along for so long. I'm just in a good space; I'd rather not dwell on the fact I have bipolar disorder at the moment. I've been able to get out and enjoy life. It won't last forever, so I'll make hay while the sun shines.

I was without clonazepam in my system for 4 days through no fault of my own. Those benzodiazepines are really wicked for withdrawal purposes. Was able to get back on them last night and feel human again this morning. I requested that we go down to the lowest dosage possible. I don’t want to be that dependent on anything. I’m down to 3 mg from 4 and hope to get to 1 mg. My NP said I may never be able to get completely off.

The Vraylar was too activating and for a week I slept very little. Finally, last night I slept. Yay!

Well summer is wrapping up. Maybe 3-4 more floats. The water is getting cold as it’s been in the 80’s for a high and the 60’s for a low. I have a beautiful, exciting plan for fall. I usually bottom out in November and I’d like to avoid that this year. I’ve got a great plan lined up. Fingers crossed.

Doing well considering. Going to float today and see a movie with friends later. Tomorrow is floating and a scheduled massage and talking with my daughter. Sunday is floating and my new church group.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

During full
Moon phases I don’t sleep well.
Last night was no
Exception. Im at work exhausted!

There are many many hymns and anthems from the Bible verses that talk about gladness of heart- “I was glad when they said unto me ‘We may go into the house of the lord’!”

I hung out a Starbucks earlier. I am kind of waiting for this friend that I see here randomly to show up. My other friend, whom I also met at Starbucks, gave me his number. I texted him saying it was me and I look forward to running into him again. Too pushy? He hasn’t responded. I know that he’s doing a lot of work this time of year. Oh well. Keep it cool, Moose!

I paid my rent. Gotta pay my other bills but they’re not all due yet and most of them come out automatically. I’ve got to save $200 this month to pay for my vet visit next month - I’m charging it at the actual visit but I want to make sure I have that money ready to go to pay off the card when the time comes.

Im making chicken legs for dinner again tonight. I’ll make four so I can have leftovers. I need to go to the grocery store.

I came home yesterday to find that the place where I keep my shoes and socks -inside the shoes- was instead just empty carpet! “Where are my shoes?!?!” I mock scolded Ariel. (She carries both around the apartment in her mouth depositing them wherever it suits her at the moment!). Well they were BOTH still on my feet! 😂.

Wishing the best to everybody!!

I woke up this morning right before 7 in the most awful stomach pain. It felt like something inside my lower stomach was tearing. I called my GI doctor and the receptionist said she would give him the message. I had therapy and it went very well and she was understanding about everything. I then realized what I'm feeling is probably side effects from starting the metamucil last night.

Besides being in obnoxious pain and having a good therapy session, not much is going on today. Therapy helped a lot and this morning I was wishing I had cancelled.

I officially know what one of my trigger stressors is...sitting in Florida in a manufactured home 2 miles from the coast when everybody is furiously tracking the d**m thing. I ended up being out of the path of wind or flooding myself. I know a lot of people were not so lucky.

When I can swing it later I am going to move north and inland into brick and mortar.

I'm back from the gym. A tough workout. I think that'll stay that way for a while while I get back into shape. I didn't go to the gym for something like 6 weeks due to travel and then ketamine treatments.

I did 30 sit-ups today though, so that's good.

My anxiety has been really manageable for the past week, and I'm grateful for that.

My depression is becoming more of an issue. I think I came out of it a little with the ketamine infusions but I didn't notice it at the time. Looking back, I can see the depression actually got a little better and now it's returning to where it was before.

I have a follow-up appointment with the ketamine clinic next week.

@Nammu how is Sir doing? I haven't seen you post about him in a few days.

I've been through the very old, sick cat thing a few times (overlapping in fact) and I know how hard it is.

And now... I've lost another hour of work a week. What was 30-31 hours a week has become 27 hours. I don't like that one bit, but there's a few caveats. It's only the second week for my new boss in her role, so this definitely reads as a baptism of fire that's left her scrambling. She's bent over backwards to try and accommodate my need of a proper workweek (She said she budgeted the most hours of the payroll to me.) and has reiterated that these hour cuts are only for the month of September.

I've had a good working relationship with this person pre and post managerial promotion, so I don't have a reason to doubt her. Like I said above however, if I get similar shenanigans come October, or even before, I think it'd be time to look for other employment.

October 1st is going to be the deciding factor. Hopefully it all evens out.

He’s actually having a few really good days. He was just grooming himself and walked off to get some water. He’s been cuddling today and not hiding under the bed the last few days, so I know he feels better.

Just got a vet reminder that he’s due for a shot. Poor guy has to go back to the vet for that. That won’t make him happy. But he’s generally good about the trip and likes his carrier.

I am sorry to hear this, but hope it will be a very slow prosess for you and that your sight will work for a very, very long time.

Oh, yeah. Have tried that. It did really hurt. It was worse than a flu. I was on 2 mg (slowly gone down from 10 mg) for a long time, but then the pharmacy had deliverance problems. Since that I have been on 2,5 mg for a couple of years. I am not in any mood to try to take away the 0,5 mg extra.

Please take the cutting down very slowly. The reason we had to stop at 2 mg was that I started to throw up. My bed was full of not digested paprika and more.

Wish you well with the cutting down.

I feel happy and relaxed!

I started magnesium and vitamin b supplements 2 weeks ago. I think they’re starting to help with my anxiety a bit.

Ohhh. I took the first gabapentin last night. I did sleep the whole night though with some weird disturbing dreams, right out of King’s book. But this morning, oooh 😮. Light headed and dizzy. My heads filled with helium. Ooofta I can’t imagine taking a higher doze or during the day. The bottle says take once or twice a day for anxiety and sleep. Think I’ll just stick to nights when the next day is nothing to do. I certainly can’t drive like this. Hopefully it will go away so I can go get groceries for the weekend. Oooh. I’ve forgotten that pills can do this. Ooofta.

I wanted out of the house, badly, so encouraged Hubby to go out for lunch at a favorite restaurant, just walking-distance away. We really like the restaurant operator (main chef), who's always happy to see us. The food was delicious! We had a shrimp appetizer served in a delicious puddle of high-quality olive oil with herbs and chili peppers, in which we dipped delicious bread. For the main, Hubby had special battered veal cutlets with smashed potatoes with onion and a salad of pickles and pickled cabbage. I had a delicious spaghetti with pomodoro sauce and fruitti di mare (shrimp, clams, mussels, calamari, and baby octopus.) Amazing! We (mostly just Hubby) chatted with the chef and asked if he ever puts bažant (pheasant) on the menu. He said yes and that he'll get it next Friday, if we'll come. We said we will and may even bring along one of my husband's old friends and his wife. He also plans to have a wonderful Feast of Saint Martin celebration in November (commonly observed in Czechia) where goose is always served. I may take Hubby there with family, on his name day. He said he'll have an accordian player and singer as entertainment. May sound strange, but I like accordian music. Bagpipes, too. Maybe the Irish blood in me.

This was a much better week for me. I see an end in sight to all of the stress, and my grieving process has really progressed. I give some credit to my online therapist. I like him, and he seems a good match for me at this time. I see him through BetterHelp.

I grew up with accordion music. Both of my sisters played the accordion 🪗 my oldest sister also played the flute and my other sister the saxophone. Me I played the guitar! Rebel I was I did go out for band. But my family belonged to a Norwegian family social club. There was always accordion music there. For me it’s nostalgia. Here in USA you don’t hear it any more. Bagpipes I’ve never heard in person. Just on cd. I think that’s wonderful soupe!