Bipolar Check-In #76

A better day today. Been struggling with feeling guilty in the eyes of God, and with my husband having a meltdown in the psych ward, someone not showing up to relieve me at work today, and just overall nervousness about moving into this landlord's house, my nerves are at an all time high. But I cannot live in this sober living house anymore, I am desperate for my own space. I hope things will look up soon.

Kept feeling bugs earlier all day. Odd

I leave tomorrow to stay with my parents while my husband helps his dad and my son spends a week at a friend's house but now above my bath is leaking. That's a lot to ask my son to deal with on his own. Hopefully they can fix it before he leaves. I thought it was going to be bad with pest control coming Monday. Now he has to deal with this. I can't wait for everything to be over and just home. My husband still recovering from his wisdom teeth being removed on Tuesday. I hope the house is presentable Monday. I really hate this. I can't really do much because I'm dizzy and nauseous from my psych meds. So we still have to pack tomorrow and leave by 8 am.

I am so constipated again. I've tried everything today. 2 Fiber One bars, a glass of Mirolax, 60mil of Milk of magnesium, 7 chewable Dulacalex, 2 iced coffees, and so much water. And nothing but stomach pain and nausea and I keep throwing up in my mouth.

My anxiety was really bad today after strangely improving a lot for 2 weeks. The only difference is that I restarted my Zofran yesterday after being off it those 2 weeks. Idk. I never really thought my anxiety was caused by a med but one doctor I saw before I moved mentioned something about an interaction with zofran and my other meds. I also noticed an improvement in my concentration.

I read on Reddit that because of the med shortages some meds aren't working as well anymore. Zofran is one. Adderal is another.

I think I'll ditch the Zofran. I'm still on 3 prescribed stomach meds. Those 2 weeks with low anxiety were great even though my gallbladder pain sucked.

Lifelong constipated woman here. There are 2 things you haven't tried. Well, 4 I guess. Number one and the thing I think is most effective is dried apricots and prunes. I thought the prunes would be gross but they are actually quite good.. 2) Enema. self-explanatory 3)suppository, also self-explanatory 4) Magnesium citrate. It's a bottle you get at the pharmacy and while it takes bad I've discovered the cherry flavor can be mixed with a lot of sugar or a single serving packet of Crystal light. You want the bottle to be really cold so stick it in the back of your freezer for 20 minutes or so before you drink it. Try 1/2 bottle first. I don't know how long it takes to work but when it works your bowels will be clean. They use this a colonoscopy prep (with another drug) if that give you an idea. That's why I really recommend the apricots of prunes first.

I am still very sick by the flu and very depressed. For the time being I want to write in the depression section of the forums. The "stuff" is a bit more "light" there. That's exactly what I need now.

Am telling, so that you don't start worrying about me.

I send my best wishes for the general health of all the members of the thread!

I googled overuse of laxatives. It could be hard on your kidneys and electrolytes and just dangerous. Also some take 48 to 72 hours to work, they dont work instantly. The only thing that works within an hour is an enema or a suppository.

Please be careful.

@Rosi700 Thanks for responding. I've been on SSDI for the better part of two decades, and I will be 63 on my next birthday. Due to the fact I don't have a work history and am getting up there in years, I think the chances of me getting a job with benefits are somewhat slim. Age discrimination is a very real thing.

In addition, I fear having the same experience @~Christina had. Despite the fact I've been relatively stable for the past six months, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Also, I'm going to have to have knee replacement surgery sooner rather than later. If I lose Medicare, I won't have the means to buy my meds, or have other medical procedures done. I will be eligible for Medicare when I turn 65, but until then I'm just holding on. Again, Rosi, thanks for your thoughtful post.

I feel really nervous. Apprehensive. Like things have been going too good and somethings going to go wrong. Rationally, there's nothing to suggest trouble but that's not stopping my thoughts from going there.

Lack of sleep is probably not helping either.

I went to the gym today and had a training session with my trainer. I didn't exercise for the three weeks I was traveling so I'm a little out of shape. My trainer says it'll probably take a few weeks to get back to where I was before I went on my trip.

I'm tired after my training session.

I lost 10 pounds over the last month, but I think that's mostly water because I was sweating so much during our travels.

I'm waiting for a delivery via UPS. They keep on pushing out the delivery date. Yesterday during the day they said they'll deliver. Then in the evening they said they'll deliver today by noon, but it's afternoon now and still no delivery.

My anxiety is a little higher today but not so much that I need Klonopin. Still feeling low.

I’ve had one heck of a time since my oral surgery. The surgeon operated on both sides of the mouth and did a biopsy of my tongue. Here two weeks on, I’m still in tremendous pain and can’t eat solids. I have a post surgical infection and am sleeping around the clock. I’ve missed seeing my daughter 3 times now and a huge family reunion. The depression is kicking in hard. I’m trying to keep my spirits up. It’s difficult. I’ll keep pushing on. What’s the alternative?

We found out that somebody got into mom’s account and took a considerable amount of money. She has had so much anxiety and chest pains since we discovered it. We’re all concerned and keeping an eye on her. It will be resolved. We are working on it as we speak.

I hope everyone is staying cool and having a peaceful day.

Carafate is known for constipation. It’s best to take one stool softener a day while
On it per my dr.. also
Be careful overusing laxatives.

Annnd, here it is. Something going wrong. Just received a call saying a friend of 20 years is brain dead. His family is getting together to say their goodbyes and then...

#$@$!! @#$&!!! @$$&!!!!

Still not much happening with the stuff I took yesterday. But I'm not in much pain right now. I had a donut this morning that caused a bad stomach ache, but then this afternoon I put myself on an easy on the stomach diet. Apple sauce and rice and a small packet of cheese crackers. That helped my stomach a lot and I've been fine since. Although no constipation relief.

I went out this morning to do some shopping and then I had therapy. She says I'm doing great mental health wise. Its just the physical stuff mainly.

I didn't take the zofran and I didn't have trouble with anxiety.

I had a crown and 2 fillings yesterday. I was pretty sore and up in the night for ibuprofen several times. Today I just hung out in my pajamas. I had forgotten how good pajama days are. I feel so relaxed after enjoying quiet all day. Hopefully tonight I'll make it without extra ibuprofen.

Day 4 of the flu. Still feeling pretty lousy but I have to go back to work on Monday because I’ve had the whole week off. My 4 year old son got it first on Monday then I got it on Wednesday.

The one year I don’t get the flu vaccine and BAM!

Been lurking but still here!

I impressed myself this morning. I'm not the type to believe in "specific food belong in specific meal-times" type camp. This morning I woke up wanting soup. My go-to are pre-made progresso soups, but I was out. As part of my therapy-- I'm trying to expand my culinary skills beyond preheating an oven or using a microwave, and I decided... I have boil-in-bag rice. Let's give that a try. Boiled it. Seasoned with butter and salt and maybe it's because I don't eat much rice... maybe it's because I especially fixed it myself, or maybe I was just that hungry but dang did it hit the spot this morning .

I'm doing fine overall. Some crazy "hiccups" have happened since I last posted but I'll get to those at a later time. I'm really excited to have the house all to myself today! My mom is going to the zoo with some church friends for the day. Mom is excited to feed the animals haha.

anyway, that's all I got for now. Take care!

I was lurking for a long time, too. As for Progresso soups, I love them! I got sticker shock the last time I went shopping, though. Cans were about $1.75 before the pandemic, but now they're about $3.00 a can!

I guess today I screwed up, jumping the gun on sending a rather strongly worded email to my sister. I don't think anything in the email was wrong (or even will be), but Hubby suggested we make a call on Monday first. I couldn't wait that long because I was very triggered. This whole inheritance junk truly creates contentious interactions. It's especially horrible when an abusive domineering brother-in-law is involved. The occasions that I actually talk to my sister without him monitoring, it's pleasant and peaceful. Then the monster forces her to send basically hostile dictatorial emails to me. I know those are not "in her voice", but rather his. He is not an inheritor and yet he acts like he is. I've written this before here, but I can't stomach that I have to deal with him. When the time comes that I need not ever hear from him again, I'll be relieved. My worry is that she and I will become estranged, because of him. And yes, I do hate the idea that she will continue to be abused, as will (to some degrees) my eldest nephew. However, there is nothing I can do.

That’s a terrible situation to be in. Does he work? Can you call at times when he is gone?

Unfortunately he stopped working in his early 40s. He's now around 59. He's always there. Doing almost nothing but being a dictator.

I had a gummy last night and got the munchies but I had nothing. What I wanted was apple pie La mode but there’s no place like that in this town. I suppose I could have got to McDonald’s but yech. So I looked at the independent restaurants but the one that was most likely didn’t have any desserts mentioned. But a review said they had the best home made desserts. So I waited til 2pm when I thought lunch would be over to go. It was packed yet had one booth open! The waitress told me that their desserts were a secret. Ohhh what a secret! It was delicious. But will remain a very sporadic treat as it was pricy! Wish I’d known about that place sooner. I could have taken mum for a treat. She loved that sort of thing.

Been thinking about mum a lot lately.

My meds finally worked today. Again they worked too well. I wish I could find a balance between constipation for a week or stomach issues 8 times a day. I look a lot better though.

My anxiety is still ok so I kind of over did it on the caffeine. Just because I feel a lot better anxiety wise so I can enjoy iced coffees and Mountain Dews now without an issue. I just feel nauseated but its probably my normal stuff. My gallbladder pain is also tough today.

I'm eating seaweed ramen right now for dinner and my sister will be over in a bit with the kids. My sister and brother in law are going to see Opennheimer. The boys will stay the night because they want to but my sister and bil will pick up my niece.

But its just been the normal pretty much.

My mom told me I looked Middle Eastern today. Why....

You know that point in illness where the fever breaks so to speak and you know you’ve turned a corner? I’m there now. All of that sleep helped tremendously. I looked at how behind I am in everything since I’ve been down and had a panic attack. I got a bit clingy with my boyfriend because I was scared and then realized what I was doing. I’m a strong, mature woman who can handle her business without holding on to someone as a life raft. I feel somewhat foolish about that now. Thankfully, he is a kind, supportive person and did not mind my temporary glitch.

I’m intending to handle business on a reasonable basis, make mom and I a nourishing dinner tonight and go float first thing in the morning. Summer is passing and I’m not fully enjoying it. I hope to meet my daughter this next weekend half way to visit. Looking forward to that.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful day

I'm just numb today. My friend's family came and said their goodbyes and... well... It's still not real that the man I talked to a week ago is dead. All of his tomorrows washed away. I hope there's closure in the next few weeks. Untimely deaths are the hardest to process.