Bipolar Check-In #77

My anxiety is sky high today and it’s difficult to function even with Klonopin. We had someone around the house last night and a couple of nights back. This happened several months ago and we had the police involved. I let my guard down and thought it was over. I’m glad mom has a very reactive dog though both mom and I have heard the noises and she is extremely hard of hearing. It scared me so bad last night that I didn’t sleep. I’m glad we have security cameras as well. We called the cops and uploaded the security videos to them. I’m going to buy some bear spray today.

Mom lost her only set of keys to her car. I’m still trying to locate them. If I can’t in the next hour, I will call a locksmith and hope he can help. Things are happening on a daily basis now and I’m getting mentally fatigued. Mom thought she would help with the dishes and put a full bottle of Dawn (not Cascade) in the dishwasher. I woke up to a floor full of water and a dishwasher full of soap suds. It won’t work now. I see the decline daily. Could be one reason for my anxiety.

It’s feeling like fall here now. I’m excited to be planning some fall activities for me and for mom. I’m doing okay aside from the anxiety.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

I guess my sleeping a lot, fatigue, severe nausea and puking episodes this week is actually a bug and is unrelated to the other GI stuff I have going on. Because my mom has it now and threw up a ton. I threw up some bile twice this morning and then I threw up the ketchup chips I ate this morning, a few minutes ago. Its kind of a relief knowing she has it now because now I know I don't have conversion disorder or something. The bad news is we have all 3 kids here this weekend and I had in person therapy right when this started. So I guess everyone gets a stomach bug.

I hope you feel better soon.

Found the keys! Yay!!!!

And there goes half the burger I ate at 10. Chunks of meat all in a bucket it looked like a horror film. I was wondering how long that would take. At least I don't feel like my insides are being squeezed together anymore.

Got my partners folks coming for lunch today. I’m still not recovered from having my 2 eldest kids around for dinner on Friday night. But we only do this once every 3 months during our school holiday because it takes me the first week to scrub the house spic and span and put my youngest son’s toys away. My eldest son is ocd and my partners mother is ocd so we can’t have them over unless absolutely everything is packed away and back in its proper place and the floors sparkling clean.

Went to my friend’s house for 3 hours. Watched “Sabrina”- the 1995 Harrison Ford version. Cute love story. Funny old car phones and paper airline tickets! We went to the pet store but wrong one- I get my points at the other one!- so I didn’t buy anything. Man! My friend’s apartment is a disaster area! Makes mine look clean.

Another quiet day.

@MuddyBoots You are doing good! Hope your are able to continue this way ...

I am sorry! I have experienced some sort of the same in a former place I lived. It is really an axiety trigger!

@Mountaindewed Wish you a quick recovery!

I just read some of my discharge notes from the rehab's online portal. I don't feel too hopeful right now.
"Concerns: Impulse control is poor; does not respond to negative consequences. Potential for continued or increased use high. Lacks recovery skills to cope with addiction and avoid relapse. Lacks awareness of relapse triggers, urge management techniques. Family/living circumstances pose a threat to relapse. Lacks sufficient drug free social outlets or friendships to support abstinence/recovery. Family/living environment does not limit access to substances and/or other using individuals."

I'm going to show them wrong.

Hell yeah - You have my support.

Meth addict in recovery, send me a message if you need to talk.

I couldn't win today. I felt miserably bored in the afternoon so i went outside with my dog to cheer myself up. That usually works. But first a bunch of kids who don't play nicely with dogs bothered us. Then the Superintendent came in with his daughter-in-law and her friend and their two dogs, sibling pitbull puppies. Their dogs were mostly interested in running with each other, but i'm just not comfortable around pitbulls so we left and came in. Well, i tried.

Thanks to all who participated in my thread over in tech support regarding the issue with the HUGS and THANKS buttons malfunctioning. They seem to be okay now.

Hugs to all who struggle!

I finally went to the grocery store and stocked up. Was out of meat and beverages but I got other things too. I then went to Starbucks for half an hour with the guy who keeps professing his love for me but says he must move on. Well I kissed him on the lips out of nowhere and he responded by kissing me back. Sheesh. He’s not the one I really want to kiss! I thought I was getting over my hypomania… Then I went to my mom’s and did laundry and got a shower.

@MuddyBoots


May be this book can help you with that? They have it on Amazon.

The Decider Skills for Self Help: CBT and DBT skills to increase resilience, coping and confidence (Paperback) by Michelle Ayres and Carol Vivyan (Author)

Sending (((hugs))) and hopes for you!

I believe you will. I also believe the person who wrote those notes would love for you to prove them wrong too!

I wish you a measure of peace, stability. I wish you recovery.

Be good to yourself @MuddyBoots. If you trust nothing else, trust the stubborn determination that comes from wanting to prove them wrong.

@MuddyBoots

Show those bastards wrong! I believe you can.

I’m
Seeing stuff
Today

This stomach bug is still getting to me. Saturday I ate 869 calories which I yakked all up. Yesterday I ate and drank 840 calories and felt delusional from dehydration until I drank a couple Gatorlytes. My brain felt like the Heffelumps from Winnie The Pooh were in it. Today I've had 980 calories to eat and drink and I'm on the verge of throwing them up. I've been having super freaky dreams these last 2 nights from the bug. My mom has this worse then I do. Its not covid at least thankfully.

My pdoc gave melatonin yesterday. Didn’t work last night. Probably because I was sick shortly after taking it.

Taking my son to a sheep farm today. Can’t say I feel like it. I’m just so exhausted. Will come back and just sleep.

I had another quiet day of mild depression. Did anyone else have trouble getting on here around mid-afternoon EST?

Yes, I couldn’t get on for a few hours.

I’m doing fine. Just meandering along. I go over to my daughter’s tomorrow. We’ve nothing planed but watching some stuff on tv, and talking.

I’ve a ton of stuff in my Amazon cart. I’ve been birthday shopping for my grandson and Christmas shopping for everybody else. I’ve not bought anything yet because this year I can go shopping with my daughter. We plan to go to Rochester for a day, and then north to a big mall closer to the holidays. I did get a few thing for my grandson’s birthday since that’s coming up. I also did get my sister and brother in law their gift already. A watercolor from Etsy then the perfect frame at hobby lobby. They’ll be gone down south by thanksgiving. I was surprised Etsy shipped so fast.

Yeah I couldn't get on either. It said something about how there was a problem with MSF and it was trying to diagnose it or something like that. Not sure on the correct wording of the message I was getting.

I did my dishes. Went to my mom’s and took a shower and did laundry- including my sheets. Saw Fwb. He’s really more of a friend than I give him credit for. He texts me nearly every day to see how my day is going. Tomorrow I see my stand-in psych case manager. Made dinner and shared with Ariel! Restarted New Amsterdam this evening. I watched all the way through all 5 seasons a few years ago but am starting over now. Tomorrow is N3’s birthday! We’re going out for dinner.