Bipolar Check-In #77

Today was a good start to the day. It was a very full day, but not a ton of official teaching happened because students were taking a test in some of my classes. I also had a meeting with my boss that came with an unexpected, positive, result. Because of some added responsibilities this year, my schedule is becoming pretty overloaded. He immediately asked how he could help this week and we scheduled another meeting for us to take a look and see if anything can be done to make things better. Fingers crossed we can figure something out!

Mood has been interesting-I have been tracking symptoms over the last three weeks. The pattern has been slow decline to horrible/concerning depression and then an overnight switch this weekend to a daily cycling back and forth between feeling pretty stable and hypomanic. My counselor knows what's up but I haven't called my pdoc yet because I want to see if things will stabilize on their own before trying any med changes. If things do stabilize on their own, I will have learned a lot about a possible mood trigger and can then work with my counselor and pdoc to see if we can manage it without a med change. My counselor wants me to think about vitamins and things that might help too-those are just soooo expensive...

Have a good day everyone!

@Sophia23 the weather is also slowly starting to cool down where I live. The mornings are nice, but it still gets pretty warm during the day. I hope you've been able to get some of that fresh air you were hoping for!

Anyone here ever seen silver squiggly lines before ?

You need to see an eye doctor. Squiggly lines can mean any thing from normal floaters to a sign of a detached retina.

Agree with Nammu. And you need to call to be seen first thing in the morning just in case it is something serious.

It’s happened before. Usually when I have psychosis though

Yesterday my "newish" therapist rather triggered me. I started the session expressing my concern and sadness about extra cognitive dulling over the last year, and how it's affecting my ability to do/learn more. Rather than discuss that in any meaningful way, by the end of the session I found him encouraging me to consider getting a job. I immediately felt some panic and the need for fight or flight. I almost wondered if he has some political leanings that made him push that in a way. I don't think he understood my issue. I wonder how much he understands the issues some with bipolar disorder face. I'm unsure what to do, frankly. I'm reluctant to simply quit him at this point. Perhaps I misread his reaction? Plus, I'm not up to starting all over again, but know I should if my hunch is accurate.

Out of the blue, my husband had the idea to travel to Florence, Italy. Unlike him, I have never been to that city, but it was also not number 1 on my bucket list. We planned to go to Norway as a belated 25th anniversary gift to one another. He said the spring might be best for that. My number 2 was actually Greece, a country I've never visited, unlike Italy. Nevertheless, we have flights booked to Florence for November. I'm not disappointed. Just a little shocked. We don't really have the money to spare for that trip, but I guess...who cares!

A week or so ago I saw coils of silver/yellow surround me. It was a sleep deprivation psychotic thing.

Sorry about your therapist. Hopefully you can discuss this next session and figure things out?

Florence... exciting! Have fun!

Got less than 30 min of sleep last night and I have to drive down to the mental health center to see my pdoc today. Then meet up with my friend I stayed with to exchange some stuff I left at their house/took from their house.

I relapsed yesterday on opiates. Couldn't take one freaking day in this neighborhood...my case manager is looking for housing for me potentially in a completely different region of the state.

Goodness! I wake up fully alert and ready to hit the ground running each morning. Exact opposite this morning and I had to leave at 7 am to get mom to the doctor. I sincerely empathize with anyone who wakes up groggy. That’s just hard and for the birds.

Seeing Halloween decorations around the neighborhood! I think this weekend I’ll take mom to the Apple orchard about 2 hours away for those hot, fresh Apple turnovers and to cut our own pumpkins. We’ll have our COVID booster on board so it should be relatively safe (I hope).

We’re having dinner with mom’s 94 year old friend and her daughter (a former classmate of mine). That will be lovely. We plan on a large Chinese buffet. A little concerned as we’re both in the vulnerable group for COVID as is her friend. I’m sure it will be okay.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day

Relocation worked for me but def need to get in the mindset for yourself eventually so you are solid through and through. If it doesn't fall through though still absolutely doable with the right mindset. The urges unfortunately probably won't go away but they get WAY more manageable. Not sure anyone got sober for the rest of their life off opiates or anything without relapse.. wanting to try to better your life is a huge first step.

A good case manager is such a blessing..

I’m having a really productive and good day. The weather is beautiful, things are going great, etc. and I’m in a terrible, irritated mood. It’s so unusual and uncomfortable for me. Trying hard to change. Painful.

I ran out of my 100mil Prestiq Saturday morning. I had one 50mil for yesterday and that was it. The withdrawel side effects came on fast. It wasn't a big deal, I was mainly just feeling uncomfortable. I wasn't having any exact side effects I could pinpoint.The pharamacy had it in stock this afternoon and I picked it up and took one already.

Besides that I slept a lot this morning. Last night I slept normally. My stomach bug seems to be pretty much gone. My stomach is just a bit queasy right now.

@Soupe du jour
.

I don't know if this will be of any help, but may be he sent this out to see what response you would give back. You can talk about it with him next time, say you have thought about it, but your experience is that working is not wise with your type of bipolar. I cannot remember if you have some voluntary work to do (Red cross or another organization).

Many things can make us tired, I am for the time being tired because a lack of B12 (have got a prescription and took the first doze this morning). Vitamin deficiency can make us tired (on the physical side).

On the psychological level, as you already know, stress over time can make us tiered as well. You have had your share of bad experiences the last year. May be you cannot work, but if it is possible to do voluntary work a couple of hours a week, you will have something to fight for, to care for and so on. May be you can think it through if there is something you have not thought about ...

I know about the language barrier, but still there might be opportunities like, as an example, driving to the grocery for people who cannot do that themselves ... Activity in right amount helps against depression and helps against the tiredness that often is caused by a depression.

I wish you good luck with thinking things through! But please let him not talk you into something that you feel is wrong for you and please get a total physical schek at your GP's office.

I am sorry about your relapse, @MuddyBoots! Good that you will get a new place to live. Have you thought about the book I recommended? It may not be enough alone, but as a supplement to a good therapist, you may be helped and help yourself.

It is difficult to get out of drug dependence. It is not a "will-thing". It is a learning process ...

Today I have been really tired. Took my first B12 med today! Hopefully my tiredness will gradually fade away.

I just realized I haven’t taken my
Celexa in a week. Omg.

No wonder why I feel sad today

Got together with my daughter this morning. We’re going to make this a regular thing. And binge stranger things. It’s quite good. We watched 4 episodes today. She was talking about getting me a Roku for Christmas so I could watch more shows on demand. I love roku’s fish tank.

We talked of dreams we both love our dreams. Even the weird scary ones.

Not much liking the drive though. It’s 35 minutes of interstate travel. Today it was very dark and rainy on the way there but not bad because no traffic. On the way home it wasn’t as rainy but traffic was horrible. Once winter hits!! Oy!

Muddy boots. There’s something to be said about getting your own place, away from temptation. I was homeless for years and in shelters and long term hospitals. When I got my own place I really thrived.

Pdoc gave me melatonin 2 days ago. It doesn’t help with sleep. I still sleep 2 hours, awake for 30 minutes. Repeat all night. He said he doesn’t need to see me again until December. I think it’s attributed to work anxiety and the kitten in my room, although she’s good while I’m sleeping but does wake up when I wake up!

Yeah muddy if the new place fits what you need, it likely will help. Just don't take the mindset for granted

It's chilly here today, going down to 9 C tonight. Single digits. That's a little less than 50 F. All the cold pop i've been drinking is making it worse. I don't like tea or coffee. So i tried a mug of warm tap water and it's good! I'm warmed right up!

It's been another lousy day. I started watching "Superstore" again. It was fine for a few hours but now i am finding it irritating.

MuddyBoots, it makes good sense that a living situation that promotes health will make a difference. My doctor says it sometimes takes people several tries to quit unhealthy behaviors. I recently failed at quitting Coke Zero after being all over this forum about it, so i sympathize.

Sunflower123, i'm sorry to hear you feel so uncomfortable. I certainly join you in the sentiment. It's not like you tho so i hope you get feeling more back to yourself soon.

Nammu, glad to hear you had such a lovely time with your daughter, despite the driving. Thanks for sharing about your past struggles. You'd never guess that you went through such a dreadful experience. The stability that generally comes later in life is certainly welcome. Tho you are doing a much better job of amusing yourself than i am.

Soupe du Jour, your therapist seems out of step with you. I feel a good therapist should help you in the goals you set for yourself, not their goals for you. Getting a job sounds silly -- not that i am a stellar example of how to be happy...

I saw my psych case manager today. They new temporary one. First time we’d met in person. She was very nice. I guess I’m going to have her for about six months.

I had dinner with N3 and his girlfriend this evening. We talked about brain abnormalities! And how’s his schooling is going. All of what he told me about Calculus 2 went over my head, of course. His Physics class made more sense to me.

I was wrong yesterday- I didn’t start at the beginning of New Amsterdam; I started at the beginning of season 5.

I don’t think I can work the day after ECT. I was supremely disoriented today, I didn’t really even feel safe driving because I didn’t feel fully “present”. I don’t usually feel like this the day after. Definitely the day of. But I’ll get the next one Nov 10, that’s a Friday, and then I’ll go for Dec 29, another Friday. Just worry about getting through the rest of the year and then I’ll plan them out.

I took CR to the ortho today for his pinky, he has to wear a splint and buddy tape it for three weeks. I still can’t believe he broke it being dumb like that, but he is a middle schooler, on the whole they’re pretty dumb. At least that’s my experience from working with middle and high school in education.

I’m two days with no nicotine. Still with the vape but no nicotine. I’m definitely more hungry which is unfortunate since I’m also trying to lose weight. But I figure I’ll just continue my diet and exercise and if I don’t lose, I don’t lose. At least I’m eating healthy food and exercising. Can’t do much more than that. I looked up nicotine withdrawal and the physical withdrawal is only 2-4 weeks. I can cheer myself on for a month. Like thinking about it having an end point is quite helpful.

The celexa is used for anxiety also.
How have you been? anxiety level?

Well
I’ve been
A
Nervous wreck and seeing stuff