Bipolar Check-in #79

Wasn't chocolate fluff a thing at one point? I think strawberry was.

I remember seeing strawberry fluff. Tried it. It’s a disgrace.

Don’t remember chocolate.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow. My therapist thinks I’m manic. With the not sleeping (going 2-3 days at a time without sleep, and when I do sleep it’s usually like 3-4 hours max), the impulsiveness, the moods, the irritability, and randomly starting to take THC edibles / and vaping THC. I don’t really think it affects me negatively. Occasionally it gives me bad anxiety and sometimes panic and paranoia but mostly it improves my mood and helps me really focus well.

I managed to get a couple nights of good sleep but then last night I slept a grand total of 3 hours and was tossing and turning the entire time.

But yeah I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I have no idea how that’s gonna go. I have a feeling I’ll get a lecture on the THC because I’m sure my therapist told him about it as they work together and my therapist seemed concerned about it and everything else. They basically want me to get sleep right now that’s like the first priority

What strains? Sounds like Sativas which REALLY screw with me. Make me panicky, psychotic, and manic. Indicas help me with sleep without too much damage, but make me overeat and feel bad so I avoid those too. You never know how it would interact with the meds too and make it impossible to know what’s working and what’s not.

It does sound like mania though. I hope your pdoc is helpful.

For the vapes they’re hybrids. For the edibles idk what strain one of them is, probably hybrid, but the other kind is delta 9 indica. But I haven’t tried the 100% indica one yet. Cause that’s a higher dose and I’m kind of scared to. Idk I’m just trying to get to a point where I can use them to unwind on the weekends, not so much an everyday thing but it was everyday for like two weeks I was vaping everyday and I overdid it a couple times where I was completely screwed up for a day or two.

The first time I took an edible it took an hour to hit me and when it did my heart raced and I was paranoid freaking out feeling like I was dying. I’ve been able to take them since then though without issue.

The manic stuff has been going on longer than the THC use though, like I just started vaping and taking edibles two weeks ago but ive been escalating in lack of sleep and mood and irritability and impulsiveness for well over a month. So I guess I’ll see what my psychiatrist says. I know it’s gonna be to not take them anymore but I have 97 edibles left and two vapes so I want to at least get use out of all of that cause they were expensive. That’s another thing. Spending ridiculous amounts of money. I spent well over $200 on edibles and vapes. I bought 100 edibles. Which is kind of ridiculous because I had never tried them at that point so I was just impulsive. I could have just got a container of 20 but no I had to go all out and spend $160 on 5 containers of them.

My new case manager from my np is amazing? She helped me jump through some hoops this afternoon. Everything is done and mailed Al and registered so ytheyvha. So my section 8 paperwork is filled out, copied and sent priority mail. This morning. I always worry but it’s nanotubes that hard especially when you kkept

Yeah, super easy to overdo it with vaping and edibles. When I had easy access to edibles I didn’t have to make myself I did them every day and my tolerance went up so much. A full joint used to get me more than comfortably numb and then it wouldn’t do anything. Only shared a vape with my dad, but it was wayyyy too easy to get too high on that.

If you’re going with cannabinoids, I’d stick to marijuana flower from a reputable source. Harm reduction of course

The amount you spent on it with the impulsivity of it is also a sign of mania. Shuts expensiiiiiive.
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Says the person with a few drinks in their system that cannot not overdo it. I swear man, I was sneaking a couple shots worth in a cup that my roommate’s bf brought over and I feel so much better I regret it haha but I know I have to try like 1000x harder to avoid the next drink than the first so yay me for bad decisions.

I don’t know if I’m drunker than I think I am or if parts of this don’t make sense. You ok Moose?

Havent been around for a bit. Hope everyone is OK.

I just got food shopping done. I'm so grateful for Walmart+. No more struggling to get food here. I know I need to go out but it's nice not to have to rely on my husband. I'm making sandwiches to eat on warm bread. Hopefully it tastes good.

My GI was kinda not all that helpful. She was just like well you really should just go get a second opinon for your intenstine thing. She did say it could possibly be scar tissue from my hysterectomy. She says it been long enough that it could be causing an issue now. She wants to do a gastric emptying test to check for some stuff. She said it could possibly be anxiety. Not gonna lie, I wasn't throwing up this much when I was on 100mg prestiq and 200mg Lamictal. She didn't make a fuss over the golo. I thought she might.

Overall I'm just kinda stuck until I go for the second opinion on the 14th. Unless I can get in for the gastric emptying before then.

I threw up this evenings geodon too again. I was in the bathroom throwing up and my 19 year old niece was banging on the door. Lol.

Also I was getting fries after my appointment because I've barely eaten all day and the cashier called my mom babe.

Adding random letters and words here,

I was trying to type without my contacts or glasses.
In the post just above this one I quoted myself and fixed it.

Feeling anxious but not anxious enough to take my prn. It will knock me out and its only 8:00am at work. They're making me move offices. Makes me nervous. I'm going from a small office of 3 to 12 in the office. I've shared this space for 2 years now we're all being scattered. Feel like I'm losing my network of support. I don't like it at all but I pretended to be happy and said sure no problem with a big smile on my face.

I start with my difficult class. Get them out the way. I'm expecting them to be loud! A bit of a difficult topic we're covering this morning so that always adds to it.

I'm looking forward to my doctor's appointment tomorrow. The is the appointment I've mentioned that will focus on finding hormone meds to stop these from fluctuating as much in hopes of minimizing bipolar symptoms. The possibility of this working gives me a lot of hope/excitement!

My stomach is much better! I got meds delivered today and also groceries. It took 9.5 hours for the grocery delivery. They were short staffed. I kept in touch with the help chat thru the day and we worked it out. I negotiated $8 off. And now i have a kitchen full of delights!

Hugs to all who need them!

My psychiatrist is leaving!!!!

😭 😭 😭 😭

I've been seeing him for ten years! My next appointment with him in July is his last day. I'm seeing a new psychiatrist in August. My therapist and husband are coming with me. I'm hoping he doesn't make any drastic changes. I hope he doesn't take me off diazepam cold turkey. Luckily I took my seroquel this morning so im not freaking out as much as I would be.

Saw my psychiatrist today. He increased my Thorazine, increased my abilify, and decreased my Zoloft.

He said it’s pretty common for people with bipolar to need to have their meds adjusted in the spring. And he said he wished I had come in sooner because he could have helped me and to not feel shy about calling if I need help before a scheduled appointment that he could always fit me in during or before his lunch break.

He also said he’s glad I quit the retail job and that that type of job is bad for someone like me especially with the hours messing up my sleep.

Since I threw up my Geodon 2 nights in a row I'm having a rough time today with anxiety and parnoia and stuff. I did get out of my house for a bit but it was tough. The nurse from my insurance is supposed to call today to check in. I know I'll feel better once I take tonights meds. And I'm just gonna make them stay down.

I got a couple boxes of frozen Red Lobster cheddar bay biscuits. I'm suprised they haven't been cleaned out of the stores with all this bankruptcy news.

I took my meds without food so I wouldnt throw up and now my stomach hurts because I didn't eat with them.

Okay. I'm done freaking about my psychiatrist leaving. I think everything will be okay. It has to be! I'm really going to miss him though. 😭

Anyway, we're taking me off Cymbalta and putting me on sertraline because Cymbalta has stopped working. I've been on sertraline in the past and it worked great, so I'm not freaked about this med change or anything. I just want out of this depression. 😩 It's really putting a damper on my life. I'm starting to isolate again.

I've also somehow managed to gain even more weight. I think I'm going to have to go off seroquel and try a different AP, much as that sucks. This weight gain is getting ridiculous. Also, I feel lethargic all the time and I think it's because of the seroquel. That's also getting ridiculous!!! I felt like I was going to die just walking through the store today.

@raspberrytorte I'm having a lot of trouble with lethargy and no motivation since starting just 50 mg of Seroquel. I'm not depressed at all, I just can't do anything. The thing is that otherwise it makes a HUGE difference for me. I didn't even know my head could be quiet until I was on this combination. I talked to my pdoc about this and I'm tracking some things for a few weeks and then I'll probably be backing of gabapentin a little (like 100-200 mg) because I'm on a high dose of that and she said it could be the culprit as well as cause weight gain. I know going down on gabapentin didn't work for you recently and I'm scared to try it but I need to feel like doing things again. Today I went to Walmart by myself and that was a HUGE accomplishment.

I hope we can both feel better!

I skipped 2 doses of Vraylar and the swelling in my feet is improving. My knees and hands, too.

It's not gone yet, but improving.

I'm really disappointed that Vraylar didn't work out. My anxiety is much better and I was looking forward to a dose increase to maybe get at my depression.

Sorry @Scooter9 I had exactly the same side effects on risperdal both times I tried it and both times it was helping me.

So frustrating! I hope your next med is your solution.

"I had a night, I had a day
I did one million stupid things
I said one billion foolish things
I'm not okay"

Not a fan of that song, but I feel the lyrics

My usual song is, hey i did one thing today.

Im going for a 100 pct improvement to two things per day.