Bipolar Check-in #81

Oh my god. New psychiatrist is TERRIFYING. 😱 I was SO intimidated. I completely shut down. After the appointment my therapist was like, "I've never seen you that way. You were so withdrawn and agreeable." Lol. I feared for my life. Luckily she's just keeping all my meds the same and asked me how I've been the past four weeks, have I had any hallucinations, been paranoid, suicidal, depressed, etc., to which I all answered no.

My therapist had to tell her about my books and the ezine because I'd completely shut down and didn't feel comfortable saying anything. Even the woman's office is intimidating! I'm surprised she doesn't have posters that say "courage" on them plastered to her walls. She was even in a severe pants suit. She's this little Chinese lady that could probably kick my *** even if she was shorter than me by at least two inches (and I'm short!). This woman's expression could melt icicles. I asked her how she was on the way in and she ignored me! I said have a good day on the way out and she gave me a piercing glare.

I'm used to my old psychiatrist. He was the exact opposite of this woman!!! Jesus Christ. He had a MAN BUN if that says anything. I miss him already.

😭 😭 😭 😭

I guess all I need this lady for is for someone to prescribe my meds for me. And she refilled all of them and told me to see her again in four weeks. Luckily I couldn't get in until October 7th. Whew. I told her multiple times that 100mg of seroquel doesn't make me sleepy and I've just been taking the prn during the day if I'm freaking out, and she kept on saying, "That helps with sleep. You're supposed to take that at night before bed." It was like talking to a boulder!! I should have told her I took 100mg of seroquel before my appointment with her and obviously wasn't tired! Talking to her is going to be IMPOSSIBLE.

Whatever. At least she didn't take me off diazepam.

The non autoinjector version of my med is gonna be like $40 for a 3 month supply instead of $450 for a 3 month supply! There was a shortage of this kind for a long time, thats why I needed to get it from a speciality pharamacy.

But man what a difference. That should ease my wallet a bit.

Yeah my psychiatrist is very cold too. I only see him for like 3 minutes. He just says we'll keep them the same. I only have to see him every 3 months thank God!

@raspberrytorte
I'm sorry you were uncomfortable with your new psychiatrist. If she makes you so uncomfortable, can you see about getting on a waiting list for a different pdoc?

The pdoc I see now is much my formal than my old doctor who was extraordinary but I am lucky in that he responds when I need help and is caring about it and he has a mobile to call after hours and on weekends and responds promptly to urgent calls outside office hours. It did take me longer to feel comfortable with him b/c of he's not as informal as my old podc, but thank God, I ended up with a fantastic pdoc.

Some of my appts. with my current pdoc are very fast, like 5 min. and others have lasted upwards of 30 min. But I have noticed he tries to make routine visits efficient and by doing this he is easier able to clear room for urgent appts. without inconveniencing those just there for a routine refill. And by doing this he can predict which appts. are likely to be routine and which need more time and be mindful of everyone's time in the process and to build in flexibility where he suspects he might need some. It's a very different style from my old pdoc, but I also spend WAY less time in the waiting room, and I definitely am not complaining about that!

My endocronoligist is like that. He is this super fit guy who is condescending towards me and doesn't seem very interested in talking to me. He always wants my mom in the room and spends most of the session either talking to my mom like I'm not in the room or ragging on me about moving around more. He dismisess a lot of what I have to say even though I know myself. Lately hes been sending me off to his NP for some reason. Luckily I only see him 3 months

He literally gave me a dirty look when he walked in the room last time. Lol

How and why would they let a patient leave AMA when they don't even know they're leaving AMA. 15 minutes with a pdoc "let me out another patient is my stalker" and *poof* spent more time in the ER than the psych unit.

I took my first dose of Seroquel this afternoon. Whole 150mg/day...

Had a dentist appointment today. I thought it was a check up to see if the posts were healed. Instead it was a second surgery. Ooh. He sent the pain pills to the wrong pharmacy but I’ve 7 tablets left over from the first surgery. So I took one of those. I’m sort of loopy right now and couldn’t focus too well. Everyone I’ll read you tomorrow

Thank you everyone for the kind responses regarding China psychiatrist lady. I think I'm just used to my old psychiatrist who was very friendly and easy to talk to and definitely not scary, and he actually LISTENED to me.

@Blueberrybook

Unfortunately there is no one else at the county I can see, except for the ahole who took me off diazepam cold turkey while I was IP at Fon du Lac for a psychotic episode four years ago now I believe. So I'd rather stay with icicle melting stare psychiatrist than go with the psychiatrist who would take me off my benzo. I don't want to go through benzo withdrawal! That man would take me off it in one week! And he's Indian and IMPOSSIBLE to understand, and he changes my meds without telling me what he's doing, like my opinion doesn't matter or something. And I'm stuck at the county because of my commitment.

So this woman prescribes benzos and I'm staying with her even if she scares the fck out of me!

@LadyShadow

I'm so sorry I didn't say this sooner, but I'm sad to hear you and your boyfriend broke up. I'm happy you didn't get drunk and instead coped in healthy ways. You're in my thoughts. 🫂 ❤️

@MuddyBoots

Weren't you on a much higher dose in the past?

I'm here, just quiet. Took a homeowners class gotta get my credit up to 650. I found the perfect condo. Now to figure out how to get it.

That akward moment when you put food in the microwave for 10:00 minutes instead of 1:00. Luckily I realised after about 2 minutes it was carrying on wayyy too long and I stopped it. But my rice pudding is so hot I'm burning the roof of my mouth even though I'm blowing on it to cool it.

@Crazy Hitch I did that with a hot pack at work once. It should have been 4:00 and I put it in for 40:00 and didn't notice until the thing had started to smoke. I had to replace the hot pack. I'm glad I didn't have to replace the microwave. It smelled so bad.

finally almost finishd my 16 hr orientation. been workingon it for hours the last couple days. also got a **** ton of stuff done at work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Thanks for asking!

POTS is short for postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. It's a chronic illness that is most Known for causing people to feel light headed/dizzy, sometimes to the point of passing out, when going from sitting or laying down to standing or from standing to long (sometimes only for minutes). For example, all last week when I got up in the morning and I was standing getting ready, my heart started racing, it went up to 130 bpm, and I felt really hot like I was going to pass out. I also have to sit when teaching because standing will make me feel light headed.

A few other symptoms I get are headaches, nausea, heat intolerance, and extreme fatigue/body weakness but there are a lot of other symptoms that POTS can cause too.

In my case, it seems to have been caused by whatever made me super sick last November (maybe a virus?).

my friend developed POTS following a bout with COVID

@HALLIEBETH87 I'm sorry that happened to your friend. My pdoc actually wonders if covid is causing people to develop POTs because he has multiple patients right now with a new POTs diagnosis when, up to this point in his career (30 some years I believe) he had one or two patients total with POTs. I know at least one of his other patients with it got it after covid as well. I had multiple covid tests done when I got sick (at home and by a doctor) but they all came back negative so I guess it was something else.

This afternoon, I messaged my neurologist to ask about a possible alternative medication than the corticosteroid. Sadly, I chickened out and didn't have the guts to say because I'm worried it will trigger bipolar symptoms. I just said, based on side effects I had with other steroids, I'm worried about taking this one. The IV I got yesterday has definitely helped somewhat, but I still got dizzy standing after standing for not that long so, if the IV won't help with those symptoms and there is no medicine alternative, I might give the corticosteroid a try. I'm waiting to see how this week goes symptoms wise before making any final decisions.

I came across a joke that eases my anguish over my weight:

"I'm a compulsive overeater, which is better than an apathetic overeater!"

Tomorrow is meet the substitute therapist day. I'm not looking forward to it. Nothing against her. She's just not someone I know and am comfortable with and it takes me a long time to get comfortable with new people.

Then I have to do a huge grocery shopping and I hate Walmart where I'll get most things.


Kinda stressful day...

@Mountaindewed have you been on carafate for the ulcers? That's what I was given when I had an ulcer and it cleared it up quickly. I seriously doubt it has side effects as it's not much different than chalk. (It's not gross though).

I'm really sorry he dismisses you so much and kind of treats you like a child by wanting your mom in the room with you. That sucks! 😓

I am so sorry you have to deal with that! That must be so difficult! Big hugs!

Today was boring again. My son called asking me for money for an eighth. Then he called back for money for a lighter. I knew he would go through it so fast. I guess the staff told him not to share it like he was and he didn't listen. I doubt he's gone on any outings. He's frustrating.

All of us sisters in the family have health problems. My oldest sister that's still alive and lives in Eugene Oregon is having health problems won't tell us what it is and she is drinking a ton since my other sister died that lived with her. She was the vice president of a insurance company in Salem Oregon.

Then the sister that just had a stroke and is having surgery on the 29th.

Then my other sister who does not drink is having problems with her liver enzymes. She is having a lot of hip pain and they just did an mri on it but she can't take ibuprofen and is completely burnt out. She is also having problems with severe fatigue. They gave her something for it but now that they are trying to figure out what's wrong with her liver she can't take them.

It's just a mess. Then I'm having my health problems. It's unbelievable that all of this is happening at the same time. My sister that I'm really close with has pulled back from me bc I said something about her husband and his political view's. She is like his slave. He can't do anything for himself. She got that ablation surgery where you get your uterine lining burnt off so you don't have periods anymore and the recovery time is very painful. She bought those Costco pre-made dinners and he couldn't be bothered to put it in the oven or take it out and dish himself as plate
It's ridiculous! I really don't like the dude!

\\\\\

I read an article about the prevalence of POTS diagnosis following COVID illness. its interesting and sad.

I was on it for awhile but couldn't tolerate it for some reason or another. I don't know if it was anxiety or hunger or just some other BS excuse. I know one stomach med gave me insane bad mental health thoughts. But normally Its either hunger or anxiety with these stomach meds. I'm lucky I have a legit psych med combo that works so well without side effects.

At one point I was on 800 ER + 300 IR and Home Depot said no
CM asked if I wanted to add anything else to the authoritarianism. Haldol, hell-dol, but yeah, better than fking around and getting people to shoot me "in self-defense" I don't want to die I just want a stabbing.