Bipolar Check-in #81

Well saw the new Dr, she’s nice but no miracle. I’m to be booked with two specialists. Well one specialist and another upper endoscopy. I hope to get answers this time.

@MuddyBoots:

Oh MuddyBoots, you poor thing, you're not making sense. Please get yourself some help. I really like Seroquel and Risperdal. My thoughts are orderly and calm on them. I'm really worried about you.

Yes, this. We're all worried about you

Another stressful day.

The good news is that I made it to the gym. The workout was difficult but I knew that would happen since I haven't been going regularly for a month.

The bad news - my car was almost hit twice at 2 different times and in 2 different places but only 15 mins apart! One was an illegal parker exiting the spot as I was passing without looking. The other was someone wanting to make a right turn the same time I was going to make the same right turn - I was waiting for pedestrians to cross!

I didn't take Klonopin today because I thought it wouldn't be an anxiety provoking day. I was way off!

Anxiety diarrhea persists - no wonder! Also the hemehroids that accompany all that also persist.

And you'd think I'd catch a break. Nope! Have a long drive tonight and another, maybe, stressful day tomorrow - it depends on whether my wife can help enough to lower the stress.

Yeah NOW you tell me!

Yes @MuddyBoots, please get some help. The way you're going isn't sustainable

Someone is in my building knocking on doors with a clipboard in hand! I ignored her. I got no email from the complex that someone would be coming around!

I could hear her talking to neighbors but couldn’t make out what they were saying

The outside doors are always locked unless someone opens one for somebody without a key.

I can’t call the office to see if this lady is legit because they are closed now. Usually they send around emails or put notices on your door.

My niece i sstaying the weekend with us. ive cooked her dinner and we are doing laundry and playing with the cats lol

I don't feel here. I don't know how to explain it. I feel like I'm saying that a lot. Im suppose to be doing art and training but it's too hot and I'm not with it. I don't feel I'm doing enough. The house is a disaster.we just have no space. we have a living room that's just filled with stuff. We're essentially living out of our bedroom. Is small.

I've just about had it with my health issues. I have no quality of life anymore. I can't leave my house without getting sick. I am in bed most of the time.

I may have to go down to Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago. Its a drive but they can at least figure out if I'm having issues from my hysterectomy, or if its my wonky malrotated intestines more easily then any of my doctors up here can.

But no one can live this way.

Guys!!! Help??? I've got this, y'all. Just saw pdoc today and got some good ole' encouragement to use them coping skills, as a MD Psychiatrist does
T is out next week
Get to see my wonderful CM who earlier this week talked with me for 20 minutes and got frustrated because she was being a politician and I wasn't having any of that.

We ballin' until we fallin'

The long drive I was expecting tonight is cancelled! Nice, I can relax this evening.

The leader of my Bible study asked me to meet her for dinner next week. She's going to have a knee replacement soon and will be out for a while. She's been out for a while already for another surgery. (It's like knowing me increases people's risk of joint replacement surgeries right now....hers is a week after my therapist's). Anyway I know it's nothing bad. At least I hope it's nothing bad. But I'm anxious about it. Ridiculous but that's me right now. Or most of the time. And that's my last therapist appointment day so I'll have to put myself together to go. Which is good for me but I'm just worried the whole day will be stressful.


Oh well. I'm sure it will be fine. I just have to repeat that a lot. Realistically I'm wondering if she's going to ask me to take over while she's off or take me up on my offer of transportation (we live pretty close) once she is healed enough. Either of those are fine. It will be fine. Right?

THE ROBOTS ARE GOING TO ATTACK!!!
kidding! (maybe) es que es and the path goes on

Oo so nice. What a fortunate turn of events. Completely understand not wanting a long drive.

No, it’s not you. It may feel that way but it’s not you!

My classroom is starting to look pretty good. I'm in the final stretch of setting up. If I feel well enough, I am going to go into school tomorrow to get tasks done that I didn't get to today. I had to leave earlier than I had planned to because I wasn't feeling well. My coworkers have been so supportive as they learn about my POTS diagnosis.

We have a smaller class this year so that's nice. Being in a private school, I am spoiled when it comes to my class sizes. One of the other junior high grades isn't so lucky though-those teachers are going to struggle fitting enough desks in their classrooms.

Depending on how I feel, my weekend will probably be a mix of chores, errands, and getting ready for Sunday's open house and Wednesday's first day of school.

I hope everyone's weekend is exactly what you need it to be!

I danced again and lasted longer than yesterday. I had a good time. It's a great activity for me. HAES! Health at Every Size. I'm going to talk about food, so those who are sensitive need not read:



Hugs to all the anxious people on Earth!

@MuddyBoots

You sound in a bad way. As someone mentioned you're not making sense and we're worried about you. Maybe it's time to go to the ER. I think you may be psychotic. 🫂 ❤️

I agree about being worried about you! ❤️. You might need the hospital. I know it sucks but hopefully they can stabilize you! Big hugs! 💕

My son got his money and is flying high! They took him to get this vape pen which is 50% nicotine! I think he has asthma and they are only going to allow pouches or lozenges. But they also took him to Walmart and he got a lot of stuff there. He wouldn't tell me how much. He is an adult and can spend it as he wishes but I told him to be mindful of what he really needs or just blows it on things and to plan ahead.

Today was a ok day. I only got 5 hours of sleep and I really need at least 7. I might have to add one of the doxepin I had lowered it. My sister said do take 30 mgs and then the next night take 20 and then the next night take 30 and then the next 2 nights only take 20. So slowly reduce it and eventually I'm only on 20. Do it again to 10 and then get completely off of them. Lowering both gabapentin and doxepin is too much.

I'm going to be talking about food so I'll put a trigger on this.

I know you're not going to get this because apparently you guys don't understand anything I'm saying, but I can't go to the hospital until I read The Secret Life of Bees. Just trust me on this one. Does Li2 + CO3 -2=Li2CO3? No. It equals pissing every five minutes until your kidneys are used in chili.

Come on. Let things flow. If we're on a trail, do you just follow the trail and travel it SOLELY for the purpose of the trail? HELL NAH BROSKI! We look at the trail. We experience the trail. But not only that, we can adventure and experience what SURROUNDS The trail! That's what I'm talking about! Simplify it. Feel the alpine zone, and hear me out, alright?

@MuddyBoots

I got two hours of sleep last night. 🌙 You're actually making sense (maybe because I hardly got any sleep last night?). You're manic as fukk. Lol. How much sleep have you been getting? Take a nap.

This. Your posts are not making sense. It sounds like you're psychotic, not just manic. I'm sorry to say, you need the psych ER at this point.

Thanks to those of you putting food/weight loss in a trigger box. It's much appreciated.

My mood has been good, and I slept 8 hr. last night. I often fall into depression after mania, so I'm worried about that. I want the stabiity to last. I guess that means not cutting my Seroquel dose in half; when I do that, I have more energy in the morning, so it's always tempting. So far, I've been taking the full 300 mg dose at night.

I walked/jogged this morning. The humidity outside is just awful. I need a chill day today; I feel the anxiety amping up.