[June08]

I had a good pdoc appointment. We talked a bit about how something that is really having a negative impact on my mood is that I don't know what I want to do with my life. Yes, I teach. But, I'm not sure I want to do that for the rest of my life. I'm just not enjoying it like I used to, but this year was also a rough year so maybe next year will be different? He said he didn't know how much it would help, but maybe a test like the Myers-Briggs might be helpful in getting some sort of direction for what I could do instead of teaching.

We also talked about my high cholesterol and how that could be caused by one, or both, of the antipsychotics I'm on. My suspicion is that risperidone is causing it because it was high before I started seroquel. Also, I don't really eat in a way that should cause high cholesterol. I get it tested again next month so we'll see if the fish oil supplement I'm trying helped at all. My pdoc and I both agree that cholesterol meds would be better than adjusting my meds because of how hard it was to get me stable.

I also asked him is I have bipolar I or II because I've never been told and thought it might be good to know. He said bipolar I because of how my symptoms presented before I was diagnosed.

[Blueberrybook]

@June08 I have high cholesterol too despite not eating that bad a diet and exercising nearly daily. In my case, I think it is caused by the Seroquel. Fish oil supplements did not really lower my cholesterol levels but they did lower my triglycerides. However my PCP says my good cholesterol outweighs the bad (not sure how that works?) and that lifestyle factors - diet, exercise, non-smoker, non-drinker, blood pressure, weight lower my risk of heart attack as well.

Quite honestly, I'm in awe of anyone who manages to teach. I tried teaching 7th grade biology and didn't last a week once the school year started. Actually, anyone who manages to work with bipolar has my highest respect because I definitely could not handle it.

[Crazy Hitch]

I’m bipolar type 1

Would be interested to hear if you are all bipolar 1 or bipolar 2.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm bipolar I.

[Nammu]

I’m back. I had a watercolor painting class. I’m just not happy with how my picture is doing. My colors seem washed out and this instructor uses wet on wet method which I find incredibly hard. But the people are nice. I need to go to hobby lobby and buy a frame. I hope they have one that will go with my oil painting. It’s the same subject, birch trees. I did learn some new methods, salt and etching.

I’m bipolar one with GAD and PTSD in remission.

[Blue_Bird]

I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, originally it was just bipolar type 1 but when my psychosis was happening regularly outside of just my manic and depressive episodes it changed to schizoaffective disorder bipolar type.

[Moose72]

I’m bipolar 1

[MuddyBoots]

My normal psych IP hospital says bipolar 1, my outpatient provider has listed "schizoaffective-bipolar type" but my therapist agrees I'm probably bipolar instead.

(Also have BPD, PTSD, ADHD, AN, and SUD on that list. I feel it can all be wrapped with CPTSD but whatever.)

[MuddyBoots]

I used to be obsessed with MBTI, on all the relevant forums, reading up on related personality theories (socionics, enneagram, OCEAN/Big 5, etc.) It was fun stuff. It's very pseudo-sciencey and there are a lot of people online that will be like "oh, I'm an ESTP and you said you're an INFP so I'm going to make you cry and we're bound to hate each other," when life is usually not like that at all, but just reading about these things make you think about yourself and what you like and how you think and all that and it can be very insightful if you use personality theory as a tool the right way.

[Mountaindewed]

I'm not really sure what I have. People have been back and forth for years if I'm really bipolar. My hystrectomy solved a lot of my mental health issues. I mostly seem to just get anxiety and depression now. But BP is still listed on my chart. When I do get mood swings its normally in relation to some GI med or antibioitc or some shyt.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I am BP1.

[Victoria'smom]

My pdoc has me as Sza bipolar type. My therapist has me a Sz with add. I feel I fit Sza not just Sz.

I went to the Dr today. It took all day. She's setting me up with physical therapy, a nutritionist,and something else, I forgot. I really like her she's trying to get to the bottom of my pain issue. She may send me to a specialist. But she's 2.5 hours away. So I don't know what I am going to do.

[Crazy Hitch]

I got my nails done today. A great way to spend my mental health day from work

[Mountaindewed]

I'm crabby tonight

Food stuff

Possible trigger:

I don't know if I wasn't hungry or I just forgot. But I wasn't very hungry today. It was one of those lemon head ropes day

And now its too late. My bed is all of a sudden uncomfortable and theres just all this werid sensory shyt going on. So I found bands with colors in their names. Which helped and was kinda fun. My therapist called me an old soul when it comes to music.

I'm kinda anxious too just based on the stuff the lawn guy told us today about our neighbor and her car. She seems to have really lost her marbles.

I need to just get to sleep. Its not a fasting blood draw so I can go whenever tommorow.

[June08]

The rest of my day has been fine. I finally turned in the keys to my old place, walked on my walking pad, and watched America's Got Talent. I also found a free career test that the University of Arizona had on their website. It took about 30 minutes to take. The results suggested a lot of professions with kids/caring types of professions like teacher, pediatrician, and children's counselor. It had some other helping professions as well.

For a bit, I was in grad school to become a counselor. I had to quit because of a really bad depressive episode. Then, I got sick. Part of me would consider going back to school, this time for a school counselor. But, there are some factors I'd have to figure out. A big one is that I do not have anyone to do practice sessions with, which is something I was having to do on a regular basis before. At the time, I had a boyfriend who was willing to help me. Now, I don't know anyone who would want to help me.

Another thing for me to remember is that I was manic when I very quickly decided to go back to school for counseling. So, if I do decide to go back to school for anything, I need to make sure I take the proper time to research and think about it this time.

edit: I just saw I received an email asking me if I'd like to return to school to finish my counseling degree. So, I have a contact person if I want to reach out and ask someone any questions.

[LadyShadow]

My day improved by going to Adoration and lighting two candles and spending the afternoon in deep prayer. Also it was a beautiful cool, spring-like afternoon. I spent a lot of the time outside. Went to my Legion of Mary meeting, and cried during the Rosary prayers, and a nice man put his hand on mine., It was very emotional, but I got through it. I didn't get an assignment to do a visit this Sunday, but I will be hosting a table outside church to promote the Legion to see if we can get some more members. Attendance is pretty good though, we are one of the best in the state. I ended up coming home and spending the evening with "him" and we got to be together, which is something I haven't had in quite some time - it really put my head together.

I've been thinking of my life and what I go through. I am Bipolar 1 but I was also labeled schizophrenic at one of my hospitalzations. My mania is off the wall crazy. It's really bad, you guys know, you've seen how it can get. But no matter what I've been through, I have a really nice place, nice things, an amazing working car, my mom and dad, lots of friends, and some really great men in my life. There hasn't been one time where I couldn't pick up the phone and call someone if I needed to. It's just really hard sometimes when the doubt, pain, frustration just implodes in my spirit. It's so hard being bipolar, you guys don't know how brave you are to survive so much.

Thanks so much @June08 - like @Blueberrybook said, you are a miracle worker to be able to teach and manage the bipolar. Just like @Crazy Hitch is doing (I bet your nails look gorgeous), you guys are superwomen! @Blue_Bird - I am so glad I inspired you! I think I am going to rewatch John Wick 4 before I go see Ballerina. I might go Saturday the way things are going now. I hope you enjoy Lilo and Stitch! @Nammu - I bet your painting is so beautiful, we are our own worst critics sometimes. When you get the frame you have to show us!

Hope everyone is having a good night tonight. It will be the first night in a while that I won't be crying myself to sleep. Bipolar is so hard.

[LadyShadow]

(deleted)

[Crazy Hitch]

Sleep well @LadyShadow and everyone else

[Moose72]

I just ate shrimp! Now we wait.

[Crazy Hitch]

What time is it Moose?

[raspberrytorte]

I cannot sleep, and I took my seroquel four hours ago for the love of Pete! Summer weather is in the air and my mood is drastically lifting. I looooooong for my husband in a 🌶 way, but he's just not up for it tonight and I'm REALLY uncomfortable. Last week we went to two concerts two nights in a row! 🌙 They both were amazing, but particularly the first one. It was in this tiny little bar/venue in the seedy underbelly of Milwaukee! It was great! And it was just Husband and I, so it was kind of like a nice, romantic getaway.

Anyway, I just got done catching up on posts. Haven't been around for a bit. Happy to hear from everyone! Missed you guys. 😊

Our daughter wanted me to dye her hair blood red, so I did. It turned out more pink/purple, but it still looks cool. I was so happy. I've always wanted a daughter whose hair I could dye a weird color. 🥹

I'm schizoaffective BP type.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

What time is it Moose?

About an hour since I ate the shrimp.

[Blue_Bird]

Good morning, today is my birthday. I’m officially 31 years old now.

I ordered Dennys to have for my birthday breakfast. It comes around 8am. (It’s 6am now). I got berry stuffed French toast

Later today I’m painting with a couple of friends over video chat. Tonight I’m going to see Lilian’s Stitch at the movie theater. I also got my aquarium ticket for this Saturday.

[Mountaindewed]

I woke up around 1:30 and I felt sick although I'm not sure what I even ate. I took some nausea meds. I woke up about 1.5 hours ago and I still felt nauseated so I made this mini microwave cup of Campbells double noodle soup with Goldfish.

My anxiety is a bit high for no reason. Maybe I'll take my vistril early.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I met someone on here 15 years ago and we met in person yesterday. She’s as cool in person as she is on fb messenger!!!!!! I’m in Nashville on vacation and she drive two hours to meet me at opry mills mall.!