[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

just ate a fruit salad from the canteen. Way to go I'm being healthy! Jealous of my colleagues who have hot soup today!

Jealous of all both you and your colleagues!

Possible trigger:

Today I had four Devil's Food snacks, a half a package of rice cakes, and two cookies at 2am and had it come out the way it went in, and since then have just stuck to water, gum, and some Allsorts liquorice (I was impulsive with my money again and it involved getting three snacks I really like that I don't find anywhere, also including the Tajin mango ring snacks and the Everything flavor of Tony's Chocolonely's chocolate).

[Crazy Hitch]

Oh Muddy my fruit salad didn't even touch sides I'm still hangry

[June08]

Feeling a bit wired at the moment. Wired with some SI. Not sure why. It could be that some caffeine I had is having a delayed effect. I'll be taking my nightly dose of seroquel soon so that should, hopefully, help. I predict this feeling to go away. Although, I have noticed I've had some temptations and thoughts I normally have when hypomanic, without actually feeling hypomanic the past two or three days. My guess is I'm just wired though.

Today was alright. After only watching TV yesterday (which, honestly, was wonderful), I got some stuff done today. I'm grateful my POTs symptoms seem to be doing better than they were a good chunk of the day. I'm still struggling with feeling overwhelmed very easily/getting myself to do the things that make me feel overwhelmed, but this has improved the past few days.

Tomorrow, I have two things: a pdoc appointment and the final walkthrough at my old place. Hopefully, those two things will help my days feel kind of full because that will help keep depressive thoughts at bay. But, I also hope they won't be to overwhelming.

[LadyShadow]

Why am I sinking again? This happens a lot at night. It's so lonely here and my heart just breaks. I wish I didn't feel this way. : (

[Nammu]

Shadow I’m watching sister act 2, it’s lifting my spirits. I notice we have a lot of the same shows on our TV, maybe you have this one too? It’s bounce tv. I love this movie.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel kinda blah tonight. Just depressed I guess. Cool I have money now. So what. I moved therapy to virtual. I need to get the energy to get the rest of my bloodwork done too tommorow.

Yesterday I decided to try out the mindfullness stuff my therapist and I are working on. So I found bands with numbers in their names. Like Maroon 5. U2. And Blink 182.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Shadow I’m watching sister act 2, it’s lifting my spirits. I notice we have a lot of the same shows on our TV, maybe you have this one too? It’s bounce tv. I love this movie.

Going to look now for Bounce on my Cable. Thanks for the suggestion! I could use a good laugh tonight.

[Crazy Hitch]

I think tomorrow I am definitely going to have a mental health day from work. Still thinking about a very direct email I got from the assistant principal but that’s another post for next time maybe.

[Blueberrybook]

Ugh, I had a miserable night. Night sweats and chills all night long feeling shaky. I was hot with a sheet, cold without one. I finally got up around 3:30 AM. I should have realized. I checked my night meds; I completely forgot to take them last night! When I skip a night (especially the Seroquel I think), I do get bad night sweats but this worse beyond horrible! I woke up feeling almost sick. Just from accidentally skipping 1 night of medication.

I finally took my daily 50 mg Seroquel early, and I hope to God that calms my body down. I don't think I can manage my walk this morning; on shaky legs and little sleep it's not the best plan. I'm going to try the easiest pilates video in my series. Not sure if I can manage that.

I hope I can take a nap later today. This is awful; it's like having a sick day, and I'm not even sick!

It's days like this that make me feel like my meds are poison!

[Blue_Bird]

Good morning, I slept alright. About 6 1/2 hours. Wish I had slept more but woke up wide awake at 5am. I’m just chilling right now. Having some GI issues today so I just took some Imodium and am hoping that helps resolve it.

I feel pretty good. Haven’t had any issues with my mood lately or anything like that. I’m doing well with the med adjustments my psychiatrist made a month ago. I also haven’t dissociated in an entire week, 7 whole days. Which is such a nice change and I’m hoping it continues.

Not sure what I’m doing today yet. Probably some reading, not sure what else yet. Maybe some videogames.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Ugh, I had a miserable night. Night sweats and chills all night long feeling shaky. I was hot with a sheet, cold without one. I finally got up around 3:30 AM. I should have realized. I checked my night meds; I completely forgot to take them last night! When I skip a night (especially the Seroquel I think), I do get bad night sweats but this worse beyond horrible! I woke up feeling almost sick. Just from accidentally skipping 1 night of medication.

I finally took my daily 50 mg Seroquel early, and I hope to God that calms my body down. I don't think I can manage my walk this morning; on shaky legs and little sleep it's not the best plan. I'm going to try the easiest pilates video in my series. Not sure if I can manage that.

I hope I can take a nap later today. This is awful; it's like having a sick day, and I'm not even sick!

It's days like this that make me feel like my meds are poison!

That happens to me too if I miss a nights meds. The other night I almost took twice as much, I didn’t. Remember taking them, it was only the day written on the pill box that made me pause. I had to get up and consult my iPad as to what day it was. But missing a day is worse! Take it easy today and be kind to yourself.

[Blueberrybook]

I ended up just taking my night meds around 6:30 AM and got almost 4 hr. of sleep. I just felt so horrible: sweats & chills, shaky, weak, nauseous, like I was downright almost scary sick with something and I just couldn't stand it. Now I'm dragging from the Seroquel & trazodone & probably the hydroxyzine too but at least all the other symptoms I had stopped. It's scary, those symptoms started around midnight just from one missed dose!

I'm going to try to read with the SAD lamp now. Sometimes I get a bit more energetic after using the lamp, not bouncing off the walls or anything, just more alert & awake.

[unaluna]

Well they say compliance is the number one issue!
But Its hard enough being compliant when you are TRYING to be compliant! I finally checked my blood pressure - its been high lately so i havent wanted to. Also i checked AFTER i had my coffee instead of before. Omg, so much better! I wonder if getting my blood sugar under pretty tight control is helping my blood pressure? I feel like, instead of trying to lose weight, i am just trying to act like a healthier person, and maybe someday my weight will catch up.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I feel like, instead of trying to lose weight, i am just trying to act like a healthier person, and maybe someday my weight will catch up.

I think this is a fantastic philosphy!

[Blueberrybook]

@Blue_Bird It is wonderful you have not dissociated in a week! Do you think it's the Lamictal helping? Even though my mood is good lately I still dissociate. Mostly though I just soldier through and do my best not to panic about it. But like I said, I've dealt with this since I was 6 or 7 years old; it's more familiar to me, I thought it happened to everyone until I got older and finally understood it was not the norm. I don't know, every few days it happens to me on some level, it's frustrating, but it is what it is.

[Blueberrybook]

OK, I have to say that SAD lamp has been so good for me. I am definitely more alert and awake after using it. Plus I finished my library book

[Mountaindewed]

I'm doing a lot better then last night. I slept from 10:30 until 3:30 then I turned on the TV and I slept until 7:15 I had therapy this morning and it went well. I went grocery shopping after. Nothing major just water rice and potatoes mainly. Some soup and 3 or 4 couple bags of gummy candy.

I didn't get my bloodwork today. I'll get it done tommorow. I don't have any other plans today. I still feel a bit funky physically. Mental health wise I'm a lot better.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

@Blue_Bird It is wonderful you have not dissociated in a week! Do you think it's the Lamictal helping? Even though my mood is good lately I still dissociate. Mostly though I just soldier through and do my best not to panic about it. But like I said, I've dealt with this since I was 6 or 7 years old; it's more familiar to me, I thought it happened to everyone until I got older and finally understood it was not the norm. I don't know, every few days it happens to me on some level, it's frustrating, but it is what it is.

I’m not sure if it’s the Lamictal or if I’m just doing better at dealing with stress or a combination of the two things. I didn’t start dissociating until my early 20’s. I know some of it is childhood trauma cause I have PTSD but I wonder if some of it is from experimenting with DXM when I was in my late teens which creates hallucinations and dissociation as part of the high. I took a massive amount one time, enough to probably kill me. Not on purpose, just being reckless but I blacked out on it and had a horrific experience/trip on it after that. Part of me wonders if I did something to my brain when messing around with that stuff cause before then I had never experienced dissociation.

[LadyShadow]

Today is a tough day. I am just crying and crying non-stop. They say no one can torment you more than you can torment yourself. Well, today, I am reading some of the things my ex used to write when he was at his loneliest, and all I want to do is jump through the screen and say, "why couldn't have it been me that you wanted?"

The tears are just coming and coming and I feel like such a failure at everything in life. Sometimes, I don't know why I bother or even try. The loneliness and the pain are so great I just wish I could just turn it all off and not exist anymore.

I don't know, maybe today is just a hard day.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm sorry things are so hard for you @LadyShadow. Is there something positive you can do to distract yourself? Could you get out a bit? Go to a library, a park, something like that? Maybe it would help to get out of your apartment a bit?

[Blue_Bird]

Hugs @LadyShadow , do you have any plans to see any movies soon? That might be a good distraction. I hope you feel better Oh by the way, I’m going to go see the new Lilo and Stitch movie in theater tomorrow night. I’m challenging myself to go since I’ve been avoiding going out much lately

[Crazy Hitch]

I called in sick to work. A pity that Wednesday is my good teaching day on my timetable but after that email from the assistant principal yesterday I can’t go in today. My partner is not being very supportive. There’s no such thing as mental health days in his eyes….you only take off work when you are physically sick….

[LadyShadow]

Yes, @Blueberrybook - I have my Legion of Mary meeting today, so I am headed to the church in a bit, I think it really may help. Thank you so much for the suggestion! It really helps a lot knowing people care and I am not alone in all this despair.

Yes @Blue_Bird the new "John Wick" movie Ballerina is coming out this week, I might go see it Saturday. I am so proud of you for pushing yourself to go out and see a movie, I think it would be good for the both of us.

I managed to drag myself in the shower, and cried and cried as I played "Don't Dream its Over" by Crowded House in the background. Man, I really hurt myself so much more than anyone can ever hurt me.

[Blue_Bird]

@LadyShadow I didn't realize ballerina was playing. I have seen the first 3 john wick movies and really liked them. I own the 4th but haven't watched it yet. You inspired me to pull them up and watch the first three again so I can watch the fourth one

[June08]

Thinking of you @LadyShadow. Hang in there!

@Blue_Bird I hope the move experience goes well for you! I've heard good things about the movie.

@Crazy Hitch I'm so sorry work is really tough.