[BeyondtheRainbow]

Happy Birthday @Blue_Bird!

[Crazy Hitch]

I keep in contact with members on WhatsApp, Facebook and Discord - members who long left the forums years ago. It's nice to keep in contact with them.

[Victoria'smom]

Happy birthday blue_bird

[bizi]

BP1
stable for 4 years since my last hospital stay.
I am 62 years. I have had about 4 hospitalizations. total starting at age 36.

[Mountaindewed]

Med stuff

Possible trigger:

I think I took too much. Or something mixed badly. I feel groggy and just weird

I believe it was those stress and calm wellness gummies causing me so much stomach pain. They have some plant that can cause GI issues. I realized this stuff right now started around the time of the gummies.

But yeah I feel weird and I think I can just sleep it off.

[Crazy Hitch]

My Valium has worn off. Ughhhh now back to the reality of the day.

[Crazy Hitch]

My principal has just accepted my proposal for flexible work arrangements! YEEHAA

Means I can now work 7:30 and finish at 3:30 on most days (except for when we have meetings) instead of 8:30 - 4:30.

I'm an early bird and ready to rock and roll at 4:00am every morning lol.

[June08]

My mood has been so-so today. Feeling lonely. A couple of bipolar things on my mind today:

Between now and my next pdoc appointment, I am going to think about whether or not I want to stay on seroquel. I'm not taking it for sleep-I take it for my depression. But, it makes it extremely hard to get out of bed in the morning, especially since my POTs also makes it hard to get up. When I work, it's practically impossible to get out of bed when I need to. And, I'm not enjoying these very vivid dreams I've been getting that keep waking me up. I just have to decide what I want to deal with: these side effects or the depression that will probably come back if I stop taking it. Maybe, only taking it on the weekends is an option?

Outside of not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life, I think one of the reasons my life feels blah is because I spent so much time feeling euphoric/like I was on a special mission from God before I was diagnosed. After spending so much time with a bipolar buzz, and feeling so special, day to day life and not having anyone I'm really close with feels rather blah.

[LadyShadow]

Hugs @June08 - I completely relate. I have a lot of friends and people in my life, but I am completely alone in my feelings. I stay away from asking my pdoc for anti-depressants because I am deathly afraid of mania, or what can happen if I take medicine to lift my mood - that manic episode last year stripped my soul to the bone, and I have been struggling so much since then. I understand your feelings about Seroquel though, my little bit of Risperidone makes it SO hard to get up sometimes, but Seroquel used to ground me completely.

I am glad you had a good birthday @Blue_Bird - you totally deserve it. You have to take pictures when you go to the aquarium on Saturday. I decided I am going to see the John Wick Ballerina movie that day.

Good to see you back @bizi ! Missed you!

My self-perception is SO bad. I literally HATE everything about myself. I think I am the fattest and ugliest thing in the world, and I have no idea how to stop these bad thoughts. I wish and pray I will feel better someday about myself.

[HALLIEBETH87]

so anxius about evrythingtoday. its bc my boards are coming up i know. sefl care is needing to be amped up. i hope i pass!!!

[Mountaindewed]

I feel better today. I'm just going to stick to my med box meds and at the correct times. Not take any goofy vitamins.

I don't have any plans today. Just binge watch more TV. I should get out and go somewhere. I don't need or want anything and I don't have much of an appetite because of the iron. So I don't feel like eating out.

Idk. I'm fine just staying in not sure if my mom will push me to do something.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I used to be obsessed with MBTI, on all the relevant forums, reading up on related personality theories (socionics, enneagram, OCEAN/Big 5, etc.) It was fun stuff. It's very pseudo-sciencey and there are a lot of people online that will be like "oh, I'm an ESTP and you said you're an INFP so I'm going to make you cry and we're bound to hate each other," when life is usually not like that at all, but just reading about these things make you think about yourself and what you like and how you think and all that and it can be very insightful if you use personality theory as a tool the right way.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by June08

My mood has been so-so today. Feeling lonely. A couple of bipolar things on my mind today:

Between now and my next pdoc appointment, I am going to think about whether or not I want to stay on seroquel. I'm not taking it for sleep-I take it for my depression. But, it makes it extremely hard to get out of bed in the morning, especially since my POTs also makes it hard to get up. When I work, it's practically impossible to get out of bed when I need to. And, I'm not enjoying these very vivid dreams I've been getting that keep waking me up. I just have to decide what I want to deal with: these side effects or the depression that will probably come back if I stop taking it. Maybe, only taking it on the weekends is an option?

Outside of not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life, I think one of the reasons my life feels blah is because I spent so much time feeling euphoric/like I was on a special mission from God before I was diagnosed. After spending so much time with a bipolar buzz, and feeling so special, day to day life and not having anyone I'm really close with feels rather blah.

[Fuzzybear]

Happy birthday Blue_Bird

[Moose72]

Ariel loves her new banana toy with the krinkly peel and the catnip in it.

[MuddyBoots]

Happy belated birthday, @Blue_Bird!

[MuddyBoots]

This week hasn't sucked as much as I thought it would. I climbed these cliffs by a lake on Tuesday between med management and my pdoc appointment, then at my appointment my doc was like "uh, you've lost a bit of weight since last appointment." I reminded her it was raining at the prior appointment, and I had chopped off a solid 4" of hair since too, so even if the scale says SAYS

Possible trigger:

I lost 5+lbs in 10 days,

that's probably not super accurate.


eta: Oh, but out of that now I have to do weekly weigh-ins when I go in for med management.

Yesterday I went on a bunch of mini-hikes. I'll add some pics later between the two days, but I'm at the library right now so I'll save that for when I can use my computer.

I've been working on my nature collage, reading, journaling, and studying the rest of the time too. I have less than 100 pages left in The Half Blood Prince so hopefully by the time I get to go back to my apartment I'll be done and can start Deathly Hallows.

Possible trigger: alcohol

I did drink Monday night though. Honestly at the store just went for cheap and it was this discounted eggnog stuff and found out how many calories were in it (and a "serving size" of this not even 30proof alcohol is 1.5fl.oz so of course I'm going to go over that) so I dumped the rest the next day.

I'm about to head out now though. See ya later.

[LadyShadow]

Today is turning out to be a good day. I slept late, but luckily, I didn't have to worry about work today. I managed to do pretty well this week, which is a huge plus. I don't have to worry about it till next week at least. I had a pretty good conversation with my guy last night and we talked about a lot of 80s music. It's been a long time since I opened up an 80s playlist, so it's been fun revisiting that today. Plus, we went over all the songs he liked, so I am listening to that too.

It's amazing how my moods are so extreme. I guess that's what being bipolar is. What is so concerning is how LOW and horrible my lows really are, and how scared I am to take anti-depressants due to my history of extreme mania. It's so hard to stay balanced.

I wish there was some way around this. I am so scared of mania but the depressive parts of bipolar I have been feeling have been SO bad - it sucks that I have therapy once a month.

[MuddyBoots]

Put the pics in their own thread in the Creative Corner
Nature Pics

[unaluna]

Eggnog is protein tho, no?

Ladyshadow, 1986 was the BEST year for music ever ever ever, since after idk the Beatles and stuff.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Eggnog is protein tho, no?

Ladyshadow, 1986 was the BEST year for music ever ever ever, since after idk the Beatles and stuff.

Well, yeah, but

Possible trigger:

if a "shot" of this eggnog has 145kcal, that's like 2 small eggs' worth, and I highly doubt all those are protein haha (I mean, we could look on the bright side and say I tripled my daily calorie intake that day but I don't think my pdoc would say I did it in a good way)

[Blueberrybook]

I had an irritating, frustrating encounter with the medical system again. I I'm sure you've all been there (at least those of us in the U.S.). I really don't think the medical system could be more inefficient if it TRIED. And they expect the patient to take all the in-between steps the doctors and their offices and facilities USED to handle on their own! I get a call today that because my PCP sent the referral for more study on an abnormal mammogram to another imaging facility in a completely different system from the first. The 2nd place called me today and told me at my appt. Monday, June 9, I need to bring a CD from the last imaging place to my Monday appt. They can't tell me this beforehand like when I first scheduled the appt. 3 WEEKS ago?! So I try to talk to a person at the first imaging place, get the electronic auto transfer menus of h*ll that I finally end up hanging up on up. I drive to the place finally so I could talk to a PERSON, and they're like, oh, we stopped doing CD's a few months ago, you have to request your records sent electronically (while the 2nd place wants the CDs and not an electronic transfer). I'm in near tears at this point, I mean who wants to be told they have an abnormal mammogram, wait over 3 weeks for an appt. to schedule a followup and then get the run-around every where you turn? Finally, the receptionist could see I was in near tears about this and said, let me talk to my manager, see if we can do a CD (which apparently, yes, they will do one, have the ability do give a CD) and wonders of wonders, it is actually ready, but I'm not picking it up until tomorrow because that 45 min. in constant traffic lights to get there & back and sometimes worse depending on the time of day and I'm not doing that twice in 1 day. Or maybe I will go back there today, just bite the bullet get it over with. Then they tell me, don't forget if you get images at another place and come back here, we'll need a CD from them. I'm like great, the 2nd place tends to be harder to get anything done at, but whatever. Deal with that when I come to it. I just want to get reassurance there's nothing wrong; maybe a faulty setup on the mammogram (though the tech did seem to be quite experienced, not having to retake images like past techs have), so I'm thinking it could be something like a cyst, which is more likely than something of major concern, but reassurance would be nice.

It interrupted my painting, would have turned out better if I could have painted the next step I needed on half wet but it was dry by the time I got that taken care of. So it's a blueberry muffin, but I may redo it so I can get better color blending on half wet since I use the watercolor pressed trays and not the paints in tubes. There is supposed to be a shadow in the darker areas but a bit more subtle than it turned out.


tweaked a bit and dried:

[Mountaindewed]

I feel weird again. Just the severe drowsiness stuff. I didn't take anything I wasn't supposed to. But I am so tired. My stomach is fine. I don't have much of an appetite, but I'm not nauseated.

This is some weird *** fatigue though.

[Blueberrybook]

Bit the bullet and picked up that CD from the imaging place today. At least it's done. It's 3 PM and I've yet to have lunch though.

[Crazy Hitch]

Taking watermelon 🍉 to work today for recess. Bought it yesterday. Not sure how much it will full me up but hey it’s fruit and it’s damn delicious! I love watermelon!

Monday is a public holiday. Yes please!