[Crazy Hitch]

What's wrong @MuddyBoots?

I've been just okay at work. My body is all achy though and my back is killing me to sit down. Luckily my classes have been okay.

[June08]

My mood and ability to focus was very good today. I spent a lot of the day reading. Being able to just sit and read for a long time is something I haven't been able to do for awhile. I'm trying to finish two books because they are due back to the library in a few days.

My mood crashed a little bit in the evening, but nothing to bad. A mix of loneliness, financial stress, and a general feeling of being overwhelmed (which did come with some mild SI).

i'm going to set an alarm in an attempt to get up a little earlier than normal to read a bit before a get together I have tomorrow.

[Blueberrybook]

@MuddyBoots - Can you call a crisis line or go to the ER if it is very urgent?

[Blueberrybook]

OMG barely made it through pouring rain and flooding roads to my pdoc appointment this AM. I should have called and cancelled. I hope things improve after my appointment or I may be hanging out at the McDonalds right near the pdoc for awhile. What was Ithinking to drive thru this today?!

[Moose72]

Meeting with my peer support person now. Hope we have a good time!

[HALLIEBETH87]

Where
Do
Y’all meet? I meet in office, their home
And sometimes out in the community like a park or coffee
Shop

[LadyShadow]

Finally feeling a bit better. My appointment with my T yesterday was much needed. It was such a good session! He made me feel better about my situation with my ex, because I have been holding in a lot of feelings that I can't tell him. It's not easy to leave or move on in my situation, because honestly i don't want to, and my T made me feel better about it. It's a slow process, and my ex has his boundaries, I just have to be patient. After months of just emails, it has evolved into a phone call every day now, although now that we're at that point, it seems to be more painful for me. T is such a wise man though. I wish it could be more than once a month!

Just going to work today, work has been better too, which I am so grateful for. Later, I am going to my friend's house to help plan our next Young Adult meetup for our church.

Hope you're feeling better @MuddyBoots - I hope you have a good appointment and feel better @Blueberrybook will be praying for your safe travels through the storm. @June08 - I have tons of alarms for things, you should set one for that too, it's a good idea.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

Where
Do
Y’all meet? I meet in office, their home
And sometimes out in the community like a park or coffee
Shop

Last time was a book store that has a cafe. This time was Panera.

[Blueberrybook]

My pdoc appt. went well. Meds are staying the same. The drive home was a bit less harrowing than the drive there. The road was still pretty flooded, but at least the rain slowed down a lot, so at least visibillity was much better. But I'm glad that drive is over! I really should have called and re-scheduled that appt.

I folded laundry and painted a frappucino then did a very quick rough sketch of a crouching cat.

I hope everyone has a fantastic day!

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

What's wrong @MuddyBoots?

Last night/earlier this morning was just rough. Yesterday I skipped breakfast, had lunch but something not enough for lunch alone let alone to make up for missing breakfast, and then before dinner had something not planned and felt like I overate (I ended up counting the calories of what I actually ate though and it really wasn't a lot even by my standards) but still felt like it was too much volume so tried skipping dinner, couldn't sleep (my mom brought my desk, chair, and curtains over and I got really excited putting them together and was way too hyped up over rearranging everything and making everything great then cleaning up after, and then when I tried going to sleep I just felt the lack of energy hit HARD but also with the lack of calorie consumption for what I did all day I couldn't sleep and knew that so ate more, but then ate even more than I wanted to and then stressed over that) and then ended up taking 2 valium, reading an hour or so, taking a third valium, and then finally going to bed around 1am only to wake up before 5am.
---
I may have said the cheaper grocery store chain (Market Basket) is too far a distance to walk. I had no plans today but really wanted black beans and Gatorade so I figured I'd walk there and if it was too far to walk back the bus goes along the whole route from there pretty much to here and I have a pass in my wallet and could always turn back if just getting there was too far. Well, it's 4 miles one way and I did not take the bus back. There's also a craft store and I figured I had cardboard from the desk/chair stuff I could probably do something with and ended up getting a few decorated pieces of felt paper and a kitchen table cloth from the clearance section for $2.50 total so that was cool.

This might be weird, but also yogurt baby food was like 60 cents per pouch that was pretty much the amount of a regular individual yogurt cup that I actually want to eat, but with different fruit/veggie combos that sounded better than just vanilla or strawberry (I usually get the big containers so I can get more per dollar while customizing the amount I have, but the big containers don't have as fun flavors as like "tiramisu" or "raspberry chocolate" and I end up getting stuff like jello mixes, spices, fruit, chocolate chips or whatever and add those for individual servings), so I got a few of the baby food pouches for myself.
---
Okay, enough food talking. I have therapy tomorrow and I have to figure out what to tell her. Like, obviously not doing great. I think if anywhere closer than the closest store that was open at 11pm (which is like a 10 minute walk but that direction is a sketchy walk after dark) that sold sharp stuff were open I would have gone out and bought something that I could decently hurt myself with. Obviously eating sucks. Sleep hasn't been horrific but it hasn't been good either. I just don't know what to say that indicates I need help without making her want to send me to the hospital (where I will NOT receive help because they will see SI and send me to a plain ole' psych unit because that won't involve setting up a multiple hours long ambulance ride or having to spend days arguing with my insurance for an ED-unit to be covered or anything like that, where they can help depression, mania, generalized anxiety, and psychosis but not anything from complex trauma, personality disorders, or eating disorders).
---
I don't know. I'm gonna go craft and clean and read and journal for a bit.

[Mountaindewed]

I got the results of my mri but my doctor hasn't commented on them yet. I guess I have a cyst on both my liver and one of my kidneys and theres something else up with the liver maybe? And also something about a looped something or other.

Kinda freaked out right now. I'm trying just to stay calm until the doctor calls. I had therapy today and we talked and did our somatic stuff. It helped but yeah idk...

[unaluna]

Dewed - you already knew you had a looped small intestine - thats probably what thats referring to. Thats where the MRI was looking, per dr google.

[Mountaindewed]

Yeah but I don't know whats up with all this other new stuff. I've felt pain underneath my right ribcage and in my upper left back but idk.

[Blue_Bird]

Have my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow morning and then therapy that afternoon.

I’m not sure what my psychiatrist is planning on doing with the Lamictal or trileptal. We might be lowering the trileptal more and increasing the Lamictal. We’ll see though. I do have to ask him if I’m taking the Lamictal correctly. My pharmacy said to just take both 25mg tablets together. But the bottle /my psychiatrist wrote take one tablet 2 times a day. So idk if it makes a difference or if I need to change how I’m taking it cause I’ve been taking the full 50mg in the mornings.

[Blueberrybook]

@Blue_Bird - I've always taken Lamictal in 2 doses, one in the morning, one at night, but you're on a small dose, it may not make that much difference. Hopefully, the pdoc will clarify things for you.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I got the results of my mri but my doctor hasn't commented on them yet. I guess I have a cyst on both my liver and one of my kidneys and theres something else up with the liver maybe? And also something about a looped something or other.

Kinda freaked out right now. I'm trying just to stay calm until the doctor calls. I had therapy today and we talked and did our somatic stuff. It helped but yeah idk...

I have a cyst on my liver too, but they’re not concerned at all about it. It’s pretty small and we’re pretty sure that’s not whatever is causing my pain (which seems to come and go but when it does come it’s only after eating, usually stuff like pasta). If your’s is bigger and you have them elsewhere maybe it could be cause for concern though. Idk. But in itself a liver cyst I guess doesn’t raise a lot of alarms.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

... But in itself a liver cyst I guess doesn’t raise a lot of alarms.

Ha - unless your italian. My cousins wife had one like 20 years ago (she is passed now) and the aunties attributed it to her gourmandizing of italian cold cuts. Mostly she just really ticked us off when she yelled at her husband (our dearest darling cousin and the aunties favorite nephew) to do the dishwashing, yelling IN FRONT OF US. Unforgivable! Its definitely weird having a foot in two cultures. I miss it but i dont.

Anyway i remember her liver cyst being a huge deal, portending her imminent demise (it did not). We had never heard of such a thing.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I go to a HUGE hospital for specialist care. I have been referred there by my family dr for a GI consult and probably an endoscopy and colonoscopy. They got me in quickly, next week, at a branch campus that actually isn't such a huge drive.

Years ago I had a urology consult with an NP or PA that I did not like much at all. I don't even remember why, just that I wasn't impressed and that she made some assumptions in her documentation that annoyed me (but I think there was more). When I went into the patient portal to see where I was going and who I was seeing the name was really familiar. I looked it up and this person I'm seeing next week used to work in urology. I'm not sure it's her but it seems likely. What are the chances????

Oh well. Hopefully she's a good GI NP.

[Crazy Hitch]

It’s Friday here.

Two of my classes are watching Thor the movie by Marvel. You’d think it would go without incident but no not this class. I wonder what antics they will get up today or who I will have to send out. I’m going to install a device ban so they have to watch the film. That in itself will cause issues with students who insist on going on devices. We’ll see how they go.

I can see the weekend from here.

I’m still not 💯 %. Day 5 of this head cold and I still have a runny nose ughhhhh. At least my stomach has settled. It was so bad yesterday morning I was wondering how I’d make it in to work. But I survived the day without incident.

[June08]

@Blue_Bird I don't know if this is helpful because me pdoc has me doing something different than @Blueberrybook, but in case more info is helpful to you I'm on 300 mg of lamotrigine and I take the full dose at one time. I take it with my morning meds. I hope your appointments both go well tomorrow!

[Nammu]

I was on lamictal too but I don’t recal the specifics. I think it was 200, but as to taking them in a slit dose or all at once? I just put my pills in a box according to instructions and forget about them. I have told my doctors only am and pm as I can’t remember to take pills at other times. I’m trying to take vitamins now with lunch but I keep forgetting. I can’t take them with my morning pills as one is a thyroid medication. Best thing to do is ask your doctor what their preference is.

[Blue_Bird]

Thanks friends, I’ll let you all know what he says tomorrow

[Blueberrybook]

@Blue_Bird I'm on 200 mg Lamictal twice daily (so 400 mg total). Curious to find out what your pdoc says.

[MuddyBoots]

When I was on Lamictal I split the doses up twice a day.

[Blue_Bird]

I kept getting tickets for the movies I want to see with my fandango credit the past couple days in a row then backing out and having them refunded to my account because I couldn’t get myself to leave the house to go to the movie theater. Due to agoraphobic symptoms.

I have to leave the house tomorrow for my psychiatrist appointment. Therapy I’m doing virtually. They both work in the same clinic but I don’t want to make two trips there in one day. Ones at 9:30am and one is at 3pm. So I chose to have the 3pm one as virtual (therapy). It would be a pain to have to go out twice to the same place especially since I’d be walking there and back both times.

Saturday I have to go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. That’s non negotiable too because after Saturday I’m out of Lamictal and I can’t be missing that particular one. Sunday the pharmacy isn’t open. Sunday I can relax I guess. I might see if I can get myself to go to a movie Sunday. I really do want to see the new how to train your dragon movie. If I can push through my anxiety and get myself there that’d be great. I realize I’ve been avoiding going out since I had that really severe panic attack in public a few weeks back when coming home from the movie theater. Mainly cause I’m afraid to have a panic attack or dissociate away from home. So I’ve been stuck inside for like a week. Keep making plans to go out then backing out. I even put my volunteer job on hold for awhile and told my volunteer coordinator I’d come back in a few months from now.

I know avoidance isn’t the best way to deal with things though