[Blueberrybook]

I hope everyone is doing well. @Blue_Bird - I hope things stabilize for you. I'm struggling with overspending right now and hope it is not a sign of hypomania coming on. It sounds like you have a great pdoc; you should never feel guilty calling your pdoc between appts. when you have issues/questions. I do it all the time when I need to and don't feel a bit guilty about it. That is what the pdoc is there for. I mean, I don't make a nuisance calling every day or anything though when things are falling apart, often it's H calling every day to him, and he is incredibly understanding about it. I hope your anxiety will start to improve. Remember if you dissociate in public, it really isn't the end of the world (and least not for me). I've dissociated driving even (wouldn't recommend that one but it's happened to me me than once) and things have been okay. I turn all my thoughts to the task at hand and NOT to panicking, and it (mostly) works for me. Though I've been dissociating forever, it's still not pleasant for me that's for sure! Did your pdoc reduce your trileptal any? Just asking because trileptal and Lamictal can react. I got severe scary dizziness and had to reduce my trileptal to 150 mg twice daily instead of 300 mg twice a day. So when you first take your increased Lamictal with the trileptal you may want to space them out a little and be sure you know how they react before you go anywhere outside your apartment. Did the pdoc tell you to take the Lamictal all at once or in 2 doses, curious about that?

I'm doing well today. I took a walk, showered, had breakfast, read with the SAD lamp. I picked up prescriptions and had to stop by Walmart for a few things. Did laundry and I painted a cocktail. After lunch, I'm going to the library with my daughter depending on the weather. We're supposed to have thunderstorms this afternoon, and I am not pulling the stunt I did yesterday driving in such bad weather with roads starting to flood. That was scary!

I hope everyone has a great Friday!

[MuddyBoots]

My therapist didn’t show to the office today so I went down for nothing but a little nap in the lobby, then walked to the library in the town over (our’s is closed today) and binged and purged and then started walking back, bought some sandpaper to sharpen my knife, and now I’m just sitting on a log on a trail by a river about a mile from home.

[Moose72]

Had $5 on a walgreens card so I only paid a dollar something for toothpaste!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I hope everyone is doing well. @Blue_Bird - I hope things stabilize for you. I'm struggling with overspending right now and hope it is not a sign of hypomania coming on. It sounds like you have a great pdoc; you should never feel guilty calling your pdoc between appts. when you have issues/questions. I do it all the time when I need to and don't feel a bit guilty about it. That is what the pdoc is there for. I mean, I don't make a nuisance calling every day or anything though when things are falling apart, often it's H calling every day to him, and he is incredibly understanding about it. I hope your anxiety will start to improve. Remember if you dissociate in public, it really isn't the end of the world (and least not for me). I've dissociated driving even (wouldn't recommend that one but it's happened to me me than once) and things have been okay. I turn all my thoughts to the task at hand and NOT to panicking, and it (mostly) works for me. Though I've been dissociating forever, it's still not pleasant for me that's for sure! Did your pdoc reduce your trileptal any? Just asking because trileptal and Lamictal can react. I got severe scary dizziness and had to reduce my trileptal to 150 mg twice daily instead of 300 mg twice a day. So when you first take your increased Lamictal with the trileptal you may want to space them out a little and be sure you know how they react before you go anywhere outside your apartment. Did the pdoc tell you to take the Lamictal all at once or in 2 doses, curious about that?

I'm doing well today. I took a walk, showered, had breakfast, read with the SAD lamp. I picked up prescriptions and had to stop by Walmart for a few things. Did laundry and I painted a cocktail. After lunch, I'm going to the library with my daughter depending on the weather. We're supposed to have thunderstorms this afternoon, and I am not pulling the stunt I did yesterday driving in such bad weather with roads starting to flood. That was scary!

I hope everyone has a great Friday!

Thank you Blueberry!

No he’s increasing the Lamictal before and leaving it at 100 mg for awhile before he starts reducing the trileptal. When he reduces the trileptal it’s gonna be a veeery long drawn out process because decreasing trileptal will increase the levels of Lamictal in my blood so he can’t do it too fast. I take 1200 mg of trileptal. He also told me it’s completely fine to take the dose all at once (the Lamictal) so he ordered 100 mg tablets for me to take one of in the mornings. I haven’t had any dizziness so far with the 1200 mg of trileptal and 50mg of Lamictal. So hopefully it’s the same when I start 100mg. I’ll definitely make sure I’m home when I start the increased dose though just so I know how I react. Also he said if I want to I can start with 75mg for a week and then go to 100mg, he said I can go directly to 100mg from the 50mg but that if I felt more comfortable I can use my 25mg tablets to taper up with 75mg for a week then switch to the 100 mg tablets

Your drink paintings have been looking wonderful!

[unaluna]

I forgot i got a covid shot yesterday, i might be dragging a little today.

[Moose72]

Got together with a friend and talked for 3 hours about our kids and (ex) husbands! Caleb is coming tomorrow and before that, I’m having coffee with N3.

[LadyShadow]

My therapist suggested an app called "Bumble for Friends" it's like the Bumble Dating app, but it's for finding friends in the area. So far, I matched with one lady in the area, so hopefully she messages me back. I am hopeful to make a new friend.

"The Materialists" was a bit too serious for me. I was hoping for a light romantic comedy, but no deal. I didn't like what they did to Pedro Pascal's character either - I have a total crush on him and hated how things ended up for him in the movie.

I got an email from my guy not mentioning anything about my hysterics last night. I hope he calls me today and we can put this behind us. Still really scared about it though. Work is all set up for next week, so I am taking a day for myself.

Just ordered some Bojangles because it's way too hot to go back out, I think it will be a nice treat- it's hot muggy and unpleasant outside - it's going to be a long summer.

[Mountaindewed]

I still feel frustrated more then anything. I'm almost caught up on my TV show. I'm listening to 90's music and making a decent grocery list. My lower stomach is crampy but I feel ok.

[Nammu]

Had a pretty good day. At noon went down to paint posters for tomorrow. The lady who got our group together also had another project that she needed help with, the lettering. She wanted me for my artistic ability. That was sweet. But posters aren’t really artistic, they are just lettering and color. Looking forward to tomorrow. We’re meeting at 9 am to head out.

Really that’s been the whole day. It’s a nice group of people they get that they have to look at me for me to read their lips. It’s nice to feel included.

Otherwise I’m fusterated I gave up soda and made salads my supper. Yet no weight loss. Karen suggested it could be water weight since I really upped my water intake. I suppose that’s possible. But really I wish I could walk.

[LadyShadow]

I am really glad you had a good day @Nammu - the weight loss thing is a big problem for me too. I am thankful to not be gaining anything.

I am trying really hard to be grateful and look at all the wonderful things I have in my life. I am thankful my husband is no longer in my life - but my heartache is so overwhelming and painful. I feel so lonely and it hurts so much. I wish it would stop.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

I am really glad you had a good day @Nammu - the weight loss thing is a big problem for me too. I am thankful to not be gaining anything.

I am trying really hard to be grateful and look at all the wonderful things I have in my life. I am thankful my husband is no longer in my life - but my heartache is so overwhelming and painful. I feel so lonely and it hurts so much. I wish it would stop.

Yes, I’m thankful not to be gaining. But come on, I changed my diet and quit soda. A couple of pounds would be nice.

I’m sorry it so hard with the heartache.

[Crazy Hitch]

Quitting soda is a huge step in the right direction Nammu! Take it slowly you will get there!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

My therapist didn’t show to the office today so I went down for nothing but a little nap in the lobby, then walked to the library in the town over (our’s is closed today) and binged and purged and then started walking back, bought some sandpaper to sharpen my knife, and now I’m just sitting on a log on a trail by a river about a mile from home.

Hugs Muddy, please be safe

[Blue_Bird]

I managed to take a sort of 1 hour nap with the klonopin. Idk if I even slept but I laid there with my eyes closed for an hour. I’m still exhausted though. Roughly 40 hours up and 1 hour doesn’t make up for that. So I just took my night meds early and am hoping to get a very long deep night of sleep tonight. I can’t focus on anything. Reading. Shows. Games.

Gonna make chamomile tea

[Nammu]

I hope you get a great nights sleep blue bird 🐦

[raspberrytorte]

I'm so fudging nauseous. 🤢 I'm just kind of laying in bed, in the dark, trying not to puke. This happens EVERY period now! It's getting worse! I finally called my GP this afternoon and made an appointment to see her. It feels like morning sickness, except I'm obviously not pregnant. I spend up to two weeks out of every month nauseous since my stupid period lasts SEVEN days now and is really heavy and I'm nauseous a few days prior and still a few days after.

I don't know what's wrong with me! This doesn't seem normal. My period used to be nausea free, be light, and last three days! Now all of a sudden it's like up to two weeks of fudging nightmare a month.

Sorry. I'll stop ranting. At least now my daughter is fed and watered, so I have no reason to move again for a couple of hours.

@Blue_Bird

I don't know if this'll make you feel better about the payee thing (if you even need to feel better about it anymore) but my husband takes care of all the bills around here. I am NOT good with money. Sometimes I feel like a huge woman baby because I don't work (am on SSDI) and don't drive, so my husband is paying bills, working and always shuttling me everywhere. It's just the way things ended up. It hasn't always been this way. All I do now is try not to go crazy, take care of my daughter on the weekends while my husband is working (as much as you even need to take care of a thirteen year old), take care of our cats, and make sure the apartment is squeaky clean. I suppose, now that I'm thinking about it, it's kind of sad.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I'm so fudging nauseous. 🤢 I'm just kind of laying in bed, in the dark, trying not to puke. This happens EVERY period now! It's getting worse! I finally called my GP this afternoon and made an appointment to see her. It feels like morning sickness, except I'm obviously not pregnant. I spend up to two weeks out of every month nauseous since my stupid period lasts SEVEN days now and is really heavy and I'm nauseous a few days prior and still a few days after.

I don't know what's wrong with me! This doesn't seem normal. My period used to be nausea free, be light, and last three days! Now all of a sudden it's like up to two weeks of fudging nightmare a month.

Sorry. I'll stop ranting. At least now my daughter is fed and watered, so I have no reason to move again for a couple of hours.

@Blue_Bird

I don't know if this'll make you feel better about the payee thing (if you even need to feel better about it anymore) but my husband takes care of all the bills around here. I am NOT good with money. Sometimes I feel like a huge woman baby because I don't work (am on SSDI) and don't drive, so my husband is paying bills, working and always shuttling me everywhere. It's just the way things ended up. It hasn't always been this way. All I do now is try not to go crazy, take care of my daughter on the weekends while my husband is working (as much as you even need to take care of a thirteen year old), take care of our cats, and make sure the apartment is squeaky clean. I suppose, now that I'm thinking about it, it's kind of sad.

I don’t think it’s sad, you still do your ezine and taking care of your daughter is a lot of responsibility too and keeping your apartment clean and you are a kind and fun person. You love your music and enjoy going to concerts. I think sometimes mental health issues put limitations on us in certain ways but it’s okay to accept that. It doesn’t mean you’re any less of person by not being able to do certain things. I know it’s hard though. I feel like that often about myself. I’m still trying to come to terms with that myself that there’s certain limitations in my life in what I can and can’t manage. And trying to learn to be okay with that.

I hope you feel better soon! Nausea is one of the worst feelings.

[MuddyBoots]

Oopsies, accidentally took tonight's meds last night because I was supposed to go in for therapy today instead of med management. I have a lot of diazepam on me though from the two days worth so I should be able to get myself to sleep at some point.

[Nammu]

Raspberry. Would it make you feel better to know my daughter is much the same as you except she drives. She couldn’t handle working. She cleans and watches the kids, 6 and 12. She also helps me clean since vacuuming is hell on my back. She talks of going back to work part time when the youngest is able to be home alone. But hubby does the money and handles everything outside the home.

[June08]

I have some restless, anxious anger coming and going today. It's triggered by two things: I had yet another vivid dream that had me back in the abusive organization I was part of when manic and a rough phone call with my mom. In general the call wasn't ideal, but I also keep having to defend myself/convince her that I'm okay with how my summer vacation is going despite not doing much. This in itself isn't necessarily the end of the world, but the act of having to defend myself triggers memories/emotions from my not so great childhood. Walking on my walking pad was a 30 minute distraction so that was nice. I also went on a drive for a bit. I wish I could go outside, but it's over 100.

A good thing from today tough: I haven't gone to a meeting with the volunteer group I checked out at my church in awhile. I missed a few and then anxiety was stopping me from going back. But, I have a window to get back involved again! I think it will help me have the courage to actually go to the meeting this Monday.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Well, the NP I'm scheduled to see for GI this week is definitely the one I saw for urology years ago that I did not like or trust. I'm tempted to cancel and re-schedule with someone else but I need to get in and maybe she's better at GI. So I think I'm going to go and then if I don't like her I'll get a 2nd opinion. I don't think they'll be able to do my scopes anywhere but the main campus so I may need to see a doctor there anyway. I tried to just get in there but they are booked through the end of the year and that is too long to deal with my symptoms.

Unfortunately I'm now dreading the appointment. I wasn't exactly excited about it before but now I just feel like it will be hopeless.

I'm glad I only have to wait until Thursday.

[Blueberrybook]

@raspberrytorte I get very nauseous with every period now too. I guess it's perimenopause. Thankfully, I have I very good gynecologist. I can't take the pill (have the copper IUD-Paragard), so he's prescribed me Zofran and is good about refilling it too because not only does my period make me nauseous so does ovulation halfway thru my cycle. Which really sucks because at ovulation I have the highest sexual drive as well. I hope your gyn./gyp can help you. I'd suggest seeing your gyn if your gp is not helpful. I know the pill is a no-go for me; it causes my bipolar to rage out of hand. The Zofran helps me SO much. It doesn't always completely work 100% but it helps a ton, and sometimes it does work 100%; that's all I can ask for. If you don't have Zofran, maybe you can request it?

[Mountaindewed]

I slept for 12 hours. I can't even remember what my issue was really. I guess I'm just bored of the same stuff.

I don't have any plans today as normal. I feel fine overall.

[Mountaindewed]

@Blue Bird my mom is gone and took my credit cards with her so I don't buy anything I don't need. I have to ask to buy everything so I can stay on track with things for the month. I've never been my own payee.

[Scooter9]

Oh wow, I've been sleeping for 6 hours for several nights! Very cool

I'm trying to figure out what changed. I have been focusing on anxiety, so maybe that's making a difference, but I'm not sure.

I'm still feeling low, but it's okay. It's not the greatest, but it's okay.