Bipolar Check-In #93

Well I did it! I washed half my clothes. Only because we can only use two washers at a time. I’ve been putting it off for weeks. I’ve got enough clothes to last for months but not enough underwear. Absolutely had to. Was nice, nobody in the laundry room. Hopefully tomorrow I can wash my shirts and bedding. Hope I don’t procrastinate again!

I did my laundry today, too. 😊

It must be laundry day because I did mine too. The dryer even mostly dried things except some socks and my towels! Some days you just win!

I also found this shirt on reddit that says "I Lie To My Therapist" which of course I ordered as soon as I found it haha. I'm going to wear it every Tuesday as long as my sessions are Tuesdays. I hope it comes in by next week because I see my pdoc too lol.

I’m having a bad panic attack, dissociation and worrying about my meds poisoning me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Have you tried TIPP yet?

No not yet, I should try that though

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Here’s Ariel having a Churu!

Initially I could only do the Intense exercise without going insane, but I'm finding cold showers or a frozen water bottle on my neck and wrists and some deep breathing--if I can ignore the sound and focus on the feeling--can help. I'm trying to integrate the progressive muscle relaxation in my bedtime routine so I can get better at it and maybe use it as a distress tolerance tool in the future, but now it's too hard for in the moment.

my therapist gave me some of these stickers too Calm Strips For Anxiety Sensory Stickers, 36PCS Textured Calming Mood Fidget Stickers For Kids Adults, Tactile Breathing Mindfulness Sticker For Classroom Office Desk | SHEIN USA and I find just rubbing the texture can be helpful. I like the infinity breathing one the most though.

Thanks Muddy! Those stickers look cool, I might get some sometime. Right now I just ordered this fidget cube thing.

My therapist once did progressive muscle relaxation with me once when I was dissociating in session and it was helpful. I need to practice it more

I have a frozen ice pack I keep in the freezer. Might try that out. Cold seems to help me

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Right now I am in a panic because I think my guy is probably talking to someone else. I didn't want to face or believe it but I am starting to.

I feel so worthless and awful, but it is something I have to face.

I put one of the stickers (the 5, 4, 3 2 1 grounding one) on the back of my phone, one (the emotion wheel) on my refrigerator (cause food anxiety), and one of the infinity ones go in the pocket of my backpack. I might ask for another to stick on the strap tomorrow.

Do you and your guy have an agreement that you’re only dating each other?

I'm at my aunts and this is the first time I've seen my aunt and uncle in awhile. I tossed stuff like 3 times before we got in the car. And I took 2 dramamine and 2 visteril so I'm not feeling great and I'm tired from the meds. I'm just hanging out on the couch and I think I'm being unfriendly but do they honestly expect. At least I showed up for once

And yeah I carry around a gallon of water and don't use a glass.

I was kinda being *****y towards my pdocs nurse but I've been back and forth with her and the phamacy all day because my dumb **** pdoc doesnt understand I take 3 pills a day and thats a one month supply. Not a 3 month supply.

I got it fixed and its in progress now. But I've been not taking a cosistent dose for a few days

I found some good stuff at Platos Closet though. 3 hoodies and 2 pairs of Vans

How do I know what's real and what's paranoia?

Good question! I guess ask somebody else if they see the same things you do.

Somebody just knocked on my door! I don’t answer the door to strangers!

Edit: he didn’t leave a flyer or a note so I guess it’s not that important.

I'm sitting with the porch doors open and I have an oversized hoodie on and its so nice I'm ready to fall asleep.

I’m
Stressed to the max.
Send good vibes please


This job is a lot and I’m
Scared I’m gonna get fired

I woke up early this morning. I didn’t sleep well and felt groggy. I had weird dreams too.

I managed to drive myself to the pharmacy to pick up prescriptions. The traffic was light and anxiety was pretty manageable.

I got home before it rained. We’ve had rainstorms daily. Then I hung out with family remainder of day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 Do you and your guy have an agreement that you’re only dating each other?

We don't have an agreement no, because we technically broke up in December. We still talk to each other almost every day, but I get dramatic and catastrophize when he skips a day. It's really bad, almost painful at times. We still hold onto each other for whatever reason. I need to rely more on God and stop putting so much energy into him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird How do I know what's real and what's paranoia?

@Blue_Bird - I am so sorry you've had such a hard time today. Wish I could have been of help to you - are you still feeling the paranoia? I hope you get some good sleep tonight,

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 I’m Stressed to the max. Send good vibes please This job is a lot and I’m Scared I’m gonna get fired

@HALLIEBETH87 - sending you good vibes and hugs, I hope you feel better about your job soon. I am sure you are doing a great job; you've taken on a lot.

I am feeling better. I talked to my guy about things and told him my feelings. He's not seeing anyone else, but he has pulled back a lot and I am still feeling a lot of feelings about it. I hope I am able to focus more on God and appreciate all he has given me instead of making this man the center of my life.

My mood was mostly fine at work, but as soon as I started to drive home it crashed hard. I'm sure it crashes when I am heading home because I don't have distractions like I do at work. I'm thankful the irritability I've been having didn't take over at work-I don't want to accidentally take it out on my students.

I don't know if I can handle a daily roller coaster of barely being able to get out of bed, to managing at work, to crashing hard when I get home. This bought of depression has me losing more hope than I normally do. I don't really have any hope left and it feels dangerous to hope in stability because I always lose it. I also find myself wanting to just give up the med game, keep things as is, and just accept how miserable I'll be so I don't have to keep going through the process of losing stability. The mood changes get harder every time they happen. And the SI gets worse with every depressive episode.

I got this mini pizza for dinner and I ate one piece and it was too much. I was looking forward to it. I've been walking around with my gallon ot water and I think I kinda look like a douch who is trying to show off but if I bring a regular size bottle of water I drink it too fast.

Theres memes online about people.carrying water but .mine is a medical GI thing.

My aunt and uncle made."accomadations" for me so I would show up for once so thats why we ate at her house instead of going out.

I'm just on my lunch break reading through everyone's posts. I'm sorry to all of you struggling with something right now

I've been very busy today working on lesson plans for our school's new instructional model. I've tossed out more lesson plans than I can count.

Thinking of you @June08 - will do a full rosary in honor of you tonight and what you're going through. I know how hard depressive episodes can be and overwhelming they are especially when trying to go to work and function every day. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I will be thinking of you tonight.

Hugs to anyone else who needs them tonight - I know how hard it is sometimes, I have been struggling a lot the past few days.

Thanks @LadyShadow unfortunately I only got 3 hours of sleep last night and only 5 the night before that. So I’m pretty sleep deprived right now. I’m hoping to get better sleep tonight. I’m not feeling paranoid right now but we’ll see how it goes as the day goes on. Really hoping for a calm day as the past two days in a row have been filled with dissociation, panic and paranoia

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk