Nocturnal Introductions...

I've sent you a PM AngelGirl. Sorry I left you hangin' for so long. Just needed to walk away from this place for a bit.

Thanks. Did you read my post from 02/28. I'd like to fully recant the contents within. I asked for it to be deleted but was told it was ok to be left here. My feelings do not represent the words in that post whatsoever.

Hi AG, don't worry about that post, I totally understand the frame of mind you were in when you posted it, I've been there myself. Personally I'm not at all upset by it or with you. In fact, I'd say that what you posted was even appropriate because that's what this place is here for....to vent, to express what we're feeling at any given moment honestly and openly, just as long as no one gets hurt or is under attack and I don't see that there at all. I know a lot has been going on around here lately, but on the flip side of that....all seems to be much better now. (sigh of relief here). I found that stepping back from this place and taking some time to put things in perspective has been tremendously helpful, therapeutic and enlightening. When things get too intense for you around here or you feel personally accosted....step back for a while. Inner-reflection is vital to our sanity, especially for ones afflicted with bp and all the other "illnesses" so many here are dealing with. Only then can we come back and be constructive, productive members of this wonderful forum, and handle "issues" appropriately. I've taken everyone off "ignore" that I had placed there, I just no longer felt the need to have to treat others (and myself) that way. But I won't hesitate to do it again should the need arise.

As for God abandoning you or rejecting you...not possible. I think it has more to do with the fact that sometimes we have to be at the absolute bottom before "we" allow Him to carry us through. Have you ever seen that poem "Footprints", I don't know it off the top of my head...but the jist of it is that throughout life there are two sets of footprints...ours and Gods, side by side, but then in the most difficult times of our life there is only one set of footprints and the writer of the poem wanted to know why God had abandoned her during the worst of times and God replied "It is in those times I carried you." God does not take us around the rough water, He takes us through it. Keep looking up, He's looking down.

I really appreciate that you cared enough to PM me and make sure that I and "we" are okay. And after reading this post of yours, we still are. TgrsPurr.

Hullo emptyglass,
I haven't been going through the threads for most of the past week due to discomfort from the auto accident. I only just saw this now. Please feel free to PM me if you're in the mood. I put up that poem I wrote about you back when we were on PB. I don't know if it will give you a bit of a lift or not, but I thought it was worth a try. Mreow. Cheshire Cat

I'm glad that you're ok with that particular post. I told you what I went through here which inspired me writing it. Things get crazier and crazier and yes, I do think that things have settled down here now and hopefully I won't be drawn into anything again. Hopefully, I will be wiser to the agenda the next time than I was then. Actually, the first half of it is true, the part about God intervening. I'm well aware of the Footprints poem, in fact, an internet friend sent it to me back in 2002 when I was in the bleakest period of my depression which lasted several months. I had fallen off the edge and resided in the abyss for about at least 8 months. It was unbearable and I made several attempts on my life during that time. It's hard to have faith when you're mind feels like it's not yours for so long. It was during that 8 month period that I started to lose faith. I wish I could feel Him always working in my life but it's hard to imagine that God would want me to go through all this torment all the time or anyone else for that matter. But I do think there is a purpose for everything, even if it takes a long time for us to discover it and sometimes it is never revealed to us at all. The reason can also be for someone else and we may never find out that what we went through benefited another person.

Anyway, I'm glad that you understand the circumstances I was under when I posted that as well as other things at the same time. Sometimes what we're lead to believe is the truth at the time turns out not to be the truth after all. At least I know the real truth now and the real truth is a much better reality than what we were being lead to believe. A sick, selfish game was played but far more cleverly than one could suspect at the time. Putting the pieces together after the game, shone the true light on who was the true master of the game. Unfortunately, a number of people were hurt, including myself and are still paying the price by the one who lead the game.

...I haven't been going through the threads for most of the past week due to discomfort from the auto accident...

Seems like you are back to your old self now. I'm sure you must still be in some pain and I hope that goes away soon.

...I put up that poem I wrote about you back when we were on PB....

Yes, I saw it. That seems like such a long time ago. I don't really know why. Probably my new DX of depersonalization disorder.

...I don't know if it will give you a bit of a lift or not, but I thought it was worth a try...

Thanks for giving it a try. I am in a pretty wretched state right now. Not much would actually lift me up but it's nice to know that someone would care to.

tc, emptyglass

http://www.depersonalization.info/overview.html

Hullo pup,
It is so very difficult for me to reconcile the description of your new diagnosis with the person I met and spent time with in January. I must confess that I can't quite fully grasp on an emotional level what the sensations and perceptions you must be experiencing would be like, but obviously I feel very bad for you and your situation. I'll not pry. Unless you feel like discussing it via PM, I'll let it go, as I can't quite get my mind around what the world must seem like to you at the moment. As always, I'm ready to offer whatever support I can.
HUGS
Cheshire Cat

Can a soul die from sinking, I posted and need answers to my post
Angie

Fraid so sweetie, stay safe. Hope you get some more support soon. Hang on. You really don't want to be where I am right now,

Hi Angie, I promise you that your soul is not going to die. You've got too much soul for bp, depression or anyother "illness" to take you out. I know it feels that way sometimes, as though the evils of our illnesses have stolen everything that is good, that gives us hope, that gives us the will to keep on keeping on.....but the "good" that is in you WILL prevail. I've no doubt of that. You know all that wonderful support and advice you have for so many others here....well it's high time you gave some of that lovin' to yourself. If you need to crawl under the covers for awhile...then do it. If you can get lost vicariously in a movie...then do it. If you can pray...then do it. If you can do something creative...then do it. If you can play some uplifting or upbeat music...then do it. If you can invite a friend over to play cards with or twister or trivial pursuit....then do it. If you can take a walk in the mountains, or by the ocean or a river or in the forest...then do it.

The point is....take some action. Change your current environment, ambiance or company your keeping...anything to alter the space that's brought you to this point or is perpetuating this downward spiral. Breath some fresh energy into you current circumstance. I know none of this is a cure....but anything to keep from going downward. I have faith in you Angie. You don't have to take this lieing down. Choose to stand up and fight it with all that you've got. The illness does not have to win. But it IS up to you!

Hugs Angie. TgrsPurr

Are you saying that I 'choose' to be in the abyss?

No AG, I'm NOT saying you "choose" to be in the abyss, i'm saying you "choose" what to do with it. You "choose" to sit and wollow in it or you "choose" to get up and do something to comfort yourself....change the scenery, change your activity, get out of the house, get some fresh air, listen to upbeat music, move around a bit, get the blood flowing, get your mind moving in another direction....where the mind goes, the man follows. So find ways to think better thoughts....whatever that may be...I've made several suggestions to Angie above. But the "choice" of how you're going to handle this is yours. What you're going to "choose" to do with these emotions is yours. Nobody here has to be a victim of their illness....if you "choose" to be victim, then you've stripped yourself of any power to change your circumstances. But if you refuse to be a victim, you've taken that power back and you have "choices."

Hope that clears it up. TgrsPurr.

TgrsPurr, I have beat the crap out of Tomato Bread dough and my next step is to put on some loud music, hey TgrsPurr have ya seen my pic in the Photo forum, please if ya love ppl don't ask me to play twister , I'd squash a few in the process of playing, it's hard to keep an upbeat mood but Iam trying, by this evening I will be better it's just now, wishing bushy tail was here he always makes me feel good, he must be out gathering more nuts
Angie

LOL, I'm hopin' ol bushy tail is recording us some more music right now....that'll give you a boost. As for pics...no, I refuse to go there. Not particularly interested in what you all look like.....just whats in your hearts. I do love ppl, but in all honesty I can think of a few I'd like you to play twister with....how 'bout Anna Nichole Smith...or better yet, Paris Hilton? You game? TgrsPurr.

Honey as large as my body is I know I'd squash them both, hehe, thank you for the compliment about not needing to see what we look like and the heart being more important
OMG your the most georgous tiger I've ever meet
Angie

LOL, why thank you Angie, you're starting to make me feel kinda frisky. One of my co-workers is being a dufuss today....perhaps I'll go prey on him. lol.

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At the time I was in college and dealing with BP, I hadn't yet learned the skills I now have to cope with my illness. Back then I'd just be up all the time, not sleeping day or night. When the cycles would break, I found that I prefer to sleep during the day and be up at night....unfortunately my life now doesn't permit that. There's just something about being up when you know the rest of the world is unconscious....peace, tranquility, stillness. No phones ringing, no door bells ringing, no errands to run, no people demanding things, no responsibilities to attend to. I love the night. But now I rigidly adhere to a sleep schedule. I go to bed at the same time every night, if I can't sleep after an hour I get up and either read, watch tv or a movie, go on-line, take a walk in my apt. complex or write. Then I go back to bed, if I still can't sleep I get up again and do something else. I will usually eventually get "some" sleep and fortunately I can function well on very little sleep. But there have been periods in my life that I've literally gone days without sleep and once even two full weeks with only 2-3 hours of sleep combined....I ended up being committed because I was hallucinating, delerious and delusional. Fortunately, thank God, that never happened again. And I pray it never does. So sleep is an issue I still struggle with, but I've learned to be disciplined about it and that has helped tremendously. TgrsPurr.

I too have a connection with cats. I think they are the most amazing creatures on God's green earth. Especially the "wild" species. Tigers are my favorite. Their grace, their beauty, their instincts, their playfullness, their freedom. Ahhhh, if only God would make me a Tiger. But since I just have to settle for being human (debatable?, lol) I have my kitty cat to play with and bring out the tiger in me. LOL

It's ok, I'm used to being ignored.

Excuse me?

.

AG, my reply about cats was to both you and Fury, it was a generic response, not focused only on Fury and not on you. The conversation turned to cats, I replied. Just because someone doesn't click "reply" from your post doesn't mean you're being ignored. C'mon AG, this kind of behavior has got to stop. It only serves to push people away. You get more responses than anyone else in this forum, this site....you've got no room to claim "I'm use to being ignored". I walked away from this place for this very reason....you know that...and here you are playing me like this. Why? TgrsPurr.