[nicoleb2]

I was hospitalized a week and a half ago after a suicide attempt.
My "friend" was told, but never called, stopped by to visit... I let her and everyone else know when I got out of the hospital. I have tried to talk/text/email a few times, and she won't talk to me. She won't even play any games with me on facebook, she quit all the ones we were playing.

I don't know what to do. I don't know why I deluded myself into thinking that I could have a real, lasting friendship. What's the point

[cboxpalace]

I, and I'm sure many others, can relate to what you are now experiencing. Unfortunately, your suicide attempt probably made your friend uncomfortable, and there's probably an awkwardness with her now because she doesn't know what to say. It hurts even more, when you thought she was a real friend, that would stick by you through the good and bad times. The good times are easy! It's the bad times that show true friendship.

I don't know what to do.

All that you can really do is leave the door open, and let her know that you're willing to talk if/when she wants to. It's her job to tell you what's bothering her or what is making her uncomfortable. I do believe if people would do this, rather than keep it to themselves, the awkwardness would go away because everything would be out in the open. Rarely, if ever, does this happen.

I don't know why I deluded myself into thinking that I could have a real, lasting friendship. What's the point

A familiar theme.

I wish I could tell you something more useful, but this is the best I've got. If she returns.. be open to discussion, and be willing to listen to her concerns/fears, etc.

I wish you well!!!
-cbox

[Forgive77]

Going through the same with my sister inlaw. Had a meltdown over a year ago, and she is still dragging it out. I've gone through so many private mood swings with it...yesterday...I just wanted to e-mail her, and cut it off b/c she has stretched it out too long in my opinion, and is just making herself look bad, and bitter now. She has many people who enable her to be this way...I'm the one doing the changing...but ultimately it is in her court to let me in. I have to wait...as ridiculous as that seems to me, because I have specific time lines...however...there are the dramatic people out there, that have never really suffered anything, and still find a way to complain because they have lived in a perfect world. I'm just trying to hold back and wait...even though I resent it very much, and want to take back control by cutting her off for good!

[ChaoticSymphony]

Suicide is the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. She is probably scared that once you are out you will do it again and doesn't understand or know what to say or do. I don't blame her, I dont' blame you either It's so sad to live it on both ends and you can only control what you have control over, let it set in her and let her process it before you throw in the towel.

[missbelle]

I think she is scared and does not know what to say like the other people have mentioned in their posts to you.
She may also be feeling a tad guilty as she was your friend yet did not see the pain you were in.
Give her time. She will come around. Right now for you, try not to contact her for a while. Let her come to you. She is afraid and does not know what to say so she is doing nothing. I know this hurts you now but give it time. She is a friend and she will start to feel better and you may hear from her soon.

Meanwhile do all you can to stay well

[Primal Pain]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

I was hospitalized a week and a half ago after a suicide attempt.
My "friend" was told, but never called, stopped by to visit... I let her and everyone else know when I got out of the hospital. I have tried to talk/text/email a few times, and she won't talk to me. She won't even play any games with me on facebook, she quit all the ones we were playing.

I don't know what to do. I don't know why I deluded myself into thinking that I could have a real, lasting friendship. What's the point

People are just too self-centered. Too mean. They judge us because we had a moment of weakness. A suicide attempt... And that was the reason she ignored you. Unfortunately. I felt that too many times by myself. Just try to move on, if it`s possible. Find a good therapist, take a long, lonely walk in the forest, write a poem. Be yourself again. You will meet somebody new soon.

You're right ... Some people do suck ... However, there are also some that don't suck ... Here's hoping you have a few of those too ... !!!

The ones who stick by you no matter what are true friends ... The others are just flashes in the pan ... And oh how it hurts when they simply dump you because you're going through rough times ...

Sincerely,
BrokenCloud

[likewater]

(((Nicoleb))) think your friend doesnt know how to relate, but it sucks how she left you hanging. Not everyone is like that. May you find supportive friends.

[MDDBPDPTSD]

Your friend may very well be hurt or confused as mentioned in earlier responses. One thing I did not see mentioned was that your friend may be angry at you.
Well it makes little sense to me, my family got very angry with me the last time I attempted suicide. From what I heard, the anger was coming from their perception that I was leaving them. I was doing this to hurt them.
That was not the case at all. I did it because I could not take the pain anymore. It had nothing to do with them, except that I did wish they would have helped me more. If I feel like my family us in my corner, then I am less likely to want to give up.
But if they are treating me poorly then they are part of the pain.
I am learning (in process, have not learned it yet) that I can protect myself from their negativity, at least in some ways, while still allowing the good things they bring into my life.
As this is a work in progress, I can not accurately advise you how to do this yet. I can offer you encouragement in that, there is hope.
Your friend is dealing with this issue in the best way they know how. It may not be the best way and it may not be helpful, but your friend has limitations too. It would be nice if your friend's and your limitations were more compatible. It may be that you two can work this out. She may just need time, as suggested in other posts.
<<<hugs>>>

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

I was hospitalized a week and a half ago after a suicide attempt.
My "friend" was told, but never called, stopped by to visit... I let her and everyone else know when I got out of the hospital. I have tried to talk/text/email a few times, and she won't talk to me. She won't even play any games with me on facebook, she quit all the ones we were playing.

I don't know what to do. I don't know why I deluded myself into thinking that I could have a real, lasting friendship. What's the point

I'm so sorry you don't have a more supportive friend. And I can relate. My family are like different people around me now...and it's been a year since i got hauled off by the cops for SI. My sister came right out and said she doesn't know how to talk to me anymore. She feels like she has to walk on eggshells. Now I just keep my distance from her as I see that her bullying in fact was a big part of my problems. A silver lining perhaps?

[ChaoticSymphony]

It's so hard to have compassion for ppl who choose suicide for me...I don't mean to hurt anyones feelings here, I'm just talking...I just think of people in this world going through so much more and yet they still keep fighting. I understand that depression gets a person down so low that suicide sounds like a bed of roses but at the same time how ****ing selfish of you to want to give up and put people through their own depression of losing you. I can't wrap my head around it, I've been suicidal before, I know what it's like to want to die but that one fibre kept me living and that was I owe it to the ones I love to get well. I couldn't find a reason for myself but I could for others. I guess that is why I think it is so selfish and self-serving.

[nicoleb2]

First, I did not ask for you or anyone else to have compassion for me. Yes, I had chosen suicide. I am not proud of that, I am very angry with myself for making that choice. As for "people in this world going through so much more and yet they still keep fighting" - you have not been in my life, so you don't know what I have been through.

As for being selfish, yeah, I suppose suicide is a selfish way out, but when you get to that point, that's not what you think of.

You say you have been suicidal before, but being suicidal, and actually being at the point of attempting suicide are not the same. I have been to both places, and it's not good.

Before you judge others about being so selfish and self-serving, try walking in my shoes for a few days.

[krisakira]

I lost my ex boyfriend after a suicide attempt. He said he couldn't handle it. I needed someone who could handle me. In my brightest and darkest days, and won't give up on me. My current boyfriend is that someone. Sorry your friend ditched you, and I hope you can find others who can support you.

[krisakira]

By the way my current boyfriend has been with me through 7 hospitalizations.

[krisakira]

Oh and as far as chaotic, it's different for each person. People get sick, their brains aren't working right. It's not always a decision you make in your right mind. I have lost 3 friends to suicide. They were sick, and it was a tragedy. Not one moment do I think of any of them as bad or selfish.

[athena2011]

I have read that suicide is generally something that is done impulsively. It is not something where you sit there and intelligently weigh out all the options. it's more 'spur of the moment'. Almost without thinking. I will admit though that when I am most compelled to act on it, I truly believe I am hurting nobody at all. I am totally convinced that there isn't a soul on earth who would miss me. So, in that headspace, it would not be considered selfish. Not a good idea, because what if one or two amazing things happened to turn your life around? You would miss out if you didn't stick around for those to happen. I am actively seeking those things out. Those one or two things that make all the difference....an exceptional T...an exceptional relationship...some transformation that happens just from living and learning.

[ChaoticSymphony]

I just don't see a suicidal attempt being something someone really wants to do...when you want to die you do it, unless you blow off half your face and pass out from blood loss. That may be the case with you, I really don't know. To me, maybe just me, I find it selfish. And trust me I've walked my fair share of miles too so we don't need to compare notes here. I can completely understand being so low and that it is a spur of the moment thing, someone dear to me came in from the garage after work, poured her little bottle of meds all into her mouth and went for a nice extended nap...selfish, I still love her but selfish, selfish, selfish.

Wow, Chaoticsmphony, you have a very harsh and one note view of suicide. Sorry, but that's not what Nicoleb is posting about. There are many many reasons for a person to discuss, consider, think about and angst about suicide! It is not for any of us to tell or lecture to another person about their reason for considering that avenue of exit from the pain and despair she might be considering! That is the responsiblity of their therapist. I'm not saying that we can't talk about how we "PERSONALLY" view the decision of someone we care about or love who might have or have in the past considered this method of exiting the pain of life. But none of us have any concept or ability to know what Nicole is experiencing right now. We need to be supportive and guide her to gaining the support she needs.

Talking about selfishness and "when you want to die do it", is NOT compassionate or empathetic. Take a step back from your keyboard and re group. I get it that Nicole is triggering something in you, but your posts are not helpful or supportive and that's what this board is about!

Nicole, please seek out a crisis hot line or contact your therapist. Most of us here on this board, myself included, know what it is like to believe that suicide is the answer. It isn't. It hurts and wounds the ones who surround us and love us (even when we can't see or hear it) and it wounds us. There is a part inside of you that doesnt' want to do this ... how do I know? Because you're here and you're talking and posting to all of us. Reach out and connect!

[nicoleb2]

Originally Posted by Jaybird57

Wow, Chaoticsmphony, you have a very harsh and one note view of suicide. Sorry, but that's not what Nicoleb is posting about. There are many many reasons for a person to discuss, consider, think about and angst about suicide! It is not for any of us to tell or lecture to another person about their reason for considering that avenue of exit from the pain and despair she might be considering! That is the responsiblity of their therapist. I'm not saying that we can't talk about how we "PERSONALLY" view the decision of someone we care about or love who might have or have in the past considered this method of exiting the pain of life. But none of us have any concept or ability to know what Nicole is experiencing right now. We need to be supportive and guide her to gaining the support she needs.

Talking about selfishness and "when you want to die do it", is NOT compassionate or empathetic. Take a step back from your keyboard and re group. I get it that Nicole is triggering something in you, but your posts are not helpful or supportive and that's what this board is about!

Nicole, please seek out a crisis hot line or contact your therapist. Most of us here on this board, myself included, know what it is like to believe that suicide is the answer. It isn't. It hurts and wounds the ones who surround us and love us (even when we can't see or hear it) and it wounds us. There is a part inside of you that doesnt' want to do this ... how do I know? Because you're here and you're talking and posting to all of us. Reach out and connect!

I am not suicidal now. I attempted suicide two weeks ago, and I am VERY thankful that I did not succeed.

Chaotic - suicide is not something I WANTED to do, I have no recollection of doing it at all. It wasn't intended to be an attempt, it was intended to be suicide, and from what I have been told, it took more than a day before my family knew if I would survive. I wish I had not acted so impulsively, but it's not something that I can just go back and un-do.

The whole point of this post was to say that I am really sad about the fact that in a time when I could use it the most, my friend abandoned me. She never even talked to me or said anything.

Glad to hear that you're "okay" Nicole ... although hurt and confused about your friend's response. People react in different ways and I hope that, in time, your friend comes around. Suicide attempts scare our famlilies and friends, it makes them unsure and angry. If they get help, they are usually able to work this through. I sincerely hope that your friend is able to work it through and I hope that you have some solid support and help assisting you as you attempt to get through her reaction to your attempt. Take care!

[ChaoticSymphony]

I said something supportive to her already about her friend...yea you triggered something in me that isn't pretty...sorry to take it out on your post. All the best

Sorry just had to weigh in here - suicide is morally neutral, it is neither "right" nor "wrong" and its not an indication of a character defect - when someones level of pain outweighs their coping resources this can lead to ideation and or active attempts of suicide.

nicoleb2 does not need whatever it is she has been brave enough to impart to us disparaged by insensitivity. This is not a personal attack on anyone it is simply a reminder which i recognize i don't always heed myself but as long as we all continue trying to maintain this place as safe then i guess thats what counts...

Just my two cents.

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by bb2023

Sorry just had to weigh in here - suicide is morally neutral, it is neither "right" nor "wrong" and its not an indication of a character defect - when someones level of pain outweighs their coping resources this can lead to ideation and or active attempts of suicide.

Well said, and I agree with this 100%.

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

The whole point of this post was to say that I am really sad about the fact that in a time when I could use it the most, my friend abandoned me. She never even talked to me or said anything.

Hey Nicole, I just wanted to reiterate that I understand the pain you feel from having a friend that abandoned you.. Since this recently happened to me when I needed someone.

Maybe occassionally reach out to them, and let them know you're still there. I do hope that your friend comes to their senses and sees the bigger picture of what friendship is all about.

Anyone can be a friend when times are good, that's easy! It's the true friend that accepts you during the good time, as well as, the bad...

Hang in there!!!

-cbox