BPD *WITHOUT* Abandonment Issues

So, I was just recently diagnosed with BPD.... but the major feature I am missing is the (supposedly classic/typical) "abandonment issues.
(I really don't think that I have anymore relationship struggles than the ordinary person, except that I'm very shy/quite/reserved.)

To be honest, it would be pretty flippin' hard for me to have abandonment issues- because I don't really associate with anyone.
I keep seeing everywhere how "people with BPD often struggle with interpersonal relationships because of their tendency to idealize, and then suddenly devalue a person."

But I don't know.... I just really have a few key relationships in my life; mostly my mom, my therapist, and maybe- to some degree - the rest of my family (sort of.... but not too much, because my siblings and I don't get along at all.) But I know exactly who they are, and I know their behaviors. I don't set them on a pedestal or on the floor. My opinions of the people I'm close to is fairly concrete, and VERY consistent. Sure, I get pissy at them a lot (again, mostly my bro and sis), but that doesn't change the way I view them at all.

SO, my question is this: Can someone without any real relationships- outside of immediate family- which isn't because of my behaviors or attitudes or emotions or anything; that was MY choice (I don't "click" well with my peers, so I don't really have any friends- except for a few people, that are more artistic and zany, such as myself )- really have BPD???

I would say "yes", without a doubt. The fact that you don't have any relationships is a small sign of BPD. A lot of us have very few interpersonal relationships because we can't deal with them when they DO come about. We find that we function better without the relationships and CHOOSE to stay away from them. The sure sign of your BPD is when something happens that prompts you to become friends with someone...how you will react at that time. Just because you are not in any relationships or have any friends now doesn't mean that you won't eventually find someone you want to associate with. How you react to that situation will be the determining factor.

Along with what Mara said you have to remember all you need is five of the nine criteria to have BPD, it doesn't say which five. I personally don't have much for abandonment issues so that one does not fit into my diagnosis, the other eight are a different story. It's kind of funny, my T says my wife has more abandonment issues than I do.

Which other criterias do u fit?

The thing is, BPD isn't dependent on whether you have or don't have relationships. The traits of BPD affect how you handle relationships but no, it doesn't require it. Another thing is that like Mara said, the fact you dont' have relationships can be a part of the BPD Dx. I guess what I would ask is, why you don't have many friends. That could say a whole lot toward or against the dx. Me personally, I have next to no close friends IRL. Almost all of them are online and even then very few are close. My reasons for that are because of my problems with people and distrust, paranoia, fear.. and so many things that have happened to me in relationships, which, all point to BPD for me. That would be a better determinant for you and a better way to look at it.

BPD devoid of relationships still exists, but the symptoms may be a little subdued because so many of the traits affect relationships themselves. That may be why your T or Dr recognized the BPD but you don't see it.

Hope this helps! *hugs*

I have bpd, and I don't really consider anyone in "real" life to be a friend. Since I have kids there are people that I associate with, but not to the point I would call them a friend. I don't allow people to get that close to me. I know what the end result would be if I did. My attitude about this though has developed over time. I do have people online that I guess could be considered friends, but they have mental health issues as well so their understanding and it's way less stressful for me.

In the past my relationships, and that includes friendships, don't ALWAYS involve idealizing the person. Whether I idealized a person or not the pattern is always the same in that the relationship is unstable, because of my extreme black/white thinking. So.. a person that I like (don't idealize) can say/do the wrong thing, and that's it.

So.. it is possible, but from what you write it's hard to say. I get the sense from what you wrote that you don't have a strong desire to have friendships, and things seem to be fairly stable with the few friends that you do have. If that is the case...
1. Do you have black/white thinking ie. everything is either all right or all wrong.
2. problems with anger..

How were you diagnosed opinion by psychiatrist, psychologist or testing such as mmpi-II?

If you didn't have any testing and none of the above really apply then I'd get a second opinion or discuss further with your current doctor, because in that case it doesn't sound like bpd to me. The bottom line is you know you, and if you feel that it's not a correct diagnosis then it's probably not the correct diagnosis.

The fear of abandonment is a core trait of BPD. It is the foundation of BPD thinking and behavior. When one cannot imagine an absent loved one or friend in their mind, it can be extremely terrifying, especially if that person is afraid of being alone. This feature interacts with other core traits, like splitting (a type of defense mechanism), and a tenuous sense of identity, which usually leads to emotional dysregulation. All this makes navigating relationships difficult.

Learn as much as you can about the disorder. Do some honest introspection. Ask yourself why you don’t have real relationships. Perhaps the answer is hidden it that.

If you still feel the condition does not describe you, seek a second opinion. There is the possibility you have been misdiagnosed, since other conditions resemble BPD. Things to consider are: medication side effects; other psychiatric disorders; substance abuse/addiction; hormonal conditions; epilepsy and other neurological disorders; and the environment you live in (dysfunction can influence behavior).

WiltedRose,

I have always had BPD. From birth till about age six I had terrible abandonment issues, but I absolutely remember the day when I "cut" the cord that connect me with feelings for anyone. My brother died two years ago. I felt nothing. I've never cried.

This is not an unusual trait to have. Perhaps the severing of your "cord" was an unconscious slice -phiiiit, and done.

-Fleeing Bellocq

Abandonment issues can make a person avoid relationships and devalue relationships, to prevent any possible abandonment from being possible. If we aren't connected, we can't disconnect. So, there's more to it that the fear of being abandoned.

"Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) (1) as a categorical disorder with 9 criteria including affective instability, unstable interpersonal relationships, impulsivity, identity problems (IP), and transient cognitive distortion. Given that only five of these criteria must be present, there are more than 250 ways to fulfill a BPD diagnosis. "

via

I think reading about (attachment theory) attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance will help you answer this question. A fear of abandonment is central to these two different responses. Impulsivity and affect lability is a direct consequence.

Four core features have to be met for BPD diagnosis: Affective instability; identity problems; insecure attachment/interpersonal difficulties; and impulsivity. Note: Some researchers/doctors group identity problems with interpersonal difficulties.

The present BPD diagnostic criteria is in the process of being revised so that it reflects scientific research. The proposed criteria actually does a better job at explaining this very misunderstood condition. The American Psychiatric Association has admitted the present DSM-IV TR criteria is poorly backed by research. Five is just an arbitrary number.

The 256 possible combinations of BPD manifestation is problematic because people can be diagnosed with BPD who do not meet the four (or three) core features. The proposed criteria eliminates this, because it emphasizes the core traits needed for diagnosis. (I hope this will reduce the misuse of this diagnosis.)

You have mentioned in another thread, you have a hormonal problem. This may explain some of your apparent BPD traits, if it is not being effectively treated.

Questioning a diagnosis is a good thing.

In all honesty I have one close friend and a few acquaintances. Most of the acquaintances are online friends who I have never actually met. One reason for this is that I am a single mother of two small children and I never go anywhere to meet anyone and I won't let just anyone around my children. My main issue if I'm completely honest is it's just too much effort, most of the time. Drama of some sort and again usually accompany relationships with people and I have enough issues all by myself. I realize I shouldn't look at it that way but I do. Another issue I have when I have friends is I become emotionally invested usually way more than the other person and I usually become disappointed.

Didgee, I know you don't know me but I saw a post of yours that I tried to PM you about but I can't!! I'm hoping that you'll put me on your contact list or allow me to be a friend so I can. Sorry for this being off topic, guys.

I think, too, that you list your mom and your therapist as your key relationships; that's not "normal" for most adults? There should be coworkers/costudents and bosses, teachers, and other acquaintances as well as personal/romantic interests. Relationships should be, can be, usually are, wonderful things and that you think you "choose" not to engage in them because you only find hassle or not getting along is pretty much the all-or-nothing of abandoning/being abandoned.

From my understanding, BPD as a whole was going to not even be in the next DSM and that it was just going to be grouped in a broad based personality disorder with so and so traits.

I heard that too.

Yay..let's not even be recognized!! Also.....playing the Devil's Advocate here. Power tools, you've said you don't fear abandonment, but on other threads you've said that once you get close to someone you fear rejection. Isn't that kinda the same creature? I don't feel rejection or abandonment too much from people I've been close with for a long time....my husband and children, though I can if the boat is rocked. I DO, however, feel it big-time from anyone I attempt to let in and it takes a loooong time for that feeling to abate. Try 5 years or more in some cases.

BPD is going to be in the DSM-V. It is not going anywhere.

Here is the proposed revision: http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevision...on.aspx?rid=17

We all have abandonment fears, even those without BPD.

Fear of abandonment is an individual manifestation. For some people, the fear is profound, while in others it is not. I think what makes it problematic or "pathological" is the impact it has on relationships.

well you were diagosed with BPD, for a reason; people who have disorders don't necessarily have everything n the "list"--its just more of a common criteria