Had a good week or two.....slid some today. Actually, a lot today. I'm in a quandary. Sometimes PC makes me feel better, yet sometimes it doesn't. I'm too empathetic and hearing everyone's problems start hurting me after a while. Same thing with the loneliness. Sometimes PC makes me feel like I'm not alone, there are people who share my issues, while at other times, it makes me feel isolated from the "real" world. I want just one or two "real" friends. Is that too much to ask for? I have an addictive personality. Spending vast quantities of time on PC makes me feel more and more alone....but how do I break away? How do I set boundaries? Can anyone help me with this?

Originally Posted by Maranara

Finally have some answers, been officially diagnosed. Now, how can I get better?

Good! I'm very happy for you!

[agma]

Tired of being on this emotional rollar coaster. I always waked up depressed and get very anxious at night, but I never know how I'm going to be during the day. T wants to work on interpersonal relationship skills. Now that I am not in an office anymore, I am not having nearly a hard of time with it. I suppose we could work on it incase I'm ever in that type of a situation again. I do good with people as long as I don't have to spend too much time around them. I can hide my behaviors/emotions for short periods of time, but when I'm around people all day, like in an office, I become unable to hide it.

I am really frustrated right now. I am mad at myself for my injured foot because it prevents me from getting around normally. I am frustrated that once again my "family" let me down and for some reason, for the millionth time, I am disappointed. I am frustrated because I haven't the money to do the things I need and want to do. I am frustrated that my bff is my cat! I am frustrated that my F died and it eff'd up my life...that it crushed me when he died and hurt so much, I am still picking up the pieces. I am super frustrated by this anxiety and that it affects my life in ways that hinder me from really getting out there again. I am frustrated that all the people I loved and trusted are gone (passed away) and the people I cant / shouldnt trust are still running around being the selfish, horrible mf's they always were.

I am frustrated by the silence that surrounds me and that I am not living the life I want.

(Thx for letting me vent)

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I feel like ppl here don't like me again.

This is honestly how I feel.

I need another reality check.

[BlueWhisky]

So scared about going back to work. Got drunk and got sexually assaulted again. Feel so fragile and awful inside

[BrokenNBeautiful]

struggling still...safe...just feeling bad... .

I know it wasn't my fault Andy killed himself but I still feel like it is.

[Bill3]

I'm glad that you are safe.

The searing pain will lessen in time.

Act opposite to any feelings that it was your fault.

You are right. It was not your fault.

Keep staying safe.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I was at church today and tried to take communion and flubbed it. I was supposed to dip the bread into the wine and instead popped it in my mouth. At my other church, we ate the bread then drank the wine. So I ate the d bread, then went to drink the wine and the lady said, "you're supposed to dip the bread in the wine".

I was so embarrassed. I am afraid they wont' want me back.

I did not go to fellowship hall afterward; my face was flaming and I was in tears.

It was not about the lady; I was having a bad flashback. She was nice. But I felt unworthy and disgraceful to the church.

I still have not recovered from that today.

It's amazing how bpd and ptsd still affects me today.

[fletch33]

I am having a crappy day.

I am often feeling lately like no one really wants to listen to me. Like I have said in some other posts, this site is making me increasingly more angry because the chats really suck.

But anywho, I still feel like my meds are helping. I just hope I can continue to afford them.

Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful

I was at church today and tried to take communion and flubbed it. I was supposed to dip the bread into the wine and instead popped it in my mouth. At my other church, we ate the bread then drank the wine. So I ate the d bread, then went to drink the wine and the lady said, "you're supposed to dip the bread in the wine".

I was so embarrassed. I am afraid they wont' want me back.

I did not go to fellowship hall afterward; my face was flaming and I was in tears.

It was not about the lady; I was having a bad flashback. She was nice. But I felt unworthy and disgraceful to the church.

I still have not recovered from that today.

It's amazing how bpd and ptsd still affects me today.

That method of communion is called intinction. Honestly, MANY people screw that one up because they are used to the other way. Heck, I've done that myself. In fact, my husband did just that on Christmas Eve. Our church only used intinction when there is a really large crowd, so we always get confused on the few times a year we do intinction. Nothing at all to feel embarassed about. It is a simple mistake, and one that communion servers have seen many times. All you needed to do was ask for another wafer and then dip it. It would have been no big deal.

I am feeling very, very sneaky.

[Flooded]

I'm a bit worried about how frequently I seem to "zoning out" lately

Feeling withdrawn, or like I need to still. Not even sure I'll finish this post. ...

[tohelpafriend]

Originally Posted by fletch33

I am having a crappy day.

I am often feeling lately like no one really wants to listen to me. Like I have said in some other posts, this site is making me increasingly more angry because the chats really suck.

But anywho, I still feel like my meds are helping. I just hope I can continue to afford them.

I can relate to that; chats lately have made me angry, and I know there's a reasons for it. It seems everyone wants to assert their point of view, instead of just listening and offering feedback. Very frustrating communication here; glad i'm not alone in this perception. Have a good day...

"help...."

[tohelpafriend]

The morning started too early; got a ride to the hospital for something at 7:30 a.m they sent another driver who didn't know the way; wild ride; they should pay ME for directions; parking ticket did not get validated....back to my hideout at home.

Venturing out lately really messes me up & I end up spending more money than I had intended...so many people seem incompetent here, though it is fast, fast, fast. Thank goodness for my sweet dog, and home sweet home. I guess I was just on overload after peaceful days alone...with no noise.....water here is getting increasingly chlorinated when I check the residue; even though I buy bottled water, it probably contains something else.

Not feeling "one" with the weather or the environment, although I walk in the snow.....the cold is just too cold every day. This is the borderline talking....nothing is ever OK, or perhaps it just seems that way when I'm not in control of the situation. It is sunny and clear, which is lovely.

Thanks for reading, anyone. Time to travel out of the timezone after one more test next week......going to cali after the rainy season to visit and look for a house. Peace,


"help...."

Originally Posted by tohelpafriend

I can relate to that; chats lately have made me angry, and I know there's a reasons for it. It seems everyone wants to assert their point of view, instead of just listening and offering feedback. Very frustrating communication here; glad i'm not alone in this perception. Have a good day...

"help...."

Depends on who you meet in chat. Also typically, you'll get a better response by private chatting one on one with people. If you're in a chat room and start talking sometimes there are just far too many people to really have a supportive conversation at all.

Feeling rather angry today more to do with therapy.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Depends on who you meet in chat. Also typically, you'll get a better response by private chatting one on one with people. If you're in a chat room and start talking sometimes there are just far too many people to really have a supportive conversation at all.

I would really like to try to chat but I don't know most of the people who do it and just stepping in to a chat room is very intimidating to me. I think I could manage one on one or a small group of people I already kinda know. I don't know.... Just feel kinda lost still. Trying to open up but I'd rather still be in a shell or under a rock somewhere.

I'm wondering, "how long can I keep this lie". . .

Originally Posted by Nikole2718

I'm wondering, "how long can I keep this lie". . .

I know what you mean :/ Unfortunately, all too well.

Had a good ending to my day yesterday. I ended up pumping out two drawings I'm satisfied with, stayed out of chat for a long time last night, which is best for me right now... to curb my chatting which leads inevitably to attachment then to ... rejection. When I did chat I tried to keep it pretty light and I succeeded for the most part. The only downside is I stayed up way too late (again) and I'm tired at the moment! >.<

[angustios101]

I feel...ok? Wow, I haven't thought that in over three years. Could it be this new medication is working? I even want to do my DBT homework! I def want to get off the adderall though and the new med makes that pretty much impossible...

I feel okay for the first time in a bit. Finally over my most recent turmoil. Doesn't mean it can't return at any time. Thanks, everyone, who helped pull me through.

[BorderlineMess]

I'm angry. I'm very very angry and I can't express it how I want to. I have to sit here, at my desk, and play nice. I want to be mean. I want to curse. I want to punch something.