I'm not doing well today. I feel like I have no one who cares about me.

Feeling like I'm starting to slide.....lucky me.

Originally Posted by Bill3

I'm sorry. I seem to have missed whatever you are talking about and have been unable to find it here. Could you please post/repost whatever it is?

It was a thought about therapists. Hungryghost is narrowing the search for a therapist based on whether they have BPD exprience....and how they look. I basically agreed that making certain they had BPD experience was a good idea since a number of therapists won't even consider BPD as an option....and because it's how I found mine.

[hungryghost]

I wish I could build a robot friend. Someone to go to for support and feedback without feeling like a burden.

Need sleep, I think that I am typing crap as usual.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I got up today and did my work, incl. the new piece of my program about purpose. (if you want to know, it's in my social group) The day seemed longer because it was a half hour longer on my schedule. Ani and were stumbling along, trying to keep our time organized. it went well.

I am kind of run down, a cold is trying to start again.

I did not go to the meeting today; did not feel too good about it after yesterday's experience.

I am going to another women's group tonight instead.

Ani instructed me to go to just women's groups for a while until I feel a little better. The group I have been attending has become predominantly male, and therefore less empathetic (I know males are empathetic, but the ones I have been dealing with lately still are not) and I need more female influence, esp after losing my primary female figure, my aunt. Ani, although very empathetic, is still a man and he recognizes my need for female companionship and connection. He also thinks I will make more friends if I associate more with women. My bpd seems to feed on gravitating too much toward the opposite sex.

anyway...

It has been a while, too, since Arvind and I have decided to just be friends.

I feel like I am in withdrawal from being a romantic/sexual-love junkie.

Carol

[greentires4me]

so after my psychiatrist appointment I been feeling really depressed she has cut back my sleeping meds from 30mg to 20mg saying I looked too drowsy but I said I felt like a zombie and this not everday that I feel like a zombie just today.

she said I had been better or doing better because I have been staying away from the hospital. I don't get it what I have been seeing is that i have been getting worse I used my arm as a cutting board on Friday and I wanted to hang myself two days after that. I am more paranoid then normal and I keep dissociating too.

I'm here. Sorry to be late...I was surfing.



-Fleeing

Don't feel like I can be very helpful or supportive at the moment. Between being sick and my own emotions wearing thin, and can't do much more. Sorry.

had an okay day today. therapy went well, we talked about everything i wanted to talk about except one thing, but i'm not sure i'm ready to talk to my T about it just yet, if i can't even talk to my husband about it...

the things in the corners of my eyes have turned into brown blobs...not predominantly dog-like anymore, so i guess that's good, i can at least pretend it's my hair now...

crochet group today went well. stayed later at the mall but ended up just reading a book instead of walking around like i'd intended, and one of the ladies from my crochet group found me and invited me to another church group that was meeting in the same bookstore. after that, she and i walked to our cars and she's wanting me to hang out with her more. she's older than me but she's really awesome and i could use a female role model right about now. we have our differences but i think we're meant to be friends. it's kind of cool. we agree on the things that count and the things that don't don't come up. but we'll see. next week, supposed to hang out with just her for lunch or something. so we'll see.

been playing a lot of minecraft. lots of house-building. liking it a bunch.

I just woke up, got my son out the door for school, and started work. Still under the weather, groggy, grumpy, and not very supportive feeling. We'll see how much coffee can do to help.....

This new "like" thing has piqued my paranoia and I "dislike" it intensely. If the "share" goes in to effect, I will be leaving. I know this is a public forum, but we all joined here to anonymously share our issues and Facebook and Twitter is not my idea of anonymous. Sorry...I'm all out of sorts about this. It's REALLY bothering me!!

[crazylove777]

I'm at work, my only true haven. Sometimes I hate going home at night because of issues with my stepdaughter (she's horrible and my husband allows it). But, it is what it is, and in 3.5 years she'll go away to college (far, far away, as she has her sights set on several out-of-state universities). I'm angry at him today for always letting her have her way and making me feel 2nd-place.

[youwillrise]

im hanging in nothing in particular to report, i guess.

*supposed* to see that friend today. in the evening. we'll see.

[hungryghost]

Originally Posted by Maranara

This new "like" thing has piqued my paranoia and I "dislike" it intensely. If the "share" goes in to effect, I will be leaving. I know this is a public forum, but we all joined here to anonymously share our issues and Facebook and Twitter is not my idea of anonymous. Sorry...I'm all out of sorts about this. It's REALLY bothering me!!

Agreed... I compartmentalize my life for a reason! I don't mind the "Like" feature, but "Share"? No way.

I don't see the Share link anymore, though.. Hmmm..

Let's see, how am I today.. mostly detached, but still picking out the pieces and holding them up to the light. I guess that's something.

Today's better than yesterday. I think I'm getting sick though, which is inconvenient because exams are next week.

[AngelWolf3]

I am just blech. Guess its the 'numb' after all these crazy swirling emotions...works for me. Feeling nothing is better than extreme overwhelmedness. (The second made-up word I have used today, hahaha!)

I'm at work....and I can't concentrate at all. That is very, very detrimental to my work and I can't afford it...

Slept much better last night.

What is going on with the forum? My avatar has gone and all my VM's, It is making me anxious

[greentires4me]

today all I wanna do is hide in my place with a warm cup of something and pastry item but all I have is banana bread and the lights are all off in my place I am not bothering to turn them on. its nastily wet outside I just came back from the pharmacy so everything I have is soaking wet my jacket, my pants and my shoes...

Lonely, very, very roller-coasterish. Breaking down one minute and stable the next. Can't concentrate regardless. Sigh....sorry for posting so much.

Originally Posted by Maranara

Lonely, very, very roller-coasterish. Breaking down one minute and stable the next. Can't concentrate regardless. Sigh....sorry for posting so much.

awww sorry *hugses* I'm sory you're so up and down but you gotta stop apologizing for posting silly!

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

awww sorry *hugses* I'm sory you're so up and down but you gotta stop apologizing for posting silly!

But it makes me feel like I'm "attention seeking", and Lord knows I DON'T want to do THAT!!

[greentires4me]

I went out and got my pastries...and came back to people phoning me one was my mom and the other was my advocate for workers advisory to do with some claims that keep proceeding with my old company.

my mom wanted to take me out for lunch but I swear she has ulterior motives...like she dropped off mail but made me stay in the car while she talked about Dr. Lepp and brainacs and other things that were little and no consequence to me. She always says I need to get clean my drug addiction is hampering my success in llife. My drug addiction as in the psychotropic pills I am on like antidepressants, anti anxiety, and anti psychotic meds. Why can't I ever just be free of her...

I am feeling quite depressed and lonely

Originally Posted by Maranara

But it makes me feel like I'm "attention seeking", and Lord knows I DON'T want to do THAT!!

Well there's a certain amount of attention EVERYONE wants just by being on a forum or why would we even bother posting? I mean posting somewhere you don't expect any response to would not only be silly but pointless. Even a blog with post comments turned off is for people to read and to affect another person in some way so the whole attention seeking subject itself is ludicrous. Thing is if you are human, you want some sort of attention from somewhere at some point in your day. period. Relax