Question, please answer

So I am going to pose this question to you all. Does it sometimes feel like multiple parts of yourself are fighting with each other? Like you want to be happy, or something is starting to make you feel happy or excited, and then some other part comes in and calls you stupid, idiotic, self-centered, so on? Or that you may get very defensive, but again another part is telling you to be a different way?

Maybe it sounds weird. I know there aren't multiple me, but it's almost like there are, and every part is fighting with each other. I just get so frustrated with it all, and eventually I shut down. Tell myself to be quiet completely and I numb my mind out, not allowing it to think.

Just know, I'm not diagnosed with bpd......... or anything actually, but I'm trying to figure it out, however i'm just constantly fighting with myself instead of solving anything.

If you have questions for me as well, please feel absolutely free to ask.

Thank you.

P.S., the emptiness of my profile is sort of a result of my fighting with myself. I just ended up removing all my friends and clearing out my entire profile........ I'm so tired of doing this that I just stopped putting stuff up.

Yes all the time.

My BPD has been a lot better since getting rid of my trigger,
And I'm now in a new relationship. And I'm happy.
But paranoia is trying to suck me in. Keep telling me that the person is using me. It won't last. I'm not good enough for this person!!

It's wrong I do deserve happiness. And I have no reason to believe this man is no good. His treated me with nothing but respect.

So yes there is always a battle with emotions.

What I find the hardest is the emptiness...
It's like my head is happy but my soul is sad, and sometimes they switch!!
It's very tiring.
Hope this helped

Yes, but in a different way from your experience. For me it's more like situational insecurity about getting a positive result. I know I sometimes feel guilty or anxious when I try to be assertive, and sometimes feel like people I admire in some way are too good for me, for example.

I believe many people have insecurities and inner conflicts like ours.

That is my problem right now. a part of me screams for help another tells me to don't bother my family and to keep away.. I have been experiencing anxiety attacks because of it that I am basically getting used to it.. somehow.. and actually right now I am stressed, depressed, cheerful, energetic all at the same time. anyway try to make friends with your other self maybe it will get better for you.

Absolutely. Talking myself out of feeling ok about something when logically I should. Posting something and then thinking that it was all a mistake, stupid and feeling like taking it back down and so on - things like that. Or even worse, feeling some certain way and then actually questioning or arguing with myself whether I really feel taht or not.

Interestingly, about your taking down your things on your profile. I've done that 2, maybe 3 times now. You'd be surprised also at how many others have done that exact same thing here also in fact I know of a few that actually won't even take friend requests anymore...

I take down my profile regularly depending on my mood. I'm constantly arguing with myself. Yesterday was a very good example. Was very paranoid. Just felt like everyone was against me and that no matter what I did or said I'd be hurt, slammed, made to feel horrible, etc...but at the same time I knew what I was feeling was wrong and wanted to reach out to people. It's a horrible feeling but it's part of life and happens one way or another all the time.

Gee, yes. On the one hand, I'm so smart and funny. On the other hand, ugh, do I even have to say it? Let's just say I'm undisciplined. Or depressed. Or I never had any support.

Absolutely. Every day, all day long. I'm constantly fighting myself, constantly second guessing myself. When I'm happy, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. When I start feeling confident about something, I always think that something will happen and I'll f*** it all up.

When I'm feeling depressed, there's a huge tug of war with myself about getting help or whether I deserve to be tortured.

Most definitely. I am at war with myself all of the time. I have actually even told my T that it is not like I have multiple people inside or anything, it's just I conflict with myself and contradict myself so much it is tiresome.

I wish the outside would match the inside. I get so mad at myself sometimes. Or maybe the inside match the outside, I don't know. I hate myself a lot. And when I don't hate myself, I don't feel like I deserve that happiness. Yes, cause when good things happen to me, I somehow manage to ruin it all without even trying.

to you, if ok. I so GET everyone's answers in this thread.

I constantly feel like this too. (I actually just deleted my Facebook...again..like five minutes ago). It is almost like we see every situation in every single aspect of every other person and don't know how to feel because these people think all these other things. It is awful!!

me, I just unfriended every one of my family members. lol among other friends. it's now mostly down to just acquaintences, artists and related impersonal connections I also love that I can unsubscribe to people without unfriending them. helped to eliminate all the mindless drivel about everyone's life -- a constant trigger for me. But yeah in teh past I'd shut down my fb a few times too.

Yeah I'm going through a "moment" haha. Will probably reactivate by the end of the day. I need multiple things to do at a time and fb is easy to add to that list .
Btw,
I like you s4. I have noticed I relate to you a lot Keep up the good work ahha

I do have bpd and I completely relate to this.

Carol

If you believe there's a chance you're BPD, do the research both on and off this site. Many, many of us were self-diagnosed before actually having it confirmed by a therapist. If the traits fit and it just seems right you probably are. That doesn't mean not to find out for sure, but you could be ahead of the game and work on helping yourself in the meantime.

The thing is, I've researched it for a long time, but any time I think "Oh, it seems really possible" here comes my mind saying "you're just being a self-centered idiot." I've seen two therapists, since it was free at the school I was going to, but I ran off each time thinking I was wasting their time, that nothing was wrong with me and I just needed to get over myself.

My "friend" (sometimes I'm iffy about calling her that) read the description for it and said it sounded just like me, but yet again my brain is saying I'm being an idiot because I've never been in a true relationship, and when I barely was it wasn't intense (now I've just given up completely on them and I'm only 20), and that I don't have self-harm or suicidal behavior. It just always makes excuses against the possibility.

So I'm sort of just stuck.

If you have any questions you can ask, I don't mind it.

Every single one of us without many exceptions have gone through periods like that. When I first heard the traits everything clicked in place but at the same time my mind screamed out "NO"!! Hang out with us, read threads, ask questions when you come across something you don't get and we'll help you figure it out. I found out about BPD last February, almost a year ago, was in total denial for several months, and came across PC in July. Within a month or so of talking to people and talking to others going through the exact same thing there was no way I could deny it any longer. I was officially diagnosed just a few weeks ago.

a profile aint you..

it's a dumbass modern thing of this future world...

how the F...ck can we especially us?...hope to identify ourselves elsewhere...

I change my profile every two freaking minutes....so ?

stuffed if I know

it's ok anyway

Yup, I am like this too, Maybe it is impulse I don't know but I find I need to get away escape for a bit, I get the feeling that people are against me, Everything seem's overwhelming, I deleted my profile (accept friends) but just put it back again.

BPD eh?