I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but I have to say it.

There is a tendency with people that have any kind of disorder or MI to get stuck on the idea of their issues and see everything through a set of skewed, off colored glasses. What I mean is, it overshadows everything that you think and do because you become aware of your disorder.

It's just a thought but I caution everyone on the board to be careful of seeing everything as related to BPD. In my mind, this is counter-productive in the sense that you're doing just what you are trying to fight, and that is, by doing this you allow BPD to rule you. By trying so much to focus on how, why and when you do things and relating it all to BPD, you are letting the disorder takeover everything and IMO, you don't see clearly anymore.

Everything in my life, every mood, every challenge does not relate to the fact that I'm bpd. My depression one time or another may simply be because I have sh* going on in my life that hurts and is hard. Such as my divorce and my flaky ex. Yeah I can sit and say it relates to my bpd becuse how I interpret it is through my disorder but simply put, everyone in every walk of life would be down about the things going on in my life. I have no car, I walk 30 min each way to a bus stop. I am struggling in many ways but I refuse to make all of it due to my BPD.

I have BPD. I act out, I am emotionally dysregulated, and impulsive. But that's only part of me, part of my life and I refuse to let it win.

I'm not trying to be a troll. Just trying to put out some positive vibes for people to grasp onto and think about.

If one person is able to get something good out of this, my job is a success.

~S4

[greyclouds]

I hear what your saying.. And frankly.. Ive been studying this disorder.
How you can get better. Traits, symptoms. Everything I can find.

And your right I blame my floors on this.
It's part of my disorder so I can get away with it WRONG.

After my scare last Thursday. Which I will how ever blame on this disorder!!

I refuse. To learn anything more. Other then how to get better.

I'm am so scared of everything right now.
I've been letting this beat me because there was an excuse for my behaviour the way I acted when drunk or sober.

Not no more. I am not going to continue living my life like this.
I am doing raki Saturday, and starting yoga. No longer drinking. ( I hope to stick to that) but panic attacks come close even looking at wine in shop right now.

I'm going to really focus in group to find mindfulness. And just bloody well get rid of this illness.

Geez that took some strength to write, but I hope to stick to it

I've also been avoiding this place some for the same reason. I'm BPD but it can't be good to constantly think about it and relate everything to it.

Part of my thinking is, there is no cure. Just coping and learning control. How is this different than most people in their lives except that ours might not be as easily learned? Well even in that case well, such is life, learning to deal with it and cope regularly with everything that comes your way. For me, it's just something I've got to do regardless of whether I have BPD, AVPD, Schizophrenia, OCD or any other thing.. I am what I am. Screw BPD I'm going to live life! XD

Originally Posted by greyclouds

I hear what your saying.. And frankly.. Ive been studying this disorder.
How you can get better. Traits, symptoms. Everything I can find.

And your right I blame my floors on this.
It's part of my disorder so I can get away with it WRONG.

After my scare last Thursday. Which I will how ever blame on this disorder!!

I refuse. To learn anything more. Other then how to get better.

I'm am so scared of everything right now.
I've been letting this beat me because there was an excuse for my behaviour the way I acted when drunk or sober.

Not no more. I am not going to continue living my life like this.
I am doing raki Saturday, and starting yoga. No longer drinking. ( I hope to stick to that) but panic attacks come close even looking at wine in shop right now.

I'm going to really focus in group to find mindfulness. And just bloody well get rid of this illness.

Geez that took some strength to write, but I hope to stick to it

Grey, in no way do I mean to minimize that yours or anyone else's issues crop up and really throw us for a loop for a time. What I mean to say is, yes, we do at times need to deal with crises that sometimes come do due to BPD. I won't deny that but thing is, when all is settled and the dust falls back to the ground, do we keep focusing on BPD and it's problems or move on and get on with our lives? I see a lot of people not just on pc but everywhere - stuck, like a 4 wheeler that gets stuck in the mud, unable to move, spinning it's wheels and burning out the engine. In the same way we'll do the same, spinning our wheels and end up burnt out. defeated.

[greyclouds]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Grey, in no way do I mean to minimize that yours or anyone else's issues crop up and really throw us for a loop for a time. What I mean to say is, yes, we do at times need to deal with crises that sometimes come do due to BPD. I won't deny that but thing is, when all is settled and the dust falls back to the ground, do we keep focusing on BPD and it's problems or move on and get on with our lives? I see a lot of people not just on pc but everywhere - stuck, like a 4 wheeler that gets stuck in the mud, unable to move, spinning it's wheels and burning out the engine. In the same way we'll do the same, spinning our wheels and end up burnt out. defeated.

S4 I want disagreeing with you at all.. I thought you made a valid statement.

And I'm a guilty of this. Or have been.
I plan to change this

Originally Posted by greyclouds

S4 I want disagreeing with you at all.. I thought you made a valid statement.

And I'm a guilty of this. Or have been.
I plan to change this

Truth be told, I have been guilty of it too and I convict myself by writing this thread.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Truth be told, I have been guilty of it too and I convict myself by writing this thread.

We're all guilty of this, particularly when we're in a BPD related funk and almost all of us found PC when our individual issues were to the point where we felt we needed extra help, and that's why the forum is here. We all need to vent now and and then, but at the same time, BPD cannot be the only, sole focus in our lives. How can you live and cope when you're constantly focused on the bad?

[emgreen]

I don't have BPD, but I am BP. Despite that fact, I couldn't agree more with S4's message that some folks blame their diagnosis on every quirk or "normal" emotion that they have. I often avoid reading the forum because of this fact. Accepting one's diagnosis is key to controlling the some of the symptoms. I find it sad that some people wallow in their diagnoses to a sickening degree. Sorry if I offend anyone with my post, but that's the way I feel...& I think that's what S4 was getting at. Thanks for the post S4.

While for the most part I see what em is saying, I personally don't mean to imply that it is wallowing in misery so much as it is just plain being stuck. I mean wallowing kind of implies that one is intentionally remaining in the depression or negativity and I don't believe that's always the case, which partially is my point of this post.

Sometimes we can be just plain focused too much on our disorder, that in turn it makes us remain with our grim outlook on life and our behaviors. I think this is a tendency especially in the beginning after finding out you have a diagnosis of bpd. We start to see everything through the disorder and I don't think we mean to. It just happens. I'm just suggesting being proactive to break free if you find yourself stuck there. And this is not unique to bpd. I find it relates to every Dx out there..

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

While for the most part I see what em is saying, I personally don't mean to imply that it is wallowing in misery so much as it is just plain being stuck. I mean wallowing kind of implies that one is intentionally remaining in the depression or negativity and I don't believe that's always the case, which partially is my point of this post.

Thanks for the clarification...My choice of words wasn't meant to apply to everyone. I can appreciate getting stuck in depression & know what it's like to be caught in the grip of what I refer to as "The Beast." That stated, it seems some people think they are their diagnosis -- when life is much more complicated than that.

Sorry if I was misunderstood, or offended anyone with my poor choice of words.

[greyclouds]

Originally Posted by emgreen

I don't have BPD, but I am BP. Despite that fact, I couldn't agree more with S4's message that some folks blame their diagnosis on every quirk or "normal" emotion that they have. I often avoid reading the forum because of this fact. Accepting one's diagnosis is key to controlling the some of the symptoms. I find it sad that some people wallow in their diagnoses to a sickening degree. Sorry if I offend anyone with my post, but that's the way I feel...& I think that's what S4 was getting at. Thanks for the post S4.

Yeah I see your point. And also a fair one.
But I would just like to stand up for myself In the fact. I have used this disorder as an excuse sometimes.

It's shameful.
But I def do not wallow in my depression.
I'm am unstable at the moment. And I prob have more good days then bad.

I recognise my bad days. And do everything I can to get out of them.

At the moment I feel I am my illness. How ever I am fighting this. Because I know cos I've done it before.

Public places and crowds are hard for me right now.

When I'm feeling better, I'm out going, funny and fairly confident person.
This is the person who I am always reaching out for.

I am certainly not offended and I know what you guys mean, I wish that I didn't have this label and that's all it is to me a "LABEL"

Originally Posted by Buttercup..

I am certainly not offended and I know what you guys mean, I wish that I didn't have this label and that's all it is to me a "LABEL"

Yeah I understand what you're saying Buttercup. I wish it were as easy as just smply a "label" a label, i could or others could just rip off, and say NO MORE. Unfortunately I'm also not saying that we should ignore that the disorder exists because it is there. I do have days and periods when I know that it's BPD causing some issues in my life. A label is only just a name, without really much meaning. Although I've had asked of me, "why do you want to be labeled?" I don't see it as that. It is indeed a meaningful description of me, but I just never want it to be ALL of the description of me. It's just a certain aspect of my life and myself that I struggle with.

[beautifulfreak]

I have only been a member of PC since start of the month. I use this forum a lot as I have BPD or I prefer the more current term that is used… Emotional Vulnerability Disorder. It is a more gentle… in my opinion.

I cannot say I have witnessed people blaming 'everything' on their disorder. However, I am not even here a month yet.

I think for me anyway when I attribute other issues to my Emotional Vulnerability (BPD)…such as depression, eating disorders, major anxiety, alcohol abuse and others. These are co-morbid among people with the disorder. Obviously, not everyone will experience these, however, a higher percentage of people with this disorder will experience these pervasive co-morbidities.

I think this forum is a good place for people to share their experiences…

Everyone is at different stages, some people may have learned more effective coping mechanisms, others may not, or like me they may have learned more effective strategies but not always feel able to use them. In my case, this is especially true in times of crisis…the time when I need there coping skills the most. I find that is the hardest time to use skills.

So, yes, maybe some people are stuck…however, this could be attributed to lack of effective coping mechanisms or not using them? I genuinely don't think people want to focus on the 'bad' all the time. Maybe, that is what they are feeling and just want to share and know they are not alone.

Not sure I am making much sense here.

I am just trying to say I don't think people are relating 'everything' to their disorder. From what I have witnessed thus far is people talking about other issues in their lives which could possibly be co-morbid to BPD.

I empathise with s4 and your depression following your divorce, I can't even begin to imagine how painful that must be and how you became depressed. However, I think it is also important to bear in mind that some of us have depression…I mean pervasive depression. I applaud you in your positivity and you fighting spirit…it is most certainly encouraging. Once again, we are all at different stages etc.

When I was first diagnosed, I learned that these other mental health issues that I have been experiencing most of my life are common co-morbid conditions to BPD.

I hope I have made some bit of sense? Thanks for this thread.

[widgets]

I find OTHER people do this. Something will upset me or i will get annoyed about something and people will think i am crying because i have depression, worried because i have anxiety, over - reacting because i have BPD or angry because i am BPD.

I want to say, no i am a human being, who has emotions just like anyone else!!!! I am sad because something sad happened, i am worried because i care, i'm over reacting because people do that sometimes and i am angry because you are annoying!!!!

I was saying to my friend the other day how when i feel well, i hide my emotions as much as i can because people see any type of emotion in me as a sign of me being unwell, but its just a sign of me being well i think. If the emotions correlate with the situation.

For instance, my manager spent the whole day on the verge of tears and blamed it on PMS, if i spent the whole day crying, i'd get sent home for relapsing or something.

[Ultra Darkness]

I spend a lot of time analyzing my behavior, but that's just the way I am. I've done it since well before I knew about bpd.

...or I prefer the more current term that is used… Emotional Vulnerability Disorder. It is a more gentle… in my opinion.

I'm not sure I've heard of that term o.O I've heard at one point the proposed change to Emotional Dysregulation Disorder. Not officially anyway.

Originally Posted by Ultra Darkness

I spend a lot of time analyzing my behavior, but that's just the way I am. I've done it since well before I knew about bpd.

I wonder though from your descriptions of behavior and talking to you, if you have something else also. PM me if you're curious.

I see what you're saying, but for some of us, at least for me, BPD has already won.

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

I see what you're saying, but for some of us, at least for me, BPD has already won.

It has only won, when you're dead. Life's still going, you still can make a come back, I'm telling ya! If you really thought it won for real you wouldn't even be on the bpd threads! I know very few people, if any that come here without a hope to find some answers to life's questions, here, related to MI and disorder issues.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Yeah I understand what you're saying Buttercup. I wish it were as easy as just smply a "label" a label, i could or others could just rip off, and say NO MORE. Unfortunately I'm also not saying that we should ignore that the disorder exists because it is there. I do have days and periods when I know that it's BPD causing some issues in my life. A label is only just a name, without really much meaning. Although I've had asked of me, "why do you want to be labeled?" I don't see it as that. It is indeed a meaningful description of me, but I just never want it to be ALL of the description of me. It's just a certain aspect of my life and myself that I struggle with.

I am in no way saying it is easy because it is not, I suffer with this horrible disorder (BPD) I am saying that I look at it as a label.

I admit myself that at times I use BPD as an excuse when I become ill, It actually became a reality to me just 2 weeks ago when my therapist said to me that I am psychologically ill

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

It has only won, when you're dead. Life's still going, you still can make a come back, I'm telling ya! If you really thought it won for real you wouldn't even be on the bpd threads! I know very few people, if any that come here without a hope to find some answers to life's questions, here, related to MI and disorder issues.

On the inside I'm very much dead. Only reason I'm not is because I'm a coward. And as much as I appreciate everyone here, a website is not going to help me. I'm here because I have no where else to go, not because I think it's going to help. I just... I don't know. Like Ultradarkness, I've always over analyzed my behavior, long before I knew about BPD.

Originally Posted by Buttercup..

I am in no way saying it is easy because it is not, I suffer with this horrible disorder (BPD) I am saying that I look at it as a label.

I admit myself that at times I use BPD as an excuse when I become ill, It actually became a reality to me just 2 weeks ago when my therapist said to me that I am psychologically ill

I understand. I think for the most part we both agree. I don't even necessarily think that bpd people are "ill".

*sigh* Why is it that I always make people hate me wherever I go. Am I alone in this, seriously? I just can't imagine anyone could have more anger and hatred inside them than I do.