[Atypical_Disaster]

I just shouldn't post, all I do is say stupid **** that upsets people & end up freaking out because I can't do anything right. So stupid. I am so stupid. I don't know what to do anymore, why can't I just stop it already? Why can't I do anything right? Why can't I just suck it up & be okay? ughhhh

[wadingthruemotions]

I havew flown off the handle at least three times I am aware of today at work and with work peeps. I am so utterly annoyed and irritated with people that don't flipping listen to what you are saying. Its rude. I get asked the same crap over and over and I am tired of repeating myself.

Then on top of that cause I am so damn out of it right now I have managed to cut off people mid-sentence. Which I hate doing that and can't seem to stop. Wtf...

I don't know what goes on in my stupid head anymore.

[-Astral-]

Was feeling suicidal most of today talked with my husband about it helped
Feeling a bit better now
Went to hearing voices group only stayed for 24 minutes because i was anxious
I have another hearing voices group tomorrow at 2pm

[greentires4me]

so the Pdoc finally listen to what I was saying and said we are putting you on a drug that will make you stop hearing those voices but you have to promise me no suicides attempts or going to the hospital and I agreed. But why did I have to wait so long to get this arrange drug treatment? is what I don't get. I don't want to start a whole thread about doctor and their comprises to get what they want and need what I need....but after a whole bunch of caffinee I feel better where as I had none all weekend what so ever at all.

[LostAngel0616]

Not too good. Been dealing with a lot of mixed emotions on this pregnancy and I really wish I could just take my medication. I'm starting to see myself go downhill without it...

[BorderlineMess]

I feel completely out of it. So tired, like I haven't slept, but can't fall asleep. My sister is worried about me. I told her I was hearing and seeing things. I cry a lot when I'm not home. I feel safe, generally, at home. I told my dad yesterday that I need to quit working. I'm doing that half for me and half for him. For me, I feel like I'm heading down a crazy, dark spiral and I need to focus on taking care of myself. For him, I feel he deserves a more dependable employee. I miss work a lot, especially because of my depression and anxiety. But just talking to him about it made me cry.

I feel empty, hollow, disconnected from the world.

I'm here....

I'm very, very anxious and quite pissed at the moment. My computer did an automatic update to Internet Explorer 10 yesterday, and my finicky work program is not compatible with it, and Microsoft makes it very tricky to roll back. Anything that messes with my work sets me off big time. I just hope I can get it rolled back without having to reinstall Windows in the process.

[-Astral-]

ended up not going to my hearing voices group today
Feeling very low because of past stuff

[poptart316]

I'm bored and I hate everything. I wish I was with my boyfriend. I have a job interview tomorrow, which is good.. the downside is that it is only seasonal, I'm not looking forward to telling them I can only work 20 hours a week (they want me to work 25) because I get SSI.

[wadingthruemotions]

Another flipping debilitating headache took most of my day out.

Though I did sleep.

Guess back to the Dr I go.

[greentires4me]

I bought a bag of sour dinosaurs that I am chomping on right now as well as my essentials of bread and hot dog buns.

went to NSA today don't feel like much headway but the doctor seems to think I have made lots of progress...I am not convinced as of yet. And its painful when we do the positions and I come home in writhing pain some times.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I feel thoroughly done with life right now. I'm so sick of everything, sick of people(even though I desperately need them) & sick of myself.

[LostAngel0616]

Very stressed and sort of pissed. I was supposed to have a baby appointment today and they call me 2 hours ahead of time and tell me I need to reschedule. I already wasn't excited, now I really don't want to go at all. I feel like I'm gonna go in and there will be no heartbeat. Thank god for my living with my mom or I would flake out on all of this...

[greentires4me]

went to the pharmacy to pick up pills they only gave me my night time dose because I said I already took a morning dose and they were like how'd you do that I said because I missed a dose not to long ago that I just take next days on the packet...there has been nothing wrong with it before why should I suffer...stupid pharmacy.

then I came home and put a spot of laundry on...now I am just waiting for it to stop so I can switch it over...

[poptart316]

I'm okay, bored. I had a job interview today.. I hope I get it! I should know by tonight or early tomorrow. I just found out that I messed up my finaid by dropping too many classes, it's frustrating and I'm kind of mad at myself. I'm going to try and appeal it and pull the BPD card. I'm about to eat something then go over to my boyfriends house- maybe we'll watch Twin Peaks.

Not great. I was up until 4am so anxious that I was throwing up so I had to call in sick to work (because I had absolutely no sleep). I don't know what the deal is with all this anxiety, don't know where it's coming from, but I need it to stop. I can't call in sick to work because of it again.

[greentires4me]

for breakfast I had causal sex...for lunch I had chicken ceasar Salad with garlic bread....
is this normal to be so impulsive I have sex with a stranger almost?

[LostAngel0616]

Today was... Ugh... Just filled with worry. I'm so nervous about this pregnancy going wrong I don't even want to read the information and magazines they've been giving me. My emotions are so mixed... I don't know how I'll deal with it either way. I wish so badly that I could take my medications. I'm actually starting to freak myself out again. I'm hardly sleeping, and when I do, my nightmares are back full force. I'm waking up daily with headaches... Things just are not going well.

[Atypical_Disaster]

...

[poptart316]

Originally Posted by greentires4me

for breakfast I had causal sex...for lunch I had chicken ceasar Salad with garlic bread....
is this normal to be so impulsive I have sex with a stranger almost?

I've been there, in fact I was just thinking how nice it would be to have sex with a stranger the other day. :/

[poptart316]

I'm bored. I'm not sure if I like my boyfriend anymore.. stupid little things are irritating me.. the way he dresses, the way he looks without his beard, because he's a nerd, because he says he loves me, because he likes Daft Punk, how we barely talk, how we don't do anything/go out anywhere.. all we do is watch TV and have sex, the way he talks dirty to me during sex- the dirty talk itself doesn't bother me- it's the way he says it. Ugh, I'm fickle.

[kala83]

I am really hard to keep my emtions in check, not lusting after certain people and being tempted to flirt and do other things is yet still an issue.

But I am trying to contol my urges and not think just in the here and now.

Challenging but doing better and better with it

[BPDBIPOLARME]

Originally Posted by misskeena

Not great. I was up until 4am so anxious that I was throwing up so I had to call in sick to work (because I had absolutely no sleep). I don't know what the deal is with all this anxiety, don't know where it's coming from, but I need it to stop. I can't call in sick to work because of it again.

I understand what you mean. I missed my dose of Geodone because I did not bring it when I went out to a rare dinner with an ex-colleague. I never go out with anybody because i'm scared I will ruin the relationship. I was sooooanxious last night, had racing thoughts that wouldn't quit, got only 1.5 hours of sleep and was having delusions....I will never do that again!