[poptart316]

I can't sleep.. lalala.. I can't sleep.. lalala..

seriously why can't my brain just stfu?

everything sucks, **** everything!

[youwillrise]

duuuuuuuuuuude

ive been feeling myself wanting him to message him, but i have to be strong. I HAVE TO BE STRONG!

I...WILL...NOT...GIVE...IN!

nope, i wont allow myself to try and get his attention. i will not watch or wait for him. i will enjoy my life and move the hayle on! MOVE ON, GIRL!

[deelooted]

Holy moly do I feel better today than I have ever felt in a very long time... and now I am worrying about waking up tomorrow back in the same ole funk. Almost don't even want to sleep... cannot even enjoy being happy to its fullest

[granite1]

can I check in here .it was a bad bad day today but believe it or not this forum helped with seeing me when I posted thanks all

[greentires4me]

today I slept rather late in to about 2:30pm then I got up had a shower, shaved my legs and got dressed. Met up with my causal partner...after he dropped me off at the Mall so I could get my prescription. I walked home from the pharmacy in flip flops which wasn't too bad, yet its very hot outside. I missed this bus I wanted to get on to make travelling time smaller it jetted off before I could reach the doors.

I feel overwhelmed, sad, perplexed and out of my groove.

So...I was doing pretty well. I was hopeful that I had a plan for the future with going back to school this coming May (starting the nursing program at a local college) and everything but it isn't looking good at all; I just can't see a feasible way that I can take out that much in student loans (on top of what I already have) and also quit my full-time job (i.e. leave the security of a full-time job and the income and benefits) to go back. What if I don't make it through my program? What if something happens financially (car breaks down, something happens to my health, etc), or I don't pass my courses? I'd be that much more in debt and have no way to pay it off, and I wouldn't have a job to boot. No...I just can't do it. So the only other alternative is to give up on my nursing degree and live the way I've been living, working two jobs and just getting by, with a huge student loan looming over my head. It's just...never going to end.

Honestly? I just wish that one of my friends or family members would call me. I want so badly to talk to someone right now, but I want them to call me, not the other way around. I feel so alone, like I'm floating on a raft in the middle of the ocean. All I need is for someone who cares for me to reach out to me...but they never, ever do. I'm all alone in this, and I think that's even scarier than the fact that I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyway, that's all.

[AnnaBegins]

Been in a downward spiral for a week now...left work early yesterday and couldn't force myself to leave the house today. I know I should be fighting negative behaviors but I don't have any energy. Just want to wrap myself in blankets and act like I don't exist...because it would be better right now if I didn't.

[youwillrise]

feeling a little overwhelmed...lots of changes at work since 5 teachers are gone. new ones will be coming to take their places. i am working in a different classroom, with a new teacher, who i hear is really nice, down to earth, etc...this teacher wil be the new lead teacher in my classroom. i am an assistant because i dont have the degree to be a lead yet, but theyve asked me to sort of...guide her and train her which im happy to do...im all for helping, but its weird to be an assistant "training" a lead. i hope we get along well. she is kind of nervous about working with toddlers and had originally asked to work in the preschool classroom...sh doesnt have the experience i do, but she has the educational background that i dont. ((shrugs))

the director told me she wanted to give me lead so badly, but cant. i am taking classes currently, but i dunno...i feel like ill never finish, though.

[MommaMK23]

Fighting shut down and unwillingly revered to autopilot. I'm so lost.

[Maranara]

The inevitable fight about my future employment happened today. You know, the one that I'm told to find a teaching job, I've finally gotten tired of it and stick up for myself, and then put in my place for saying anything at all. I always get very upset and cry, but for a day or two afterwards, it totally takes away my emotions....not disassociation, no emotions, and makes me determined to do something about it. It's a feeling I enjoy immensely. It takes away my anxiety and focuses my attention on a goal. I just wish the feeling would last long enough to actually make a difference.

Called my friend/ex-friend, whichever he is, seven times with my number blocked. Then sent him a text saying I was gonna do that stuff until he talked to me. How stupid am I, revealing my identity. Like especially now he wants to talk to me. Right.

update: so he actually did talk to me after that. Said he promised he'd text me tomorrow. Hope he does.

[Edda]

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

Called my friend/ex-friend, whichever he is, seven times with my number blocked. Then sent him a text saying I was gonna do that stuff until he talked to me. How stupid am I, revealing my identity. Like especially now he wants to talk to me. Right.

update: so he actually did talk to me after that. Said he promised he'd text me tomorrow. Hope he does.

Gah... That's me and my insane attachment to someone who doesn't want me any more.
Hugs and best of luck.

[lifelies]

Hey
I'm new at the BPD forums. I'm one of the few alters in this sytem who has BPD, so... I know this is a bit unreal for people outside the Dissociative Disorders forums, but huh.
Today has been a good morning I'm feeling happy today!
Now I like going to the beach because I can see the other people and I start observing the good people and I start laughing internally at the bad people because they're stupid
Alex
Lifelies

Originally Posted by Edda

Gah... That's me and my insane attachment to someone who doesn't want me any more.
Hugs and best of luck.

I love your avatar - do you know of Andy Riley and his series entitled 'The Book of Bunny Suicides?'

The Book of Bunny Suicides - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I hope if you learn more you'll get as much of a kick out of the cartoons as i do

***

Going back on topic, i'm in a pretty bad way.

[Edda]

Originally Posted by Spockette

I love your avatar - do you know of Andy Riley and his series entitled 'The Book of Bunny Suicides?'

The Book of Bunny Suicides - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I hope if you learn more you'll get as much of a kick out of the cartoons as i do

***

Going back on topic, i'm in a pretty bad way.

Thanks. I found this...

The Book Of Bunny Suicdes - a set on Flickr


Brill

[Edda]

Originally Posted by Spockette

I love your avatar - do you know of Andy Riley and his series entitled 'The Book of Bunny Suicides?'

The Book of Bunny Suicides - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I hope if you learn more you'll get as much of a kick out of the cartoons as i do

***

Going back on topic, i'm in a pretty bad way.

My fave:

Bunny Suicdes 864323 | Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Ok so up to now I'd missed a lot of work, why? Cus I've been a lazy butt, a slacker and self-absorbed, self-pitying jerk. :/ Well over the past two weeks, I've cleaned up my act, which I'm happy about. I am now on Day 8 of work days in a row (not as in without a break, there was a weekend in there.. but anyway) So Monday is a day for celebration for me. (hesitant to say it's my bday because frankly I'm not wanting a crapload of "happy birthday!" greetings from everyone -- just so you know). So anyway.. good thing is that I politely asked if I could have the day off for this reason and my boss commended me on doing so well lately and that she would actually approve my leave! (she hasn't been approving my use of paid leave lately because of my attendance). First day off without guilt in a very long time...

Sorry to ramble. Hope everyone's weekend is good!

[x_BabyG_x]

I just had three really good normal days then relapsed (SI'd) on a whim after almost 3 years of being clean.

So im feeling rather crappy but for some reason it hasnt hit my heart yet.

[MommaMK23]

Feeling shattered today. In such a negative state of mind. I know and accept that the only change in life I can make is myself, however I am so fed up with ignorance.

[deelooted]

Barely made it through the work day today, thank goodness it was slow with not a lot of client interaction. How am I going to keep this job until the meds really kick in? I am screwed, and feeling pessimistic about it all

I don't know what is stronger- my love for the weekends, or my hatred for Mondays! TGIF..until it's Monday again

[Maranara]

Paranoid, defeated, anxious, beat up, lonely. Tried...can't do it...be back someday.

Friend said he "promised" he'd text me this afternoon and he didn't. Why am I not surprised.

Sometimes I don't know if I actually believe in God, but as I was lying in bed last night I was sobbing and praying (just basically saying, "God, help me, God, help me...") I also said, in the midst of this (as in my last post to this thread) that I needed someone to call me, namely my aunt. I got a message from my aunt on my phone at 7:30 this morning. Coincidence, maybe, but I can go for months and months and months without my aunt calling me. In fact, it has been months since she's called me. I don't know, believe what you will. I just...want to believe that someone is looking out for me. I just wish that whoever it is would get me out of my current situation...

[deelooted]

Originally Posted by Maranara

Paranoid, defeated, anxious, beat up, lonely. Tried...can't do it...be back someday.

Hope to see you back sooner than later, Maranara...

[MommaMK23]

Originally Posted by misskeena

Sometimes I don't know if I actually believe in God, but as I was lying in bed last night I was sobbing and praying (just basically saying, "God, help me, God, help me...") I also said, in the midst of this (as in my last post to this thread) that I needed someone to call me, namely my aunt. I got a message from my aunt on my phone at 7:30 this morning. Coincidence, maybe, but I can go for months and months and months without my aunt calling me. In fact, it has been months since she's called me. I don't know, believe what you will. I just...want to believe that someone is looking out for me. I just wish that whoever it is would get me out of my current situation...

I believe that someone is always looking out for you, who it may be we will never know. I can relate because I wish whomever is looking over me would get me out of where I am in my head right now. We've all just got to try and hang on. The time will come when you can pull yourself up.