[greentires4me]

today I slept through or past to see my cop friend at 12am I am sure she understands I woke up at 4am and called her several times she wasn't answering then woke up at 6:30am called her again she wasn't answering just fell back asleep until 11am then got up and was alive for awhile before I hit the sack at 11:30 and slept some more until 1:21pm I left the house at 2:42 to get my meds...then turned back to see my PDoc. She had no good news just she wanted 1 self harm during the whole entire month before she allows me to have more pills then daily take them. Its like I have no life or near a time in my life where I am allowed to work...

I feel disheartened, sad, depressed, and wanting joy to come to my life instead of whistles of time

[quote=youwillrise;3194624]

i'm truly considering checking out portland, oregon...have felt a pull to there for many years now and i finally want to travel there and see what it's all about. maybe i'll escape there and start a renewed life or something. i dunno.

Why Portland? I lived in the area for about 2 years. Just wondering

i talk too much.

No you don't. that's what this thread is for... exactly what you said here.

[UnderTheRose]

started divalproex last night, was sure i would have an immediate horrible side effect, but i still woke up safe and sound this morning so i guess it went okay. Adjusting being back home after a week in a forested amazing area with beaches and dred heads. it was so quiet and safe hiding amongst the trees. back to the grind now. Had no internet, cell service for 8 days and did AWESOME!

[greentires4me]

so today I woke up at 4am then didn't do anything until 6:30am went back to sleep until 11:23am dragged myself out of bed got into the shower. I swear I am loosing my short term memory because its difficult to remember when I woke up and what I did after that had some food.

went out at 1:45pm to the Service Canada to get a form filled out

after that ordeal of standing in line for 20mins it was far from over I walked up the road to the pharmacy all the well texting a friend it was tricky but I managed not to get hit by anything.

then spent another 15mins in the pill line up someone was being rude to the pharmacy assistants I was like treat them nicely or I will do something to make you be nice. he walked away bewildered.

then on my way home crossing in the pedisteren cross walk thats activated by by people this bus almost hit me after he tried to run the red when it was solid red/.

so I am feeling sad, overwhelmed but good

[youwillrise]

[quote=s4ndm4n2006;3196931]

Originally Posted by youwillrise

Why Portland? I lived in the area for about 2 years. Just wondering


No you don't. that's what this thread is for... exactly what you said here.

honestly,

i dont know why portland. the pull started years ago and i still havent figured out why. its just been ringing in my ear and whispering in the back of my mind. i dont know if ill end up wanting to move there, but i at least want to visit to see if i feel anything or find anything there.

[youwillrise]

was blah today. could not find the thing that holds all my important stuff this am. camp needs to be over. found my important stuff holder when i got home, so my mood lightened...but then i went online to see a message from my professor about me submitting my assignment too early and that i hadnt read everyones assignments before submitting (my classlist only lists 8 other students in the class...so i guess i overlooked some people)...but i had to hold back tears because i hate doing things the wrong way and i suck at taking criticism. i internalize evvvvverything. thr smallest little critique can send me into a depressive state i told her i could wait and do it over. =/

Made it to work the most more days this week than I've been able to in a long time... I'm in a good mood, I think partially because I feel worth something. I mean, when I'm not making it to work, I have this feeling of dread and self loathing that is like a black cloud over me. I feel guilty and worthless and like I'm just a f* up. Today I'm proving to myself I can do this. I have done it before I just slipped for awhile...

[Fuzzybear]

Hello...
I miss beautiful freak

[Morgansangel]

Hi,

New here so thought I'd say hi. Should really try to sleep again as its 5.35am. Just been lying here all night on various websites feeling awful.

Not exactly a positive introductory message I guess… sorry

I nearly od'd yesterday, si'ed quite badly.

I'm so tired.

[deelooted]

Kinda feeling down today after a confirmation from my pdoc that I indeed do have BPD...along with my bipolar, what a mix. Blah, and irritated today!

[x_BabyG_x]

I'm feeling a little better, anxiety isn't as bad but I'm still confused as hell with mixed feelings flying around everywhere. And that one person you hate or day and love the next?today, it is hate.

Hoping for a gentle week, feeling very fragile. Hugs to everyone who's in a similar boat

[x_BabyG_x]

He's pissed me off and he doesn't even friggin know it.

Struggling to keep my BPD emotions controlled while my bf works thru his. Yeah, I agreed to this challenge. Not sure how long I can do it, but therapy for me is next week even if he refuses to go. If I can get help, I hope I can help him.

[Morgansangel]

Feeling awful. Everything is out to get me today and I've been asleep for most of it since I was awake until about 10am

[Maranara]

My daughter called me late last night. Had a question about grammar. She was pulling an all-nighter to complete a research paper and the author of a book she was using had made a grammatical error on the page and called to verify it with me. Lol...I guess it seems pretty silly, but she provided a small light in my dark tunnel that I haven't had in a while.

Happy monday people. had a good weekend. Slept during the day and played nocturnal creature for the most part lmao. In spite of the weird sleeping habits I had over the weekend, here I am, at work, and all is as it should be.

It's going to be mildly warm today - in the 80s. The morning walk was good as it was partially cloudy and only 67 degrees, no sweating in the sun this morning - happy about that.

Nothing special going on, and that's not a bad thing.

Good night turned bad. Pissed off. Boyfriend is very very drunk, just checked on him to find him asleep in his own vomit. I think I'll be sleeping in the spare room, for what there is left of the night anyway!

[poptart316]

I've been having a hard time staying asleep lately, despite taking sleep medication.. I've been taking it every night for the past 4-5 days and I fear that I'll run out of it quickly and that my doctor prescribe me anymore because it's addictive.

My mom's moving back to Florida to live with her abusive husband again, I'm really angry at her.. she tried to call me to tell me she wanted to give me a picture and I told her that I didn't care and hung up on here.. I feel kinda bad about it now, maybe I'll give her a call today.

I'm going to force myself to go to the park and take pictures today, I really need to be more active/productive instead of sitting around feeling sorry myself.

Day 6 - of working without missing a day. That is not in a row, there was a weekend in there but I just mean work days in a row. This is good. I'm on a roll and getting used to it. Taking sleep aid at night helps -- nothing addictive, it's just over the counter, generic unisom. Not enough to conk me out but enough that I actually want to sleep which is not typical. Getting to bed by 1 am helps tremendously, I don't get tired during the work day anymore, at least not until late in the afternoon, if at all and that's not long before I go home anyway. That works for me.

Working on getting to 30 days in a row -- wish me luck.

[x_BabyG_x]

well what a change from the past few days, aparently theres a rainbow after the storm and its here, and as an added bonus I havent left a single mark on my body!

Today I feel more in control, i want to look after myself and be kind to myself and I am letting it be. Ive realised that Im struggling, and yes they hurt, but also registered that I dont want that hurt and anger in my life.

Today has been kind to me, I have been kind to me, and Im very grateful for that.

[rise__above]

I'm tired of not understanding what makes other people angry, or what will drive people away from me. Any interaction with another person that's even slightly unpleasant leaves me scared that I'll be abandoned.

I hate living with the constant fear that I'm going to be left.

[poptart316]

I just got done with my last therapy session.. I have to find a new therapist and I'm not looking forward to setting it all up.

I feel incredibly anxious and angry and hate everything.

Yesterday I had a day off work planning to spend time with my boyfriend. He was hungover all day and we did nothing all day. It sucked.

Today I'm back at work and feeling pretty low

Don't you just hate it when nothing goes according to plan!!

[Margolomania]

I joined psychcentral today! Pretty stoked since the past days have left me feeling underwhelmed and just disconnected with everything around me. Just seeing people say similar things help... Makes me feel less of an alien.