Doing much better with the anxiety right now. I think part of it is simply because I broke down and took a Klonopin (which I don't like to do that much), and part of it is because I went out for some frozen yogurt and talk time with a friend. Yep...feeling much more mellow right now, thankfully.

Was fine yesterday, but now I'm back to wanting to die because I can't do anything right and everyone is more worthy and important than I am.

[wadingthruemotions]

I started today off rather blah and bland a bit. Now I am almost manic I feel so high and giddy and have not done a thing to feel this way, hmmm.

[tigersassy]

I'm having a hard time. Work was ok almost 14 hours and don't feel like I did anything. Everyone else did more than me. I SIed last night twice. And now my mental health nurse thinks I should be on meds which is kindda freaking me out. Only Med I felt like did anything was geodon and it made me feel super mellow. I don't want to go on anything that isn't going to work or is going to make me a zombie. Then silly things at work made me mad which gets redirected at myself. Sorry just needed to get it out.

[greentires4me]

I had chat today with mental health nurse in coffee shop its the second time she has left me absolutely stuck in daze not a good daze but a daze of disassociation. I didn't know what was going on this time and I felt really sad and off beat. I remember it had something to do with talking about wanting to commit suicide then everything she said after that was like blah blah blah blah. And she kept smiling...for some reason....

now I feel all rattled....but the daze has warn off it took awhile I even stared at myself in the mirror washing my hands for a very long time...maybe its the ativan I took 4mgs...

Did okay today, didn't have so much anxiety today as yesterday. I was supposed to go out for coffee with a friend, but he overslept (I mean like, slept all day--he works third shift) so I didn't end up doing anything. Boredom kind of got the best of me today. It's hard for me to find things to occupy my time unless I'm out with other people. I really need to clean my house, but cleaning is too close to work (not that I clean for a living) and I have to work tomorrow so...you know...I just didn't feel like it. Now I'm just watching TV until it's time to go to bed, mentally preparing myself for work tomorrow.

[Ultra Darkness]

Just spent half an hour reading about paradoxes. Funny things, paradoxes.

Been okay lately..have just been so busy with work and my gardening, trying to fit errands, appointments, reading and guitar playing in ...it's hard to keep up with everything.

I hope you're all doing ok. Have missed you

hung out with church woman ("K") today. sort of a girls' day out sort of thing. it was fun. she talks a lot more than i do and can compose her thoughts faster, so i didn't have much to say, but i didn't mind. we ate at an Indian place that i'd never been to, so i got to try out some new foods. it was a change of pace for me. if i get out on my days off, i usually just end up running errands and then coming home and not really doing anything else. so it was nice to get out for something new.

but have mixed feelings about things. meh.

Horrible and unwanted.

[greentires4me]

just got back from DBT ...homework whats that someone wanna do mine for me...

we learned about the primary emotion and the secondary emotion and how the present in the body and how they come out of how we all go there it didn't seemed so hard actually quite easy...I wasn't overly triggered by anyone I didn't leave their feeling less then when I started out to be.

now I wish I could have a nap...

Friend has just said he "needs to talk to me alone." I'm very nervous he's going to tell me to get lost.

[dldbattig]

Will there be a point when the confusion will go away? When I talk with my psychologist or my wife I always feel like they are saying something different and contradicting from what they have told me before. I feel stupid for not understanding...feel even dumber now that it's written down...oh well....

[Britneigh]

On the verge of tears. I don't want to do this anymore.

[Luctor]

Sad. Lonely. Empty.

arranging things for our weekend away, lol. traveling is expensive.

feeling okay.

Been dreading tomorrow although the stuff happening is good. I just was expecting things to fail me somehow. Now that it looks like it's all actually going to happen, I'm actually getting anxious for it. (getting car tagged, license reinstated.. etc)

yeah I usually don't post on the check in any more because I've felt like I was posting like people do on FB and I hate following everyone's details of every event so I figured no one wants to follow mine either

Figured today's or tomorrow's anyway was big enough to mention. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DRIVE FOR MOST OF A F&%*ING YEAR!

[greentires4me]

I don't know what to say anymore I had vision or a dream that I overdosed on everything I had...when I came to I was like so thats what its like or something like that.

I feel out of it....

[poptart316]

My day turned to ****... I'm going to the Oakland with my boyfriend-ish and his friend... it's a speakeasy, it's very fancy and has expensive $15+ drinks that are very good and strong, all whisky and rum too. I'll just sit there like a bump on a log but w/e.. at least I have something to do and at least someone likes me and I'll have alcohol!

I'm feeling a tad low tonight. Not seriously depressed or anything it's just ... grr... I wish I had a significant other to spend some time with. My friends are great and I'm glad that I have them. But I'm tired of being 35 and single. I want to share my life with someone. And I'm afraid that I don't have the capacity to attract someone to me. Right now I mainly feel that I am not pretty enough though, most of the time, I feel that is the least of my worries (I mean, I've seen some ugly people together so... you know.) Anyway. That's me tonight.

[shortandcute]

Had a visit from my brother in law today. Apparently, I'm not really ill, I just don't read my Bible and quote scripture enough!

Originally Posted by shortandcute

Had a visit from my brother in law today. Apparently, I'm not really ill, I just don't read my Bible and quote scripture enough!

ARGH!! Sorry to hear this. So not true. I used to be a fundamentalist. Hearing this kind of bulls--- makes me see red.

**disclaimer** I have nothing against any religion, just when people say this kind of thing to someone who is suffering. That is all.

[Love/Hate09]

Not the best.

You are supposed to leave therapy feeling better about things and i left feeling worse and like a total failure.

I'm sure i'm just over thinking it but i can't help that. That's the first time i have left feeling like ok maybe this is not working like it should be. It was never going to be a quick fix and i knew that but i got the impression i was being shown the door in a very polite and subtle way. I'm sure i wasn't but that's how i felt and that's never a good way to finish a session.

[Luctor]

Yesterday I sent my ex an email asking how she is. She hasn't responded, but has been active on facebook. She's ignoring me. Which she knows causes me a lot of pain.

I don't understand why she'd enjoy hurting me like this. It's causing me such turmoil. I miss her so much. I just want to hear from her.

[hezaa82]

feeling pretty lonely because it's Friday night and I'm at home. I have to work Saturday morning and I thought that would make me feel ok about being at home but I'm getting increasingly depressed and anxious. It's so lonely having no one I can talk to about myself. I was trying to think of who I can count as a friend in my life and J is probably the only person who's actually a friend and not an acquaintance. and he doesn't even make me a very big part of his life. :/