[poptart316]

I stayed up late last night and slept in till 5pm, I haven't been very productive at all today. I'm about to go to the drive in to see The Great Gatsby in a little.

Well I've been busy..the little worker bee tending to responsibility, seemingly content on the outside. Cooperating and pulling my weight and helping others with theirs.

Inside I am an ocean of emotion. I'm standing on an island -alienated from everyone and everything. I feel I am the 'other' ...despite reassurance after reassurance, I don't belong. I am separate from. I can rationalize that this is perception...but the feeling is gnawing at me. My own mind turns me into the 'other'. The feelings seem to propel me to push people away, the realization that it is mere perception propels me to pull them closer...A walking dichotomy ...today I feel as if I am two forces in one, two north magnetic poles pushing at one another and trying to be symbiotic. I am impossible. I want to push even myself away.

Working....lonely....discontent....empty. Want to change it but don't want to be perceived as needy, clingy, even if the perception is only to myself.

What do others feel? I truly want to know.....

[Atypical_Disaster]

I'm sick from withdrawals from a medication I had an allergic reaction to and had to stop taking abruptly because of it. I feel like I'm dying, my emotional self can't see that this is temporary and not going to last forever. I HATE THIS.

[Arethusa]

sometimes I wonder what is the point when I feel so frustrated by everything not happening fast enough

[greentires4me]

not too bad today went to NSA then went to a burger joint came home about 2pm got in bed to have a nap now just awoke from a strange dream.

I was planning my birthday at zellers which no longer exists and my mom was driving me around saying I needed to get a prescription from dad but I was like dad is no doctor and she was like yeah he is. Every where we went was the wrong place but finally we made it to zellers of all places. And she was like hes in here are you coming, but I was like zellers. Then she was like angry and said get out of the car now. We went in and I got a cart and started stock piling candy for my birthday then I was asked by someone why you going a mile a minute in this candy isle are you on sugar or something I said no why. then dream abruptly ended when I had to go to the bathroom.

[greentires4me]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

I'm sick from withdrawals from a medication I had an allergic reaction to and had to stop taking abruptly because of it. I feel like I'm dying, my emotional self can't see that this is temporary and not going to last forever. I HATE THIS.

feel better soon

I'm sick of being ignored. I'd rather someone tell me they hate me than ignore me.

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

I'm sick of being ignored. I'd rather someone tell me they hate me than ignore me.

Igoring is the worse. My mom punished me by totally ignoring me for as much as a week at a time when I was growing up. I understand.

[poptart316]

I'm doing okay, I just got back from my boyfriends and wish I hadn't left- it's getting so I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not around him, being around him puts me in a totally different mode, I'm less self conscious, more relaxed and apt to just go with the flow. I think I'm going to take a nap and then clean my room.

[LostAngel0616]

Well, today was okay. Started off okay, anyway. Went to a parade. Then I got home and everybody that was supposed to come over couldn't. I'm starting to feel like a hermet. It's less that I'm not hanging out with people, and more that I'm not able to do anything outside alone. My mother is getting very smothering. So I've been in the house all day, forcing me to sit and stew in my anxiety. =/

[myrtlemaid]

ooof feeling spacey and detached...need something to cling onto so I dont drift away...probably in part dueto it being a bank holiday here so no group... just gotta makeit till thursday tho and can get a bit of support about handling it another time.

I'm fine but then I am most of the time. Everything isn't quite in order in my life but then, will it ever be? That's the way life is right? There is always going to be challenges and things to improve in myself and in my life so why not accept that's the way it is and enjoy as much as I can?

[BorderlineMess]

So after my roommate had a really horrible response to me telling him I was suicidal, he left a note on the fridge saying he was having a little get together and wanted to let me know. Well, f him and all his friends. I didn't want to be around it. So I stayed the weekend at my mom's apartment, which is empty because she's in a nursing home.

Lots of things that never bothered me before are triggering me. I went over to my sister's house on Saturday and just busted out in tears in front of everyone. Just a blubbering idiot.

I'm becoming increasingly more paranoid. I don't want to see or talk to many people. I feel like I'm being pushed away from everyone. Slowly being disowned by my family. The person I'm most afraid of talking to is my dad.

*sigh* I keep telling myself that it will get better, eventually. Hopefully.

[tigersassy]

Feeling like crap again.... I'm thinking about upping my dose Dr said I could stay at the 10s or go to the 20s after a week. I was going to try 10s for 2 weeks don't think its going to work. I feel bad. I stood up for myself and that made it worse. Just wanna go curl up in a hole out of everyone's way and cry.

Haven't been on here in a while. Feeling kind of meh today, just kind of lonely. Been doing online dating for the last week or so. Went out on one date and it didn't really work out, but the guy and I (I thought) still wanted to do something this coming Friday just to hang out (because we actually did have a lot in common). Well, I asked him today what he wanted to do and he said he was actually going on a date instead and didn't want to hang out with me anymore. Find, but if you don't actually ever want to hang out with me again, why not just be honest with me? WTF is wrong with people??

Suddenly struck with a case of the lonelys. Just trying to make it through the last hour of work. I've gotta get a job out of the house.....

[greentires4me]

I lost 3.5lbs I checked on the scale downstairs I now weigh 193.5lbs

feeling sorta bored and ill at wanting to do anything rich and splendorous...

I'm here, I'm working as usual, I'm slowing getting tense, but I guess none of that is nothing new.

I'm here at work. Nothing eventful to report.

My friend doesn't like me anymore and though he won't admit it, because no one ever does and they don't seem to care that they're leading you on, I know he's avoiding me.

[Luvmydog]

Better today than yesterday, but still struggling with sleep issues.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Frankly, I feel like ****.

At peace with an important, impulsive decision.

[Evil Schnoodle]

Hi everyone..NeverGoodEnough..I'm still thinking you are good enough. Atypical, LuvmyDog,Maranara...and everyone on the last pages: Thinking of you and wishing you some moments of joy and contentment . Today I am mixed. Mood has been crappy, but I feel ok. Drinking a bit too much to cope with sadness and loss...much grief from the past...but sometimes I just feel hopeful, even if for a moment. Lately I notice that my pain decreases when I do random things for other people. So...to all of you...goodnight..sleep well....and know that you have people thinking of you...