[Ultra Darkness]

Digging around in my head. No clue what I'm looking for, but dang is it dusty!
Oh wait. Found something.
Need to go post a thread now.

Originally Posted by Ultra Darkness

Digging around in my head. No clue what I'm looking for, but dang is it dusty!
Oh wait. Found something.
Need to go post a thread now.

:::: hands her a duster ::: that help?

Life is good right now. But... (there's always a "but") I'm having problems with anticipatory anxiety. Really bad. I don't know why I have it, I can't really put a finger on what's causing it. This morning, I was waiting to leave for work, except that I wasn't going to my usual location, at the emergency department; I had a meeting that I needed to attend offsite and not at my usual work time. I felt a lot of anxiety about this, but I can't really say why. I was ready about 30 minutes before I had to leave and the longer I had to wait to leave, the more anxious I felt. It was awful. I've been having increasing problems with this kind of anxiety lately, and I'm afraid it's going to interfere with my work (which just causes more anxiety). Something to bring up with my T I guess, but she's just going to discuss coping mechanisms with me, and I feel like they aren't working...

*sigh* I don't get it. Otherwise, I'm feeling like everything is just fine.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful

I hope you're okay.

I am glad you checked in.

Everybody's checkins are important to me.

Carol

Thank you, seriously. I'm kind of a mess. Mania + sick + my usual neurotic **** = fun times.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Just thanking everyone on here for sharing because I care.

We deserve it.

I love you all.

Carol

Obsession, overthinking, and insomnia are all horrible things.

[Britneigh]

Checking in for the last time. Don't feel wanted or even noticed here.

[greentires4me]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Checking in for the last time. Don't feel wanted or even noticed here.

I noticed you...and gave you a hug

[greentires4me]

feeling kinda blue and out of the way in pain...I felt so bad when I was walking home....

Still sick. Skipped school today. Friend hasn't texted me back. He's loyal so I'm sure it's just that he hasn't seen my texts yet, but I sent him some pretty melodramatic texts that shouldn't have been sent. It makes me want to avoid him. On the other hand, I'm feeling sort of sentimental right now. I feel like writing something.

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Checking in for the last time. Don't feel wanted or even noticed here.

please stay safe i know how it feels to not feel wanted or noticed here. but you are definitely cared about! i was going to reply to your check-in yesterday but had to go to work. i was just thinking, maybe since you seem to be under so much stress that you are taking it out on your partner, and your partner is already under a lot of pressure from other influences, maybe a break from each other would be good? i know a lot of people don't want to even consider that, but it would be beneficial for both of you. maybe you can work on your anger management and lashing out (because believe me, i completely understand where you're coming from i have my own abuse issues, where i am the instigator...)

then, maybe, when you are better able to cope with whatever sets you off, you can try again. because people CAN change. they just have to want it.

[Iamsotired]

Hi, i saw your post about wanting to run away, and love your Avatar. I know that feeling of wanting to run away. I refer to it as wanting to jump off the world.

Is there anything in particular going on? I hope to hear from you. I'm feeling better finally after about 10 days of hell, when yesterday my therapist finally confirmed I'm BPD, which I've suspected since the late 80s.

Hang in there, run away in your fantasies if being rooted is too hard for you right now.

Christine

[Luctor]

After a switch from Risperdal to Seroquel my mood has lifted, however, paradoxically, I am getting far less sleep on the Seroquel, and some of my irritability and agitation has returned.

I am feeling okay. I hope it lasts.

I feel all over the place... I see my T today too, Hopefully I feel better as the day goes by.

I've pretty much made it through almost the whole week, getting to work. This is a good thing. Not patting myself on the back, after all it's my responsibility and getting to work everyday should be a given, nothing that should be commended for I'm just glad I'm starting to get my act together.

Just found out that one of the organizations we work with here is reorganizing. I'm glad for this, as a few of the higher ups that are coming to the group are old coworkers, now directors and leads. One was a direct lead of mine and now is a director so I know him personally. Another that is a lead I worked with daily and sat next to years ago. Lastly one of them worked as my direct supervisor/director temporarily. More people to network with and open doors, as to be honest, I'm kind of tired of development and might want to go back into doing support again.

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Checking in for the last time. Don't feel wanted or even noticed here.

I know how this feels, but it's the BPD lying to you. Don't let it. I notice you, and so do others.

Feeling pretty good today. I've paid off some of the debt that I had been talking about a while back (some people may remember that, I don't know). So that feels pretty good. I'll probably have it all paid off (besides my student loans, which I don't really want to think about) pretty soon, and that will free me up quite a bit. That takes a big load off.

[tigersassy]

Been having panic attacks most of the day today. That coupled with anger burst made for an interesting day at work. Now trying to mellow out.

am getting a little anxious but trying to have faith that my husband will be home before i have to leave for work, haha. meanwhile, just getting ready and working on my crocheted jacket...taking me FOREVER but finally found a pattern i like so am trying to get it done soon...will be nice when it's finally finished.

Angry, anxious, emotional, confused. Tired. Giving up therapy probably. Giving up trying.

I started zoning out (dissassociating) really bad when I got irrationally upset yesterday, but it never went away and it doesn't usually last long. Little did I know I was getting a head cold. The feeling is remarkably the same.....kinda weird. I'm not contributing to many threads due to this and that I just don't feel like I have much to offer. I'm kinda on the edge when it comes to the entire emotion thing, and I don't want anything to push me over....which is also kinda strange since I'm all numb. Don't know...just kinda mixed up feeling today.

[Ultra Darkness]

I'm in one of my rare moods where I'm happy, and no amount of negativity can bring me down! Hopefully it'll last awhile, but I'm enjoying it while it lasts, however long that is.

sorry i'm annoying

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Sitting in uncomfortable feelings, esp feeling unlovable and ugly.

Finally made a phone call to reschedule my dentist appt (took the whole week to psych up and decide which place I even wanted to call)

Ani wants me to go back to 12 step meetings. I have not been going cause of feeling unlovable/unacceptable, since 2 weeks ago. I am tired of running and being frightened away. At the same time, I am also tired of feeling like I have to run away because I am shunned. I hope, like Keena said, it's just the bpd lying to me. He also wants to help me work on BPA book. (Borderline Personalities Anonymous)

thanks,

Carol

I want to hide.I needed to go on a hike today and couldn't bring myself to do it. when my husband comes home from work he's going to grill me and harass me about if I went on a hike or not. I want him to come home and be nice and not even ask me about it.I just want to avoid this confrontation.