[granite1]

hi folks .I had a long night last night .my day was ok I went to a scrapbooking thing and it was fun .but hardly slept last night. I kept waking up in a panic about silly things. very tired today so far .
I hope everyone has a good day

[deelooted]

Slept so good, upped bupropion to 300mg, waiting for this med to kick in....as I am ready to kick in a door out of frustration. I am feeling better than before I began my latest mix of meds, but still feeling a little depressed, discouraged, and teary-eyed. And very sensitive

updated @ few hours later- Wow! feeling much better, think the dosage is good now

So for no reason at all, I'm sure my bf is pulling away. I talked to him yesterday and told a funny story, but he seemed distant..I asked him what he was thinking about (very cheerfully) and he said nothing much. Just about things he has to do at work. Then later when we messaged he said it would be later before he could have a break and 'see' me. And I don't know. He doesn't say I love you unless I do and lately I've been not saying it because I feel like he's getting overwhelmed (even tho I only say it at the end of our conversations).

So then I feel stupid and angry and hurt and sad...all in about 5 minutes. But the sad stayed and I woke up with it. I cried in the shower and still feel stupid. Its probably nothing, but I know him so well. I can't ask him or even bring it up because he'll say I'm starting an argument and maybe I would be, so I just sit on my emotions.

He's here in 2 weeks. I'm scared. So scared.

[deelooted]

Originally Posted by KathyOlivia

So for no reason at all, I'm sure my bf is pulling away. I talked to him yesterday and told a funny story, but he seemed distant..I asked him what he was thinking about (very cheerfully) and he said nothing much. Just about things he has to do at work. Then later when we messaged he said it would be later before he could have a break and 'see' me. And I don't know. He doesn't say I love you unless I do and lately I've been not saying it because I feel like he's getting overwhelmed (even tho I only say it at the end of our conversations).

So then I feel stupid and angry and hurt and sad...all in about 5 minutes. But the sad stayed and I woke up with it. I cried in the shower and still feel stupid. Its probably nothing, but I know him so well. I can't ask him or even bring it up because he'll say I'm starting an argument and maybe I would be, so I just sit on my emotions.

He's here in 2 weeks. I'm scared. So scared.

Hugs to you, hope you feel better soon. Just an opinion, but- if he does not allow you to open up to him about your feelings, and I mean all of them - from the good to the bad- then that makes it difficult to have a healthy relationship. This openness is what keeps my marriage so strongly glued together- we allow each other the space for the crazy emotions we go through (my wife is PTSD) and talking about them always helps in the end. Just my opinion, not trying to tell you how to love

[lifelies]

Can't stop thinking that my mother is angry because I didn't go to my father's house this weekend. He is my abuser, why should I go there?
I'm afraid to lose her.
Tom

[x_BabyG_x]

Weird day today.

Talked to my best frien over skype and told her id relapsed and she went all quiet on me, it was really awkward. So that set me off and i started freaking out thinking she thought i was being a silly hyperchondriac. Then i went to my partners parents for tea and they were really quiet and weird around me. So i was just convinced that they were looking down on me and that they think im pathetic etc. And my partner wouldnt reply to his message and i got all freaked out thinking he was ignoring me on purpose (even though i knew he hadnt recieved it/read it). What the hell is this paranoia all about? Its killing me off.

I know in real life that they all love me and they dont think this, its like im slowly slipping away from reality. Is this part of BPD or something else?

Other than that, im totally fine tonight.

[deelooted]

Originally Posted by x_BabyG_x

Weird day today.

Talked to my best frien over skype and told her id relapsed and she went all quiet on me, it was really awkward. So that set me off and i started freaking out thinking she thought i was being a silly hyperchondriac. Then i went to my partners parents for tea and they were really quiet and weird around me. So i was just convinced that they were looking down on me and that they think im pathetic etc. And my partner wouldnt reply to his message and i got all freaked out thinking he was ignoring me on purpose (even though i knew he hadnt recieved it/read it). What the hell is this paranoia all about? Its killing me off.

I know in real life that they all love me and they dont think this, its like im slowly slipping away from reality. Is this part of BPD or something else?

Other than that, im totally fine tonight.

This type of paranoia is a part of BPD, so my pdoc says...cuz I get the same exact way hang in there, blessings and prayers coming your way

[granite1]

will this day ever end? now my farther is in hosp. i guess they think he had some sort of stroke he cant seem to say the words he wants to say or sentences.

Originally Posted by granite1

will this day ever end? now my farther is in hosp. i guess they think he had some sort of stroke he cant seem to say the words he wants to say or sentences.

Wishing you and your father all the best!

I'm just numb today. And tired. I feel so disconnected from the world

[deelooted]

I hate Mondays...always a bundle of anxiety and stress. Back to work, and the boss is back after two weeks of holiday

[granite1]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

I'm just numb today. And tired. I feel so disconnected from the world

Mondays are never a good day. maybe if you get out and be around people it might help to feel a bit more connected

[granite1]

Originally Posted by deelooted

I hate Mondays...always a bundle of anxiety and stress. Back to work, and the boss is back after two weeks of holiday

the boss coming back stinks. I hope the day is better then expected. maybe boss will be rested and happy from vacation

[granite1]

i'm off to hosp they are doing all kinds of tests on my farther today. hope they can figure out what caused this and fix it.

[deelooted]

Originally Posted by granite1

i'm off to hosp they are doing all kinds of tests on my farther today. hope they can figure out what caused this and fix it.

thank you for the encouragement blessings and prayers to you and your father, hope you get some answers and that he recovers swiftly.

[MommaMK23]

Originally Posted by x_BabyG_x

Weird day today.

Talked to my best frien over skype and told her id relapsed and she went all quiet on me, it was really awkward. So that set me off and i started freaking out thinking she thought i was being a silly hyperchondriac. Then i went to my partners parents for tea and they were really quiet and weird around me. So i was just convinced that they were looking down on me and that they think im pathetic etc. And my partner wouldnt reply to his message and i got all freaked out thinking he was ignoring me on purpose (even though i knew he hadnt recieved it/read it). What the hell is this paranoia all about? Its killing me off.

I know in real life that they all love me and they dont think this, its like im slowly slipping away from reality. Is this part of BPD or something else?

Other than that, im totally fine tonight.

This is absolutely a part of BPD. It sucks! I've felt this often and it's a nightmare. I wish I could tell you how to cope but I haven't even figured that out for myself yet. Just know you're not alone having this feeling!

[deelooted]

Sorry, couldn't resist!! a little laughter for Monday

[Edda]

In an awful state.

Ringing crisis-team in a sec I reckon.

[x_BabyG_x]

Thanks for your reply momma!

Im doing pretty well today, rang the psych up, got a dentist app, went to my GP and he got my meds changed. Fought off a panic attack in the docs waiting room. Went for an amazing run, i even changed route and went around my local park i must have been feeling brave! Now ive just spent the last hour outside watching the meteor shower before bed. I spotted ten!

Come to think of it, it was a pretty awesome day. I think i might just sleep well tonight.

Hope you are okay Edda xxx

[granite1]

Originally Posted by x_BabyG_x

Thanks for your reply momma!

Im doing pretty well today, rang the psych up, got a dentist app, went to my GP and he got my meds changed. Fought off a panic attack in the docs waiting room. Went for an amazing run, i even changed route and went around my local park i must have been feeling brave! Now ive just spent the last hour outside watching the meteor shower before bed. I spotted ten!

Come to think of it, it was a pretty awesome day. I think i might just sleep well tonight.

Hope you are okay Edda xxx

sleeping well tonight would be an awesome end to a good enough day now wouldn't it. glad your day turned out well

I was doing really well, but it was short-lived. I'm kind of down right now. I'm hoping that it's only temporary because, ugh, depression sucks.

My numbness came to an abrupt end yesterday. Think maybe I shouldn't have complained about feeling numb :/

[lifelies]

I hate my father. And I hate my mother. If she realized that my father abused me, all this **** wouldn't have happened.
Stupid people...
Tom

[granite1]

hi peeps I cant sleep at all. things have been so crazy ,i just want some calm. I am doing ok I just want some calm in my head .quiet please

People keep talking about suicide a lot at work lately. I wish they wouldn't. It's way too triggering for me right now.