[deelooted]

I hate this depression, why can't I lift back up? swinging and swinging, even with all these meds wtf??

[avlady]

I also hate it when I sleep in, it does make me feel not tired, but I worry about my responsibilities around the house, i worry i won't be able to get all my housework done.

[greentires4me]

its my birthday I can party if I want party if I want too...

so far I have bought a brita water filter because my water tastes nasty here with a combo pack of 4 filters and you exchange the filter every 2 months thats like 8 months savings *woot woot*

my mom dropped off money for my hair appointment tomorrow and she gave me cake chocolate mouse cake. yummy...

[silverlining23]

My boyfriend told me I'm not "worth it" anymore. He said I used to be but that I'm not anymore. I have spent 26 years trying to make myself feel worth it in all aspects of my life...and to hear someone who I love tell me I'm not, well that just destroys me. He doesn't understand what I go through in my head on a daily basis. He is very closed minded to things and always tells me how I need to just CHANGE. Like, I can do that so easy. He must think I want to be this way. I am tired of being sad, angry and lonely all at the same time. I am tired of looking in the mirror and hating myself. I just want to be happy but I know its not that easy for me.

[x_BabyG_x]

Originally Posted by granite1

hi peeps I cant sleep at all. things have been so crazy ,i just want some calm. I am doing ok I just want some calm in my head .quiet please

Be good to yourself. Take some time out to look after you

[x_BabyG_x]

I slept through last night - a full night! - I must have needed it, usually im a light sleeper but my partner got up hearing my daughter through the baby monitor TWICE to sort her out, then got up and brought her in to my bed this morning and woke me up. usually, im up about 10x per night.

then I had a nap today and set my alarm for two hours later thinking i'd wake up before it... alarm went off at 4pm and i struggled to wake up even then! must have needed it!

my girl is staying away until thursday so I have some head time to myself. Im going to try to look after myself. Went for an amazing evening run and started new meds tonight (calm before the storm??). Nethertheless, I like these rare easy days.

Originally Posted by avlady

I also hate it when I sleep in, it does make me feel not tired, but I worry about my responsibilities around the house, i worry i won't be able to get all my housework done.

I do that all the time...I wake up 3 or four times a night (early morning) and if I let myself start thinking...shhhhhh****t, I'm so for it. Mind just goes pinging and I cant get back to sleep. Sometimes I have to say out loud, and loudly, "STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!"

[greentires4me]

Originally Posted by silverlining23

My boyfriend told me I'm not "worth it" anymore. He said I used to be but that I'm not anymore. I have spent 26 years trying to make myself feel worth it in all aspects of my life...and to hear someone who I love tell me I'm not, well that just destroys me. He doesn't understand what I go through in my head on a daily basis. He is very closed minded to things and always tells me how I need to just CHANGE. Like, I can do that so easy. He must think I want to be this way. I am tired of being sad, angry and lonely all at the same time. I am tired of looking in the mirror and hating myself. I just want to be happy but I know its not that easy for me.

your boyfriend is jerk...we are the change we see in ourselves..not the external change we wish that would go faster. your are "worth it"...don't let that jerk tell you otherwise,,,

Originally Posted by silverlining23

My boyfriend told me I'm not "worth it" anymore. He said I used to be but that I'm not anymore. I have spent 26 years trying to make myself feel worth it in all aspects of my life...and to hear someone who I love tell me I'm not, well that just destroys me. He doesn't understand what I go through in my head on a daily basis. He is very closed minded to things and always tells me how I need to just CHANGE. Like, I can do that so easy. He must think I want to be this way. I am tired of being sad, angry and lonely all at the same time. I am tired of looking in the mirror and hating myself. I just want to be happy but I know its not that easy for me.

I know it's hard to believe, but just because some guy tells you you're not worth it (and I know your boyfriend isn't just "some guy" right now, but still...) doesn't mean it's true. People whose opinions matter don't just say that to other people. I mean, think about it: would you say that to another person?

[silverlining23]

Originally Posted by greentires4me

your boyfriend is jerk...we are the change we see in ourselves..not the external change we wish that would go faster. your are "worth it"...don't let that jerk tell you otherwise,,,

Thank you. I appreciate that. I try and explain that certain things aren't easy for me but he doesn't care about it anymore. I put a lot of blame on myself because if I wasn't so "psycho" like he says, maybe things would be better with us.

[silverlining23]

Originally Posted by misskeena

I know it's hard to believe, but just because some guy tells you you're not worth it (and I know your boyfriend isn't just "some guy" right now, but still...) doesn't mean it's true. People whose opinions matter don't just say that to other people. I mean, think about it: would you say that to another person?

I know what you mean. No, I would never say that to someone. I try to tell myself that he is angry and I am difficult...but in my dark times, I believe every bad thing he says. And the worst part is, I think I deserve it.

Not in a good mood today at all. I think I'm more affected by my depression lately and not the BPD. It's just constant lately. Three weeks ago today I ended up in the hospital. Trying my hardest not to end up there again but once again it's getting harder and harder!! F***!

[poptart316]

I'm sad. I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating. I'm sick of sitting on this computer but don't feel like doing anything. I feel hopeless. At least my sleep schedules back to normal.

[deelooted]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Not in a good mood today at all. I think I'm more affected by my depression lately and not the BPD. It's just constant lately. Three weeks ago today I ended up in the hospital. Trying my hardest not to end up there again but once again it's getting harder and harder!! F***!

Hope the depression lifts and you feel better soon blessings and prayers coming your way

That is how I felt for all of last week, and into yesterday...waiting for my anti-depressant to work, as it has only been a week today.

Yesterday I had to call my pdoc and she added Ativan .5mg as needed, and it worked. Today I feel more motivated and a little better...coming out of the fog for sure

I'm so sad and lonely. The only thing in my life that gives me any kind of happiness are my cats. I don't know what will happen when they are no longer around.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Originally Posted by misskeena

I'm so sad and lonely. The only thing in my life that gives me any kind of happiness are my cats. I don't know what will happen when they are no longer around.

Well, let's hope that they hang around at least a little bit longer.

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGirl413

Well, let's hope that they hang around at least a little bit longer.

I think they will. My favorite one (she's been with me through everything) is nine, but she's healthy so I hope she sticks around for a while yet.

Asi, asi...

[granite1]

hi guys I am feeling ok tonight .but as things wind down I tend to feel alone and hide in my head or here. I hope all who are struggling have a good night

[UnderTheRose]

Started DBT yesterday and three weeks in now on the Divalproex. erm... not sure how i'm feeling. Needy a bit, wanting my husband to hug me alot.. rage has eased alot, but not sure if thats due to the divalproex haze... either way. i'm ok right now.

[x_BabyG_x]

2nd day without my girl, I miss her.
Anyway, managed to get three job applications done, about to do my fourth one. Was feeling very rejected and **** and 'doomed' earlier.... I even posted on here but deleted it by accident and had a fit of rage over it.

Now im feeling very elated and good. In fact, I feel great. Ill try and hold on to this for a while.

Going to my partners mums for tea later, not looking forward to hiding my recent relapse arm, so i hope that doesnt set me off again

My boys should be back this Saturday. Glad for that. it's been over a month I think... they've been gone.

I seem to have gotten some kind of summer cold. >.< errrgh sucks.

Despite my cold it's turning out to be a good night. computer has been shutting down and I think I fixed it. disassembled the heatsink and fan and found a ton of dust behind the fan.. erghhh no wonder no airflow! anyway... tmi I know

I slept for crap last night even though I took some sleep meds--I would sleep for maybe an hour and a half or so and have vivid dreams, and then wake up. Then I'd fall asleep again and repeat the cycle. All night. Then I had to be up at 7:30am for work. I seem to be sleeping like this every night before I have to work, but last night was especially bad, and I felt it today at work. Exhausted all day and when I am exhausted, I feel nauseous so I felt like crap for my whole 12 hour shift. I don't know why I'm not sleeping well these days or why my sleep meds aren't working anymore. Boo.