[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Oh and the feeling that bugs are crawling all over me has been getting worse in the last few months, add a phobia of bugs into this and I'm just constantly panicking! I'm so scared to lay in my bed with the light off incase they're everywhere!

[lynn808]

Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup

I don't know what I feel and I hate it so much. I can feel that it's going to get real bad again soon and all I can do is wait for it to happen! Appointment with new psychologist in 4 days, I don't know how I feel about that either. Supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow but if I don't sleep soon I'll end up sleeping all day.

Sorry for your anxiety about new doc...sure do understand that feeling..... I am hopeful that you will like the new one!!!!
Bugs....ugh....hate that feeling also...and am sorry you are uneasy about them.....hope you can relax a little and enjoy the day hun.... take care now.....

[BarelyMakingIt]

I sent my friend a message yesterday and I told him that it would be the last until he was ready to contact me again. The only thing is, today I want to send him another message. I did tell him about my possible BPD and even asked up to look up info on it but I doubt that he has. I just want to send him a message letting him know that I'm not crazy or delusional and I don't hear voices, I'm just extremely sensitive so I perceive and handle things different than most. Just let him know that if I did do something that put him off (again) that I'm sorry and that I would really like him back in my life because he was a big help to me. I did end up chatting with a coach on this website: TheHopeLine Community and she told me that I should stick to my guns about not contacting him and write whatever I think of saying to him in letters that I will never send him.

My last 2 messages were sent on Facebook so I know he's seen them. I will follow her advice but I don't know if it will help this anxiety that I have thinking I messed up so bad that I won't hear from him again. I really do not like conflict and don't like having differences with those that I love, I've been working hard over the years to avoid these issues so this is really bothering me right now. How do I always end up doing the wrong thing when I try so hard not to and why do loved ones not take me seriously when I try so hard to make things right? Why is hurting me always justified?

[IDoNotExist]

I'm seriously considering euthanasia; if I can't find a country for it, I luckily know how to make myself not come back.

I'm giving myself till 30, but I figure I should try until then. If it doesn't change by then, it'd mark my 19th year with these issues, and I just do not know if I have the strength to do it.

[Espresso]

I'm recovering from a recent crisis. Luckily, I didn't do anything too stupid. Right now, I feel so empty, barely alive.

[technigal]

Got 4 inches of hair cut off today, hair still to my shoulders. Feeling a little better then yesterday. Tomorrow the boy has a 2 hour appointment with a new pdoc, not looking forward to the appointment.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by technigal

Got 4 inches of hair cut off today, hair still to my shoulders.

I got about 20 inches of hair cut off today. It was down to my butt. My head feels light. Haircuts are awesome.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

I got about 20 inches of hair cut off today. It was down to my butt. My head feels light. Haircuts are awesome.

Wow! That is a lot of hair to get cut off. I mentioned to my bald husband how light my head feels now and he laughed at me! LOL I am glad that I decided to go shorter with my hair.

[aleej28]

Going back and forth through so many feelings lately, especially with knowing my medication is going to end soon. Right now I'm just happy to be home alone with my cat.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

doing pretty awesome lately. Hope everyone's ok here... haven't been posting for awhile

[IDoNotExist]

Feeling okay. Distracting myself. I don't think my meds are suitable, but I'm so afraid of them. I've had nasty side effects to a large amount of them.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I feel a little bit better than I did yesterday. That's not saying much, but oh well.

[lynn808]

I am feeling stronger every day...I know this may not last...but I am holding onto this good feeling and I appreciate that others are helping me right now...It is better when I don't push others away....This is all a learning curve for me...I still may trip but no longer want to fall down into that abyss.....I want to be strong and able to function daily....I truly believe I can do it!!!! Yikes!!!! hope I feel this way tonight and tomorrow and.....and.... yeah you know the words...sing along to the tune...hehe

[Faking sane]

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

Searched on tumblr for some people who attend my college... and found one girl, and sent her a message. and she was nice, though she was like "why did you stalk me?" didn't actually realize i'd looked at her profile that much. but i'm obviously more obsessive than what's normal. now I kind of feel stupid. I do something I normally wouldn't and get called out for it. awkward.

I typically check people out before deciding if I want to be "friends" with them. I don't think it's that strange to investigate someone's profile. If she didn't want people to see it, she wouldn't have made it public.
Maybe she was kidding with the "stalking" comment?

[BarelyMakingIt]

I'm trying to not think about my friend that isn't speaking to me right now but it's really hard. Of course I feel guilty about my reactionary behavior after he stopped talking to me, like removing him from social networks and of course all of the messages. I was really careful with him when I tripped on him, I never called him names, cussed at him or told him I was done with him like I've done in the past. I did say some things that I knew were hurtful though like questioning my trust in him and even questioning whether or not he was talking to me anymore in the first place. So I can recognize where I've messed up, partially if not wholly. I don't know where he stands but I do know this is atrial. Whatever the outcome may be whether we get back together or not I do intend to out stronger even though right now it seems like hardest thing in the world, I still feel so much emptiness.

Funny thing is something that that he once told me made me feel a little bit better. He told me that, "time is an abstract." So that actually helped take away some of the anxiety over whether or not I will hear from him. I will just be thankful whenever that may be, Unless he hates me lol.

[youwillrise]

why is my mother proud of and happy for everyone BUT me? shes always watching and reading about inspiring stories...shouting "GO! (insert name)"...but when i do anything remotely good, i just get "oh" or an eye roll like i got when i announced i was accepted to a college to work on my bachelors. bleh.

[BarelyMakingIt]

I want to be productive today, right now though just want to stay glued to the couch. I feel like I'm made out of lead and I'm having the worst pain in my abdomen off and on. I will try not to complain, I think I might meditate this morning after the kids leave for school.

[Maranara]

Just letting everyone know that I'm okay. I've been off this week and working hard on my business. Issues here and there but nothing to write home about. I hope everyone is okay. Hang in there!

[BarelyMakingIt]

My throat has been sore since last night and my head is congested, I hope I'm not coming down with the flu. Well it looks like sleep is on the agenda for me today.

[waggiedog]

Well, I've had three ''OK'' days after nearly six months of severe depression and it's like coming out of a deep dark hole. BUT.............gotta be very very careful, feeling better is NEVER really mine, it could be snatched away at any given momen - just like it always has.

BPD for the last 30 long years.

[HealingNSuffering]

Just had my dreams crushed by information I was not aware of. Suicidal again, but have therapy later to talk about it. So please don't worry

[beloiseau]

Dealing with a lot of emotions about having my last week of DBT next week. I'm going to miss so many people, but I'm trying to accept the fact we're not allowed to stay in touch. Hopefully I can get in the weekly skills group, as long as my new work schedule allows. Too many feels lately I hope everyone is doing OK.

Originally Posted by beloiseau

Dealing with a lot of emotions about having my last week of DBT next week. I'm going to miss so many people, but I'm trying to accept the fact we're not allowed to stay in touch. Hopefully I can get in the weekly skills group, as long as my new work schedule allows. Too many feels lately I hope everyone is doing OK.

Dont' understand the "not allowed to keep in touch" part. I mean you're adults you should be allowed to talk to whomever you please. That just sounds ridiculous.

[beloiseau]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Dont' understand the "not allowed to keep in touch" part. I mean you're adults you should be allowed to talk to whomever you please. That just sounds ridiculous.

One of the rules when I started was that you're not really supposed to form relationships with others in the group. In some ways I agree, and in some ways I don't. I would like to keep in touch with a few people, because I honestly feel connected to them and like them as individuals. But, I also recognize that everyone in that group has major issues, and I don't want to take on more than I can handle (because I'm barely handling caring for myself).

[lynn808]

Originally Posted by waggiedog

Well, I've had three ''OK'' days after nearly six months of severe depression and it's like coming out of a deep dark hole. BUT.............gotta be very very careful, feeling better is NEVER really mine, it could be snatched away at any given momen - just like it always has.

BPD for the last 30 long years.

Waggie,
gosh hun....do feel that way too....know the uncertainty that this good feeling will last.....today....tomorrow....next week....or 2 minutes......the frustration of not knowing.....the fear of failure....the fear of succeeding......thinking and thinking and spinning thoughts....

Hope you can hold onto the steering wheel to better help control the BPD ride.... Years of fighting this still doesn't make it go away...but the bad days are less hurting and debilitating than they used to be...I know this will never be over but I am truly of the opinion that I can use all the help I can get to help me get past the bad days and learn to embrace the good days and I will be able to tolerate the journey-as bumpy as it may be at times-keep exploring new-releasing the old-burying the nasty------------accept that I am a much better person than even I know or think that I am.....omg...am I still thinking positively??? yikes.....am I making sense??....Or am I the last person to reply to a thread?? I'm sorry....off on a rant again......didn't mean to bother.... hope you take care waggie...enjoy the sun!!!!