[SaraSkyblue]

Ok, this might be long. I've got a lot to say.

I'm happy with my bf. I feel SO good when I look at him. I swear we are perfect for each other.....most of the time.

I have BPD (obviously, that's why I'm here) and other issues. I feel like I need SO much reassurance and love. I'm overly emotional. Problems with abandonment. Ect, ect. He is Bipolar. And he's all "logical thinking only" and doesn't believe in feelings and emotions. Perfect combo right?!

So when I get hurt by something (I'm BPD so that's about....hmmm....45 times a day >__<) I get over emotional. He DOES NOT understand this. A lot of time it's HIM that causes it...
He will say something like, let's see, yesterday I woke up from a nightmare to find he had left the bed and was watching something on Youtube that we always watch TOGETHER and I got really upset. I told him I wanted him to cuddle me. After like 2 mins he said "Well, I wanted to get stuff done today, but no I have to cuddle you all day." AND HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I FLING HIM OFF AND GET UPSET. This will happen all the time.

Over the last few months I've been struggling with really bad depression, and only about three weeks ago tried to take my life. I was in a psych ward for a week before I got to go home. And for about a week everything with my bf was GREAT. I felt so much better and we were communicating so much better. Then one day I LITERALLY just woke up depressed again, with my BPD symptoms worse than they have been in about a year. My bf noticed right away and I tried my best to pull myself back up. But it's been SO hard on me.

Oh, I also forgot to mention, me and my bf have another roommate....a girl who is in LOVE with him and wants to be with him. -__- That's GREAT to add to the mix.

In these last few days I have been SOOOO irritable. I'm just so crabby the second I wake up until I fall asleep. I feel like this is from the stress of everything I just stated. How do I stop this irritability?!

So me and my bf have been fighting several times a day and I don't know what to do. I bottle up everything until I burst and my bf will not listen to anything I say. He thinks he has the answers to EVERYTHING and I hate it! I don't know how to get him to understand my emotions. Or how to get him to understand what having BPD does to people. We don't think the same as everyone else. Neither does he. But each fight gets worse and worse....this NEEDS to stop. When he left for work today he told me he's done "playing games". I don't play games....he just doesn't understand how I think or function. How do I get him to see? Anyone have any ideas?

I'm starting to feel the way I was feeling the night I attempted suicide
**I promise I'm not going to do it, and now I'm in counseling and such. I just feel the same level of icky**

I don't want to ruin this relationship....But can two people who think and communicate SO differently last??

[Elektra_]

hi. sorry but im going to be honest. i think ur immature to be living with someone already. u cant use BPD to excuse ur behavior and do nothing about it. in fact u need to start trying to control it, specially the need of attention 24/7. u need to sort urself out before u get into a relationship. tc

[technigal]

I get having a partner who does not understand emotions. My husband has Asperger's and we have had similar arguments that you are having with your boyfriend. It is not easy and you both need to be on the same page for the relationship to survive. Your hospitalization is still pretty recent and so you are still very fragile with your emotions. Stick with therapy, get into a DBT group if you can.

Relationships in "normal" people are hard, throw in mental illness and relationships get even harder. It is possible to have a successful relationship when you have BPD you just have to work very hard at it. Our 12th wedding anniversary is in April and we just celebrated our 14th Valentine's together.

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

hi. sorry but im going to be honest. i think ur immature to be living with someone already. u cant use BPD to excuse ur behavior and do nothing about it. in fact u need to start trying to control it, specially the need of attention 24/7. u need to sort urself out before u get into a relationship. tc

I feel there were other ways you could have said that that could have sounded kinder and been more helpful. It's not immature to be living with your significant other. I moved in with him as a friend when I got kicked out of my other home and the relationship happened later. Please do not judge so harshly about things you haven't heard the story about. You could have asked me about the living situation before shooting me down. I do not use my BPD as an excuse. And I usually have it under much better control, as I stated in my post it is the worst it has been in a year, which should say that I have been working on it and have been getting it better under control. I never once said I need attention 24/7, I said I feel like I need lots of reassurance, which means I feel like I need to be told I'm loved, not that I want to be clung to someone all day every day. Please be kind in this forum, you can give constructive criticism without being mean.

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by technigal

I get having a partner who does not understand emotions. My husband has Asperger's and we have had similar arguments that you are having with your boyfriend. It is not easy and you both need to be on the same page for the relationship to survive. Your hospitalization is still pretty recent and so you are still very fragile with your emotions. Stick with therapy, get into a DBT group if you can.

Relationships in "normal" people are hard, throw in mental illness and relationships get even harder. It is possible to have a successful relationship when you have BPD you just have to work very hard at it. Our 12th wedding anniversary is in April and we just celebrated our 14th Valentine's together.

Congrats! I'm going to try to get into DBT for sure, still working out kinks in the therapy I'm now in after my hospitalization.

[Elektra_]

well im not mean here, im just honest. and giving that most of ur posts were about ur relationship i think i can give an opinion about it. its in ur right not to agree with it. tc

Originally Posted by SaraSkyblue

I feel there were other ways you could have said that that could have sounded kinder and been more helpful. It's not immature to be living with your significant other. I moved in with him as a friend when I got kicked out of my other home and the relationship happened later. Please do not judge so harshly about things you haven't heard the story about. You could have asked me about the living situation before shooting me down. I do not use my BPD as an excuse. And I usually have it under much better control, as I stated in my post it is the worst it has been in a year, which should say that I have been working on it and have been getting it better under control. I never once said I need attention 24/7, I said I feel like I need lots of reassurance, which means I feel like I need to be told I'm loved, not that I want to be clung to someone all day every day. Please be kind in this forum, you can give constructive criticism without being mean.

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

well im not mean here, im just honest. and giving that most of ur posts were about ur relationship i think i can give an opinion about it. its in ur right not to agree with it. tc

This is not a relationship I have talked about before. The last person I talked about lasted MAYBE two weeks before I left. I would not take the verbal abuse anymore.

[ginaaa22]

Saraskyblue,

what type of meds are you on? I can't imagine having a roomate and nonetheless shes in love with you boyfriend. I wouldn't be able to handle that. I am very irritable too. Hopefully counseling can help you learn your triggers. My counselor lets my fiance come with me whenever he can and she helps him to be able to deal with me. I also bought him a book for dealing with a loved one with bipolar. You just need to try to be calm (which I know is hard) and tell him how you feel. Or write it down. Or send him a text. I think when I communicate via text its easier to say how I really feel. My fiance really learned alot just from our first counseling session (ive only been to 1) and she was only performing an assessment. Print something offline and ask him to read it. Here is a good site that I used to show my fiance some of the symptoms are how a BPD person acts. Out of the FOG - Feelings Of Emptiness

I just had a huge fight with my fiance on saturday and he was grabbing my wrists and holding me down and I kept spitting in his face. It was really bad. But he wouldnt let me leave and he cornered me and he just hugged me and I snapped out of it. We fight with people thinking that we are mad but really we are hurt.

Originally Posted by Elektra_

hi. sorry but im going to be honest. i think ur immature to be living with someone already. u cant use BPD to excuse ur behavior and do nothing about it. in fact u need to start trying to control it, specially the need of attention 24/7. u need to sort urself out before u get into a relationship. tc

I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with this.
It's my understanding that you've never been in a dating relationship before. Until you are, you won't be able to understand how complicated that dynamic can be. I'm not at all falting you for trying to help, but I can certainly see how the OP may have found this upsetting.
-OP- (Origional Poster)
I think you and him should maybe think about any way of getting away from this room mate. Whether it's her moving, or you guys moving. Even a non would feel pretty insecure and grow increasingly irritable with that situation unfolding. I wanna validate you for that.
I'm glad that you're mindful of your symptoms, and that some of your behavior is a little less than aacceptible. The first step to changing behavior is knowing and agnoleging it.

[Fuzzybear]

[beloiseau]

Have you thought about counselling for you and your boyfriend together? It might help him realize the extent of your issues and help him be able to help you through some emotions. It sounds like you have had a bad couple of months, but you will make it out of the bad days. No emotion lasts forever. DBT has really helped me a lot too, definitely keep that on your mind.

[littlemiss1970]

I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now. I worry about the situation with yr bf. If he lacks the ability to understand emotions or tolerate them then it sounds like he needs to learn to accept them. You need an understanding partner. It's good that yr in counseling. Maybe talk with him or her about yr emotional feelings.... and the fact that yr bf is unsupportive. You know what yr needs are and if he isn't meeting those needs then it's important to look at that. Having that girl live with you is not good at all. It's not healthy for yr relationship and not good for you. Being bpd is hard enough and throwing Her into the mix just makes Everything worse. My advice would be too work on the abandonment issues you face. It really can get better with allot of hard work. I have those same issues and through therapy and getting older has helped alot. I used to be very insecure about so many things. I'm thankful to have learned the skills I have today. Good luck to you. Let us know how yr doing

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[Les36]

Being in a relationship with mental disorders is hard but what works is support and love my fiance has ashbergers and bipolar depression and others and its hard but what works is good communication me loving her and supporting her through it all. If u dont have support then they dont truly love u or want to be with you.. I have been with my fiance 1 year 7 months and i know i always want to support her through it just like she does me the realtionships have to be 50/50. Being like that helps cause each one gives some and takes some making it a good realtionship. Mental disorders are hard but everyone needs someone to love and support them good or bad

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by ginaaa22

Saraskyblue,

what type of meds are you on? I can't imagine having a roomate and nonetheless shes in love with you boyfriend. I wouldn't be able to handle that. I am very irritable too. Hopefully counseling can help you learn your triggers. My counselor lets my fiance come with me whenever he can and she helps him to be able to deal with me. I also bought him a book for dealing with a loved one with bipolar. You just need to try to be calm (which I know is hard) and tell him how you feel. Or write it down. Or send him a text. I think when I communicate via text its easier to say how I really feel. My fiance really learned alot just from our first counseling session (ive only been to 1) and she was only performing an assessment. Print something offline and ask him to read it. Here is a good site that I used to show my fiance some of the symptoms are how a BPD person acts. Out of the FOG - Feelings Of Emptiness

I just had a huge fight with my fiance on saturday and he was grabbing my wrists and holding me down and I kept spitting in his face. It was really bad. But he wouldnt let me leave and he cornered me and he just hugged me and I snapped out of it. We fight with people thinking that we are mad but really we are hurt.

Thank you so much! I will look into seeing if my bf can come to my appointments, cuz I know he wants to understand. That is such a great idea. And I find it easier to write my feelings as well. You can say SO much in a small amount of time without thinking and just speaking anger or pain, but when you write you really get to think it through more.

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by beloiseau

Have you thought about counselling for you and your boyfriend together? It might help him realize the extent of your issues and help him be able to help you through some emotions. It sounds like you have had a bad couple of months, but you will make it out of the bad days. No emotion lasts forever. DBT has really helped me a lot too, definitely keep that on your mind.

Me and him have for sure talked about counseling together. My last reply on this post kind of ties into this actually, I think I'll see if he can come to my appointments.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

hi. sorry but im going to be honest. i think ur immature to be living with someone already. u cant use BPD to excuse ur behavior and do nothing about it. in fact u need to start trying to control it, specially the need of attention 24/7. u need to sort urself out before u get into a relationship. tc

I don't understand why the word sorry is written at the front, it certainly doesn't fit there.
It mightn't be the best idea to be living with a partner at this stage but that doesn't mean it's immature. Considering they have BPD, I don't find it surprising or unusual. I'm not respectfully disagreeing with you, because you didn't make your comment respectfully.

Relationship issues are a huge part of having BPD, if you can't understand or accept that then maybe you shouldn't comment on the posts about it.

[leomama]

I agree that it probably isn't a good idea to live with your partner until you get your borderline under control. It is a relationship disorder and your relationship is complicated by a third party. I agree with people about individual therapy and DBT, and your boyfriend could also benefit from both of those. Bpd is the most challenging disorder to have in a relationship.

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by leomama

I agree that it probably isn't a good idea to live with your partner until you get your borderline under control. It is a relationship disorder and your relationship is complicated by a third party. I agree with people about individual therapy and DBT, and your boyfriend could also benefit from both of those. Bpd is the most challenging disorder to have in a relationship.

I agree that living with my significant other may not be the best of things, but as I stated before; we lived together as friends first, the relationship came later. And it would make no sense to me to say "Oh, now that we are dating I'm going to move out." So instead we make it the best we can.

[MichikoUsagi]

Sorry to hear you're doing so bad. A lot of what you said reminds me of the wonderful book, The Buddha and the Borderline. It's a great read and she runs into a similar problem. (Her bf lives with his ex. yikes lol)

This is just me, but I don't have my own BPD and other things handled yet so I decided that I wouldn't be searching for a date. My BPD came to flourish during a relationship that we had both invested over 7 years into. We decided to break it off so I could focus on growing and becoming independent for myself and not relying on him all of the time. (We're still good friends, etc. etc.)

Another part though, was he is literally unable to understand. I mean, I don't even understand myself and BPD half the time and I HAVE IT! @_@ So I can't really expect him to understand it any better.

My best advice would be to try and understand where he is coming from and in a relationship where one or more people have BPD, it's hard on all parties. I often made my ex feel like his problems could never amount to the **** I had to deal with in my head on a daily basis. But he is only human and he has breaking points and emotions and feelings too. I didn't understand that well enough when we were together and now I wonder how awful and truly alone he must have felt.

If you think your boyfriend is doing things to piss you off on purpose, talk with him. Don't be with someone like that. Could you show him a few things of BPD, any examples of people, movies, books, have him look into things? Not promising it will fix everything but it did help a bit in my relationship when my ex decided to start his own researching and emailing people, etc.

Also try(easier said than done) to remember that a lot of what you might be thinking and feeling could be the BPD. For me personally, I never know if what I'm thinking is what I really think or not because it changes rapidly.

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling icky again, and it sounds cliche but we are always here for you. At least there's some people who somewhat understand and have had similar experiences. Helps to know you're not alone.

I hope things get better.

[snarkydaddy]

Greetings.

Moving in with a person you would like to nest with for a "civilian" has several issues. A practical side and a romantic side (and every day physical side). If you do not have the practical side aranged ahead of time the other parts will start to cause stress.

If we add in an untreated personality disorder I think it would be similar to Russian Roulette. Please take care of yourself and your relationship by getting a treatment plan. As it will help you with stress and suicidal ideations.

Please involve your BF in the process as he will need a "buy in". Other wise there is a chance of alienation on his end. And frankly if he does not want to get involved he is not the one. And you have avoided a mistake before you move in together.

I wish you all the best as this is a big step for anyone with a personality disorder.
BTW I have diagnosed BPD.

[ginaaa22]

Originally Posted by SaraSkyblue

I agree that living with my significant other may not be the best of things, but as I stated before; we lived together as friends first, the relationship came later. And it would make no sense to me to say "Oh, now that we are dating I'm going to move out." So instead we make it the best we can.

I completly understand how you feel. I moved in with my fiance after like 2 weeks because I was in a bad marriage and needed to leave my current situation. We have been living together ever since. It can be hard sometimes when we need our personal space but we have to keep trying. Communication is the key.

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by ginaaa22

I completly understand how you feel. I moved in with my fiance after like 2 weeks because I was in a bad marriage and needed to leave my current situation. We have been living together ever since. It can be hard sometimes when we need our personal space but we have to keep trying. Communication is the key.

And that's the thing. He never stops trying. That's part of why I care for him SO much. No matter how irrational I act, how impulsive I may get, how sad, mad, or irritable I might be, he never leaves. He never threatens to leave, he never even raises his voice to me. Sometimes I swear that boy doesn't listen to a gosh darn thing, but I understand dealing with my BPD is so hard on him. The night I posted this we had gotten into a "thing" and he stormed off to work, I hurt so bad. I swore I was going to lose him. But he came home with a card for me telling me how much he loves me and reminding me that we can make it through anything. He tries very hard, though I know it's like shooting in the dark for him. It's just so hard to get my emotions and feelings to a level he can understand. So what if I live with him? I think it's good for us. Otherwise I would never get to see him, he works full time and goes to school. Usually IF he's home, he's sleeping. Things are not always perfect....but we dot the best we can.

Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup

I don't understand why the word sorry is written at the front, it certainly doesn't fit there.
It mightn't be the best idea to be living with a partner at this stage but that doesn't mean it's immature. Considering they have BPD, I don't find it surprising or unusual. I'm not respectfully disagreeing with you, because you didn't make your comment respectfully.

Relationship issues are a huge part of having BPD, if you can't understand or accept that then maybe you shouldn't comment on the posts about it.

Agree with this holeheartedly. Just didn't wanna step on any toes or get in any trouble lol.