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#351
Dec 15, 2014, 02:34 AM
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The last few weeks have been very harsh, very deep depression, loneliness, emptiness. Right now I am at the lowest I have ever been, I feel worthless, useless, and no reason to be here. The emotional pain is large also my physical pains are very strong as I took a major fall earlier this week.
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Samantha-Anne FlowerChild67  Diagnosis Psychological Borderline Personality Disorder / Schizoaffective Disorder-BiPolar Type / Dissociative Identity Disorder / Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder / ADHD / Asperger Syndrome / Medical Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis / Migraine Headaches / Bladder Issues / Fibromyalgia / Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / Asthma / Insomnia / Medicines Psychological amphetamine, dextroamphetamine (Adderall) / bupropion HCL XL (Wellbutrin XL) / diazepam (Valium) / lamotrigine (Lamictal) / prazosin (Minipress) / artpiprazole (Abilify) / Medical baclofen (Lioresal) / diphenhydramine (Benadryl) / fluticasone (Flonase) / gabapentin (Neurontin) / metformin (Glucophage) / tamsulosin (Flomax) / zolpidem tartrate (Ambien) PRN / albuterol (Ventolin HFA) PRN / ondansetron (Zofram-ODT) PRN / oxycodone (Roxicodone) PRN / sumatriptan (Imitrex) PRN / Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. Forest Gump (Tom Hanks) Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. Albert Einstein PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Chat Saturday evenings! Schizophrenia and Schizoaffective Disorder Support Chat Saturday evenings! link to the calendar http://forums.psychcentral.com/calen...y=2015-2-7&c=1  Last edited by FlowerChild67; Dec 15, 2014 at 02:46 AM. |
 Anonymous100154, Bill3, SeekerOfLife, shezbut
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#352
Dec 15, 2014, 06:11 AM
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Just demolished an entire bag of popcorn by myself.
I am a fat, ugly disgusting pig. Too lazy to even bother purging. Maybe I'll just eat some more. Drown myself in my own rolls of fat. |
| Bill3, FlowerChild67, shezbut
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#353
Dec 15, 2014, 06:24 AM
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I'm right here with you, fat and horrible. I have to be more active in this place and get off the bed more.
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| Bill3, FlowerChild67, shezbut
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 dancinglady
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#354
Dec 15, 2014, 06:43 AM
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Quote:
Me three, another day of battles could do with a bloody break! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Verity  
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| Bill3, FlowerChild67, shezbut
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#355
Dec 15, 2014, 06:45 AM
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Another cyst! Seem to be prone
 more antibiotics. My tmj is playing up too. My left jaw bone is very tender. Soft foods only for me!Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Verity
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| Bill3, FlowerChild67, shezbut
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#356
Dec 15, 2014, 02:56 PM
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Who am I.
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| Bill3, FlowerChild67
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#357
Dec 15, 2014, 07:46 PM
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I shouldn't feel this accomplished for just taking a shower. Why can't I be a slacker in another area of my life like eating?
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...In the darkness I will meet my creators And they will all agree, that I’m a suffocator
 -Daughter |
| Angelique67, Bubbles&Buttercup
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#358
Dec 15, 2014, 09:33 PM
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Feel like I'm being ignored and not knowing is the worst.
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| Bill3
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#359
Dec 15, 2014, 09:42 PM
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Quote:
I cannot stand being ignored, although half the time I think it's happening I'm completely wrong. Hope it gets better for you though!
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane I'm going off the rails on a crazy train" |
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#360
Dec 16, 2014, 12:24 PM
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I am a total ß1tch today. Just cranky. I've had to apologize to 3 people already. I hate this side of me.
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...In the darkness I will meet my creators And they will all agree, that I’m a suffocator
-Daughter |
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#361
Dec 16, 2014, 12:34 PM
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It's 4:30am and I've already had 5 valium. I need to sleep but I can't, I'm going to keep watching Law & Order SVU instead.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane I'm going off the rails on a crazy train" |
| Bill3, Fuzzybear
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#363
Dec 16, 2014, 09:47 PM
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Feeling crappy after today's session with my psychologist. It was a decent session yet it triggered a lot of emotions in me.
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"I've got a war in my mind." "They try to change you, Crush and break you, Try to tell you what to do, They'd like to have control of you, Back against the wall, In danger of losing it all, Search deep inside, Remember who you are." |
| Bill3, Fuzzybear
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#364
Dec 17, 2014, 07:17 PM
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Feeling crappy. My horse leaves on lease tomorrow, not sure when I'll see her again. Yesterday I was suppose to have an appointment with my t but had to cancel it because the other staff didn't show up, so I dealt with the barn, had to get grain (2 hr drive round trip, load and unloaded 28 bags or something like that) and had to hold 12 horses for the farrier. Made for a long day
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Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| Bill3, SeekerOfLife
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#365
Dec 17, 2014, 11:08 PM
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My partner just went home after staying the night, my depression and anxiety has instantly returned and all of my motivation has gone now that he's left.
Probably doesn't help that my friend whom I was going to catch up with tomorrow night has to cancel, it's been one of the few things I've had to look forward to. I have no friends here.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane I'm going off the rails on a crazy train" |
| Bill3
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#366
Dec 18, 2014, 12:55 AM
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Sometimes I feel like I take one step backwards, one step forward, one step backwards. My life is like a bit of a dance right now
 No I mean
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| Bill3
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#367
Dec 18, 2014, 05:56 PM
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Quote:
Britneigh, it sounds like you did an awesome job keeping things going and caring for the horses.
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| Achy Turtle Armor
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#368
Dec 20, 2014, 04:44 AM
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So as usual my boyfriend is in a bad mood from work and decided he no longer wanted me to come over and just wanted to be home by himself. All my friends are busy and I really needed some company.
I guess I'll spend my night alone drinking too much wine, taking some valium and watching TV. I just want friends to hang out with.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane I'm going off the rails on a crazy train" |
| Bill3
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#369
Dec 20, 2014, 05:05 AM
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Glad to see someone else from Melbourne here
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| Bubbles&Buttercup
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#370
Dec 20, 2014, 07:40 AM
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Been really good
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’’In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away’’ |
| Achy Turtle Armor, Bill3, Bubbles&Buttercup, Verity81
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#371
Dec 20, 2014, 03:42 PM
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My mum is in town and I'm going to catch up with her for breakfast. I've always had my issues with her but I ignore them because if I don't then I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with her. Unfortunately I learnt a month or so ago, who the person was that abused her when she was young, and she let myself and my female cousins around this person unsupervised all the time when we were kids.
Nothing happened with me, no idea about my cousins but I just find it sickening that she figured it was worth the risk just to keep her secret. I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it yet, and I won't get to do so today. I'm pretty farking angry though.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane I'm going off the rails on a crazy train" |
| Bill3
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#372
Dec 20, 2014, 06:10 PM
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Quote:
if it's ok...
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...In the darkness I will meet my creators And they will all agree, that I’m a suffocator
-Daughter |
| Bubbles&Buttercup
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#373
Dec 20, 2014, 08:49 PM
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Quote:
Breakfast went okay, just pushed it out of my mind. Lucky I've had plenty of practice at that.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane I'm going off the rails on a crazy train" |
| dancinglady
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| Bill3
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#374
Dec 21, 2014, 08:49 PM
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People suck so much I cannot even tell you. I am not the problem, it's everybody else.
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| dancinglady
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| Bill3
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#375
Dec 21, 2014, 10:53 PM
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Oh and by the way,
me needing people doesn't make me a bad person. When are people going to understand that WE NEED OTHER PEOPLE. |
| Bill3, dancinglady
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| Bill3
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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