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  #351  
Old Dec 15, 2014, 02:34 AM
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The last few weeks have been very harsh, very deep depression, loneliness, emptiness. Right now I am at the lowest I have ever been, I feel worthless, useless, and no reason to be here. The emotional pain is large also my physical pains are very strong as I took a major fall earlier this week.
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Last edited by FlowerChild67; Dec 15, 2014 at 02:46 AM.
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  #352  
Old Dec 15, 2014, 06:11 AM
Anonymous100154
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Just demolished an entire bag of popcorn by myself.

I am a fat, ugly disgusting pig. Too lazy to even bother purging.

Maybe I'll just eat some more. Drown myself in my own rolls of fat.
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  #353  
Old Dec 15, 2014, 06:24 AM
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Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
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I'm right here with you, fat and horrible. I have to be more active in this place and get off the bed more.
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dancinglady
  #354  
Old Dec 15, 2014, 06:43 AM
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Verity81 Verity81 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelique67 View Post
Me too. I started getting out of it a little three days ago but I'm having another bad day now.

Me three, another day of battles could do with a bloody break!

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  #355  
Old Dec 15, 2014, 06:45 AM
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Another cyst! Seem to be prone more antibiotics. My tmj is playing up too. My left jaw bone is very tender. Soft foods only for me!

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  #356  
Old Dec 15, 2014, 02:56 PM
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Who am I.
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  #357  
Old Dec 15, 2014, 07:46 PM
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Achy Turtle Armor Achy Turtle Armor is offline
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I shouldn't feel this accomplished for just taking a shower. Why can't I be a slacker in another area of my life like eating?
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...In the darkness I will meet my creators And they will all agree, that I’m a suffocator
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  #358  
Old Dec 15, 2014, 09:33 PM
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Feel like I'm being ignored and not knowing is the worst.
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  #359  
Old Dec 15, 2014, 09:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nevergoodenough View Post
Feel like I'm being ignored and not knowing is the worst.

I cannot stand being ignored, although half the time I think it's happening I'm completely wrong. Hope it gets better for you though!
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train"
  #360  
Old Dec 16, 2014, 12:24 PM
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Achy Turtle Armor Achy Turtle Armor is offline
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I am a total ß1tch today. Just cranky. I've had to apologize to 3 people already. I hate this side of me. The BPD Check-In Thread #5
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...In the darkness I will meet my creators And they will all agree, that I’m a suffocator
-Daughter
  #361  
Old Dec 16, 2014, 12:34 PM
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It's 4:30am and I've already had 5 valium. I need to sleep but I can't, I'm going to keep watching Law & Order SVU instead.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train"
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  #362  
Old Dec 16, 2014, 03:29 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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FOG - fear, obligation, guilt. Why do so many so called "nons" play these freakin games Grrrrrrrrrrr
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Last edited by Fuzzybear; Dec 16, 2014 at 03:42 PM. Reason: typo
  #363  
Old Dec 16, 2014, 09:47 PM
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Feeling crappy after today's session with my psychologist. It was a decent session yet it triggered a lot of emotions in me.
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  #364  
Old Dec 17, 2014, 07:17 PM
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Britneigh Britneigh is offline
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Feeling crappy. My horse leaves on lease tomorrow, not sure when I'll see her again. Yesterday I was suppose to have an appointment with my t but had to cancel it because the other staff didn't show up, so I dealt with the barn, had to get grain (2 hr drive round trip, load and unloaded 28 bags or something like that) and had to hold 12 horses for the farrier. Made for a long day
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Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire
Don't let your mindset become what controls you
Speak right now and make the choice to grow
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  #365  
Old Dec 17, 2014, 11:08 PM
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Bubbles&Buttercup Bubbles&Buttercup is offline
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My partner just went home after staying the night, my depression and anxiety has instantly returned and all of my motivation has gone now that he's left.
Probably doesn't help that my friend whom I was going to catch up with tomorrow night has to cancel, it's been one of the few things I've had to look forward to. I have no friends here.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train"
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  #366  
Old Dec 18, 2014, 12:55 AM
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Sometimes I feel like I take one step backwards, one step forward, one step backwards. My life is like a bit of a dance right now No I mean
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  #367  
Old Dec 18, 2014, 05:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Britneigh View Post
Feeling crappy. My horse leaves on least tomorrow, not sure when I'll see her again. Yesterday I was suppose to have an appointment with my t but had to cancel it because the other staff didn't show up, so I dealt with the barn, had to get grain (2 hr drive round trip, load and unloaded 28 bags or something like that) and had to hold 12 horses for the farrier. Made for a long day

Britneigh, it sounds like you did an awesome job keeping things going and caring for the horses.
Thanks for this!
Achy Turtle Armor
  #368  
Old Dec 20, 2014, 04:44 AM
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So as usual my boyfriend is in a bad mood from work and decided he no longer wanted me to come over and just wanted to be home by himself. All my friends are busy and I really needed some company.
I guess I'll spend my night alone drinking too much wine, taking some valium and watching TV.
I just want friends to hang out with.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train"
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  #369  
Old Dec 20, 2014, 05:05 AM
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Crazy Hitch Crazy Hitch is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup View Post
So as usual my boyfriend is in a bad mood from work and decided he no longer wanted me to come over and just wanted to be home by himself. All my friends are busy and I really needed some company.
I guess I'll spend my night alone drinking too much wine, taking some valium and watching TV.
I just want friends to hang out with.
(((Hugs))))

Glad to see someone else from Melbourne here
Thanks for this!
Bubbles&Buttercup
  #370  
Old Dec 20, 2014, 07:40 AM
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Been really good
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The BPD Check-In Thread #5
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  #371  
Old Dec 20, 2014, 03:42 PM
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Bubbles&Buttercup Bubbles&Buttercup is offline
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My mum is in town and I'm going to catch up with her for breakfast. I've always had my issues with her but I ignore them because if I don't then I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with her. Unfortunately I learnt a month or so ago, who the person was that abused her when she was young, and she let myself and my female cousins around this person unsupervised all the time when we were kids.
Nothing happened with me, no idea about my cousins but I just find it sickening that she figured it was worth the risk just to keep her secret.
I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it yet, and I won't get to do so today. I'm pretty farking angry though.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train"
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  #372  
Old Dec 20, 2014, 06:10 PM
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Achy Turtle Armor Achy Turtle Armor is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup View Post
My mum is in town and I'm going to catch up with her for breakfast. I've always had my issues with her but I ignore them because if I don't then I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with her. Unfortunately I learnt a month or so ago, who the person was that abused her when she was young, and she let myself and my female cousins around this person unsupervised all the time when we were kids.
Nothing happened with me, no idea about my cousins but I just find it sickening that she figured it was worth the risk just to keep her secret.
I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it yet, and I won't get to do so today. I'm pretty farking angry though.
I think I would be too. if it's ok...
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...In the darkness I will meet my creators And they will all agree, that I’m a suffocator
-Daughter
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  #373  
Old Dec 20, 2014, 08:49 PM
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Bubbles&Buttercup Bubbles&Buttercup is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor View Post
I think I would be too. if it's ok...

Breakfast went okay, just pushed it out of my mind. Lucky I've had plenty of practice at that.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train"
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  #374  
Old Dec 21, 2014, 08:49 PM
Anonymous100165
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People suck so much I cannot even tell you. I am not the problem, it's everybody else.
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  #375  
Old Dec 21, 2014, 10:53 PM
Anonymous100165
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Oh and by the way,

me needing people doesn't make me a bad person.

When are people going to understand that WE NEED OTHER PEOPLE.
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Bill3
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