[technigal]

I did pretty good this Christmas. Anxiety was really high but I did not cry which I will take over the previous years. Even felt good enough for some "adult time" with hubby.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I don't feel comfortable being open and truthful about my feelings on here anymore, it was the only place I had.
It sucks.

[allme]

Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup

I don't feel comfortable being open and truthful about my feelings on here anymore, it was the only place I had.
It sucks.

Do you want to talk about why you don't feel safe here anymore?

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Originally Posted by allme

Do you want to talk about why you don't feel safe here anymore?

I can't.
I loved this site, it was always here when I really needed it, full of good people supporting each other.
I don't want to leave but I don't know if there will be any point staying on here if I can't even be open and honest.

Just know it ain't nothing to do with any of you lovely BPD people.

[allme]

Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup

I can't.
I loved this site, it was always here when I really needed it, full of good people supporting each other.
I don't want to leave but I don't know if there will be any point staying on here if I can't even be open and honest.

Just know it ain't nothing to do with any of you lovely BPD people.

Okay Sorry you feel as though you can't be yourself. I hope you manage to sort out whatever it is stopping you from being you here and maybe see you back at some point

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Originally Posted by allme

Okay Sorry you feel as though you can't be yourself. I hope you manage to sort out whatever it is stopping you from being you here and maybe see you back at some point

Thank you.
I hope so too.

[Britneigh]

Sad. Just down right sad

[Espresso]

Dispirited Christmas day, great day after Christmas, mediocre Saturday, energy sapping Sunday and Monday. Everything is dark and gloomy.

[Britneigh]

I just had to make the hahardest decision of my life tonight. I had to say goodbye to my mare who's been best friend for the last two years. I'm so numb I can't believe she's gone.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

I just had to make the hahardest decision of my life tonight. I had to say goodbye to my mare who's been best friend for the last two years. I'm so numb I can't believe she's gone.

What happened, Britneigh?

[Britneigh]

She ended up colicing really badly and it was an up and down thing, but by the time I left to get to see her she was so exhausted she collapsed and they couldn't get her back up...so I had to make the choice to put her to sleep.

[SeekerOfLife]

I'm sorry, Britneigh. I am very fond of horses and I can only imagine how hard this is.

[isntlifewonderful]

I'm really lonely and empty and I wanna die so badly. Nothing is right.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful

I'm really lonely and empty and I wanna die so badly. Nothing is right.

I hope you're feeling better today.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I'm feeling kinda low at the moment. I think some of it is due to the cold I have had for the past 6 days or so. It's only 4:15 here and I'm crawling back into bed on my day off. I'd like to get stoned and go for a walk with the dogs but I don't have the energy.

[Britneigh]

I'm barely functioning after losing my mare. I've slept less than 7 hours in the last 3 days. I am eating just enough to keep my stomach quiet, my whole body aches. I've cried more in the last three days than I have in my entire life. I can't even bring myself to drink right now...I bought a bottle of whiskey before I drove out to her knowing what the outcome would be but I haven't opened it. I feel so empty and lost.

Originally Posted by Britneigh

I'm barely functioning after losing my mare. I've slept less than 7 hours in the last 3 days. I am eating just enough to keep my stomach quiet, my whole body aches. I've cried more in the last three days than I have in my entire life. I can't even bring myself to drink right now...I bought a bottle of whiskey before I drove out to her knowing what the outcome would be but I haven't opened it. I feel so empty and lost.

I'm so sorry, Britneigh.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I'm trying to reconnect with a friend I stopped talking to when I lost it badly about a year ago. Text him for the first time since then and it seems like we're okay again but I don't think he actually wants to catch up at all. Glad I got to speak to him again, but pretty sad that I probably won't see him again.

[Jewels]

(((((((((( britneigh ))))))))))

Losing a beloved animal is just as gut wrenching as if you lost a member of the family. I understand that feeling all too well. We recently lost our Maine Coon cat to a tumor in his abdomen, and we had to turn our border collie/chow mix in because she bit someone, in our home, after telling both the girl and her mother not to play with her toys because she is possessive of them, but neither the girl or her mother were teary eyed when the animal shelter came to get her. I cannot tell you the fury that rose up within myself when she accused me of not taking care of my dog. WTF? Was she serial? I told her NOT to let her daughter play with the dogs toys. It was she that did not comply. I don't associate with her any longer, and I am not living anywhere near her, which is good. They say forgiveness is a process, but with me it is deeper than that. She had the nerve to say my dog was dangerous. Even though I had a couple of signs in my windows that said BEWARE OF DOG. She was 6 or 7, I can't remember, but it did me in. I didn't want another dog ever. And when my Morgan mare died, I was horribly sad.

It just depends on how you are wired. You will go through the stages of grief, but the pattern is different for everyone. All you can do is what feels natural to you. I pray in time you will get another horse, and bond with that horse just as you bonded with your mare. She must have been very special. Feel better my friend. Get support wherever you can get it...friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, pastors, mom and dad, anyone who is in your inner circle of caring people.

Jewels

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I'm seeing frightening things in the shadows in my room, this is new...or it's very old and decided to make a reappearance. Paranoia is not good and I'm just sick of feeling sad and crying at night.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I'm feeling so... low...

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

I'm feeling so... low...

Hope your mood lifts soon.

[medicalfox]

I have a hard time handling my emotions and it has pushed away one of my friends which makes me sad. I wish we were close again and I wasn't so clingy.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

My mood has lifted but today I was dealing with the anxiety I have been getting at work lately. My anxiety usually expresses itself through my hands that shake constantly. When it was bad in the past I'd also have trouble breathing or so it seemed. Lately though it has been manifesting itself as stomach cramps. I first thought it was the coffee I drink but once I eliminated all caffeine from my diet it still continued. I added coffee back to my diet during my relaxing visit to see my sister and I had no stomach pain. I also noticed very little, if any, shaking in my hands. This anxiety i feel in my gut is not pleasant. The worst is i end up angry that I've let myself get to that point.

Kind of having a crappy people day. I made plans for this evening that I was super excited about, but the other people "forgot" about them and made separate plans. My best friend is not responding to my texts and messages again (she says she's too busy). A classmate from nursing school randomly defriended me from FB within the last week...not sure what I did to her since we've been on break and I haven't spoken to her except to cordially reply to something she said on one of my posts.

Pretty much just hanging out with my cats tonight, watching Netflix and eating. Story of my life.