[Astriferous]

I've been gone for a while. So far, things have been going great! My semester grades weren't great, but I'm ready to bounce back. BPD wise, I've been doing really, really well.

[Tsukiko]

Checking and rechecking my e-mails and text messages, longing for a reply from a guy who contacted me after months of being incommunicado due to depression. I promised myself that I wouldn't latch on again when/if he contacted me but in came a message from him yesterday and I jumped all over the attention like a school girl. He hasn't replied since yesterday and I feel a panic coming on. Dozens of negative, fearful, irrational thoughts have been zooming around inside my head. I also find myself getting somewhat angry, with thoughts like: "Who does he think he is, coming in and out of my life this way?!" Gah.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Tsukiko-chan

Checking and rechecking my e-mails and text messages, longing for a reply from a guy who contacted me after months of being incommunicado due to depression. I promised myself that I wouldn't latch on again when/if he contacted me but in came a message from him yesterday and I jumped all over the attention like a school girl. He hasn't replied since yesterday and I feel a panic coming on. Dozens of negative, fearful, irrational thoughts have been zooming around inside my head. I also find myself getting somewhat angry, with thoughts like: "Who does he think he is, coming in and out of my life this way?!" Gah.

Those are reasonable feelings and a reasonable question.

[Tsukiko]

I'm trying to talk myself into believing this but I can't shake the feeling that I'm being presumptuous, immature, and illogical. Perhaps I'm simply being too hard on myself....

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

Those are reasonable feelings and a reasonable question.

[Britneigh]

I'm so tired but I can't sleep. It's really an issue.

[Crazy Hitch]

crappy

crappy

crappy

[Mindful55]

Why am being affected with feelings now of something that happened over a year ago!! Is this my bpd or just me?

[Tsukiko]

I managed to anger a "friend" today with a comment of no consequence and, instead of frantically attempting to apologize in order to avoid him hanging up on me, I told him to get over himself. It was empowering.

[yavanna]

I am dreaming about my blood. Trying to avoid hurting myself and be kind for myself, but it is not so simple. Feeling so lonely and at the same time I don't want to meet anyone. I desire being myself. I am so twisted today.

[Espresso]

It's been confirmed. I'm a fat, ugly ******. Lovely.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Hey. I just found this tonight and I wanted to share it with other Android phone users. I think this might have been a help for me today.

Check out "Dbt911"
https://play.google.com/store/apps/d...nadroid.Dbt112

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I hate nearly everyone I used to be good friends with. Now I'm stuck wondering if they've changed, or I changed or if I've just suddenly become a bad judge of character and it simply took me this long to see who they really are.
I just wish the few people I do like actually lived near by.

[Espresso]

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

Hey. I just found this tonight and I wanted to share it with other Android phone users. I think this might have been a help for me today.

Check out "Dbt911"
https://play.google.com/store/apps/d...nadroid.Dbt112

I have that one, too.

I'm not sure if I'm going to make it through the week.

Exercise, as always, is keeping me going ... I'm calm ... and strong.

[Espresso]

I tried to do the suicide hotline chat. I waited in the queue for 30 minutes. My turn came up and I got an automated message from the chat person I was assigned to that said that they were already chatting with someone else and I'd have to go back to the end of the line. **** that ****. I was just suicidal before, but now I'm pissed off and suicidal.

I'm sorry to hear that Espressso. Reminds me of a time I posted on a forum for that purpose and no one replied, but when others posted, they seemed to get timely replies. That is just a shame. We need more resources.

[yavanna]

Weird day, half spent with my best friend. But apart from her i have a huge dislike of people. And something going in me towards my girlfriend. I feel so separated. Don't understand myself at all. Is there any hope for me of being in normal and healthy relationship? Doubt that.

There is always hope. Never lose hope.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Today was good I think. I felt like I crossed an important milestone or something. I got my maiden name back since my divorce in December.

I ran around town getting what I needed to get my name changed on my SS card. Then I got a new license with my name changed & the registration on my car. There's more to do but those were the big ones.

I am struggling with the idea of going back to NA because in the back of my mind I am thinking, there's no way I'm stopping smoking weed for good. I just need to get cleaned up for a bit to clear my head and get back on track. Then when I see what I wrote... It looks like an addict in denial. I guess what I'm saying is that I want to use NA as a support for temporary sobriety but I feel guilty about it. That sounds like a s****y thing to say. Ugh.

I definitely felt more comfortable with the NA meeting than I did with the AA meeting. I feel like I am probably like an alcoholic in that I feel like I just want to be able to smoke occasionally with friends but it never ends up like that. I always end up smoking alone and until it's gone. Then I get more.

Sorry. I'm rambling now.

[Britneigh]

Since my boss threatened to fire me the s word has felt like a serious possibility. I don't talk about it with anyone...posting about it here is the most I've mentioned it. I'm hoping by posting how I feel will take the serious factor out of how I feel if that makes sense. Supposedly talking about it means you're not as serious so maybe talking about it will take the edge off? Nothings triggering it in particular day to day. But it's always on my mind. Work is less than satisfying. I don't want to ride or spend time with horses. I'm just kind of over life and feel like I'm kind of out of gas to keep going...does that make sense? I dunno anymore.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Since my boss threatened to fire me the s word has felt like a serious possibility. I don't talk about it with anyone...posting about it here is the most I've mentioned it. I'm hoping by posting how I feel will take the serious factor out of how I feel if that makes sense. Supposedly talking about it means you're not as serious so maybe talking about it will take the edge off? Nothings triggering it in particular day to day. But it's always on my mind. Work is less than satisfying. I don't want to ride or spend time with horses. I'm just kind of over life and feel like I'm kind of out of gas to keep going...does that make sense? I dunno anymore.

It makes total sense to me. I know that feeling. I'm sorry you're hurting.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I don't know if I can keep posting here. I'll be around for a hug and stuff but I just feel like anything that I have to share about myself is just toxic and probably only causes people to think about crap they don't want to think about. I am sure I am not making any sense. I think I'm going back into my closet to hide.

[dancinglady]

My 2 cents is please stay. This is a site to help you and so be selfish and get what u need from here. Don't isolate. There is never good when we do it for a long time. If u need some time off take care of yourself.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

My 2 cents is please stay. This is a site to help you and so be selfish and get what u need from here. Don't isolate. There is never good when we do it for a long time. If u need some time off take care of yourself.

I agree with this Achy. Please stay.

[Britneigh]

That moment you realize you're nothing. Nobody gives a crap. You're just crap. Maybe my thoughts of the s word aren't so off base. It's feeling more and more like a viable option.