The BPD Check-In Thread #5

jeremiahgirl · Jan 12, 2015, 09:41 PM

Hi Achy Turtle Armor, I understand completely! I've said something's to my T perhaps not as direct as you did but I have been able to let him know when I'm needy. Here is a recent event it may make you smile and know your not in the battle alone with (BPD). Often when I go to therapy there's a pretty blond lady who seems rather "touchy" with the male therapist. I saw her hug my T and this made me mad. So when I got in session I said to my T "Who is that blond lady out there? He said, oh that's George's wife (another therapist) I said then why is she always touching you?? He said, oh did she touch me? I didn't see that. " I said she she did and that made me mad. He said Why? I said "BECAUSE YOU BELONG TO ME!!!" His reply was I don't belong to anyone. I have in the past expressed my feeling for him, and he does not criticize me. He simply says that can't happen because it would interfere with his helping me. When I get clinging I simply tell him I need more impute from him and that it's hard dealing with issues alone. (No one else knows of my issues) so it's extremely hard to contain emotions. I think most T's and doctors. don't know how to handle BPD clients. We need kid gloves now and then. But it seems to me your T was too hard on you expressing your emotions. I too would have felt rejected and hurt by his sharpness. I hope you can see your not alone in those moments of neediness. It does happen to most or all of us who struggle with BPD.

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Britneigh · Jan 12, 2015, 10:21 PM

Had a t appointment today. Left me feeling meh. Touched on a few things that kinda made me feel meh. Meh is the word of the night lol.

On another note...Chocolate Mint Vodka is like a liquid thin mint girl scout cookie. I've missed the thin mint cookies. We don't have them here in Canada.

jeremiahgirl · Jan 12, 2015, 10:25 PM

I'm sorry you had a "meh day" but what makes me chuckle is the Girl Scout mint cookies! I

️them! I've never heard of chocolate Mint Vodka, I don't drink. But I have has Girl Scout cookies.

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Achy Turtle Armor · Jan 12, 2015, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeremiahgirl

Hi Achy Turtle Armor, I understand completely! I've said something's to my T perhaps not as direct as you did but I have been able to let him know when I'm needy. Here is a recent event it may make you smile and know your not in the battle alone with (BPD). Often when I go to therapy there's a pretty blond lady who seems rather "touchy" with the male therapist. I saw her hug my T and this made me mad. So when I got in session I said to my T "Who is that blond lady out there? He said, oh that's George's wife (another therapist) I said then why is she always touching you?? He said, oh did she touch me? I didn't see that. " I said she she did and that made me mad. He said Why? I said "BECAUSE YOU BELONG TO ME!!!" His reply was I don't belong to anyone. I have in the past expressed my feeling for him, and he does not criticize me. He simply says that can't happen because it would interfere with his helping me. When I get clinging I simply tell him I need more impute from him and that it's hard dealing with issues alone. (No one else knows of my issues) so it's extremely hard to contain emotions. I think most T's and doctors. don't know how to handle BPD clients. We need kid gloves now and then. But it seems to me your T was too hard on you expressing your emotions. I too would have felt rejected and hurt by his sharpness. I hope you can see your not alone in those moments of neediness. It does happen to most or all of us who struggle with BPD.

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I really needed that. I appreciate you willing to share that with me. It does help.

jeremiahgirl · Jan 12, 2015, 11:23 PM

Hi again Achy Turtle Armor, I was just watching a video or two on you tube about emotions and BPD. I remembered its "extremely important" for a T to "validate" their clients. Even if they believe something was inappropriate like your T did he could have simply said " I understand things are tough right now, we can discuss how to mange this in our next session." This I'm sure would have validated you knowing he heard your emotions and will address them at a future point. Instead of blasting you out the water. He needs to learn more about validation for all clients.

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Achy Turtle Armor · Jan 13, 2015, 05:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeremiahgirl

Hi again Achy Turtle Armor, I was just watching a video or two on you tube about emotions and BPD. I remembered its "extremely important" for a T to "validate" their clients. Even if they believe something was inappropriate like your T did he could have simply said " I understand things are tough right now, we can discuss how to mange this in our next session." This I'm sure would have validated you knowing he heard your emotions and will address them at a future point. Instead of blasting you out the water. He needs to learn more about validation for all clients.

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You know it's funny because I was thinking about that and I think that's why it hurt so much. That reaction he had was not normal for him. Usually he's very validating. He says, "That's ok" a lot. I think the exclamation mark hurt a lot too. It felt like he was yelling at me.

I will discuss this with him when I see him again.

Another thought was remembering that he said just last week, "I make mistakes. I've made them with you. You teach me." So I am going to give him a break. Of course this is easier now after a nights sleep, I am thinking more clearly, & I'm less depressed at the moment.

Thanks again for your input and insight.

Britneigh · Jan 13, 2015, 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeremiahgirl

I'm sorry you had a "meh day" but what makes me chuckle is the Girl Scout mint cookies! I

️them! I've never heard of chocolate Mint Vodka, I don't drink. But I have has Girl Scout cookies.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

That's okay it was meant to make people chuckle.

avlady · Jan 13, 2015, 09:08 AM

i hope you all feel better, your posts make me think my problems are not soo bad as yours.

Bubbles&Buttercup · Jan 14, 2015, 06:21 AM

Back home after 6 days visiting family and friends in my old town. Enjoying being in my own bed and having tv shows to watch, feeling a little on edge though. Hoping it passes and doesn't turn into bad anxiety.
I hope you're all doing okay. x

Tawnya20 · Jan 14, 2015, 07:28 AM

New to group. Going through a rough patch. Weaning off Cymbalta and in serious withdrawal. Lamictal was increased. On wellbutrin, abilify, and clonopin also. Are meds the answer to BPD? I feel like crap and my emotions are extreme and all over the place. Angry and having related, intense, and very negative thoughts. Any advice on meds would be very helpful and appreciated.

Thanks much.

Angelique67 · Jan 14, 2015, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tawnya20

New to group. Going through a rough patch. Weaning off Cymbalta and in serious withdrawal. Lamictal was increased. On wellbutrin, abilify, and clonopin also. Are meds the answer to BPD? I feel like crap and my emotions are extreme and all over the place. Angry and having related, intense, and very negative thoughts. Any advice on meds would be very helpful and appreciated.

Thanks much.

Hi Tawnya, sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. Maybe the Cymbalta taper is too fast. Lots of hugs.

Espresso · Jan 14, 2015, 01:18 PM

Apparently it takes a health scare (still unresolved) to make me seriously want to stop wanting to kill myself.

frey2 · Jan 14, 2015, 01:23 PM

Feeling totally hopeless.

Had a long awaited appointment with a new, much more experienced psychiatrist (I've been seeing a first year resident who was supposed to just be temporary after I left the hospital), and then after all that she didn't even want me as a patient because I was too messed up.
She said she didn't want a patient who got angry at every prescriber I've every seen (not totally true). She had just been talking about being so against the stigma of mental illnesses, and then she went on to say she felt at this point in her life she didn't want a patient who would cut themselves because they were angry with her (and then she said because of the way she dressed or talked or something she said, which is not at all how that works for me, it would be because she isn't listening to what I am saying, and is dismissing me. She was acting like I would do it for absolutely no reason at all). She also implied that my severe anxiety made things too challenging, and because I haven't had great success on any medications (I haven't tried very many), it wasn't worth it to her.

She's a psychiatrist! She deals with people who are mentally ill, what did she expect?

I'm so frustrated, and feel so hopeless. This was the only appointment I have been able to get in months of trying to get a new psychiatrist. No one calls me back, or if they do, they are full, or don't accept any insurance. Ugh. I know what medications might work for me, I just need a psychiatrist who will actually listen to me!!

jeremiahgirl · Jan 14, 2015, 08:13 PM

Hi Achy Turtle Armor, it's that how most BPD things go.... We blow up get hurt then reach base line again, sometimes this takes time but it does come sooner or later.

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Bubbles&Buttercup · Jan 15, 2015, 02:37 AM

My relationship is not going well, although it's been that way for a while I think tonight might get a bit rough and emotional for me.
Hopefully I don't spend most of my evening crying in bed.

Achy Turtle Armor · Jan 15, 2015, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup

My relationship is not going well, although it's been that way for a while I think tonight might get a bit rough and emotional for me.
Hopefully I don't spend most of my evening crying in bed.

if its ok

Achy Turtle Armor · Jan 15, 2015, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frey2

Feeling totally hopeless.

Had a long awaited appointment with a new, much more experienced psychiatrist (I've been seeing a first year resident who was supposed to just be temporary after I left the hospital), and then after all that she didn't even want me as a patient because I was too messed up.
She said she didn't want a patient who got angry at every prescriber I've every seen (not totally true). She had just been talking about being so against the stigma of mental illnesses, and then she went on to say she felt at this point in her life she didn't want a patient who would cut themselves because they were angry with her (and then she said because of the way she dressed or talked or something she said, which is not at all how that works for me, it would be because she isn't listening to what I am saying, and is dismissing me. She was acting like I would do it for absolutely no reason at all). She also implied that my severe anxiety made things too challenging, and because I haven't had great success on any medications (I haven't tried very many), it wasn't worth it to her.

She's a psychiatrist! She deals with people who are mentally ill, what did she expect?

I'm so frustrated, and feel so hopeless. This was the only appointment I have been able to get in months of trying to get a new psychiatrist. No one calls me back, or if they do, they are full, or don't accept any insurance. Ugh. I know what medications might work for me, I just need a psychiatrist who will actually listen to me!!

Man that's upsetting and frustrating to say the least.

if it's ok

Britneigh · Jan 15, 2015, 08:00 PM

Making all the wrong decisions for the mind state I'm in. The "s" word has been on my mind all day. I'm drinking. I want to cut. Total downward spiral. I'm such a failure.

Angelique67 · Jan 15, 2015, 08:02 PM

Saw some videos by an old former friend. So many emotions. So sad.

dancinglady · Jan 15, 2015, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frey2

Feeling totally hopeless.

Had a long awaited appointment with a new, much more experienced psychiatrist (I've been seeing a first year resident who was supposed to just be temporary after I left the hospital), and then after all that she didn't even want me as a patient because I was too messed up.
She said she didn't want a patient who got angry at every prescriber I've every seen (not totally true). She had just been talking about being so against the stigma of mental illnesses, and then she went on to say she felt at this point in her life she didn't want a patient who would cut themselves because they were angry with her (and then she said because of the way she dressed or talked or something she said, which is not at all how that works for me, it would be because she isn't listening to what I am saying, and is dismissing me. She was acting like I would do it for absolutely no reason at all). She also implied that my severe anxiety made things too challenging, and because I haven't had great success on any medications (I haven't tried very many), it wasn't worth it to her.

She's a psychiatrist! She deals with people who are mentally ill, what did she expect?

I'm so frustrated, and feel so hopeless. This was the only appointment I have been able to get in months of trying to get a new psychiatrist. No one calls me back, or if they do, they are full, or don't accept any insurance. Ugh. I know what medications might work for me, I just need a psychiatrist who will actually listen to me!!

I have been in your situation where no one (21 different therapists) would see me as a patient. I hurt for you. Do not what to tell you but keep trying. Sometimes therapists or docs just want the easy cases due to malpractice insurance and their liability. She may have tons of student debt and just can not take the risks involved with us. Hope you well but it will be really hard if that is the reputation that they see with you. Can you go to another agency or town, city, etc. Maybe having a fresh start just might be what you need. If you get (and I have) a bad reputations between doctors it is virtually impossible to get good help.

SeekerOfLife · Jan 16, 2015, 05:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Making all the wrong decisions for the mind state I'm in. The "s" word has been on my mind all day. I'm drinking. I want to cut. Total downward spiral. I'm such a failure.

Britneigh you are not a failure! Do you know what is triggering you? Please take care of yourself.

shezbut · Jan 17, 2015, 12:22 AM

I am feeling okay.

Bubbles&Buttercup · Jan 18, 2015, 08:13 PM

How's everyone doing?
I'm feeling pretty mediocre both physically and emotionally at the moment. I'm hoping this mood is just passing through and not planning on staying for a while.