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#826
May 20, 2016, 05:34 AM
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How do I feel? I hate myself and I hate everybody else. I feel like no one cares about me.
I feel like I'm just a nuisance to everybody. I'm always saying it's OK if they don't want to be with me/talk to me, but it's actually not.
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BPD, AvPD, Depression, C-PTSD, Anxiety, ED |
 Anonymous37831, avlady
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#827
May 20, 2016, 06:08 AM
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I hate this. I feel alone. Whenever people need my support, i'm there. Trying my best. It hurts me and I feel like crap but I help them. And when I bring up my pains, they act like it's super awkward and segue to another subject or just leave entirely. I honestly despise myself for being so alone and actually aware of it. Instead of blissfully ignoring reality, staying stuck in some fantasy world.
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 "I said sour, as in puss" |
| Anonymous37831, avlady
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#828
May 20, 2016, 08:23 AM
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I was kind of sad this morning, but I'm doing better now that I am listening to some music and singing out loud before I head to work. This always helps me.
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| Anonymous37831, avlady
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#829
May 20, 2016, 10:17 AM
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Hi all,
When will my BPD go away!!!  Well I guess it probably won't. I get confused though, I hear people saying....oh 100s of years ago, loads of people probably had pd's but they just got through it......well surely i should just be able to get through it huh?!!?!?!? |
| Anonymous37831, avlady
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#830
May 21, 2016, 07:04 PM
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Feeling a bit happier with all this rain falling!
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"stand for those who are forgotten - sacrifice for those who forget" "roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles" "the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy" "don't put all your eggs - in one basket" "promote pleasure - prevent pain" "with change - comes loss" |
| avlady
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#831
May 22, 2016, 03:45 AM
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Someone who self-diagnosed herself with BPD started bad stuff on a facebook group I'm really into (and it's like my safe place), and now I'm feeling awful. She used that BPD stigma to become emotionally manipulative and almost ruined that group. Just shows how awful this stigma is and that people will even use it like that.
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"I said sour, as in puss" |
| Anonymous37831, Chuva, Fuzzybear
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#832
May 22, 2016, 11:22 AM
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Anxiety really bad today.
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Mags Depression diagnosed March 1996 PTSD diagnosed January 2000 BPD diagnosed September 2013 |
| Chuva, Fuzzybear
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#833
May 22, 2016, 12:22 PM
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in this moment...i am ok.
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| Fuzzybear
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#834
May 22, 2016, 03:33 PM
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I'm sorry
  That's disgusting  Quote:
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#835
May 22, 2016, 06:16 PM
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Coping with feeling ignored....my husband is handling some stress we had. Our house was run into by a drunk driver. He handles stress by going inside his head, so I know it isn't me. So I am being strong, but I feel left out. We will get through it and I know I can deal. But for now I am lonely.
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| Kek de la Doge
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#836
May 23, 2016, 02:18 AM
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I had a chat with a friend yesterday, and it made me realize how much of a mess I really am. I admitted a lot of things, because I know this friend would understand. Today I am more aware of my problems and how deep-rooted they are, and to be honest that does not make me feel any better. I feel kinda worse actually. Every time I reach this level of realization, admitting to myself that my actions are self-harming and ruinous to me, I shun this feeling. I bury it. Ignore it. Will it happen again? Most likely. Even my therapist doesn't know what to say about it, and she's the smartest person I know. I hope I'll be strong enough to face it this time.
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"I said sour, as in puss" |
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#837
May 23, 2016, 09:49 AM
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Coming off medications is a bit scary but I'm ready to see what's underneath
Sent from my XT1254 using Tapatalk |
| Chuva
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#838
May 23, 2016, 11:49 AM
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In Italy it's (unfortunately) customary for people to go ringing the bell of the houses to recommend a contract with a gas/electricity/whatever company. They just came here and wanted to suggest me this contract which I didn't want. I should mention that these people are always very subtle and present themselves as "just checking" if everything is "alright" or things like that. I told the guy I wasn't interested. He became immediately so very rude and told me "sorry, I have work to do", and proceeded to ring my neighbor's bell. This got me so angry I was practically shaking. I'm overwhelmed by these intense emotions triggered by silly things.
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BPD, AvPD, Depression, C-PTSD, Anxiety, ED |
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#839
May 23, 2016, 06:12 PM
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Today was calm. Therapy went well. We're building a new home office in our sunroom so we kept busy. It will give me more natural light than our basement so hopefully I'll feel better and more productive.
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#840
May 24, 2016, 01:35 AM
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I'm so angry! I just called my pdoc to know if there was any news about the new therapist whose number he should give me. He didn't even greet me, just said "I haven't forgotten about that". That was so rude! And made me think I'm just a nuisance for him and, basically, for everybody. I actually said "**** off" while closing the call, and don't even know if he could still hear me or not. I'm really, really angry by now
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BPD, AvPD, Depression, C-PTSD, Anxiety, ED |
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#841
May 25, 2016, 02:03 AM
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I have DBT tomorrow, of course I don't want to go, I don't feel like I'm getting much out of it outside of a chance to share some stuff with others who seem to relate -- which yeah, would be great if I didn't feel like the group leader hated me for it. Usually I'm inpatient every three months or so, but it's been since February and I don't think I need it right now. I stopped drinking on my wife's insistence and started taking Antabuse - which I completely hate - so there goes that crutch. Whatever. I'm alive. Now apparently just earned yet a second college degree that places me no further into a space I'd think I'd be able to work a job or anything. My one saving grace is my daughter, I guess... probably the only person I've ever loved unconditionally & felt it given back - but I sometimes feel like she's doing that "walk on eggshells" (God, I loathe that expression) bit with me, like I'm someone who needs coddling. I don't want her to feel like that. But the reality is, she'll probably feel like she's either going to have to take care of me someday, or cut me out of her life completely. When does it end? Really don't know, and right now don't want to. This post is pretty crazy looking, I'm sure, but I'm just venting. Tomorrow I get to act all together and talk to a bunch of faculty members and students about writing, lives, careers, and philosophy, so I may as well let the tap off the psychosis and air it out slowly so it's doesn't explode all at once onto the wrong person. There. That's my check-in. Hi, BPD. Nice to see you're still with me after all these years. (Sorry for the "no introduction"; I just needed to vent, and this thread seemed appropriate.)
Last edited by Luciferaugustus; May 25, 2016 at 02:50 AM. |
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#842
May 25, 2016, 08:22 AM
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I am having a good morning so far. Got up and worked out, eating breakfast right now. Hopefully my mood continues like this.
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#843
May 25, 2016, 12:52 PM
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I took the sanity quiz again today. I scored 100, very different then the 160 I scored almost 3 years ago. Some of the things it said has been said by my doctor - I now only have Borderline traits, my anxiety is out of control... it was interesting to see the changes.
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Mags Depression diagnosed March 1996 PTSD diagnosed January 2000 BPD diagnosed September 2013 |
| Anonymous59786, Fuzzybear
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#844
May 25, 2016, 05:16 PM
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 grrrrrrrrrrrrr
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| Anonymous59786, technigal, Unrigged64072835
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#845
May 26, 2016, 03:19 AM
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Quote:
Sent from my XT1254 using Tapatalk |
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#846
May 26, 2016, 05:21 AM
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I'm feeling extremely unwell, but don't know what is the matter. I talked about it with my bf earlier but I was unable to express my feelings properly, I just kept crying.
I can't take this anymore. Luckily he's coming over here in a few hours time, so hopefully he'll try and help me out.
__________________
BPD, AvPD, Depression, C-PTSD, Anxiety, ED |
| Anonymous59786
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#847
May 28, 2016, 02:37 PM
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Finished painting the doors of the home office, so waiting for paint to dry. Then we can put the doorknobs on and call it done. Thank goodness!
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#848
May 29, 2016, 09:18 AM
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This is the best I have felt in a long time. Hope that I don't curse it lol
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| Chuva
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 Angelique67
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#849
May 29, 2016, 06:24 PM
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Finished home office yesterday. Cleaned house today. I'm exhausted. Why do I do this to myself? Oh yeah, so I can keep up with my spouse and not look like I'm lazy. Silly me.
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#850
May 29, 2016, 07:11 PM
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Not feeling good.
Sad. Depressed. Wished I didn't have BPD.
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| Chuva, Kek de la Doge, technigal
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