[shezbut]

Today is weird. I feel super-tired and "removed" from everyone/everything. I don't know if this is just a strange funk, or if it's a warning that I may be going down further. ?? I guess that I will find out soon enough...

I asked my best friend if she wanted to be more than friends after months of tension building up between us, and she said yes, and I couldn't be happier!!!!!! My heart doesn't hurt just from talking to her anymore, it doesn't hurt at all!!!
I know I have to be careful because I have BPD, but honestly, in the past I've never initiated the relationships and when I did have crushes they were barely there. I've never felt like this before, and she says she feels the same, so I'm sure this is the right thing for us. It was just painful for a long time because of the suppressed feelings, but now it's out of the way and we can be happy! GAH I can't believe it!!

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[Make BPD StigmaFree]

Hello! I just joined today and love to talk to others who have BPD or are in recovery. I did DBT several years ago and am now recovered. I run a blog and Facebook Page and other links and also a group on BPD. I love to spread awareness and fight stigma. Hence my username! Nice to meet everyone.

[Unrigged64072835]

Everything is stable except I'm jittery from a new med. It's making it hard to focus on any of the projects I started.

[Lonlin3zz]

A group of classmate took me and a guy buddy in for a lab project, thought I was lucky to have a group.

Guy friend reminded me that we were taken in with a condition that we listen to them and let them take the lead, as it would be a final chance for both of us to "redeem" our worthiness. My mood turned 180 degrees, and I became angry at those group of people, and classmates who used to be with them.

The following morning, I couldn't wake up with a smile for the rest of the day. It was really dark day, that I tried to help the group with lab practical, and they told me off for toggling the variables for the pump. I could not help it, I was pissed by how slow they worked for their lab practical. Instead of going balls deep into decreasing the variables, they took their time to decrease the flow rate by 10ml/min every attempt. They have these kind of selfish attitude against letting others having a chance to learn.

At the end of the day, I was still in foul mood after being told for "anyhow touching stuffs" when I clearly understood the instruction and the experiment, but just restricted of my freedom as I was let into a group under a condition.

It is one of the rare occasion I really hated humans this much to keep my rebellious attitude under control, and I lost my mind and was cursing under my breath. I was filled with anger, that despite paying attention to my inhaling and exhaling, I still could not calm that pacing heartbeat and intense breathing down. I even questioned myself when I saw my crush, " Why did I even fall for her in the first place, everyone's a fraud with a mask thicker than make-ups"

Too much anger built up today

I feel good.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I haven't been checking in here lately. My depression was bad for a while but because I never do anything or see anyone my BPD symptoms weren't too bad.

I've recently started seeing someone and have been trying to catch up with friends more often, and I can already see all the BPD stuff showing up.

I start DBT group therapy next week and I'm really hoping that helps me to try to keep these relationships healthy.

Anyone had good (or bad) experiences with DBT?

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup

I haven't been checking in here lately. My depression was bad for a while but because I never do anything or see anyone my BPD symptoms weren't too bad.

I've recently started seeing someone and have been trying to catch up with friends more often, and I can already see all the BPD stuff showing up.

I start DBT group therapy next week and I'm really hoping that helps me to try to keep these relationships healthy.

Anyone had good (or bad) experiences with DBT?

Without the four years of DBT I got when I was younger I would not be where I am today. It's not for everyone(like any form of therapy, like for me I can't do CBT at all it just isn't an approach that works for me AT ALL) but I say give it a shot and see if it works for you, it worked wonderfully for me. I still have BPD but I still fall back on DBT skills when I'm having a bad day and the "skills" do work even if it doesn't provide me as much relief as I believe it should. Good luck to you and let us all here know how it goes for you!

[BadWolfC]

Been away for a while...

Things were really good up until my seasonal job ended on the 2nd. I was supposed to transfer to the company that owns the store I worked at, but I don't think that's happening. I had an interview with them on Wednesday and they said they were just going to check my references then call me later that evening, but I haven't heard from them. I don't know what could have gone wrong with my references, but I'm sure that's where the problem was.

I feel helpless right now... I'm going to be out of money at the end of the month, and my fiance can't help me this time because his hours are being cut. I have an interview for a car sales job on Monday, but I'm not very optimistic. If I manage to get it I'll consider myself extremely lucky. I'm so disappointed that the place I was supposed to transfer to hasn't called me. I really enjoyed the seasonal job that I had, and more than anything I hate the fact that it's over. I've never had a job I enjoyed that much before, and it paid well because I was a manager. The place I was supposed to transfer to was going to make me start at the bottom again and pay me minimum wage, so maybe it's best that I didn't get it... Maybe something better will turn up. But like I said, I'm not optimistic right now...

Sorry if that was long, just needed to get it out.
Thanks for reading.

[dancinglady]

Job hunting is the pits. Ugh ugh ugh

[ChicaCupcake]

I'm a newbie.

Talking myself into calling my counselor feels funny because I am one.
Lately my fear of abandonment has been so intense I've been nauseous and unable to sleep but my partner has been very understanding.

Lately I feel relatively lucky overall.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Back home after spending a lot of time staying at my partners in the city. Surprisingly I'm not feeling irrationally abandoned or anything, I just miss him and much prefer spending time where he lives and with him.
I can visit again in about a week and a half, so hopefully it goes quickly!

[Lonlin3zz]

My mood when I start off the day /\

My mood when its evening time \/

Just have this intense feeling of emptiness not because of love, but rather I feel alone when class gets separated due to different electives. Especially when me and a buddy are on our own survival, and it's hard to keep myself alive each day as we are vulnerable to social threats.

fml tbh, when the world points out your faults and not your good points.

I get opinions from someone who heard " I produce ****** work for group projects" and I was keeping myself composed because I'm hardly angry at all. Probably, people have warned others about grouping with me though, I feel nothing. I just accept it and move on, people just believe what they want to hear, so it's fine. Then my buddy actually cheered me up a little, saying that he looked through my 50 page solo Major Project and found it impressive to read for the amount of effort put in.

To know someone actually acknowledge your plus points, simply shields all the negative opinions that could have already lost it's relevance within that few years of study.

[Lonlin3zz]

"I sometimes feel like I don't have a real personality - I shift depending on who I'm with and when I'm alone I can't really ever decide what I like, what I don't like. However, I don't shift my career ideas or my basic core values. "

----DefyingGravity65

I want to tell the whole world not to give up on me, I act weird or odd at times, but doesn't mean that I am a bad person or a worthless person in society. I admire people's positive traits a lot more than their faults, but the world does the opposite

[Fuzzybear]

fuzzy paws

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I suppose that I've gotten myself worked up to the point where I hate my therapist. I almost sent him a text last night saying, "I'm done with you, therapy, meds, and my life." It sounded too dramatic and I thought why even bother to tell him anything? I'm supposed to contact him if I'm suicidal or if I decide not to take my meds. Why would I contact him? If that's what I want to do, what is the point in contacting him? So I didn't call or text him but I talked myself into a compromise. I took my Lithium last night and I am taking my meds today, so far.

Possible trigger:

I decided not to take the usual steps towards suicide but instead took some relief with a blade.

Right now I am feeling better but the night is still to come...

I also have a great amount of guilt for these feelings because he has just spent the last few weeks discharging patients. He had planned to take some time off but has apparently decided to keep 5 patients. I'm one of the 5.

[Unrigged64072835]

I've been on a rollercoaster for a week. I even went to the ER and was shuttled out by the crisis worker. I feel like I need a med change but can't get ahold of my pdoc. Really could use a break from the emotional dervish my head is doing.

It is amazing how we can construe things as abandonment.
My husband has non alcoholic cirrhosis related to fatty liver.
He drinks coca cola like crazy. I read that this actually ferments in the stomach
and is basically like drinking alcohol for these people and actually all people possibly.
He is totally addicted to this stuff and the idea of stopping is really out of his realm of possibility right now.
So in my mind he doesn't care about his family enough to quit...doesn't care if he dies and leaves me..ie abandonment
Over Soda....

[moodycow]

April 72 , don't be hard om yourself, my h cant leave the room for long before my abandonment brain switches on .

[Qy10]

I feel like I'm being suffocated by this depressed state that I'm currently in. I feel suffocated by my story. I want to get it out and to tell my story and speak my truth, but I don't want to leave myself vulnerable to people using it against me. That has already happened too much.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Atypical_Disaster]

To use a DBT term, I am totally in "emotion mind" today. Ugh, I hate this. I keep trying and doing all the "right" things but I'm still in hell. It feels like nothing will ever get better for me.

[technigal]

Dealing with some pretty scary stuff and over-reacting as normal.

[DBTDiva]

I hope everyone is having an ok - good day today! I have not had a chance to read any new threads, only catch up on ones I've already commented on. I'm busy busy busy at work which has distracted me from being anxious so overall not too bad.

[crosstobear]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

To use a DBT term, I am totally in "emotion mind" today. Ugh, I hate this. I keep trying and doing all the "right" things but I'm still in hell. It feels like nothing will ever get better for me.

Remember, emotions are temporary. Feel them, identify them "I am now sad/I am angry". Allow yourself to experience them. That's how you process. Give yourself a few minutes to experience them and then move forward, do something that will help your de-stress.

Things get better with time.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by crosstobear

Remember, emotions are temporary. Feel them, identify them "I am now sad/I am angry". Allow yourself to experience them. That's how you process. Give yourself a few minutes to experience them and then move forward, do something that will help your de-stress.

Things get better with time.

Thank you. It's been a lot of fear and sadness as of late(I hate those emotions, hate feeling them, and hate admitting that I do feel them in the first place but at this point denial is beyond superfluous). I've been working on the radical acceptance thing, to just be mindful of what I'm feeling and not cast judgments on it. Easier said than done but it has been helping, just not as quickly as I want because I'm so impatient haha.