The BPD Check-In Thread #6

PinkFlamingo99 · Aug 07, 2016, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dancinglady

Yep and until All of these old PDocs retire nothing will change. They give all the BPD to the worst pDOCs cuz the new ones usually want nothing to do with the major screw ups.

The resident working under him was a snotty little ***** parroting back everything he said.

Won't go into details but I was under court order to be there because my SH is very severe. They were acting like it was papercuts or something. I had over 300 stitches for the episode that landed me there. So horrid and judgemental that BPD is the one mental illness that doesnt deserve help. I hate myself enough as it is. All he did was make me afraid to seek medical care when i need it. Duct taping cuts and at-home steri-stripping cuts of this depth seem to always lead to infection. I felt like saying, save your breath, I already despise myself.

Lonlin3zz · Aug 08, 2016, 01:14 AM

Sat and Sunday was terribly ruined feeling depressed. Woke up this morning feeling bright and high, and now it just crash back to square one.

*Feels like crying a lot*

Kek de la Doge · Aug 08, 2016, 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lonlin3zz

Sat and Sunday was terribly ruined feeling depressed. Woke up this morning feeling bright and high, and now it just crash back to square one.

*Feels like crying a lot*

i know that feel man

Aug 08, 2016, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lonlin3zz

Sat and Sunday was terribly ruined feeling depressed. Woke up this morning feeling bright and high, and now it just crash back to square one.

*Feels like crying a lot*

Sorry you are feeling this way. I'm feeling pretty much the same way. It sucks. Hope you feel better.

Unrigged64072835 · Aug 08, 2016, 02:19 PM

Still trying to come down from a stressful situation. Anxiety has me wound up like a ball of nerves. Things are resolved for the moment so just trying to relax.

Lonlin3zz · Aug 09, 2016, 04:01 AM

I'm on the edge of breaking social connections with my bpd support group and go and hide in a hole

I thought I was a strong person living a single life til my bpd partner came into my life. I am a weak person at heart, just to admit it.

Kek de la Doge · Aug 09, 2016, 04:39 AM

Was crying the other night. Feel like such a loser. Can't cope with what I'm feeling or doing. Why was I put on this earth? I'm lower than human. I'm scum. It's all just so meaningless. I have come to grips with the reality that I'm never going to be part of society. Yesterday just proved that perfectly.... It doesn't matter. Just want to feel numb.

Aug 09, 2016, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lonlin3zz

I'm on the edge of breaking social connections with my bpd support group and go and hide in a hole

I thought I was a strong person living a single life til my bpd partner came into my life. I am a weak person at heart, just to admit it.

Before I met my ex friend, I thought I was strong too. It sucks feeling this way. Hope you feel better.

Try to stay strong and don't break from your BPD support group.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kek de la Doge

Was crying the other night. Feel like such a loser. Can't cope with what I'm feeling or doing. Why was I put on this earth? I'm lower than human. I'm scum. It's all just so meaningless. I have come to grips with the reality that I'm never going to be part of society. Yesterday just proved that perfectly.... It doesn't matter. Just want to feel numb.

I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes I degrade and think the worse of myself. I always question myself as well. It's difficult to endure. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

Unrigged64072835 · Aug 09, 2016, 03:07 PM

Another anxious day. Trying to cope with being on disability, and will probably be on disability for a long time. It's enough to pay the bills, but I still feel like I should have a job. I fear not being able to provide for my family. For most of my life I was the breadwinner. My husband could get a job but he's not going to unless we lose a good chunk of money. He has MS and overheats easily, plus he has a bad back like I do. I should just relax and be grateful for what I do have, at least for the time being.

Pastel Kitten · Aug 10, 2016, 01:45 AM

Trying my best to follow my therapist's instructions. I'm doing better today but boy has this past week been rough. Trying to stop hurting myself both verbally and physically

Aug 10, 2016, 02:38 PM

Having a stressful day today. Yesterday was bad but today it's worse. Trying hard not blow up or hurt myself.

Unrigged64072835 · Aug 10, 2016, 05:05 PM

Quiet day. Picked up one med and have two on order for next week. Had a rough patch of anxiety at midday but rested through that.

Aug 11, 2016, 06:19 AM

I am still very new to everything here, but it is nice to have a place like this to check in. Today I have so much work but I just can't get myself to do it. I feel guilty about all my mistakes and angry for making them over and over again. I hate having these self destructive behaviours, hurting not only myself but also the people that care about me.

Unrigged64072835 · Aug 12, 2016, 05:33 PM

Got through my husband's MRI. Four hours of waiting and then a crazy drive home in rush hour traffic. Glad we made it home in one piece.

Pastel Kitten · Aug 12, 2016, 06:45 PM

I managed to prevent myself from lashing out unnecessarily while frustrated earlier today. I kept my cool and let my irritability pass, and felt much better afterwards.

Unrigged64072835 · Aug 13, 2016, 08:00 PM

Quiet day today. Did laundry and that's about it. Anxiety was down so that's good.

Aug 13, 2016, 09:37 PM

Had a really good day today. Was able to do a few things with no pressure or anxiety.

-Astral- · Aug 14, 2016, 03:37 AM

want to die

Lonlin3zz · Aug 14, 2016, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -Asphyxia-

want to die

I feel so helpless and useless deep down. I would fling myself down into a river if it were nearby.

That's a really bitter kind of thing to be experiencing right now.