[MoxieDoxie]

Well....are there? What aspects of the borderline do you still struggle with?

I'm not quite, but approaching 40. I don't know a lot about BPD. I spent so much time researching bipolar that I didn't have the energy when diagnosed with BPD. I do know that I make impulsuve bad decisions an have a serious fear of abandonment. I also self harmed in the hospital. Not sure what else they see in me.

[amorousdestruction]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Well....are there? What aspects of the borderline do you still struggle with?

Hi MoxieDoxie
I will be turning 50 in February and finally got my BPD diagnosis last year although to be truthful have been BPD since 13 years of age. The diagnosis was considered in my 30's but just never followed through on, and then life happened and I moved away. But the events of the past 5 years has made me need to really figure out what was up with me, and then after a toxic and devastating ending to a relationship with a man, I needed to really understand what was going on, and the diagnosis was just obvious. I struggled initially because I was filled with such shame and hopelessness that it seemed to me that I would be alone for the rest of my life, because who would want me know? Anyways, there is a worry on my part that I am stuck and destined to be this way forever, because after 50 years, what is the likelihood of getting better? I struggle with a sense of hopelessness, and turning 50 is hard enough, but to do so while feeling so ashamed of what I am is even harder.

[technigal]

I am 48, was not diagnosed with BPD until I was 44. After therapy and meds I only have traits now. I was considered "high functioning" when I was diagnosed.

[PsychoPhil]

I'm in my 50s and am wondering if I have BPD, not yet seen a pdoc for diagnosis. I have a history of abuse and trauma and am experiencing:

Rapid mood swings. My mood can plunge, often on thoughts of past or abuse, at any moment.

Intense emotions and irritability: I can get angry just from having someone block the sidewalk ahead of me, or someone at work talking too much on the phone.

Abandonment: I fear I'm not fitting in and once people find out who I really am will reject me, especially after experiencing one of my socially awkward outbursts.

Paranoia: When stressed, I get paranoid about others working against me.

Relationships: I'm a loner, have trouble establishing relationships, and even more maintaining them. I tend to focus on the negative in partners.

Low self esteem: I have intrusive thoughts of causing attractive people discomfort just from looking at me. Mixes in with BDD, which I had in textbook variation in my teens.

Sarcasm: with my pessimistic attitudes, I use sarcasm and sometimes cynicism to cope.

Impulsivity: some issues here.

Lack of purpose: I often wonder why I'm even still here.

Unstable personality: in my teens and twenties, I tried to mimic people of whom I thought they were doing better. This has decreased with age, but I still feel I don't really know who I am.

[MobiusPsyche]

I'm 45 and was first diagnosed at age 18. I'm "high functioning" but that's only because I decided at age 18 not to have relationships with men because they are too chaotic and emotionally gut wrenching for me. I was able to put my energies into my career instead.

Now I'm 45, was re-diagnosed with BPD at age 42, and I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to find someone to share my life with in some way (not necessarily marriage). I feel hopeless sometimes but I've improved vastly with intensive psychotherapy.

I struggle with emptiness the most, I think. I also have major depression and struggle with self harm urges (although it's been over a year since I gave in to them). The overwhelming intensity of my emotions has dialed down considerably since I started therapy. I can also handle them better when they rear their ugly heads.

ETA some issues with impulsive behavior as well but again these have improved with treatment and meditation.

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

I'm 45 and was first diagnosed at age 18. I'm "high functioning" but that's only because I decided at age 18 not to have relationships with men because they are too chaotic and emotionally gut wrenching for me. I was able to put my energies into my career instead.

You were able to actually have a career and know what you wanted to do? That is one of the main signs. I could not figure out who I was and changed subjects in college 5 times and never finished. I also had a hard time going to college because of intense emotions. I used men to get my needs met. I married twice with lots of intense swings with men.

I am chill now after 2 years of EMDR and reparenting from a very dedicated therapist but, hey, I guess I will always struggle with certain aspects of the Borderline. I know at 50 I still want to be loved and cared for like a child because I never got that and still never have.

I was considered high functioning also.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm 52 and was diagnosed with BPD in my late 20s, though I didn't know until my late 40s. I went through relationship hell for many years until I met my current husband in 2010. He has been with me through my nervous breakdown and bipolar diagnosis.

I still struggle with abandonment issues and emotional regulation. My moods still go up and down on a whim it seems. I've been through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and have regular therapy and meds as well. I was high-functioning until 2012, when I had to quit work and go on disability. I'm starting to gain some stability but don't know if I'll have a job again. I also have physical issues so I can't do most jobs.

Still, I'm hopeful I can be here for my family and do well eventually.

[zijax]

Every week I spin out in a jealous rage over some small thing that triggers the coiling snake. My bf would never cheat on me. I know this but knowledge doesn't help when the emotion drowns me. I am still, after all these years, over sensitive, insecure, have angry outbursts, think about breaking up every other week. I still don't have a career I like or feel I'm very good at it. However, I am going to take a poetry class at the University in Feb. I may write a book! who knows...maybe this is my forte. I am in a relationship where I can open up and talk about my insecurities. He is understanding. I am fortunate. I don't have to work, again, I am seeing the positive. Everyone suffers in some way. We are all in this world together, doing the best we can.

[-Astral-]

i am 41 and i still have symptoms of BPD i hear voices and see things i dont know very much about BPD all i know is that after 35 you meant to be symptom free mostly

[splitimage]

I'm 48 and really struggled with BPD in my 20's and 30's. But I did a course of DBT and that really helped me, much more than any other therapy I did. When I was last admitted to a psych hospital 2013, my discharge notes said borderline traits no longer present, so it's been officially removed as a Dx I have.

I really do feel much more stable, although I am currently on disability and unable to work. I hope to be able to get a part time job in the next six months.

splitimage

I'm 47 and wasn't diagnosed till I was 38, I had never heard of BPD till I was diagnosed with it, Looking back over the years I think that I have had it since my teens. they say it gets better with age but I am yet to find any evidence of that.

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

i am 41 and i still have symptoms of BPD i hear voices and see things i dont know very much about BPD all i know is that after 35 you meant to be symptom free mostly

Hearing voices and seeing things is not symptom of BPD more like Schizophrenia.

[Travelinglady]

I also had BPD, but after DBT and other therapy, I no longer have the diagnosis. I am now 62 and I think I was cured about six years ago or so.

[guscg]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

i am 41 and i still have symptoms of BPD i hear voices and see things i dont know very much about BPD all i know is that after 35 you meant to be symptom free mostly

Thats interesting. I'm 41 myself and also hear voices. As for other symptoms I'm largely recovered.

[guscg]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Hearing voices and seeing things is not symptom of BPD more like Schizophrenia.

Not true! Have a loook at Google Scholar!

[dancinglady]

I am 67 and think I have things under wraps.

[Sarmas]

I was diagnosed with bpd. My therapist broke the news to me like if it was a death in the family. At the time I had no idea what that was or what bpd stood for. Basically she got a blank face out of me and I guess she was looking for some type of reaction. Meanwhile I’m looking at her like the lights are on and there’s no one home. I feel that I have some parts of bpd but not all. I’m impulsive and I could be destructive to myself but destructive within reason. I can go from 0-10 really quick if someone makes me upset. Then I’m avble to cut certain people out of my life easily. That’s dependent on what their role was in my life and how they have treated me. I refuse to let go of my impulsivity. It’s whats helped me survive in this world. However My norm is to be very caring but with one eye open. I’ve let certain slip because I have adapted a heart for those and I get where they’re coming from. Throughout the day I’m great unless someone does or says something that interferes with my life. I’m getting better when it comes to dealing with a crisis.

I'm approaching 40 in a few years. I have not been diagnosed with BPD, but as the years have gone on and the pattern of work, quit, repeat have made it very apparent. I have not had a lot of relationships because I am also shy, but the ones I have had were pretty abnormal. My first was with a man 20 years older than me (I was only 18,) my second was with a guy who kept saying he was gay, but then would deny it when I asked if he really was. In between, I got involved with people who were interested in only 1 thing. I sort of ignored it though for some reason. My current relationship is with someone who has never said they love me, and it started 8 years ago because his wife left him. I have moved back with my mom, while he continues to live in my apt. I still go there to visit because I have no one else. I know it's so sick, but I am desperate for even fleeting moments of socialization or a laugh here and there. The feelings I have had over him loving her, and never saying it to me have caused fights every week of those 8 years, but I am told that all I do is cry, and "who wants to be with someone who is sad all of the time?" Yesterday, he said I sound like a drunk, even though I never drank alcohol in my life. All I ever heard in the beginning were stupid sad stories about his wife and she still tries to control him using their kids, how does he expect me to react? I have nothing to show for my life, and people are really getting the idea that something is wrong with me. I can't hide it anymore. My mom is so self absorbed. I say I have a problem, and she talks for an hour about her own problems. She used to be an alcoholic. I would have to leave immediately sometimes when she would fly into an alcoholic rage. I would walk or drive around, sometimes when I was sick. I would hide in the garage between the junk if I was too tired.Sometimes she would look for me, like I was hunted prey or something. Of course now, she wants to be seen as a mother who did her best, and conveniently forget the really bad stuff. Even though, she had to quit drinking because it made her puke, she has never admitted to being an alcoholic or the destruction it caused. If I ever bring it up, which I did once and learned the hard way, she gets angry and talks about my dad's alcoholism or makes it seem like I'm waaay too sensitive. Of course I know my dad wasn't perfect, but I didn't really grow up around him that much. Anyway, probably where the BPD was reinforced. I remember when my mom's jerk boyfriend was dumping her, which I was blamed for because of my fling with a much older man causing her stress, he said to her, "You're going to ruin her." I always remembered that, and I think she did ruin me. In fact, she probably has BPD too, as her mother and father ruined her. All of her siblings died of drug OD. I've been very lucky that I do not have a terrible addiction, although I do binge sometimes. All I ever wanted in life was to have a career I like, and if possible, be loved by someone, but I just can't stick to a path, or attract a good person. Something always happens, and I gotta run. Right now, it feels like all I have are my cats who love me. Sorry this was so long. I'd actually like to hear more stories from others if they're comfortable.

[Perfectcrazypain]

I'm 40 and have it. I was diagnosed probably 10 years ago. I have been in legal trouble due to shoplifting from the impulsiveness. Also trouble with addiction. I am on Paxil and amitriptyline now but what works best for me is Prozac/Zyprexa/Depakote/Amitriptyline. Therapy doesn't do much for me. My depression is pretty bad. I've lost my daughters over it. It's terrible.