Asking for Distress Tolerance Examples (DBT)

I am interested in how others deal with intense emotions; when you experience an intense emotion how do you resolve it? This is very important, I don't want distracting methods - distracting eventually becomes avoidance and suppression for me. So, I already have tons of distraction exercises.

I want to know once you have already distracted yourself or soothed yourself and you are now coming back to resolve the emotion so that it doesn't recur for that specific reason (haunt you), how do you do that?

How do you go about resolving:
Sadness 10 (Despair);
Anger 10 & Fear 10 (Hatred);
Anger 10 (Rage);
Fear 10 (Terror);
and Jealousy 10;

I understand sharing personal information is not pleasant, but I will really appreciate help, because maybe whatever you do can be applied to me as well.

Thank you for your time.

I try to avoid situations that will cause extreme emotions because I do not have healthy ways of dealing with some of these emotions. That is why I have never thrived. Extreme emotions make me suicidal especially sadness/despair/fear.

Obviously avoidance is best, but life is life and you cannot always avoid these things. So, when they do happen, because they will - what do you do?

Can't help you, but wanted to ask for my own benefit, what the DBT course told you to do in such an extremely emotional state?

When I'm in a relaxed and happy mood I'm less prone to get emotional flashbacks. So the easy answer is to don't worry be happy, just that this obviously doesn't work in those unhappy states coming out of nowhere, or when someone is upsetting me and I then overreact before I even know it.

They said to use distress tolerance skills; the skills they mentioned are, for example, "bake a cake", "go for a run", "watch a candle burn", "read a book", "watch a movie" etc. These do not work for me at an elevated emotional intensity, in some cases they even make the situation worse. I can't think of an activity that would actually help short of self-harm or harming others - and obviously that would be problematic - thus, I am asking what you guys do when at that intensity. I assume many of the people here have done DBT and/or have found their own way to cope, else you'd all be dead or worse off by now. So, what do you do?

I am virtually never in a relaxed and happy mood. I was slightly relaxed but still anxious during the week I decided to leave hospital - for about 5 or so days; that was the first time I felt calm in over a decade and it died very quickly. I haven't been calm since then.

Being tense like this all the time makes me tired and aggressive but I can't relax because I don't feel safe enough (emotionally or physically), or proud enough in myself to be able to relax. I can't feel proud or safe if I don't work hard and achieve stuff, but I'm so ****ing angry and tired all the time that focusing and working effectively is difficult - if possible at all. It just becomes a massive cycle with no beginning or end. Then to top it all off my lecturers and "friends" remind me daily that I'm not good enough and a "loser" - which is why, this year, I decided **** them: If they add to my emotional turmoil I'll destroy them, it'll give me satisfaction and remove a massive ****ing stressor from my life.

I get emotional flashbacks constantly, when I'm awake or when I sleep. It makes it ****ing impossible to focus. And, yes I know, "be mindful" - I AM TRYING! It's much easier said than done. "So, then, distract yourself" - yes sure, but what if it takes an hour or two to effectively distract myself??? Then I've wasted an hour or two or more and that adds to my stress, which means as soon as I try to get back into whatever I was doing the flashbacks just come back again.

I'm really good at suppressing my emotions so chances are I won't explode at my peers or lecturers until much much later - exploding like that actually, genuinely feels good, until I get punished for it. But if I make it so they can't punish me anymore I can destroy them when I feel they deserve it and feel good about it without any negative results. So, I don't overreact easily in public - online like now, sometimes yes. I've noticed that I've been very aggressive on here as of late but that's probably just my frustration with the "help" I was supposed to get. And in private also yes, but I have no private relationships so it's not a problem.

Ultimately, I would obviously just like to no longer be stressed. Which, again, is why I'm asking advice from people who have the same **** as me and if you guys can't help there obviously isn't a cure - maybe not even a real problem - and then I'll deal with it my way and everyone else can just go **** themselves and the problems they have with me.

I have never felt joy or happiness what IS joy and happiness is me feeling a moment of peace. That is how I have explained it to therapists. I just want peace. I do not need happiness. Just to feel peace.

So I deal with intense emotions with stuffing my face with food (emotions) then purging the food (emotions) and then I feel peaceful afterwards. That never last long.

Those silly things like holding an ice cube, try to juggle, take a bath do not work. I found adult coloring books helpful but then my perfectionism does get in the way some.

I agree, peace = happiness. Joy is a slight experience of mania and is therefore dangerous and fleeting. Peace can be lasting but it requires internal and external security, in my case, which is difficult to achieve as it requires complete control or complete trust - neither of which is sustainable, so, it becomes an exhausting balancing game. Which is why you end up just wanting to kill everyone around you because then you will finally have peace but if you do that you'll be alone.

I comfort-eat as well, but it is a temporary and ineffective relief for me as it adds stress in terms of physical and mental health, and self-image.

When I am angry (about a 5 to 7, so, not rage yet) I find that chanting, singing or screaming works. But that was at the hospital, I live in an apartment building so that may not be an option anymore for treatment. Plus, it stops working when anger becomes rage, and it doesn't work for the other emotions like sadness or fear at any level.

One miracle weapon I found recently is the Scandinavian Spa in my neighborhood. I plunge into the (sometime ice) cold pool and afterwards the hot whirlpool, which leads to a tickling to slightly painful sensation depending on length of cooling phase. The final kick is plunging into the hot outside pool at -20°C, afterwards roll in the soft snow, and then jump back into the +38°C hot pool. This literally burns and provides instant relief. Realistically seen it's just a somewhat socially acceptable variation of self-harm, but hey! It really helps

You sound like you need to get that anger out instead of suppress it. I don't know, but singing and chanting sounds like it pushes the anger down deeper for you. I really don't like when we borrow things from other cultures, expecting it to be a one size fits all solution. The therapist I'm seeing made a point that "mindfullness," and this soft stuff, etc. doesn't work for everyone. With her guidance, I realized that it helps me more to move my body, rather than continue thinking to the point where my thoughts and emotions end up controlling me. I used to be very active, and was much healthier overall back then. I took a martial arts class. Yes, I guess that is borrowing from another culture, but it was something I liked, and wasn't doing just because I thought that the Asian culture knows everything and is so wise or whatever. I just wanted to know how to protect myself. Unfortunately, I took a class led by an instructor 20 years older than me, when I was still a teenager, who decided I was a prime target rather than a very young student. Anyway, that really helped compound my earlier experiences with predators.
I figured out why I am probably like this, and it has to do with trauma, where I dissociated from my body. I think this is why it helps me more to get back into my body with physical activity, rather than live life in my head and heart in some dream like state.
You might try something that exhausts you physically, and allows you to take that anger out in a less destructive way. Boxing, martial arts, or something. I'll be honest, when I was in the class, before it all went down with the instructor, the other students didn't hold back just because I was female, and it felt good to get hit sometimes. But, it also felt good to train my muscles and reflexes.
Oh, and I haven't done DBT. I can't afford to see anyone who actually makes diagnoses, but I know I have BPD, if I had to put a label on it. My thing is gritting my teeth and baring things until they are over, then I run, and THEN I get angry. Eating, crying, punching stuff or myself, driving fast, blaming and starting arguments are my immediate ways of coping. Afterwards, I go for a walk, usually at night, since it's all I got for now. I would eventually like to go back to a martial arts class, but have gotten really screwed up the past 20 years since then. I didn't even know about BPD, or anything like this, so have a mountain of failures to try to forget about.

"The therapist I'm seeing made a point that "mindfullness," and this soft stuff, etc. doesn't work for everyone."

That's a fact, undisputed even in Buddhist meditation centers. Some people can't do the concentration exercises. For those of whom they work they are very beneficial, others give up during the first couple of days.

But then the same is true for SSRI anti-depressants.

I rock, sometimes really hard, sometimes slowly. It depends on the situation. If I do not have my rocking chair available I will rock side to side on the bed. I also like swinging (on swings) when I am having a rough time.

Thank you very much for this, I appreciate it and it's well worth a try.
If I may ask a question, if you are no longer doing physical training how do you get your anger out at present? (Is it still through sport or the like?)
[Because if moving is your thing, you could maybe try professional dancing as an alternative to what you used to do.] Dancing used to be what I did as a teen, but then I had a similar experience to yours and now I'm too self-conscious to enjoy dance anymore without it being a trigger (I've also become obese... but let's not talk about that XD).

I'll try martial arts because maybe that can help and if not at least I get to beat people up and feel better about myself (don't look into that too deeply either XD)

Just a warning, some of this behavior - although it is relieving - could be severely damaging to all aspects of your life in the long-term. This is essentially why DBT tries to replace them (usually with something that is completely ineffective, but ya...)

Hey! I do that too. Especially when I am in distress. It doesn't make the distress go away and it doesn't make the intensity any less but it sort of feels right when I'm panicking.

ZOMG, I could really use some of this.

I wish there were more examples on this thread. I'm pretty sure this is where my therapy is headed. Now that I've more information on this concept of distress tolerance and what it means for me, I'm petrified of this, and my coping mechanisms of my own accord are not always good for the current living situation (loud music and hitting or punching things.)

but exactly, those quiet and "soft stuff" really doesn't work for me and folks pushing this on me, just makes it worse. ;(

edit: oops! there is a page 2!! i kinda thought there was more and maybe i even posted before. ok catching up

yeah, i do this too too! kinda goes with the loud music. actually, i like the rumbling bass of metal-like music. the vibrations are soothing, but it has to be on loud speakers, not just headphones)

I like the DBT Peer Connections YouTube videos. Here are two on distress tolerance

Jump up and down until I start feeling good chemicals, deep breathing, guided meditations from Youtube or visualizations, write my feelings down and tear it up into pieces, self talk, look at the big picture, etc. The idea is to do things that will help you cope and accept the situation and (maybe) (and this "maybe" gets me too) reduce the intensity of the distress.

The DBT course covers a multitude options in regards as to how we handle life. DBT is not about avoiding. It is about building a set of overall coping skills. Doing the DBT course is very hard work and challenging.

DBT is a combination of the following modules - Mindfulness/Distress Tolerance/Emotion Regulation and Interpersonal effectiveness. It is a intense course that offers many possible responses to each situation. What works for one person may not work for another.

You can go into problem solving but if you can't solve it the other option when it is a crisis situation is to survive it.

If it is a relationship problem then you can learn to deal with that In interpersonal effectiveness. The whole point of dbt is about is not to avoid emotions but to effectively deal with issues that arise.

this is only one very small of DBT.

I would suggest that you do the DBT course if you can or get the book.