Has this ever happened to you??

Do a lot of you get like I do? I call it "hideout mode." I sit in a small room all alone - all day. I drink soda or iced tea - smoke cigarettes - don't eat - and do nothing I am supposed to do that day. All day. I miss plans, work stuff, right now I am supposed to be packing to move! I am afraid to leave the house, take a shower, go downstairs in my apt building to get packages or mail. And I can be this way (adding in tons of sleeping) for SEVERAL DAYS STRAIGHT.

I am trying to force myself to move, get up and outside.
Anybody else ever go through anything similar? Please if you do or have - I feel like I am all alone. So small. So not in control of me. Thanks.

I do it sometimes. But it could be bipolar related for me too

Yes I do that. Wake up with good intentions, then just sit chain smoking all day, feeling so stuck with the thought of leaving the house really hard and scary.

Soup

You're not alone. I call it "lock down mode". For me, it happens when I've been triggered and/or pushed myself too much (usually socially).

Yes, I have had those kind of days myself. I was reacting to a trigger but did not know what it was. I think that your moving is adding on "more" stress though too. When someone with PTSD "changes" their environment, it's a big deal. But you can get past this, be patient with yourself.

((Caring Supportive Hugs))
OE

that generally happens to me when i am triggered or have an increase in panic, anxiety, or depression. i have times where i have to take the day off work because i just cannot function.

the worst for me is the fear when i leave the house. i have times where i feel too raw, vulnerable, and dissociated at the same time where i cannot handle people seeing me, looking at me, etc. and i get a lot of fear. sometimes when i leave the house and am feeling this way, it feels like everything is trying to attack me, things are too bright, noises are too loud, and it is too much for me.

i used to struggle with it a lot more, 24/7 for years, but thankfully over the years it has lessened..it just is not nice to have it happen again. it makes me feel really crazy (and scared).

Do ya'll ever do it in public? When Im overwhelmed by too many new people or chaos- I shut down and get really quiet and want to disappear and sometimes I leave because I just cant handle it

Thank you everyone for your posts. And yes, I have often felt like I cannot bear to have people see me. It has also come over me in public, which is like a time bomb being set to explode. Excruciating isn't it? I have left when possible too! Today was a good day. So good that I don't want to go to sleep for fear when I wake up it will be gone and I will be back in the hole. Love, peace and a day to feel safe and happy is my wish for all of you xoxo

I do it ALL the time. My therapist prefers to call it isolation but somehow that word just doesn't describe it for me.

I don't smoke but I also don't eat and I barely drink anything. I spend most of my time in my room upstairs and it takes extreme effort to even go downstairs for anything.

I open my blinds on one of the windows in my room in an effort to let in some sunlight but that's as far as I get to the outside on most days.

We should have a hide out check in thread.

Maybe you just struggle to "connect"? Does that fit better than isolating? I went through a period where I was very detached, did not know "why" really, just stared out my window feeling very detached and in a strange fog.

I do this too, and I finally figured out it was because I was stuck in that mode where I woke up and overwhelmed at the thought of going out and addressing all the different injured ponies and horses.

You are "avoiding" but it's not really on "purpose" like most would think it is.
My guess is while you might want to move and be somewhere you feel safe, the move itself is so stressfull that you keep avoiding it, but as I mentioned, it's not the kind of conscious choice people who don't experience PTSD might think.

Oh, you are not alone my dear, it's a part of PTSD and it does get confusing and "yes", one does feel so "not in control of self".

It's a challenge to push one's self out of this too, that is why your name "Babysteps" is so perfect, it's right where you are right now. It's "ok" to do the babysteps, small steps are better than no steps at all.

Yes, I have struggled that way, can't stand crowded busy places either. Oh yes, PTSD is very sensitive. Keep working at it, because you don't want to learn you "have to avoid", you need to learn you can manage better than you realize, it takes time and "patience".

Yes! I think that's exactly it. I feel very detached from the world and most people in it. Until I found this forum I felt very alone. This has been such an amazing experience for me...hearing other's stories and seeing that they are feeling exactly what I am feeling. Your posts have been extremely helpful for me!

Hi-

I have been self isolating for years. When I was functional (ie able to work), on my days off, I would just love to be in my bedroom & watch TV. I did not really bother w/ many people,was physically worn our from work, and slept a lot. I think i set myself up to behave this way...to protect myself.

Now is is difficult for me to do anything besides take the dog for a walk.

I am glad you found PC, it's important that you realize you are not alone with this challenge. You need an outlet to realize "you" are there and you can still interact in "safe" ways, and yes, come across others that can relate to where you are in your challenges right now.

The big problem with PTSD is that there is so little understood about it by society that when one has it they can feel very vulnerable when around other people. Sadly, as with my own experience, family can do and say all the wrong things which tended to aggrivate it for me, when I myself did not understand it all that well.

It took me a long time to understand that when I experienced a trigger, that whatever it was would come over me like a wave, but then it would also receed. I had to learn that instead of being afraid of whatever it was, to allow myself to instead look at it and think about what it meant, because it always comes from something that had hurt me somehow.

One needs to learn how to be "very patient" with their healing and work on taking small steps too. Often something can take place where I would just "react" without consciously deciding to react too. Well, that sure scared me, until I realized that "after' I had reacted I could consciously think about it and understand where it came from. I learned that each time I did that I became aware of whatever it was that was causing me to "just react" and could slowly gain more control over it.

I learned to look at it as an "injury" and that as with any injury, if someone accidently hits it, I would react immediately without consciously deciding to react. Was I "afraid", ofcourse I was, anyone would be afraid of possibly reacting without consciously choosing to react. However, what I did learn is that once I became more consciously aware once I had reacted, then I could also consciously work on it and slowly "heal" whatever it happens to be.

You are right, life is not black and white only, there is a lot of grey. You are not perfect, neither am I, and the truth is neither is anyone else.

It's important for you to see that you are not alone with this challenge that others have it and have found ways to manage it and slowly "attach" again.

i get that way when i have a hard time waking up in the morning. if i don't have 3 cups of coffee to wake me up i'm devistated. then my whole day is shot even though i usually am able to get some housework done by 2 pm. its an awful feeling and i know where you're coming from.

It can be hard to wake up feeling "refreshed" with PTSD. I am not a morning person either tbh. However, "some" people I have come across wake up very early and go out running to burn off the stress.

Yes, but less frequently now than it was when I first started working on my stuff 20+ years ago.

I've learned to respect when I need to "hibernate".

It gives my mind, body and soul a chance to regroup.