What is this behaviour?

Sometimes, i say things or do things that i know are going to be inflammatory to others. I do it on purpose. For example, saying something unpopular on facebook or making a bad joke. When i'm doing it, i'm thinking this is a bad idea, don't do it, but i have another voice saying, it's what you think so just say it, who cares what people think? Half the time what i'm saying isn't what i even believe deep down.

Problem is, i really really do care what people think. And as soon as someone takes the bait i feel really ashamed of myself.

It don't do it alot. But it's like i just lose control of myself sometimes.

Why do i do this? Any ideas?

Well prettylittleblue,
You don't have much about you on your about me page so other than depression I don't know what else you are dealing with or even how old you are.

Sometimes people have that behavior because they dont feel any kind of control over their enviornment. Some people do that because they have a hidden anger or have been made fun of themselves and so they want to take it out on others. Or maybe they don't have a good friend so they are angry and take it out on others.

You have to think about it and really ask yourself why YOU think you do it. Is it for attention, sometimes people would rather raise trouble for attention as some attention is better than no attention. It can be a test of self esteem.

Do you have a therapist that you can ask?

Just some of my thoughts of what I have seen, but I dont really know much about you.

Open Eyes

I don't have a therapist. I have had CBT in the past for depression, self-esteems issues etc.

It's hard to explain why i think i do it. It's like i'm trying to be this person that i'm not. Someone who's bolshy, funny, tough, strong minded. It's like i do these things to hurt myself.

It doesn't make me proud of myself. At all. I don't hurt people's feelings but i will open discussion about contentious issues, parenting,religion, politics, social issues and then play devils advocate. When people don't agree with me and get particularly irate with me, i feel terrible and ashamed.

I have a strong need to be liked and i am so controlled alot of the time, always measuring my responses, so as not to hurt people, always trying to do the right thing, be nice, be helpful, etc etc. Then once in a while i just blow it out the water.

You maybe trying to push people away...could be that you don't feel good about yourself, so you are pushing them away so they don't figure it out...could be a wall you put up so they can't get close to you...getting close could mean you will get hurt again or they will abandon you...does any of this sound like what you are doing?

i know i do put up a barrier to people. I have abandonment issues too. I've been told i appear brisk and very independent and come out fighting when i feel threatened. So maybe there's truth in what you've said Direction.

I don't sound very nice do i ?

I wouldn't say you don't sound "nice", just maybe "misguided" or "confused"? And I don't mean misguided in an ignorant or stupid way, just not clear on how to handle certain social situations.

I know that I do that but in a different way. I make fun of myself a lot and I've learned I do it to beat people to the punch. Like I'm afraid they will so, if I do it, it hurts less. It's along the same lines that I feel like an *** afterwards and know it's probably not very attractive to friends or other people but I can't help it.

Sounds like maybe you're protecting your ego. Or putting out this false image so people can't really get to know the real you. And, if that's the case, I'd say you're probably a little scared of rejection from people. I used to do the same thing with guys I date. I have learned to stop myself for the most part but still do it sometimes. I will be thinking something and I think to myself "you don't want to say that. you'll regret that later" but it still comes out. Most of the time it's just to get a rise out of them. But I understand it's probably some form of self-sabotage. Or my way of testing a guy to see just how much they'll put up with. I also have caught myself in situations where I don't want to be with a guy anymore and, instead of just breaking it off, I act crazy and say stupid stuff that way we'll get in a huge fight and I'll have an excuse to get out of it.

I don't know if any of this pertains to you but I also suggest getting this stuff off your chest to a counselor or T. If you are in any kind of school I'm sure you have people there who are more equipped to deal with these situations. And things like this can get very confusing trying to sort through yourself. It's good to have an outsider who has seen this kind of behavior before to maybe give you another perspective on possible reasons.

Hope we can help. We're here to listen if you need us and keep us posted

Like salukigirl says, you could be "practicing", being bad ahead of time so you beat others to the punch you think is in store for you; it's so much easier to do online where one truly knows the people they are "talking" to and don't have to literally face their disappointment or anger.

If you want to change this one behavior; I would pretend the people you are talking to are people you actually know; substitute thinking about your actual friends and ask yourself if you would say/do whatever you are thinking of if you were with them in person?

I'd also stop and see if you can identify any triggers that cause you to want to say/do a certain thing at the time you want to; I know I find myself in front of the refrigerator sometimes and wonder how I got there and then trace my steps back to something I just read in a book/online or am watching on TV, some train of thought that has made me anxious :-) Could be that some other person's words/what they're doing is triggering you from something in your actual life and you don't feel able to do anything about it in your actual life but here, online, it won't "hurt" anything for real.

i am doing this with people i know in real life, not online friends. I must stress it's not all the time. Also in real life, if i express an opinion, if it's disagreed with i feel stupid, rejected, and exposed. I don't argue with people as such, everyone is entitled to their opinion of course!

Self-sabotage and rejection are things that strike a cord with me. I am very aware i'm not painting myself in a good light here and it's horrible. I'm finding it hard to explain myself.

I have emailed a therapist to get treatment, because there is alot bubbling under the surface that i just can't heal from.

I want to thank you all for taking the time with me over this subject

Hi PB,
I sort of do the same.
I don't suffer fools easily. If someone is being what I deem as an idiot, I say so. I also tell people not to ***** and moan about something if they're not trying to fix it.
I hate seeing people being taken advantage of and them being blind to it.

I find it VERY hard to walk away.

Your seeking negative attention/conformation