Overwhelmed by emotions

I have been so upset for years! Angry and sad that my mom pushed my sister away. This happened 10 years or so ago. I searched high and low for her ~ looking online, calling prisons, etc. Always trying to find her and her kids.

A big story in itself ~ my sister is very antisocial. The disorder fits her to a T. And, yes, she's been correctly diagnosed ~ but has never given into treatment.

Despite the very strong and negative characteristics that my sister has, I've always been sympathetic to her. How could I not be? I've sure sufferred the effects of growing up in our sick family!

Anyway, you can't even possibly imagine the shock to see that I'd gotten a note from her via FB. I never go to FB anymore, because it's so full of people & stupid games (imo). But, my sister actually found me! I can't believe it!! Part of me is struck by happiness, but I'm also scared. I've changed so much since we talked last. My whole world has changed. And I know, being anti-social, it's not likely that she really wants to hear how the past 10 years (or so) have been for me.

I wish that we could talk about everything. But, she's not that kind of person. And I can't think of how I could talk with her, without bringing up part of my health or the end of my marriage & how we have children. I don't know how to have a "safe amount" of emotional distance. Like my wise mind is telling me not to jump in, but my emotional mind is already jumping!

All of these memories and emotions all bubbling at my top...I'm swirling. Stuck, but afraid to look away.

Hey! I've got to say I've never had any sort of experience like this so obviously can't really offer any real advice, but maybe the best thing to do is to have a little bit of time to work out how you want to approach this before acting in a way now that might not work out as the best in the end, but then again she has contacted you so obviously she wants to be in touch and based on how you've been looking for her so do you. I understand what you mean about the emotional distance though, in the end you're worried you're going to get hurt...perhaps the only thing I can say to that is that sometimes my family hurt me (I know it's not comparable), they make me angry or upset, but also they're my family, and I love them as I know they love me, and there are plenty of good times to outweigh the bad.
Good luck whatever you decide to do, I've got my fingers crossed for you x

my T gave me a wise saying, he asked, how do you stay healthy in an unhealthy relationship? his answer, distance-either in miles or emotionaly or both. it has helped me a lot with my family. just take it slow and possibly use emails to converse with your sis.

Thanks madisgram,

My sister and I are many miles away, fortunately. She's somewhere in Tx, and I'm up in Mn. We've sent a few notes back and forth via FB, including our phone numbers. My sis expected me to call her yesterday ~ but I was stuck in my rushing thoughts & emotions.

I'm afraid to call her...I can't really explain why. I'm afraid to get sucked up again! I know that I'm much more fragile than before. I don't have any safety nets below me. I've pushed my family away over the past few years, to finally obtain some sense of self. I am alone ~ other than my boyfriend and 2 daughters (half-time).

I am probably not making much sense. Sorry .

I agree with madisgram and Welshdragon - I suggest taking it slow for both your sakes. If she's antisocial, then moving too fast could make her back off. I think saying a statement like "it's wonderful hearing from you and I would like to communicate more at your speed" might be a good thing to say. I also suggest you both put all expectations aside ....meaning instead of hoping to make this a close sister like bond, you can both focus on being like friends getting to know each other, but open to getting closer. You can be easy on yourself by keeping expectations low but open to expanding it. Due guard yourself and be aware of your boundaries so you won't get hurt. Best of luck (((shezbut)))

Hello Shezbut ~ I had a similar thing happen to me. My sister, who is sociopathic, contacted me in reference to our mother. I had been estranged for over 10 years. Just out of the blue. Anyway, she wanted something from me. She appeared like a lamb in sheeps clothing. She came to my home, took me to dinner, told me to forget the old times, all water under the bridge, all is forgiven, she loves me, etc, etc.etc. At the time I was warned not to get close, not to give her what she wanted and to be careful. I was soo overjoyed in hearing from her, I cast all caution to the wind. I let myself get sucked in and after she got what she wanted from me, she changed her phone number, her internet addy and told me to get lost. Haven't heard from her since and that was in 2004. Her last words to me were cruel and still ring in my mind. People don't change.

I can't begin to tell you how deep that hurt cut me. I am telling you this, just to proceed with caution, keep "your cards close to your vest" as Kenny Rogers would say. If you can have someone present if you meet with her, as a witness and a buffer, all the better.

Best of luck to you

Hello. I did not see my family for 20 years because of coming from a broken home.
Then all of a sudden my family are back in my life, i have 1 brother who is estranged from me simply because i dont have a big house in the country.
I have 3 brothers, my eldest is in my life again and helping in any way he can.
Its because i'm not as rich as them or they did not see what i did on stage. I ran away to be an actor, i was a on stage alot, but they never saw me on stage.
My brother who is in my life likes his distance, but hes there for me.
I'm close and distant at the same time. Its something i've got to live with. I love them all from the bottom of my heart, but its a distant love.
I'm sorry if this is no good for you.
I hope it works out for you.
Faith gets me through all my emotional swings of doubt, distant love.
Love can be confusing but faith works for me.

Sanada,

Thank you for sharing your personal experience.

I am really an all or nothing person ~ it's very difficult for me to hold back. I have had so many times of my sister popping in and out of my life, always with drama, it's hard for me to not run to help. Maybe that's why my sister does come to me. Knowing that I won't push her away, as everyone else has.

Just need to remind myself to stay present in the moment. I still feel like a little girl inside. I just want to yell and scream at my parents for doing this to us! I can't stand holding this feeling...it is SO intense.