Uhh I can't take it anymore.

So I am 22 and live at my moms house.....and I cannot take her and her boyfriend arguing especially late at night when I am trying to relax. I have PTSD so slamming doors and yelling tend to cause me a lot of anxiety and an annoying increased heart rate and or difficulty breathing....last night they did it for hours and on top of feeling anxious I was getting pretty angry and frustrated and eventually yelled at them to be quiet. I mean I don't even want to take sides or have to be here to listen to them...I have enough stress and bad things in my head I don't need their problems to. I mean last night I got no sleep hardly and I haven't had any appetite even though I can feel that I am hungry.

Today I am probably going to my brothers to get away, though I am not sure if I can stay over tonight...I may call my friend I doubt I can to go his place today but maybe he could comfort me some.

But yeah my mom apologized, but apologies don't make it any less stressful because I know it's likely to happen again....I mean it wasn't the first time and probably wont be the last. I mean I am just not sure how to deal with that....and even with going to friends or family members houses it can be more peaceful but then I don't really have my own space or anything and then I feel bad for feeling like I'm imposing or whatever. I mean there is really no positive way to deal with it other than leave it seems but where am I supposed to go with no income? I just am getting fed up and I don't want to lose it on them when they argue which luckily I didn't last night.

Could you try something as simple as earplugs, or earphones to a music source to drown out the noise? If there's no way for you to move to another place right now, seems to me that blocking the noise is your only alternative.

Sorry this is so stressful for you, Hellion. I know that would definitely put my nerves on edge too

Have you thought about thinking about seeing the world from others point of view?? Your mom? She works, she is under a lot of pressure, an adult sick child lives with her, and she and her boyfriend get into a fight, and yell at each other which causes more stress, and then her daughter is angry and tense which makes mom feel even worse.

There are many of us with PTSD and even DID, but that does not give us the right to control the behavior of those around us. It is up to us to learn to deal with the world. You have a pretty good deal going. With no income you have a safe place to live, food to eat, people who love you, and friends. If you start trying to control their behavior and tell them they have to treat you like a victim instead of like you-a person. You will start losing the people you need to heal and get better. I once had a room-mate like that. She started doing that to her family. So they paid for her rent, 1-3rd of a house. She had divided the place into threes. The frig, was taped off, as was the bathroom, and kitchen. I lasted longer than anyone because I didn't do what she demanded. In the end, even I left, she attacked my daughter when I did not react as I was supposed to). Her poor parents moved her to a one- bedroom that was part of a facility for severely mentally ill people. She went into her own delusions, there was nobody there to tell her other wise. She ended up in a state hospital. In the beginning her only diagnosis was PTSD but she demanded every one treat her as poor little me. I can handle life. "life is hard, do ***** and moan but you have to learn to deal with it" That is what T's and Pdoc's are for. You can't expect life to stop happening around you. (((Towanda's))) idea is a great one getting ear plugs, thats being pro-active, taking charge of life. Using music, You need to stop thinking of what they are doing to you and start thinking about helping yourself. How can Hellion take care of Hellion! Go for a walk, get absorbed in a book and not hear them, learn meditation(it really does block out the unwanted) Go to your T and Pdoc and talk about this, how to deal with life while dealing with the trauma. I'm the last one who will ever say that it is easy. But please don't see yourself as a victim. You are not a victim--you are a surviver!

Well I can listen to music or use headphones but that is not very effective because if I listen just on speakers then I can still hear them, and if I listen on headphones I can still feel the tension and extra loud noises like slamming things still gets to me.

Also I can leave and go for a walk, or visit friends or other family that usually works best because it's not just the noise that is a problem its all the tension and bad vibes that really puts me on edge to.

They have mellowed out since that argument..but its the same thing when I was growing up with my parents they would fight, get along for a while and then fight again and it was a cycle.......my mom and her boyfriend seem to have developed that same cycle. I however am done with it and being around it is bad for me I am pretty sure.

Then the other issue is when they do argue and it sets me off, I am worried about what I might do as I can get a bit out of control when I get set off.

Thanks for the suggestions though.

Ummm ok, I can see what you are saying but I feel like you made a lot of kind of inaccurate assumptions about my situation. First of all where did you get that I am trying to control anyone?......I waited till about 4 in the morning before I finally came out and yelled at them to quiet down before that I was just trying to listen to music and not pay attention to it but it started making me really tense. In my OP I talked about leaving when they do that........how is that anything like trying to control their behavior?

I do my best to deal with the world you know, but I am not perfect and I cannot be in 100% control of my symptoms.....so as much as I do have to lean to deal with somethings and cope with them I also have to be aware of my limitations and be careful not to over-stress myself too much..and listening to my mom and her boyfriend argue and not even being able to sleep an entire night and missing an appointment because of it, is over stress and as much as my mom might feel bad I still have to consider I need sleep and peace not sleep deprivation and a house full of tension and resentment.

Also I don't exactly have a working off switch in my brain...so unless I leave and am able to find something better to think about I cannot just not think about it when it's right in my face. I mean one big issue with PTSD is not being able to get stuff out of your head at will well and its always been an issue with me even before due to anxiety.

And I see myself as a victim of the things I have been a victim of....I don't really see myself as a survivior I mean great I am still alive after everything in life but I feel kinda dead inside and have to live with this PTSD for the rest of my life so......yeah I guess I don't exactly feel like some rugged, survivor. But even so it is my life so it is my job to try and figure out what to do about the situation at hand. I figure I'll move out as soon as I find any way to do so, and if it gets too bad well I have a back pack and the streets open I am sure.

Also my family is rather dysfunctional so lets just say they aren't exactly the ones to help me in my healing anyways.......if any healing does take place. But yeah I know life happens, but it doesn't do much good to just adjust to a negative situation I feel it is better to try and get out of the negative situation not just cope with it or fail at coping with it. If a therapist or doctor told me I should just learn to live with the constant tension I would tell them 'no, I already did that for my entire childhood and I am done submitting to negative situations I cannot change and would prefer to leave.'

Can't say anything much more relevant than Towanda and Sidestepper. Wishing you the best.

that sounds like a real pain in the buttocks! I'm actually pretty good at phasing stuff like that out asidee from my own mind which never seems to stop.

tell your mom she deserves better.....seems like she does...

aside from others suggestions...try imagery and meditation....imagine slamming doors like this; pretend these doors are opened and slammed into a blissful place like a beach or some other fantasy turn the sounds into something else...yelling and screaming; birds chirping, laughing, ice cream trucks, etc....daydream.....

orrrrrrr for fun; throw them off when they are arguing..........just start skipping around the room singing show tunes or something, run the vacume even it is 2 am they are arguing anyway and shouldnt be bothered by the vacume,...maybe its something stupid they are arguing about and if the see your goofy *** skipping around maybe they will realize that

Well maybe, though its so much stress I usually prefer to just get away from it. I mean my mom is the type who very well may say something like 'well what are you so happy about' if I just went about my business pretending it didn't bother me.