Are relationships worth it?

I'm 21 and I had only one relationship. It was like 4-5 years and we broke up because he betrayed me. I'm like totally over the whole relationship part, I don't feel sad about it or anything but I find it really really difficult to trust people. Are relationships worth all of the hurt feelings that come along with it? I know it was just one bad relationship with one person but since the break up, I keep to myself and avoid all kinds of social situations. I can count the number of times I've seen my friends this year on one hand. I just can't stand the idea of losing people so I don't go any where. I stay at home during weekends, holidays, I even prefer to be alone on my birthday. Its been like 2 years of this behavior and I really want to try and break out of it but I'm afraid but then on the other hand I don't want to die alone. I'm feeling really conflicted.

Sweetie, just because your BF and you had a breakup, you can't shut out friends and potential boyfriends in fear of being shunned. Sure, people go in and out of our lives all the time but thats due to job changes & moving, changes in friends, etc. We all experience this so it's not just you.

Try to get back together with your friends and get out once in awhile. They'll be GLAD to see you and you'll feel better too. Plus you'll meet new people and maybe find a new BF. And SURE relationships are worth it. We grow from them, even if they don't work out. We learn about people, we learn about ourselves and our frailities, like and dislikes, faults and attributes. And in the end, we find "THE" one who we'll spend the rest of our lives with. It's ALL worth it, believe me. When I found MY guy, he ended up to be my 'soul' mate and we had the best marriage ever.

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Thanks for posting this on here! I think it's a basic human need to be connected to other people. At least it's a need I have. So I would say that yes, relationships are definitely worth it. Friendships and romantic relationships. Getting close with people is scary, especially if you have been hurt. And being in real relationships where feelings are shared will create struggles. But as Leed said, we learn and grow from our relationships. Are there people in your life who you trust who you can talk to about some of these things? That can help too.

It sounds like you are ready for a change. I hope you are able to reach out and start spending some time with friends. That's a good start I would say. Thanks for posting on here and I hope to keep hearing from you.

Relationships, all of them are worth it for me. The successful ones, and the failed ones both. From the successes I gain friends, and have had gfs and from the failed ones, I learned many things about myself and others. I've learned from my failed marriages (2 - and one I'm currently still waiting on the divorce being completed) I've learned the most. I know what I don't want in a wife now. I know that I tend to give myself to women that control my life and now, more than ever, I know what I'm looking for.. so yeah I want to get out there again, but with more wisdom than ever. So welcome relationships, even though it's scary, the ups and downs and comings and goings of new people is always something you'll grow from, it's definitely worth it Hope this helps

I too think relationships are worth it in the long run, even though they can get messy and frustrationg while in the middle of them. I am not good at them for one thing and have been in several DBT groups to try to learn how to relate to people. I have been through two divorces, but I would do it all again just to have my son in my life. Even though it is scary, I am determined to keep trying and actually have a girlfriend now. I guess the point of my rantings is to not give up. Keep trying.

I agree with s4ndm4n all relationships are ultimately worth it. Even the ones that fail or ultimately end up hurting us. I remarried nearly 10 years ago after my first marriage fell apart when my husband was sleeping with the neighbor and a person who was supposed to be my friend. At the time I was so mad at men that I never wanted to see one and so hurt that one could be so unfaithful to me when I had tried so hard to be everything a wife should be. I never wanted to be hurt again but then I feel in love with the man who I married a few months later. I suppose that I could have played it safe but I am glad that I took the risk anyway. Things are a long way from perfect and our marriage has its problems sometimes. Still I am glad that I took the risk. As CS Lewis pointed out in the Four Loves, the only way to avoid being hurt is to lock yourself up in a shell and never come out, but that would not be living either. I am so much richer being with a man I love, even if he is petty, cantankerous, picky, and annoying sometimes. SO am I. My depression and mood swings make life hard for him sometimes too. I am committed to him and meeting his needs and doing so makes me happy. Still I have my own life too and he respects that and is supportive. Better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all

Thanks to everyone, what you all have said really helped.

I guess I have to stop doubting myself and start trusting my instincts even though they have misled me before.

as i said in another thread, i will never enter in to a relasionship.

i'm not even good enough to be supported by those around me, and all i end up doing anyway is hurting people.

so to me it's not worth the hassle

In hindsight they are worthwhile, but sometimes that's hard to see when you're hurting. I've had a few failed relationships and I'm having troubles with the one I'm in now, but the pain does lessen over time. Just take it as a learning experience. I'm still a work in progress but I definitely learned from my mistakes.

At this point I really dont know if relationships are worth it. Everyone I have ever had has ended badly. bc of me.

While I would like to think that relationships are worth it, I am starting to think that they are not, because all they seem to do is drain me of what little self-respect and confidence I have left.

Girlfriends lie, friends leave, nobody really cares about me or how I am, and to believe otherwise means that I will once again cause me hurt when the inevitable happens. If I want to permanently hurt myself, I have other methods of doing that.

Better to withdraw and live in a shell.

You are young, and have plenty of time to find someone else and enter another personal relationship.

If you never take the chance, there will never be a chance to find happiness.

As for me, I'm older and it don't matter to me now.

for me, it's like a rock and a hard place. I found that if I can tolerate the worst in the relationship, then I feel more comfortable. But I choose wrong person usually and person gives plenty of warnings. So, trust is up to a point. not clearly defined. sometimes I can't function unless there is not some kind of relationship. As humans have their faults, the amount of trust in one person is difficult. It's like pieces of trust spread among individuals. So, relationships are worth when the journey to develop it helps you grow.

I don't engage in relationships because I know I am less stable when I try to do that and really I don't think there is any right person out there for me. I am in my late 50's too. Maybe I should just close that bad chapter and just keep on going alone until it's over. I hope that my son will be able to function in the world on his own. It ends badly but maybe it was just as bad for them from their point of view. Could be I'm the one that's unable and that makes my partner unhappy so they leave. Maybe best not to try to do things that cause me and others pain.

Are relationships worth it?...
hmm, this is a hard one... (not)

NO.
theyre not worth it.

Concise but about what I meant...