[3RMF]

I feel absolutely hopeless about my life. I'm 18 years old and I already feel like a failure. I have no friends at all. My school experience was terrible and I made few friends and was bullied for a long time. Right now I don't really have any friends at all. I was bullied very harshly throughout elementary and middle school, mostly about how I looked and my mannerisms, and I have very low self-esteem and I feel ugly all the time. I have also never had a girlfriend before either, and I blame myself for that because I'm socially awkward and unattractive. No girl has EVER liked me to my knowledge and they all probably think that I'm weird and ugly, and I'll probably never be able to get an attractive girlfriend. Every time I'm placed in a social situation, I'm always quiet and awkward and it has resulted in me having very little friends throughout my life. I also feel ugly all the time due to the bullying and harassment that I received and I always feel jealous and resentful every time I see an attractive person because I realize that I'll never be looked at as handsome or attractive. I barely made it through high school and I decided to skip college, and I have a job, but I feel uncertain about being able to find a nice paying job one day and afford a comfortable life. One positive about my life is that I do have a loving family and I love them dearly and are one of the only reasons why I can be happy. I also grew up mostly without my dad because he chose not to be there. I feel so hopeless. I live every day feeling sadness and regret, and what's the point of living like this? I didn't ask to get put here. I didn't ask for low self-esteem. I'm not suicidal and I've never attempted suicide, but I'm not happy with my life.

[Thunder Bow]

Bullying is all about control, and bullies will bully, if they think they can get away with it. I wonder how "Handsome and Attractive" those bullies were? They were probably a funny looking bunch.

Therapy can help you gain your self confidence back. Comparing yourself to others is a short cut to feeling bad about yourself. Go ahead and be quiet and awkward, nothing wrong with that! That is better than being a loud bully like Donald Trump! and he is one funny looking candidate!

There are many quiet and awkward girls out there, just waiting for someone like you. Just read the posts in this forum. Please do think about college.

[3RMF]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Bullying is all about control, and bullies will bully, if they think they can get away with it. I wonder how "Handsome and Attractive" those bullies were? They were probably a funny looking bunch.

Therapy can help you gain your self confidence back. Comparing yourself to others is a short cut to feeling bad about yourself. Go ahead and be quiet and awkward, nothing wrong with that! That is better than being a loud bully like Donald Trump! and he is one funny looking candidate!

There are many quiet and awkward girls out there, just waiting for someone like you. Just read the posts in this forum. Please do think about college.

Thank you and I appreciate your nice words. I don't necessarily like comparing myself to others, but I do feel jealous and resentful when I see guys that are better looking than me get a lot of female attention. It just makes me feel ugly. I also don't think being quiet is bad but I hate feeling alone and knowing that no one notices me. How would therapy help my confidence?

[JustJenny]

3RMF, although I have never met you, I don't believe that you look worse than a regular person. I am pretty sure it is the way you see yourself that is the real problem. I was bullied at school too and it took me years to recover from it. I did go to college and there I was deeply amused how people were not making fun of me and treating me like a normal person. I am educated now and doing quite well, while the people who have bullied me at school didn't achieve much by now. Now the joke is on them.

I would reconsider going to college if I were you. I know it can get very expensive in the US, but in Europe university education is either free or very affordable (except the UK). Think what YOU want to do and what YOU want to be. Being motivated and determined can get you very far in life.

And regarding the looks... What is it that you do not like in yourself? Is it your weight, your hair or the way you dress? Most of these things can be corrected, you just need to find the right style that would make you look good and feel confident.

[Mountainbard]

Hi 3RMF, and welcome to the community. I am sorry you suffered so much bullying when you were younger. That can really do a number on your self esteem. Have you thought about seeing a therapist to help you process the abuse? Because what you experienced in school is certainly abuse. I'm glad you have a loving family to give you support. You might find this forum especially helpful. Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by 3RMF

Thank you and I appreciate your nice words. I don't necessarily like comparing myself to others, but I do feel jealous and resentful when I see guys that are better looking than me get a lot of female attention. It just makes me feel ugly. I also don't think being quiet is bad but I hate feeling alone and knowing that no one notices me. How would therapy help my confidence?

Feeling Jealous and Resentful IS comparing your self to others. As far as those "Other" guys, I wonder what kind of "Female Attention" they getting, and how long it will last. It might be the kind of attention that you should avoid. Look for people who are deeper in spirit than those who want looks alone. It is also possible, that those other so called handsome men, may turn into toads as they age.

Therapy can help you understand your growing up. That is where problems with self confidence starts.

[3RMF]

Originally Posted by JustJenny

3RMF, although I have never met you, I don't believe that you look worse than a regular person. I am pretty sure it is the way you see yourself that is the real problem. I was bullied at school too and it took me years to recover from it. I did go to college and there I was deeply amused how people were not making fun of me and treating me like a normal person. I am educated now and doing quite well, while the people who have bullied me at school didn't achieve much by now. Now the joke is on them.

I would reconsider going to college if I were you. I know it can get very expensive in the US, but in Europe university education is either free or very affordable (except the UK). Think what YOU want to do and what YOU want to be. Being motivated and determined can get you very far in life.

And regarding the looks... What is it that you do not like in yourself? Is it your weight, your hair or the way you dress? Most of these things can be corrected, you just need to find the right style that would make you look good and feel confident.

Just my facial features I guess. When I got made fun of, they were talking about my face rather than my clothes or hair. It has made me very insecure and it's embedded in my mind that I'm an ugly person. I guess I figured that college would be like high school and that I wasn't smart enough to get in, but maybe I'll go in the future. I actually like working like I'm doing now.

[3RMF]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Feeling Jealous and Resentful IS comparing your self to others. As far as those "Other" guys, I wonder what kind of "Female Attention" they getting, and how long it will last. It might be the kind of attention that you should avoid. Look for people who are deeper in spirit than those who want looks alone. It is also possible, that those other so called handsome men, may turn into toads as they age.

Therapy can help you understand your growing up. That is where problems with self confidence starts.

I just wish I knew what it felt like to look good and have that feeling confirmed by other people. I do think that most people are "average" and that certain people just happen to look above average. I don't think I'd feel bad if say only one person called me ugly, but multiple people found me ugly enough to be vocal about it and that's what makes me feel bad. Maybe therapy is something to look in to.

[JustJenny]

Don't let those words bring you down. Years will pass and life will happen, and those mean words will lose their meaning to you.

I was told a lot of mean things, a lot of hurtful things. Things like "Take your mask off, Halloween is over" or that I should go back to the circus. Boys were not interested in me. But I had my music and my hobbies, I didn't live all those years for nothing.

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by 3RMF

I just wish I knew what it felt like to look good and have that feeling confirmed by other people. I do think that most people are "average" and that certain people just happen to look above average. I don't think I'd feel bad if say only one person called me ugly, but multiple people found me ugly enough to be vocal about it and that's what makes me feel bad. Maybe therapy is something to look in to.

Best to tell those people who say you are ugly to look in the mirror. I bet some of them are quite funny looking. It you depend on others to feel good, then that is another short cut to feeling bad about yourself. Feeling good about yourself has to come from within. It is nice to get support, but the best support comes from within.

[the sad queen]

i hope everything get better for you
i dont have real friend till now as i usually end up being depressing or weird
as for look i dont care to be honest as long as i like person, most of attractive, handsome guys dont have except their look.
i'm sure you're good man and even have good look

for bullying issue those are the real hopeless people they dont have anything good to do or missing something so they just try to feel better by bothering others

you should continue your education, college important even if its just certification it might help you get in better work you might love. work and education way suck in my country and seem useless and stupid but im trying to finish college then do whatever i want

[3RMF]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Feeling good about yourself has to come from within. It is nice to get support, but the best support comes from within.

It's hard when you've been bullied and put down a lot in your life. When I try to feel good about myself, I remember all the harassment and insults.

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by 3RMF

It's hard when you've been bullied and put down a lot in your life. When I try to feel good about myself, I remember all the harassment and insults.

Bullying is all about Control. They were Controlling you, through insults and harassment. Bullies will bully if they think they can get away with it. Bullying is also about attention getting. Feel good about about yourself with comparing yourself to others or what they say to you. Those bullies were in a worse place than you will ever be.

[3RMF]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Bullying is all about Control. They were Controlling you, through insults and harassment. Bullies will bully if they think they can get away with it. Bullying is also about attention getting. Feel good about about yourself with comparing yourself to others or what they say to you. Those bullies were in a worse place than you will ever be.

The bullying isn't even the only problem though. I have no friends and even though I live in a good home and have a great family, I'm still unhappy.

[Thunder Bow]

Most likely you feel unhappy because you are comparing yourself to others, in order to feel bad about yourself. I do not know your family situation. Ignore the bullies,and stop the comparing and finding reasons to feel bad. To me, you seem to better off, than most posting here. So stop the whining. You will make friends, if and only if, you want to make friends. Be a Warrior and walk proud.

[(JD)]

(((3rmf))) Hang tight, you do have a good long life ahead of you...even though it's trash right now.

bullies come in all shapes sizes and ages... I'm being bullied right now by some in an organization I've volunteered in for 40 years! I am planning on leaving my way though...with a going away/retiring party. hehehe hopefully it will be a roast!

I'm also bullied on a website I go to.

Bullies aren't about me. I don't wear masks to fit in...though I do proffer alot of time and energy and don't ask for payback some people still want to trash others (there are a myriad of psychological reasons for their misbehavior).

Breathe. make a list of what you want out of life (be realistic now, you're an adult) and then pick what's most important and list some objectives to meet that goal. One step at a time.

[3RMF]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Most likely you feel unhappy because you are comparing yourself to others, in order to feel bad about yourself. I do not know your family situation. Ignore the bullies,and stop the comparing and finding reasons to feel bad. To me, you seem to better off, than most posting here. So stop the whining. You will make friends, if and only if, you want to make friends. Be a Warrior and walk proud.

I'm not always comparing myself to others to make myself feel bad. It's just really hard to ignore or dismiss something that you've been told most of your life. If the majority of comments that people made about me were telling me that I was handsome or good looking, I probably wouldn't have low self esteem. I've been told and called many hurtful things throughout the years and ugly is only one of them, there is a lot more than just that that I didn't even include.

[3RMF]

Originally Posted by (JD)

(((3rmf))) Hang tight, you do have a good long life ahead of you...even though it's trash right now.

bullies come in all shapes sizes and ages... I'm being bullied right now by some in an organization I've volunteered in for 40 years! I am planning on leaving my way though...with a going away/retiring party. hehehe hopefully it will be a roast!

I'm also bullied on a website I go to.

Bullies aren't about me. I don't wear masks to fit in...though I do proffer alot of time and energy and don't ask for payback some people still want to trash others (there are a myriad of psychological reasons for their misbehavior).

Breathe. make a list of what you want out of life (be realistic now, you're an adult) and then pick what's most important and list some objectives to meet that goal. One step at a time.

Thank you, I appreciate your post. The worst part to me is that I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask to be ugly and I didn't ask to be bullied, I had no choice in the matter. I didn't even ask to be born.

[the sad queen]

Originally Posted by 3RMF

Thank you, I appreciate your post. The worst part to me is that I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask to be ugly and I didn't ask to be bullied, I had no choice in the matter. I didn't even ask to be born.

you should love how you're. god gave you this look and you should be thankful, dont you see people who are really born ugly or deformed? are you like this? if you would like post pic, and let us see how you look

we all have different issues and wish we were never born at least not with the thing we have and hate, but everyone born for something.

what matters whats inside not outside, bullies hurt you, the pain and cut still there, i dont know how you look, but ok if you're ugly as you think, your body alive, take that body to new sight, let it do better thing. look isnt end of road or issue unless you're actor, although some actors arent that handsome or perfect

you also should look at mirror often and say, i'm good, others may be worse. try to follow styles you like and say it makes me perfect. just practice to accept how you look, ugly or handsome, you must accept it and be confident.

take good work, live your dream, continue your education if possible.

bullies probably work as bullies, and either dont have life or they have issue made them work as bullies.

i pity them to be honest they work as 'bullies' they dont have a real meaningful work, they hurt people and laugh. while you 'ugly look, or whatever they call you' hurt, but going to live life, try to go for dream...etc
so who do you think winner? hurtful person or person who's hurt trying to go on and prove he's better in something important regardless of what he's been bullied with

if you want friends and forget about these bullies, easiest way go out, try to start speaking with everyone, shop workers, people in general, at least hi, how are you? no need for long speech. if you're that shy start with net, blogs, online games, here you can learn more to be confident and try to fix this issue and speak with everyone...etc. i'm online like 12+ hours when i dont have college if you need me. by time you will find some new friends who could really appreciate you and maybe be more sociable

there's many options to help you out, but open yourself and start fixing, what doesnt make some of us change sometimes is refusing help

[nvil95]

Originally Posted by 3RMF

I feel absolutely hopeless about my life. I'm 18 years old and I already feel like a failure. I have no friends at all. My school experience was terrible and I made few friends and was bullied for a long time. Right now I don't really have any friends at all. I was bullied very harshly throughout elementary and middle school, mostly about how I looked and my mannerisms, and I have very low self-esteem and I feel ugly all the time. I have also never had a girlfriend before either, and I blame myself for that because I'm socially awkward and unattractive. No girl has EVER liked me to my knowledge and they all probably think that I'm weird and ugly, and I'll probably never be able to get an attractive girlfriend. Every time I'm placed in a social situation, I'm always quiet and awkward and it has resulted in me having very little friends throughout my life. I also feel ugly all the time due to the bullying and harassment that I received and I always feel jealous and resentful every time I see an attractive person because I realize that I'll never be looked at as handsome or attractive. I barely made it through high school and I decided to skip college, and I have a job, but I feel uncertain about being able to find a nice paying job one day and afford a comfortable life. One positive about my life is that I do have a loving family and I love them dearly and are one of the only reasons why I can be happy. I also grew up mostly without my dad because he chose not to be there. I feel so hopeless. I live every day feeling sadness and regret, and what's the point of living like this? I didn't ask to get put here. I didn't ask for low self-esteem. I'm not suicidal and I've never attempted suicide, but I'm not happy with my life.

I'm right there with you brother. I fantasize about just checking out but I don't have the balls to even attempt it (which is a good thing I guess). It's so easy to spiral into a deep depression. Such a chore just to try and keep my emotions in check. All we can do is fight it till the bitter end, thank god for forums like this. Good luck bro.

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by 3RMF

I'm not always comparing myself to others to make myself feel bad. It's just really hard to ignore or dismiss something that you've been told most of your life. If the majority of comments that people made about me were telling me that I was handsome or good looking, I probably wouldn't have low self esteem. I've been told and called many hurtful things throughout the years and ugly is only one of them, there is a lot more than just that that I didn't even include.

Why are you letting others define your self esteem? Was it you parents that said that stuff* to you? You said you came from a "good family". What is Ugly? What is Beauty? It is all in the eye of the beholder.

You still seem to be fishing for reasons to feel bad about yourself. Who cares what others may have said. I once had a Drill Sargent in the military that told me I was ugly LOL. But that was his job LOL. I never took it personally. You are taking it all to personally to keep yourself feeling bad. Time to stand up and be Proud of yourself

[3RMF]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Why are you letting others define your self esteem? Was it you parents that said that stuff* to you? You said you came from a "good family". What is Ugly? What is Beauty? It is all in the eye of the beholder.

You still seem to be fishing for reasons to feel bad about yourself. Who cares what others may have said. I once had a Drill Sargent in the military that told me I was ugly LOL. But that was his job LOL. I never took it personally. You are taking it all to personally to keep yourself feeling bad. Time to stand up and be Proud of yourself

Well for a while I was verbally abused at home and in school. I love my mom dearly but she said some hurtful things to me before. I understand that ugliness and beauty are subjective, but I do feel like there are people out there who are almost objectively attractive. That's why you have certain guys or girls that attract a lot of attention from the opposite gender. If one or two people said that I was ugly before, it probably wouldn't bother me at all. When multiple people over a span of years tells you that you're ugly, it messes with your mind and self-esteem. I just wish I knew what it was like to be considered good looking. When I was little, my mom used to tell me that I was handsome a lot, so when I went to school and got bullied, it was really heartbreaking for me because I didn't understand why people would say that stuff to me. Now I obsess over it. I always think about how it would be like to look better or not be considered ugly. What makes it worse is that I didn't even choose to look the way I do and I have to suffer for it.

[Thunder Bow]

As I said; bullying is all about Control. They were controlling you. ..."multiple people over a span of years tells you that you're ugly"...covers everything, when you want to feel bad about yourself. That statement is not very specific. Thus indicates you are fishing for reasons to feel bad about yourself."Obsessing" over it is That Process to keep feeling bad about yourself. It is re-enforcing bad feelings about yourself, over and over. There is more to attraction than just looks alone, and you know that. Time to stand up and be proud of yourself!

[PianogirlPlays]

I hope you will find a way to further your education and improve all of your chances. I don't think college is like that. On the whole I think most college students would consider themselves to mature for junk like that.

[3RMF]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

As I said; bullying is all about Control. They were controlling you. ..."multiple people over a span of years tells you that you're ugly"...covers everything, when you want to feel bad about yourself. That statement is not very specific. Thus indicates you are fishing for reasons to feel bad about yourself."Obsessing" over it is That Process to keep feeling bad about yourself. It is re-enforcing bad feelings about yourself, over and over. There is more to attraction than just looks alone, and you know that. Time to stand up and be proud of yourself!

It's not about wanting to feel bad though. I do feel like I have positive qualities other than looks. I consider myself to be a pretty smart guy and I think I'm an overall decent person, but I just can't shake the feelings of inadequacy. I see no point in telling myself that I'm not ugly because it would be a form of delusion in my opinion. I get envious when I see attractive people because I know that they didn't have to go through what I did, all because they look better than me. There are some times when I don't feel as bad about how I look but the feeling is always in the back of my mind. I try to keep it bottled up inside and not tell anyone, which is why I came to a forum to vent.