How are you coping today? #4

What dosage are you taking now?

I’m on 225 now.

I've needed a lot of patience today. I had to wait and wait. It's okay. It's done now.

I had a really tough day today (afternoon, anyway)

had a visit from a new member of the mental health team- and apart from it being totally unexpected and a shock to the system, one of the questions she asked me was.... what are the 5 most important things to move forward?

and I really didn't have an answer for her



which is the truth, but found that I couldn't say that to her because it may end bad for me

so I just told her litirally theo nly things I could think of- move back to my home city, and stop being treated like crap and that I don't have a brain

okay, that last one about being treated like crap is possibly something she can help me with, but moving back to my home city?. who am I kidding. I just don't want anything apart from



so I found the question really hard

when she left I just fell silent and felt so drained.. wishing I could tell her more, but also wishing that I never met her in the first place.

distracted myself by writing my shopping list, and I guess that helped a little.

I’m coping well today. My mom desperately wants me to find a hobby so I’m not spending all my time doing nothing. So when we were at the pet store buying cat food (we had passed by a garden center on our way to the store) I asked if I could get a Venus flytrap and also sea monkeys which I had thought about at the pet store. She immediately said yes to both. I had been talking about getting another cat or a dog for awhile but she wasn’t up to that idea. So I got the plant. I named her Audrey after the plant from Little Shop Of Horrors. I really like her. I haven’t set up my sea monkeys yet but I got a nice vase for them. I had to go to Hobby Lobby for them and that store gives me the creeps because of their beliefs. I felt like a couple employees were giving me the evil eye. I didn’t experience this anywhere else. But I just avoided them and got what I needed and left. It’s a nice store but I would never want to work there. I doubt they’d hire me anyways. When I walked in a group of employees were standing around and were talking about who had their Covid shots and who didn’t. It was just creepy.

But today I am coping well and I feel pretty good. I hopefully got things figured out with my Insurance company. At least the stuff I needed done right away. My PA never called but my chest isn’t hurting too bad today. It looks amazing I am so happy with the results.

Trying to stay hopeful about a loved one. I have been asking myself--is it God's will or something that God will turn around if I just have faith? I have faith that He works in my life and God is powerful but I am unsure about the ultimate answer to my prayer about my loved one. I am sad for them but need to focus on the good and stay patient and strong.

Mixy day. Work was fine but afterwards... I just feel fragile and a few things bearing down on me, last few days I've had tearful moments which isn't usual.

I did some yoga for depression and that helped.

I'm feeling very upset and discouraged. People left and right have been letting me down. I cried for a while. I might try to play a game to get my mind off of things.

today's not got off to the greatest of starts.

stomach ache caused by sausage rolls, then the delivery of my baby doll (almost a week late) who doesn't do anything much, and I'm gutted.

she cries, sure and she comes with a passifier and a baby bottle, but she doesn't make the sounds when you feed her or put the passifier in her mouth

she doesn't even have a little pushchair. I'm not that happy about it

I am struggling so much. Dissociating and hyperventilating...

I'm coping by organizing my room. I'm cleaning up in there too. My room hasn't been touched in months. So far I'm making good progress. It's helping to distract me.

My physical pain was tough today. I tried my best to keep my moods in check but I was a bit short with some people. I did get a call from my PA and a telehealth appointment set up for tomorrow. But with this kind of pain I had today I couldn’t really do anything. Especially since the meds I take knock me out. I got to the grocery store though this morning. I could have coped better today.

I have sat here, all day, and not done a ****ing thing

I just don't feel myself today, not my best self anyhow.

I did get some gardening done and some baking. I guess that's something positive.

I did well today. I just hung out in my room most of the day. I wasn’t pissed I couldn’t watch the episode of my favorite show that dropped today. I didn’t text my mom nonstop or really even talk to her since I was doing ok emotionally and could support myself. It just makes me realize that my issues are my PMDD and I really need to get surgery. Going through 2 really bad bouts of PMDD these last 2 months was just beyond difficult. Plus it’s dangerous since I do really risky and dangerous things during those 10 days. These last 2 months were unusual because I had that psych reaction to the Covid shot last month and this month I was dealing with post op pain and depression and therapy related stuff. I really hope next month is different.

yesterday I had to explain to someone what BDD was since they never heard of it before. it was a little triggering but I got through it.

today I showered and it really hurt. I also ate some sausage rolls, which was nice- considering that my food I had yesterday was barely enough for oliver twist

I feel okay in myself, just a little blah when I think about the fact that I am doing nothing today but sitting on my chair and wasting away.

Today was off and on regarding my anxiety. Then a couple hours ago I got suddenly very down and I’ve been lying in bed since. After my meds and my shot I feel somewhat better. Kinda like satisfied but not exactly happy. My overall moods were ok and in check even though my mom was being kinda *****y today towards me and saying how she doesn’t trust me to be in the house alone with my 7 and 5 year old nephews. That kind of annoyed me because I know I can take care of them plus they always behave anyways with us. What just irks me with my mom is if I’m even a little bit off regarding my moods she gets super upset at me but she is constantly in a bad mood and I just take it.

I'm doing better today, I dwelled a lot less.

I have plans, or thinking about things I want to get done, but so far I'm just relaxing & taking my time.

I'm trying to relax more

I’ve been trying to lose weight and I’ve lost some weight since Thanksgiving. Today I was trying really hard to diet and I ended up giving myself a panic attack. So I upped my calories to maintenance and then I took my Valium and my 20 mil Geodon. I was just panicking because I want to lose weight but I was so hungry it was affecting my moods trying to balance the 2 thoughts I was having of “I’m so hungry.” And “I can’t eat because I need to lose weight.” Which is why I met in the middle with upping my calories a bit but not outrageously.

I made some good food choices today but some things weren’t good. I had a full calorie soda and a cup of iced coffee. If I just skipped those 2 and ate stuff instead it would have been better overall I think.

It does look like a new one.

I am feeling really numb today.

I’m coping ok I guess. I wasn’t productive in the house but I did leave my house to do a few things. I’m not freaking out about therapy. I honestly didn’t even remember about my appointment Tomorrow until I started typing this. I’m still focused on that one. I wish I could get over her it’s been over 4 months. The last one I met with I’m blocking from my mind because she scared me too much. I took 2 of my meds early tonight. My meds have been pretty screwy for the last few weeks. But I don’t think I did terrible today.

I'm not coping well today. I was very tired this morning. I slept over 12 hours. I've not had a good day. I have tried DBT and CBT.