How are you coping today? #4

I feel like I'm doing better today and thinking of how much I have had to learn still.

I did some EFT tapping this morning. And I've been listening to Solfeggio frequencies. I feel pretty good. I'm getting ready to go on a drive.

At the moment I'm coping ok, posting here, & listening to great music this morning.

@SprinkL3, I have 3 seasons of Monk DVDs. I LOVE that show! So cute & funny!

I love that show, too! And I honestly love Mr. Monk's character! I totally wish I had his energy and gifts (not curses), LOL.

I don't know why. I woke up and life hits me hard and my stress is at the max level. I'm researching ways to deal with and cope with stress.
I still have a lot to learn as well. I'm taking more of a student approach to life.

I do a lot of research myself, cinnamonsun. Sorry you are struggling. But your proactive coping with "taking more of a student approach to life" is great coping in and of itself! It means you have self-efficacy, determination, grit, self-confidence, and other internal strengths. Once you do what you need to do, you build mastery as well! Using your strengths is a coping mechanism in and of itself.

I deal with bouts of suicidal ideation and major depression. The stress in life is very overwhelming. It's hard enough with being a master class status of "disabled," but even that much more so when financial issues, health issues, and relational issues arise. It becomes too much to bear at times.

So we try to reach out and ask for help.

But then, some of us are fortunate enough to do our own studying on how we could cope and better ourselves. I'm doing this with my newfound prediabetes (non-diagnosis, since I'm within the range of a diagnosis, but the VA won't make a true diagnosis until the sugar levels get higher, which means that they won't treat you at all with meds for prediabetes to lower it). I am literally on my own because society blames the victim here for diabetes. Honestly, diabetes is NOT OUR FAULT. People are predisposed to diabetes because of their biology as well as our cultural factors (too much processed foods and not enough *affordable* healthy foods). There were times when all I could afford were processed foods to keep me fed - and I was skinny during those times. Who would have thought that, over time, those processed foods coupled with having PTSD coupled with being poor coupled with having insomnia coupled with homelessness coupled with adverse childhood experiences would lead to obesity and diabetes?! But they do, and so it's NOT our fault for certain things such as metabolic disorder and diabetes. Society wants to blame us and therefore make it out to be our individual responsibility, instead of the doctors treating us properly with preventative meds and affordable meds at that. And when left to our own demise, we can stave off months or years of the inevitable, but some things might not be reversible. And then, when that happens, we get blamed.

So, we are left with having to do our own research more times than not. And not everyone has the mental, emotional, or intellectual capabilities of doing research to self-care. Society forgets about them, too.

But we're fortunate with the strengths we have to be able to self-care, do research, and find solutions when everyone else ignores us.

I think the stress is piled on more when society sends messages of judgement and blame to the individual, instead of looking at what is allowed culturally - such as processed foods being more affordable than healthy fresh foods, rape culture, misogyny, and more. Mammon (money) is more praiseworthy than humanity (caring for humans in need). Self-care is isolating, lonely, and victimizing at times, even though it is often praised in an individualist society. Don't get me wrong, self-care is good, but OTHER-care is needed! How much more could we accomplish if OTHER-care were MATCHED with self-care?! That's what we needed as children suffering from childhood emotional neglect. And, in a similar vein, that's what we need as adults suffering from medical neglect.

So kudos to you for being proactive and self-caring!



If you need help in your endeavors, I'm a private-message away or I can reply here, too.

Today I'm feeling sad because I feel like I'm always being taken for granted.

@SprinkL3. I watched a segment of George Harrison speaking about spirituality and he said a lot of things that are completely transforming my way of thinking. One of the things I remember he said, is that doctors know a lot about disease but they don't know a lot about health. They don't know how to teach people to be healthy, and that is what people need so they won't develop diseases or medical conditions in the first place. We are not taught how to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit. I keep thinking about that and feeling there is some truth in it. I would love to learn how to be a healthier person at every level of health, so I am going to learn. It's too late for my autoimmune disease, but I am still alive so it's not too late to learn.

There is a connection between stress, mental health, and physical health. I talked to my new primary care about my symptoms and mentioned they started when I was in an abusive relationship. She said some of us process stress differently, and it can go into our digestive system and cause problems. It's remarkable how all of it is tied together. Our health and mental health, our relationships with others. I wonder if healthy ways of coping with stress are learned if stress will no longer affect the physical body.

Thank you for your response!

I want to learn what you're learning! ((((sorry you struggle with autoimmune disorders))))

I just wrote an email (discourse) to my T just a few minutes ago on how I once aced a human bio course, and in that course, I wrote a very limited paper (she said no more than 3 pages, double-spaced) on diabetes mellitus (both 1 and 2). I don't remember what the **** I wrote, LOL, but I do know that we studied adipocytes (adipose cells), and from what I can recall, we can only shrink them, but we cannot decrease their number. Also, when people get liposuction, what happens is it temporarily decreases adipose cells, but then they return in greater number - thus defeating the purpose in the long run. In "The Obesity Code" book, it describes how obesity is NOT our fault, and how certain foods have changed our DNA to the point that diabetes or other diseases follow, depending. Also, things like chronic stress (high cortisol), PTSD, insomnia, psychotropic medications (that some people need, but with the downfall of physiological/iatrogenic disorders) will lead to obesity then insulin resistance then diabetes and then more issues all around. Loneliness is also a contributor of obesity and related diabetes. But most importantly, the processed food industrial complex - the capitalism on our foods - because there's not enough fresh food to feed everyone in the world. Healthier eating isn't affordable to everyone, so primarily the rich can afford real fresh food, the upper class and maybe middle class can afford semi- or pseudo-rich food (with some processing), and the poor can only afford processed foods to keep them "full" or "energized" for their arduous labor (since they often can't afford higher education for cushy desk jobs).

The poison in those processed foods (from birth - in baby formula and jarred baby foods to adulthood processed canned, boxed, and frozen foods) change our DNA, which then make us obese later in life. Thus, it's not our fault.

Some say we could just watch what we eat, but that doesn't mean that diabetes doesn't linger in our tissues. It does. Our adipose cells have the diabetic code already, from the poisons in our processed foods and in the mother's womb, when she eats processed foods. It's already there. The only thing we can do is MAINTAIN our diabetes to the point of preventing our bodies from getting that disease or even to the levels of prediabetes.

It's like mental illness; we cannot STOP IT willfully. We can only MAINTAIN it, since it lingers in our endocrine, limbic, and neurological systems. Just because our mental illness symptoms subside with meds and coping skills, it doesn't mean that it's not there. In a similar vein, just because we lose weight and prevent the labs from showing "diabetes," it doesn't mean that the diabetes isn't there. It just means that the labs haven't detected it from the ways they collect that data. It also just means that we've maintained our diabetes to keep it from being detectible in blood labs.

So, the thin people who eat processed foods (including vegan processed foods) in "moderation" and count calories are only maintaining their diabetes. They are still at high-risk, which is why you see people without any diabetes diagnosis dying from Covid-19, the flu, or other illnesses that non-diabetics (who don't have altered DNA or metabolic disorders undetectable by blood tests); they're not "without risks." Their risks were simply ignored and undetected. So, there are essentially many diabetics out there who have merely maintained their diabetes, but they were fortunate to stay thin without other disorders (like depression, dissociation, eating disorders, and PTSD, mobility disorders, CFS/ME) that make exercise and diet more challenging, especially if disabled and unable to afford fresh foods or the energy to cook fresh foods all the time. Most of the maintenance is based on individual effort, but the responsibility of diabetes and obesity - that's also on society and the food industrial complex. It's all from capitalism - selling poison to allow us to live just long enough, but not as long as the filthy rich, because there isn't enough fresh food to feed everyone on earth. So our DNA has changed because of it, and we get inadvertently blamed for something that was never our fault to begin with. Many books and scientific data attest to that.

So, this is what I shared with my T - kind of - in a nutshell.

But yes, I do believe in HEALTHIER LIVING, and for that, we are NOT TAUGHT THIS - especially when growing up in a dysfunctional, abusive home. Even our doctors don't teach us this. Sadly, our ignorance has made us sick, but it's not our fault because we were never taught.

And even when we are taught, like I was in my human bio class, I still wasn't taught about the severity and need to change now. The pseudo security is this belief that we have time to correct it, when diseases can fall upon us when we least expect it, especially if diabetes is already running through our cells because of the processed foods we had as babies and in the mother's womb, and then throughout life.

Try getting fresh seafood an hour after it's been caught, or freshly picked produce that lasts longer than the shelf life with tons of pathogens gathered on store-bought produce - you'll find out how expensive and difficult it is to get truly fresh food. But the pseudo-fresh will do, so long as they don't have any additives or pesticides or other gook to preserve them from point A freshness to point B the store's pseudo-freshness - before it becomes a processed or spoiled food.

I'm just disgusted with this life.

BUT I WANT TO LEARN HEALTHIER LIVING. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO TRY TO INCREASE YOUR LIFESPAN - EVEN IF BY A FEW DAYS! YOU ARE IMPORTANT. WE ARE IMPORTANT! WE DESERVE HEALTHIER LIVING.

I also use the student approach as much as I can. I especially love holistic medicine.

@SprinkL3. You should write a book about this, you sound very educated on this subject and I bet it would help people. I learned a lot from reading that. And I knew some of it from my background in sociology.

Because of my disease, I am very skinny. But there was a time I was close to obesity. I spent years exercising, counting calories, doing weight loss programs, and trying different diets. The thyroid can actually cause weight gain and no matter what you do, you won't be able to lose all of it because the gain is connected to your thyroid. It tells your body to put on weight not to lose it. People are treated like it's their fault but goodness, I can't imagine anyone overweight sitting around and telling their thyroid they want to gain more weight. I dislike this culture of blaming the individual for medical problems they have. Yes, diet is important, and eating healthy is important. After developing my disease, I was dropping weight without trying. And realized I could eat whatever I wanted and didn't have to count calories for the first time in years. I cried. A whole entire part of my mind was freed because I wasn't so focused on weight loss and trying to make my body be what society says it should be. I ate cheeseburgers and french fries. I ate cookies and cake. I ate all the things I had denied to myself for years and realized how toxic it was to live that way. I feel it's abusive to the self. Don't lose weight to love yourself and convince others to love you; love yourself already, and choose to lose weight as an act of self-love. But also understand you are attractive/beautiful and lovable just as you are.

Let's agree to both learn! I have so many questions and there is so much I'd love to know. I don't care so much about having a longer life span, I feel I have no control over that. But more that I want to be happy and healthy while I am here. We deserve healing, health, and happiness. I am ready to upgrade my experience.

Sorry, I'm being verbose.

If I don't get what's on my mind out there, I'll forget.

I'm struggling with intermittent brain fog, so I am always anxious when conversing with others.

I know my verbosity is problematic in social settings. Sorry.

Thank you, Cinnamonsun!

That's cool you studied sociology. I forgot all the classes I took as an undergrad, but every now and then, I'll have a flashbulb memory.

I will venture to bet it's my thyroid causing my weight gain. I went from 115 pounds (aged 40 or 41 at the time and an undergrad, too) to about 165 in ONLY 2 months. The docs all thought it was college, or my eating habits. But they failed to look at my thyroid. I felt cold all the time, had a calf that kept swelling on me, had low potassium levels at times, had low blood pressure at that time (I'm now struggling with moderately high blood pressure - but not enough to be hypertension or high blood pressure diagnosis), and dealt with swollen neck all the time - still do. But because I'm fat, the docs just think my neck is fat.

When my neck swelled even larger, I went to the VA's ER and they found the thyroid nodule (3mm), but still normal thyroid blood tests (just the two, not the four T tests). Sadly, I moved before I got the referral they gave me for an endocrinologist. The VA here won't assign me to one. It sucks. I might have preventable thyroid problems, and they would rather wait for it to turn into untreatable thyroid cancer before they help me. And even then, they might still ignore me and let me die because Covid-19 patients are the most important right now. I'm really upset. And to blame me for my thyroid, my weight gain, and all, it's a slap in the face.

But yes, my appetite increased. I felt hungry and thirsty all the time. I had no idea what was wrong with me for years. Now that I'm almost 50 and caught in this pandemic, I'm freaking out.

My weight went up to about 185 to 195 by the time I reached 47, which is my age now. I've tried desperately to lose it, but I couldn't. I could starve, but then I'd just gain the weight back.

So, I will try a different healthy lifestyle combining four books - "The Obesity Code Cookbook," "The Diabetes Code Cookbook," Dr. Gourmet's cookbook for GERD, and the FODMAP diet. Whatever is allowed on all four (must be all four only), that's what I'll start eating come December or January. I say those two months because I honestly have to try to eat some of the food I bought, such as canned veggies, frozen veggies, etc. I can give away the starches and stuff like that though. I will keep my wine, and only drink that in moderation or gift wine bottles to local people. I have enough wine to gift a few friends for Christmas. Besides, that's really what I bought wine for - was to eventually be able to celebrate in person with trusted local friends. Unfortunately, our state is still in crisis standards, and our numbers are still high. I'm so tired of all of this. And they still cry "freedom" in this extremist red state of Idaho, when they don't realize that they are the most free in all 50 states, and their unvaccinated dying party members in the ICUs and ERs are proof of that!

I just want to find ways to cure myself with holistic means, if the docs refuse to treat me with conventional ones.

so today I’m just super tired and still not hungry and kinda sad because my grandma died 15 years ago today. But basically I’ve just been super lethargic all day and I don’t know if it’s the reason I mentioned in the trigger text or if it’s just my SAD. But I’m coping decently I suppose besides not being productive.

((((safe thoughts and my condolences, Mountaindewed ))))

You have every right to feel what you feel, and you are doing the best you can. It's healthy to allow yourself to feel and grieve the way you need to. Some people also see this kind of anniversary reminder as an expression of how much you loved the person who is no longer here.

I'm sorry you are struggling with a lot these days. I hope you feel better.

@Mountaindewed. I am sending good thoughts and virtual hugs your way. I know how you feel, I've been there and done that. Hold yourself in compassion.

There is something going on, the police are here. I don't really know what it's about.

However, I went to the library and renewed my card, and took out books that address issues I need to heal and work on. I purchased a few books earlier but my money is limited right now. So I decided to take advantage of the library system and rent some books. One is a spiritual book. I'm excited to read them and begin learning! I am dedicated to this new approach to life. Also, when I was researching how to cope better with stress, reading books was recommended. So I am doing some multi-purposes here.

I coped today by attending my therapy appointment online, and then laughing a little about some of the jokes I read on this forum in a different site coupled with finding out that I think the elf on the shelf news was satire (not real; just a joke). Either way, I live in a state where I can still buy elf on the shelf if I wanted to, but I have no idea what the elf is or means. I'm now curious. Actually, I've always been curious about things that get banned; it makes me want to get them more, and it brings out the rebel in me. LOL. The more they ban or prohibit, the more I'm curious. It doesn't mean I'll ingest anything, like a recalled food item or dangerous drug, but I get curious about those things. Maybe "curiosity" and "learning" are coping skills?? Also, I forget how humor and laughing are coping skills, too.

Feeling tired and irritable but well, that's not that untypical for me. lol I'm learning why I am irritable and angry and have hyper emotional reactions so I am learning to be more compassionate toward myself for being this way right now in life, and know I won't always be like this. My overreactions and emotionalism aren't who I really am, it's just how I am right now because of trauma. It doesn't help I have a headache/potential migraine. And it doesn't help I got up earlier than usual. I hate morning appointments because I take my thyroid supplement in the morning and I can't eat before I take it and I have to wait an hour to eat after taking it, so all that time I'm irritable from being hungry. And I can't have tea before or after either, so I'm irritable because I have to wait to have tea. And these places that want me to be in during the morning don't understand I sometimes have to wait hours because of that to eat anything and have tea. It's not something I can change it is what it is.

I have to leave and go to an appointment without tea and that sucks. I'm in a miserable mood this morning. I don't like anything that disrupts my morning routine, but I need to learn to be flexible because I am starting a job soon and may have to work in the morning.

I am coping well. I did some coloring today and if I can find my pens, I'll doodle some. I put them in a drawer, but can't find them now. I have glade plugins everywhere to cover up the weed smell coming from my neighbor's apartment. I may start spraying my place down with perfume. The Glade plugins aren't working. And I have my noise-canceling headphones on to block out his loud sounds. What a disruptive neighbor.

Coping okay today, I had the day off and relaxed. I saw the physio this afternoon and he's hopeful I can avoid surgery if I continue to improve. That made me feel so much better about my physical issue.

I slept in.

I told myself that I am safe, and that it's okay if I complete tasks in very small, manageable pieces.

I attended an online VAMC recreational rehabilitation group session to play Scattergories on the VVC with another veteran and our recreational rehabilitation therapist. It was fun meeting new people and celebrating Veterans Day a day early.

I'm now watching NASA's live feed to distract and help me feel not as alone. If you do a search here for "NASA", you will find the latest thread I created for NASA events. In terms of celebrating Veterans Day, there are many veterans who work for NASA, as I learned this afternoon.

While the NASA live feed is playing in the background, I plan on cleaning my apartment one small task at a time, and I plan on getting my shower ready for either late tonight or early tomorrow morning so that I can retrieve all of my packages and dump trash and recycling. I plan ahead, which is another coping tool of mine to feel more in control when my life feels so out of control.

As a photographer, I know an image is all about its design, angle, or perspective. Being a photographer is why I began to seek other perspectives or ways of looking at...everything. My life, my self, life beyond myself, my illnesses, society, spirituality, gender. Nothing is changing outside of me, but I am transforming within myself. Despite beginning the day irritable, the irritability ended after an hour. I had the usual annoyances today, I noticed I didn't blow up or overreact. Well, except at my computer but it's really a pain in the butt. Not at anything else. There were times I felt like going off with an emotional reaction or impulse, recognized it, and calmed down.

I feel like I can do this. I feel like I can change for the better.

I didn’t sleep well at all. Then I had sudden stomach issues this morning. I had a major freak out with my mom and I was like begging her to do something for my anxiety. And of course she has no idea what to do. We have already called the endocrinologist and went for labs and we have already left a message for my Pdoc. So I set up an extra therapy session. I had my hopefully last post op appointment which went decently but I’m still not completely healed even though it’s at the 6 week time frame. I’m just taking a longer time to heal. So I have another 2 weeks of restrictions. My anxiety somewhat calmed down after my appointment. Basically I think the most important think is getting my lab work results back and seeing what my endocrinologist can do for me. I think it’s an issue only he can fix. Because I feel like if 5 Valium aren’t working then there’s something bigger going on.

I mean even if I try something stupid like keep my boots on to prevent myself from getting comfortable so I won’t get tired that may help keep me awake. I don’t know. But I’ll try anything to stay awake later then last night.

just wasted another 7 days of my life, but you know, life goes on...

@raging vortex. I am so sorry to hear that. Sending you good vibes.

I am coping well today. No extreme upsets or outbursts. I'm proud of myself. I've even been a little nicer to my annoying computer. I enjoyed dancing and singing on my long walk, and realize how much Billy Joel's music is an influence in my life. It's Still Rock N Roll To Me could summarize who I am. I do own a bright orange pair of pants and a wide tie. My bankruptcy ending feels overwhelming but I'm taking it a day at a time. I did one thing I was supposed to do for it today. So I'm proud of myself. I can tackle the rest tomorrow and not get caught up in stress.