Minimizing angry feelings

My family used to have angry out bursts at me. In return, I used to be angry a lot because I couldn't confront my family for anything and get any respect. I was told I was wrong, stupid and a bad person. I wasn't allowed to defend myself. I just had to accept I was at fault whenever they decided. Nothing about it was healthy.

This lead me to have angry outburst at people outside my family whenever I thought I was never going to be respected and I had to accept their negative labels of me. It took me a long time to figure out why I was so angry.

Holding emotions and keeping it inside is hard. It took me a long time to learn to adjust my behavior to the outside world.

Although I feel hurt that people don't like me or would say hurtful things to me, I had to stop lashing out on people and stop having expectations of people that they should know better.

I am learning to give up rights to care about what people think about me. Those people who don't respect me are not my true friends.

I have had to learn to not get anger to others when I am really angry at myself which leads to self harm.

I have had to do a lot of self reflection and understand that it's unhealthy to lash out at people and to myself.

I don't want to be an angry person. I try my best not to show anger again unless it's really justified but that is almost never. Most things are not worth getting angry and losing control.

The damages that comes with anger cannot be undone. It only becomes regretful.

Of course, I stay away from toxic people. They are not in my life. But that wasn't always an option when I was around family. I maintain boundaries away from them. I don't engage in conversations with them when they are being insulting. I avoid reacting to anything anymore.

I try to allow people to express themselves and not allow it to bother me. I try to listen to what they have to say and try to not look at it as a personal attack.

Internally, i try to assess whether I am in a dangerously situation or not.

From working in customer service, I don't like being around angry people. I don't like having to talk to them when they are angry.

If I don't like to see anger in others, I am sure others don't like to see it in me.

I know I am more fun loving to around when I am easy and I can brush off things and stay in control.

I am working towards minimizing things that caused me angry. And try to express myself in healthier ways.

What are healthy ways do you deal with these strong emotions?

Anger can be a complex issue when we come from homes that had serious dysfunctional issues that cause us to see ourselves in a bad light. I commend you for taking ownership of that impact and understanding how it filters out of you and how it impacts your interpretation of events. Its a great step towards getting to the place where you can manage and even overcome allot of issues. One thing I learned to do early in my life is not to let people define my value with words. If I can use an analogy here, words are like rain. If you want to walk out unprotected and let it beat you in the face, you can do that. OR you can cover yourself with the umbrella of your identity that says you DO matter and you will decide when to get wet and when to let the rain glide off your protected cover.

In this day and age with social media, people are beyond mean when protected by a keyboard. They are unfiltered, self-righteous, judgmental, and outright crude. Sadly most of that are actually things coming from inside themselves that they desperately need to supplant onto others. No matter how you're communicating, always remember to speak to others as you want them to speak to you. If you come across people who are crude, just ignore their words and move on. They told you everything you need to know. Don't waste the energy with a counter like they got to you. Its like walking past smelly garbage. Do you really need to examine the contents? Of course not. Just quickly move away from the odor.

Believe it or not, that assessment will go a long way towards helping you build a better life and find good people to surround yourself with. In the same vein, it will teach you to hug those traits in personality and communication for yourself you didn't get growing up. Its a self-fulfilling gesture that grows the world you want to live in. Be the person you want to be and don't put any energy into those who are not good for you. Its like keeping a home clean. When the cans get full, take out the trash. Do that in your life and you'll have a better appearance with everything around you.

Thanks for sharing, guys. Thanks Sohappy.🙏

I just wanted to add 'mindfulness' to the list of anger management tools.

That's about shifting the focus from the thing making me angry and bringing it back to the self and emotions and also ethical conduct within the world. It does help me to retain composure with difficult thoughts/feelings, Sohappy. But I want to be truthful and tell you that sometimes I do decide to let people know directly the way they have triggered me, but the other 99.9% of the time, no, I don't. And it's not just about dealing with people and emotions, mindfulness is very much about becoming more self aware and slowly developing inner calm overall (ideally).

Plenty of info on internet regarding mindfulness. Thank you.

I have dealt with anger issues over the years and struggled with productive ways of dealing with it. I admit, I am quick to hold a grudge (depending on the severity) which is no good for anyone.. I have an issue with a guy in my neighborhood (I posted about this a while ago) and my father (who has since passed).

My remedy for dealing with my anger was to eat better and get in shape for two reasons. One is if anything ever goes down with my neighbor I can be prepared. The other is a middle finger to my father for the times he made comments about me. Many would argue this is probably not the "most healthy" way of handling the trauma but I offer no apologies.

I am grateful to control my anger because I don't want angry people in my life. I think if I stayed angry, I would be too accepting of angry abusive people and then later take my anger on someone else.

I'm grateful to be calmer person. I know people find me easier to get a long now and that makes my life easier.

Just last week I saw angry customer cursing because a child was crying in the store. His partner or sister looked uncomfortable. I felt sorry for her because she probably had to deal with his anger issues and mood swings.

I'm glad to not be in a relationship with my angry family anymore.

I have to work on my anxieties and panic from all the yelling from angry people I had in my life.

I don't want to cause another person anxieties and panic disorder from my anger. I wouldn't want to responsible for causing people life long damages that I suffer.

I know if I kept my anger, I wouldn't have been able to keep my two jobs. And I'm grateful I don't have to go on disability.

To minimize angry feelings, try deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, or physical activities like walking or practicing yoga. Doing hobbies or activities that bring joy can also help. Avoid triggering situations and practice effective communication by expressing emotions calmly. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed. Remember to prioritize self-care and take breaks when necessary.

This past weekend was horrendous. I couldn't control my emotions and I blew up at those close to me when they didn't deserve it...

I don't want to become the abuser. The people in my life are all I know. I don't want to make them ill. I don't want them to have ptsd from me. I do care about them but I'm not showing that. I need to come back from earth.

I also struggle to let go of my anxieties and try to not give it power over me.

I used to think I can't let go of anxieties. It's just there. I didn't make it up come there. Maybe.

But I need to monitor my thoughts. And stop allowing bad thoughts to come up and don't let it to stay here. Bad thoughts are not welcome in my life. I need to tell myself that I am enough.

I need to control my negative emotions and tell them to go away because they are hurting me and everyone around me...

My friends didn't deserve it.